~ Andy's P.O.V ~
'So Shaun, tell me about yourself.' I said, stealing some guys car on the game.
'Mum's dead. Dad's an alcoholic, can barely afford to live, hate everyone and everything, love music.. yeah that's it.' he said nonchalantly and calmly, as if it didn't matter. I frowned, but we kept playing. He must've been being sarcastic.
Shaun paused the game for us to go get some drinks, but as he pulled his arm away from the console, his sleeve caught on the cupboard and his sleeve went up, revealing a line of cuts. My eyes widened, and he pulled away without noticing I had seen. I frowned and grabbed his wrist. He tried to pull away, with a look of fright in his eyes, as if I'd scared him. My breaths deepened, and my grip tightened. I pulled him closer gently and slid up the sleeve of his shirt to reveal the lines of cuts once again. I just stared at them, trying not to breathe loudly.
'A-Andy?' Shaun said nervously, trying to pull away. He was like a scared little puppy, but I couldn't let go, I couldn't seem to drag my eyes away from the cuts. Everything flashed back to when I was a small kid of about 5. I was in the park, there was a tall teenaged kid with floppy black hair there, he looked sad. I didn't want him to be sad. He was crying behind a tree, a pretty girl had just thrown a necklace back at him and walked away from him. That girl was mean!
'Hey mister... guy? Are you okay?' I had asked nervously, in my little childs tone.
'No I'm not okay, I'm not!' the teenaged boy replied, as his voice broke halfway through. He flipped his dark hair out of his eyes as mini me looked on curiously.
'What's wrong guy?' I had asked, trying to be nice to the older boy.
'I loved her! I fucking loved her!' he said a naughty word! A word that Mummy banned! My young innocent eyes were wide and shocked. He pulled a razor out of his jean pocket and tore off the sleeve of his shirt with it. What if he was gonna hurt me? What would I do? I wouldn't get to go to Mummy's birthday if he hurt me so bad that I had to go see God. I whimpered, but instead the boy slid the razor over his own skin, multiple times over and over his wrist.
'No boy! Stop. That's weird! And creepy! What are you doing?' my voice was small and scared. The boy screamed as the razor hit a vein. Suddenly there were people everywhere in a blur, and Mummy had rushed me away quickly.
'What's happening to the boy?' I had asked Mummy, watching them load him into an ambulance.
'He did a very silly thing.. he might have to go visit God now.' she said, looking at me worried.
'Oh.. why did he do it?' I asked. Her eyes looked around, and she had replied back with a guilty voice;
'He was a bit cuckoo in the head darling.' I was too young to realize she had been lying. He wasn't crazy. He was just hurt.
'Oh... what a weirdo.'
'Honey, never ever ever do what that boy did... I'll make sure you're happy forever.' she said, mumbling the last bit to herself. I agreed and went home, as my favorite T.V show was starting soon and I didn't want to miss it.
I snapped back to reality quickly, realizing that I had forgotten that memory, it had escaped my mind for 11 years. But seeing those cuts on Shaun's wrist, made me realize that that boy had died, that that boy was in pain. Shaun was in pain. I needed to fix gasped, and I realized I had tightened my grip, leaving his hand white and bloodless.
'S-sorry.. bad memories..' I mumbled in apology. It was quiet for a bit.
'Why Shaun?' I asked, looking down. Why did he have to hurt himself like this? To put himself in such danger? I shuddered at the thought of how similar his and the black haired boy's scars were, how similarly close he was to ending up like that boy.
'E-everything Andy. Everything and everyone hates me. It's me against the world.' he sighed, and a tear fell down his cheek. I put his hands in mine, as he begin to talk. He told me everything, from how beautiful his mother was, to how his father had changed overnight to the horrible alcoholic he once was. He told me about school, about his life as a child, everything that had been bugging him, he told me. He even (accidently) told me about his feelings for me, how he'd never want to lose me, even if we'd only just met. I knew how he felt in that section, because I felt exactly the same way. I don't think he remembered exactly who he was talking to, he just needed to get it all out, everything that had been on his shoulders for years now. He'd been through so much. I wiped away a tear from his cheek as he finished up, and he smiled bitterly. Hours had passed, and it was probably way into the night now.
'I bet you think I'm a loser now.' he said, sniffling a bit.
'No. I think you're brave and strong. You've been through so much and you've dealt with it all on your own... kinda.' I glanced at his wrists, and then his chest, imagining the cuts and scars that were hiding underneath. He'd told me all about what happened between him and his father, about how he'd basically chopped himself up to deal with his emotional pain. We were both quiet for a few moments, but it was okay. Nothing else needed to be said. I didn't realize tears had started flooding down my face silently until Shaun had wiped them away for me. As he moved his hand away, he brushed my hair out of my eyes, and I leaned in, pressing my lips against his carefully. I wrapped my fingers around his wrists, much more gentler this time, pressing my thumbs gently over his cuts, massaging them.
The peck changed smoothly into a kiss. I felt his heart beat race in time with mine, and I closed my eyes, pulling him closer. He pulled me into his lap, and our lips moved in motion slowly. I ran my tongue over his bottom lip gently, and he suddenly pulled away, and I realized I was going too fast for him.
'S-sorry...I got a bit caught up.' I said, smiling slightly, chewing my lip piercing.
'It's fine.' he answered, smiling back.
'I just gotta learn to take my time with you..' I said, glancing at him. He just nodded his head, catching his breath. He was still like a little puppy dog, scared that anything could happen, I didn't want to rush him anyway, he wasn't capable of being pushed to do things at the moment.
'First kiss?' I was about to say, but changed it to 'First full on kiss?', remembering the night in the park where we had locked lips briefly. This time he shook his head. I felt kinda sad, I had wanted to be his first, but it was tolerable because I know I had kissed a lot of people in my time. And he was an excellent kisser, he would've had to have practiced somewhere. I got butterflies just thinking of the kiss, and smiled to myself. I reached over and took his hand again, and he smiled.
'You're amazing, don't ever change, or let anyone tell you otherwise.' I said to him, and he smiled more.
'Thanks Andrew.. this means a lot to me. You being my friend, being there for me, when you barely even know me.'
'Well, I think I know you more then anyone else knows you right now.' I said, laughing a bit. He chuckled and nodded in agreement.
'Shit, it's so late..' Shaun said, looking at my clock.
'4AM? Fuck, time passes quickly. Legit was 10pm last time I looked.' I said, in a confused tone.
'We should catch some sleep, aye.' Shaun said, squeezing my hand.
'Yeah true,' I said, pulling him onto my bed with me. There was another bed set up next to mine, but mine was a double, and I knew we were both too tired to even bother walking to the other bed. He wrapped his arms around my waist spooning me, and rested his head on my shoulder. I turned my head slightly and kisses his lips.
'Night Shauny.' I whispered, turning my head back and curling in a ball. He kept his arms around me, it felt so natural.
'Night baby,' he whispered back, and I smiled.
'I mean.. night Andy.' he winked and I smirked back. He fell asleep with his arms around me and sooner enough I had drifted off into the land of dreams too.
