Kara is quiet for the rest of the day, with Alex and Cat seeming content to give her space to process what she's remembered. It isn't even that big of a memory, just a family dinner from when she was about 8, but she can't help going over each and every moment and interaction in her mind. She's not even sure what she's looking for, what a single memory can tell her, but it runs through her mind regardless.
She remembers her mother's smile, her father's pride, her aunt's fierce affection. She remembers being loved, and cared for, and protected. She still doesn't know what happened to her planet, or how she came to be in that pod, but she knows that the three adults in her life would have done anything to keep her safe. Including sending her away to keep her alive.
In her darker moments she wonders if they had escaped with her, or whether they'd sent her across the galaxy alone.
She doesn't feel alone though, and not only because she has the seemingly unconditional support of the two women sitting across from her. She's grateful for them both, but something deep in her gut tells her that she wasn't sent here alone, that there is someone out there waiting for her. She has no proof, no memory of who it might be, but she wants to believe it is true. That one of the adults she remembers loving her so much had come with her to continue keeping her safe. Even if she's been here eleven years without them finding her, she knows there will be a reason for that.
"I've found something," Cat says after a few hours, looking up from the laptop she's been typing on since Kara had retreated into the memory. "I knew your story sounded familiar, but all the articles are so old they aren't properly archived. Thirty years ago there was a woman who told the world she was from Krypton, that she was one of a handful of survivors, one of two to reach Earth. She wouldn't give her name, but she said she was looking for her niece."
"Astra," Kara gasps out, relief flooding through her as she remembers her aunt, how close they'd been, how many happy times they'd had. She'd wanted to believe she hadn't landed alone, and now she has proof. Now her belief isn't just blind faith that she's stubbornly clinging to.
"Wait, did you say thirty years?" Alex says, picking up on what Kara had missed. "Kara landed eleven years ago, the timeline doesn't add up. She was only thirteen when she got here, there's no way someone thirty years ago could have been looking for her. Hell, no one thirty years ago could have known about what happened to Krypton, because it hadn't happened yet."
Cat responds, Kara can see her lips moving, but Alex's words have triggered another memory, and this one presses onto the very areas of her mind she's been so desperate to avoid, bringing her face to face with the worst of what she's been avoiding. She clings to the memory of her family, of the years on Earth surrounded by the love of her adoptive family, and even to the short time she's known Cat, but she can still feel the emptiness of the Phantom Zone around her. It's a losing battle no matter how hard she tries to hold on, and Kara can feel herself slipping, mind recoiling from the pain the way she had so many years ago.
It's Cat's hand on her shoulder that grounds her, pulling Kara back into the moment and allowing her to push the memory away without being drawn into it. "Kara, are you okay?" Cat asks in concern, leaning closer to make direct eye contact. "What is it, what's wrong?"
"Empty," is all Kara can say at first, still fighting back the darkness from the edges of her mind. "I was stuck, I was lost for those years, and I got here too late for her to find me. She landed alone, and then I did too. That's why she was looking for me, why she couldn't find me. I wasn't here." Kara would have continued to ramble, trying to fill the void in her mind currently occupied by the memory of the Phantom Zone, but Cat cuts her off with one hand on her shoulder and the other gently cupping her cheek, and Kara forgets to breathe for a long moment.
She knows it's still just latching on to someone who cares after an emotional revelation, but right now that doesn't matter. It's a warmth that fights the coldness of the memory, a connection that pushes the loneliness away. And so despite knowing it's nothing more than an automatic reaction, for a moment Kara lets herself feel it, and lets herself believe it's something real.
She does ignore how right it feels.
"Breathe, Kara. Deep breaths for me, okay? Do you want to tell us what you remembered?" Cat's voice is comfortingly level, further grounding Kara and giving her the stability she needs to speak.
"Astra landed on time, that's why she was here so long ago," Kara says, voice shaking slightly, but not enough to keep her from continuing. "But I was knocked off course, into an area of space where nothing moves. Time doesn't pass; you can drift forever and not move an inch, because there's nowhere to go. It's vast and empty, and yet nothing exists beyond whatever vessel holds you. Within those walls the normal rules of the universe have power, but beyond that is nothing." Her voice is almost monotone by the time she finishes, but she manages to get the words out so that Cat and Alex will understand.
"Do you remember how you got out?" Alex asks after the humans in the room have processed that information. Kara can see her next to Cat, even if most of her focus is on the smaller woman. Her sister looks worried, a familiar tightness to her features as she looks at her, but Kara can also see a hint of curiosity, and knows her reaction to Cat has not gone unnoticed.
"My pod was locked to Astra's," Kara explains, a vague memory of her father explaining that to her tugging at the edges of her memory, but she can't afford to detach from the present to chase it just now. "I didn't have control; I was too young to have learned to pilot a space craft. There was a failsafe built in that must have been triggered when Earth's relative distance passed the guidelines set. I was too far away, so the emergency systems kicked in and pulled me out and brought me here."
There's more to explain, Kara can see the questions on Cat's face and knows Alex will have her own, but she's too tired to deal with them just now. There's too much heaviness in her head right now, she needs a distraction, something light and cheerful to pull her out of her mind and into the world around her.
"Astra used to call me 'Little One'," she tells them, knowing that Alex at least won't hesitate to tease her for that one, needing the familiarity of the lighthearted comments.
"Something in the water here must be a lot different than on Krypton," Alex says immediately, picking up on Kara's mood with ease. "Because you're about as little as Cat is tall."
"You are not that much taller than I am, Alexandra Danvers," Cat says with a mock glare, and Kara smiles at the way her sister has included their new friend, at the way Cat hadn't hesitated to join in. "And she is not that much taller than either of us."
"I don't know, you are a little tiny," Kara teases, Cat's reaction giving her the confidence she needs to get the words out. "Maybe you should be the new Little One."
"I think I've decided my tolerance for that nickname rates somewhere around the level of cat puns," Cat says as she shifts her glare to Kara, who can't help smiling despite that. "So for your sake, Kara, I suggest you avoid using it."
She's used Kara's birth name a lot since she'd learned it, as if sensing Kara needed the comfort of hearing it. It's nice, warms Kara in a way she doesn't think too hard about, and is always instantly comforting no matter what's running through her mind. It's a link between her past and the familiarity of the present, and Kara loves it.
"I think the claws are out on that warning," Alex says, winking at Kara as Cat scoffs. "So maybe we should get back to the rest of what you found." There's a searching glance sent Kara's way to make sure she's okay to hear more, and Kara nods quickly. Now that she remembers even the little she does, she wants to know more.
"There wasn't much, not beyond a few articles speculating about the abilities she displayed. She never gave details, but over the years people saw quite a few." Cat pauses to check once more with Kara, obviously remembering the reaction she'd had the first time they'd met at the evidence of such powers, but right now Kara's need to know is stronger than the fear she feels. "She could fly, that one was actually obvious fairly quickly. A few incidents make it seem like she had a greater than average strength, though no one ever did get a chance to actually measure that. And she has some kind of laser vision that was only seen once; when some general tried to pass his daughter off as her niece. No one was hurt, but it made quite the impression."
"I can't do all of that," Kara protests when Cat finishes listing the abilities from the articles she's read, thinking back over the years and finding no hint of any of those. Speed, she remembers from meeting Cat, but that isn't mentioned in the article. Is it possible that her aunt has abilities Kara does not, that she has abilities Astra doesn't? Or is it possible that the woman isn't even her aunt at all?
"Actually, you've been pretty strong a few times in the past," Alex says reluctantly, and Kara's head snaps around to look at her. "Not anything way out there or anything, but definitely a lot stronger than you usually are."
"Well, that's not exactly hard," Kara huffs, because her lack of strength has been a sore point for years, each nearly failed gym class earning a fresh scowl. "I can barely do a sit up without panting, anything stronger than that would be an improvement."
Alex looks troubled, and the look doesn't fade when Kara finishes speaking, making her wonder if her sister is hiding some horrible fact that no one has bothered to tell Kara before this. "That's not exactly the case," Alex says as she shifts uncomfortably, making Kara tense. "It's not bad, I swear!" she says as soon as she notices Kara's reaction, but that doesn't help as much as Kara would have hoped. "Just, when you first landed sometimes when you got startled, things around you ended up broken."
Kara's mind flashes back to those earliest days, and while she doesn't remember being responsible for the damage, she does remember the broken items Alex had mentioned. Including- "Wait, I broke your arm?" she says in disbelief, shock and horror written across her face as Cat looks between them in surprise. "Oh my god, Alex, I am so sorry."
"It wasn't your fault," Alex says instantly, doing nothing to assuage Kara's mounting guilt. "I'm the one who decided you should watch shark week with me. And it was a hairline fracture, it barely hurt."
Kara is ready to fight her on that, to continue apologizing until she finally runs out of guilt for the incident (which she assumes will take quite a while), but Cat steps in before she can. "Kara, you didn't do anything on purpose, an accident cannot be blamed on you. Particularly when you were unaware of your strength."
"Yeah, you would always sort of zone out for a minute any time something broke," Alex jumps in, avoiding continued mentions of her arm. "And before long, even when you were scared nothing happened."
"Too bad that didn't happen sooner," Kara says bitterly, not ready to let go of blaming herself just yet. Even though their relationship hadn't been nearly as close back then as it is now, she'd never wanted to hurt Alex, and knowing she has makes her feel almost sick.
"Enough of that," Cat snaps, her tone brooking no argument even though her eyes are soft and understanding. "It's the past, and while that is what we're focusing on today, that particular moment in time does not qualify."
"Actually, I think we should shift focus a little anyway," Alex says when Kara doesn't argue. "We have a starting point now, and while Kara can try to shake a few memories loose, I can tell she wants to find her aunt. And I think that maybe finding her would help more than chasing blindly after memories would."
"That brings us to a problem," Cat says, eyes tightening as if she's holding back a wince by sheer force of will. "After so many people tried to fool her, Astra withdrew from the public eye completely. No one has seen more than a glimpse of her in years. And most of those sightings are scattered across the world, as if she's flying around looking for something."
"She's looking for me," Kara says, sure of it as soon as the words pass her lips. Astra has been looking for her, had been expecting her to show up twenty years before she actually had. She hadn't been sent here alone, someone had been waiting for her. "She just didn't know where to look, because I didn't know to look for her."
"Well now you do," Alex says, hearing the beginnings of guilt in Kara's voice and moving to head them off. "We'll just have to find her. Once she knows you're looking, she'll find you."
"There were a few contacts across the world that Astra talked to on a fairly regular basis," Cat jumps in, building on the plan as Alex starts it. "We can find one of them; they'll be able to get us in contact with her."
"What if she doesn't believe it's me?" Kara says, unable to let go of her uncertainty. "I don't have half of her powers, I don't remember more than five hours of knowing her, all I have are a few half understood images. If people have tried to trick her so much over the years, maybe she'll think this is just one more attempt."
"You forget, she never told anyone your name," Cat says, voice reassuring as she points out the flaws in Kara's logic. "She never told anyone hers either. She was just this mysterious figure swooping around the world, looking for you."
Her words make sense, and that manages to calm Kara's lingering doubts, at least for the moment. "Then where do we start?"
X
"Are you sure you want to stay here tonight?" Cat asks softly as Alex leaves, visibly hesitating before closing the door. "Alex is obviously worried, and your mother will be as well."
"Foster mother," Kara corrects automatically, because as much as she loves Eliza, as thankful as she is for all the woman's done for her over the years 'mother' has never felt right on her tongue. And now that she remembers Alura, something in her clings to that term, setting her birth mother in a category all her own. "And I'm sure. I can't take explaining myself tonight, and I can't take her calling me Celeste. Not yet, anyway."
"But why insist Alex go home without you?" Cat presses, because that had been the compromise Alex had suggested.
"Because she remembers more of Celeste than she does of Kara," she admits quietly, ashamed of her reaction. "I know it's not her fault, that I've been Celeste for so long it'll take time for her, but I couldn't deal with it tonight."
"Technically I've known you as Celeste longer than I've known you as Kara," Cat says carefully, hands still in front of her as if she's holding them that way. Kara wonders if she's nervous, and if so what could have caused that.
"True, but not nearly as long," Kara explains, trying to work through why it's different in her mind so she can explain it to Cat. "You made the switch easily, instantly. It's already comfortable for you, as comfortable as it is for me. Alex was actively working on it."
"She is trying," Cat says, and Kara nods in agreement instantly.
"I know she is, and I love her for it. She's always been there for me, stopped calling me Celeste as soon as I asked, even before I remembered. She's been great about the whole thing. But that's the point, she's trying to be."
"Well, whatever the reason, you're more than welcome to stay," Cat says, and Kara can tell she doesn't quite understand. But that's okay, because Kara knows she hasn't explained it particularly well in the first place. "Have you thought about when you want to leave?"
"As soon as you track down the closest person who's actually met Astra," Kara says instantly, and Cat nods as if she'd expected as much.
"I'll look first thing tomorrow," Cat promises, rising to rinse her glass of wine. "Will you be okay tonight?" There's a casualness to her question that seems somehow forced, as if she's trying to seem like it means nothing, and Kara's interest is instantly peaked.
"Why wouldn't I be?" she asks herself, hoping Cat's answer will give her a clue as to what the woman is thinking.
"Well, the last time you stayed the night, you didn't exactly sleep peacefully at first," Cat says with a wave of her hand, trying for her usual composure. "I just want to be sure you aren't concerned about a potential repeat tonight."
"I um, I hadn't thought about it," Kara admits, because that hadn't factored into her plans for the night. She'd had nightmares the first few nights after remembering about Krypton, and she doesn't know if she's in for the same tonight. On one hand, the memory is a lot more pleasant than the last, but on the other it means she knows exactly what she's lost.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" Cat asks, composure cracking as her nerves shine through, and Kara suddenly realizes what the issue is. Cat remembers how her presence had soothed Kara after the first nightmare, but outright asking if Kara wants her to sleep next to her is a little too much for her comfort.
"I think I'll be fine?" Kara says, more uncertain than she'd like, and she can tell when Cat realizes it's just as awkward for her.
"My room has a light on the nightstand, I use it regularly when I think I'll need to wake up in the middle of the night. If you think the light would help, you're more than welcome to use my room tonight." Despite the underlying awkwardness, Cat's voice sounds remarkably level, giving the situation a normalcy that allows both women to ignore the connotation.
"That might help," Kara says gratefully, knowing it won't be the light but Cat's presence that keeps her calm through the night, but accepting the excuse for what it is. And they're friends after all, even if they've only just met. Friends can share a bed and have it mean nothing. They already have once before, in fact.
Kara tries not to remember how she'd failed to slip from the bed and Cat's embrace, or the way her traitorous mind had projected more onto the situation than actually exists between them several times over the past week. Once she's over the emotional turmoil that comes from remembering, she'll be past that, and that means she need to keep things from being too awkward now.
It's just one night, after all.
