Lincoln Appreciation Week – Day 7: Free Choice
Pain is something he has always been accustomed to.
It started off when he was a child. The other children would sometimes pick ono him because he was bigger. After coming home with bruises and cuts for a week straight, his father taught him how to fight.
His mother passed not long after he was born, so he never had anyone to show him much sympathy. His father was a warrior and was glad his son was built to be one too.
But Lincoln didn't want to be a warrior. He preferred to watch his surroundings and take in the beauty of nature. Whenever he did have to fight, he only did it to defend himself. One time, he accidentally broke a kid's arm. His father congratulated him, but he felt sick.
He thought for a moment that he could become a healer. When he found that man that fell from the sky, he thought that it might be his calling. But after three days of not knowing what to do, he made the mistake of going to his father.
He was just a child, but his father made him do it. He was young, so his cuts were sloppy. The man did not die quickly. Those cries still haunt his dreams.
After that, he gave up on being healer. It seemed like the universe wanted him to be something else.
So he trained hard as a warrior, with Indra leading him. He grew up big and strong, and soon became Anya's second most successful warrior. Lexa was younger but ahead of him. She was more willing to get the job done at the expense of others. He just wasn't built like that.
He remembers all his kills. Every single one. To forget them would be a dishonor to their memory. He carries that pain with him wherever he goes, and Anya can see it. While she is the commander, she is not ignorant of his pain.
When the dropship landed on their territory, it was the perfect excuse for both of them. It was Indra who first suggested it, meaning it as insult to his character.
But Anya and Lincoln both agreed to it. He would get his peace, and they would get the useful information about these newcomers. He said his good byes and found a nice cave to settle in.
Spying on the delinquents was fairly easy. While they knew somebody was out there, he knew where to hide because he knew the land better.
He also used the opportunity to work on his drawing. It was a secret he kept from everybody but Anya. Indra knew initially, but she criticized him for wasting his time. Then she saw his gift for details and gave him the task of creating maps from memory.
Indra was not as mean as people believed. She was like Lexa. They had a duty to their people and getting sidetracked could get them killed.
She worked with him when she could. Giving him a practical outlet for his drawing. Making the suggestion he spy on the Sky People when she saw he was restless in the village. Whenever she made these suggestions, her tone was harsh, but her eyes told a different story.
She just wanted him to live to old age, and his moods would only hinder him. She was the mother he didn't have growing up. She didn't coddle him, but she gave him a way out when things got too much at home.
Anya was fair with him. She was surprisingly compassionate for a commander. Her people always came first, but he was part of her people. She did what she could for him, just like Indra. She even kept the drawings he did of her. It was a small token of their friendship that she held onto. He was glad when she let him go to the caves.
The caves were his home for a moment, and it was peaceful. Then he made the decision to help one of the Sky People, and everything went to hell.
While he found love, war broke out. Endless pain and agony made him want to quit the world several times over. But he always found a reason to stay.
So he endures the pain because it's worth it. He gets to draw, embrace his lover, and think of all the fond moments he had with Anya and Indra when he gazes at the stars.
Without pain, he wouldn't have happiness. So he gets used to it, for the tradeoff is so very worth it.
