GAH! Before you pelt me with everything in sight, let me explain the two month delay: I basically had time only to quickly read a chapter or two of fanfiction, plus I had to make time for actual books. I knew I would've rushed the chapter if I tried to write it, and I only want to post my best work possible, so yeah. I'm sorry, my world geography, math, language arts, and drama teachers have been relentless.
Thanks for the reviews! I'm aiming for 10 more :)
Btw, semi short chapter because I have crappy writers block of doom.
Disclaimer: nope nope nope
Raph went through the classes with his mind dwindling on Leo. He couldn't help but worry that one day, Mikey, Don, or he would walk into the dorm to find Leo hanging by a rope. In the classes he had with Leo, he noticed his friend was completely shut down; he didn't take notes, raise his hand, or even focus on the lecture. All he did was stare off into his own world. The thing that really scared him was the fact that Leo continuously felt at his wrists; it seemed as though he was checking to make sure the marks were still there.
When Raph finally managed to take a look at Leo's wrists, he was relieved that there weren't any fresh ones, but at the same time, unnerved; why had Leo been feeling them every minute or so. Maybe his mind wasn't relenting on the fact he had cut again, but Raph had a feeling it was something more than that.
Raph followed Leo back to the dorms, where he asked if they could study together; Leo shrugged, whispering a quiet 'sure'. Raph came into the room and plopped down on Mikey's bed. What Leo said next shocked Raph.
"You really didnt come here to study, did you? You kept on staring at me the whole day. You kept on staring at my wrists, more specifically. I just want you to know that I'm not cutting, I just got a crappy nights sleep and there's a lot on my mind. I made you a promise that I don't intend on breaking."
Raph sat there in stunned silence. Of course Leo would notice him staring; Leo noticed everything. "Yeah... I'm just worried. I don't want you... ya know..." Raph trailed off, leaving Leo to figure out the last part.
"You don't want me to kill myself." Leo finished. Raph nodded mutely. "I won't. I mean, it was one time, and it was a while ago. I survived then, this is nothing in comparison to what happened then. You don't need to worry."
Raph flinched slightly at the mention of the time they found Leo with a knife to his wrist in his bathroom. That day had given him nightmares, and still haunted the back of his mind. "Yeah..."
"Raph, I'm going to turn the tables in you. Are you okay?" Leo asked.
Raph sat up a little more with the question. "Yeah, I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be?"
"This is bringing up bad memories for you too. I don't want you doing anything you'd regret."
"I'm fine, I mean, I'm concerned, but I'm fine, personally. You don't need to worry about me. I can handle myself." Raph gave a half smile that eventually drooped into a lopsided frown.
"You didn't handle yourself last time." Leo muttered, inaudible to Raph.
"What was that?" Raph asked.
"Nothing, just thinking out loud. It's good that you can handle yourself, but like you said, I don't want you relapsing." Leo's eyes sunk to the floor with the last bit.
"There's no alcohol on campus. I won't go out and drink. I learned my lesson from last time... and... I just won't, okay?" Raph huffed, frustrated with himself for making Leo worry about HIM.
"I guess you're right, sorry for bringing it up." Leo began to fiddle with his fingers anxiously.
"You don't need to apologize. It's my fault for putting that worry in your head, and I promise I won't do it again. Both of us, never again, right?" Raph reset his half smile that Leo returned.
"Yeah. We'll get through this. Promise."
Raph then left, heading back to his own dorm. He felt better, knowing Leo was at least aware of the fact that he was cared about and that he would devastate people if he died, but a small seed of fear was still growing in Raph's chest. He didn't know what it was for, but he only hoped Leo would be okay.
...
Leo collapsed back on his bed, tears beginning to leak out of his eyes. His mind was screaming every hateful word at himself. He couldn't do anything right. He was scaring... RAPH! He was scaring Raphael Jones, who wasn't afraid of anything. But Raph was afraid of something, he was afraid of losing a friend, and it was all Leo's fault.
Why did his dad have to come back drunk as ever? Why? After all of the things that had finally passed, what had made his dad turn back to that ****** can of beer?
Why couldn't Leo have just found refuge in his friends, not a razor?
All the thoughts were racing through Leo's mind at light speed. Guilt was building up in his chest. 'Why can't i do anything right? Why me?' Leo asked himself. The questions began repeating themselves over and over again, looping through every bit of his sanity.
Why couldn't things just have stayed the same?
Sorry for the shortness! :o
Whoever reviews gets free cookies and gets to hug all the turtles! (I know you wanna!)
Love you all, I'll try to update soon! :)
