A/N: Ahh, feels. explanations. let me know what you think. reviews really do make my day :) thank you!

Chapter 7

Cece dared to hope when she saw Emily hesitating. She watched her girlfriend, she could practically see the wheels turning in her head.

Emily closed her eyes, trying to separate one thought from the other. She felt a hand on her cheek and her eyes opened.

"Em?" Cece asked softly.

"Cece…" Emily was still lost for words.

Cece hesitated, "Do you love me?"

Emily bit her lip, "Yes," she breathed weakly.

Cece smiled in relief.

"But this… I don't know how to deal with this," Emily faltered.

Cece sighed, "I know," she brushed a thumb under Emily's eye, "I know I really stuffed up. I shouldn't have stopped… "

Emily frowned, "Stopped what?" she asked before something clicked, "Are you meant to be on medication?" she wondered, "Is that what you mean?"

Cece nodded.

"Why did you stop?" Emily asked.

Cece shrugged, "I don't like it. It makes me feel… dull."

Emily shifted her position and was reminded of the chain around her ankle, "Cece, can you please take this off me?" she hesitated, "I'm not going to leave, okay?"

Cece looked hesitant, "Promise?"

Emily sighed, "Please, Cece," she pleaded, "I promise."

Cece nodded and unfastened the chains.

Emily smiled as she rubbed her ankle, "Thank you."

"It's not too sore, is it?" Cece ran her fingers over her girlfriends ankle, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine," Emily mumbled, "I know you're sorry, Cece…" she started, "But this is…"

"Crazy?" Cece asked softly.

Emily sighed, "No," she shook her head, "I mean, yes but no. You need help."

"I'm not going back to that place," Cece said firmly.

"Radley?" Emily sighed, "With everything I've heard about that place… I don't blame you. But can't you see a doctor, a therapist or something? And can't you go back on your medication? I know you don't like it but doesn't it help?"

Cece's shoulders slumped, "I don't know," she shook her head hopelessly, "I just want…"

Emily watched her expectantly, "What?" she asked softly.

Cece smiled sadly, "I just want to stay here with you," she said quietly.


"There's got to be a way to figure this out," Spencer was saying.

Hanna sighed, "Mona doesn't know anything… If Ali doesn't want to be found, she won't be. So unless you really want to go and confront crazy Cece…"

"Right. Cece. That should probably be our priority, right?" Aria jumped in.

"Shouldn't we wait for Emily to get back?" Hanna asked.

"Maybe it would be easier without her… you really think she's going to want to set up some kind of trap to get evidence that her girlfriend is A?" Spencer shot back.

"I don't know… maybe she would. If it was me, I wouldn't wanna miss the chance to fry A," Hanna shrugged.

"Yeah, but A's not your girlfriend," Spencer pointed out.

"Guys," Aria interrupted.

Hanna and Spencer both looked at her, then followed her gaze across the brew where they spotted Emily's mum.

"Guys," Hanna frowned, "Why is Mrs Fields here if Emily's in Texas? She said she had to go because her mum was calling her away..."


"Ce, what you said about using me… to hurt Ali…" Emily broke eye contact.

"Em, I know that was…beyond wrong. But I didn't know how much I'd actually like hanging out with you… I thought we could be friends and then you kissed me… You looked at me like I was normal and you trusted me and somehow, you were the first person I could trust in a really long time," Cece explained.

Emily bit her lip, "So it wasn't all… fake?"

"No," Cece said quickly, "It wasn't fake. I just thought… I thought I could have the best of both worlds, I guess," she frowned, "I thought I could have you and still hurt Ali… but then when it came to it, I couldn't send her the tapes."

"Hang on, you know where she is?" Emily asked suddenly.

"No – "

"But if you were going to send her the tapes – "

"It's just a post box I know she uses sometimes, Em," Cece said, "It's in philly."

Emily nodded in disappointment, "Oh."

"I don't hate her," Cece said quietly.

Emily frowned, "Then why do you want to hurt her?"

Cece tried to gather her thoughts, "I don't know… I don't, not really. Not usually."

Emily tried to understand, "Can you…explain it to me? I don't understand. But I want to," she added quickly.

Cece nodded, "I'll try," she thought for a moment, "I love her, Emily. I really do. When I said she was my best friend too, I meant it. My parents hated her as much as her parents hated me. They all said it was a toxic friendship and maybe it was, I don't know. I never connected with anyone the way I did with Ali. I had friends but it was just…surface stuff."

Emily nodded slowly, "Well, I can understand that. Ali has a way of making people feel… accepted."

"When I had my… psychotic break as they like to call it… I don't know if these things ever make sense, the doctors think it's because I missed my parents and I wanted to be back with them," she huffed, "I don't know if that's true, I didn't feel like I missed them… But I got this thought that it was Alison's fault that they wouldn't talk to me. I thought if I could show them that I was trying to hurt her, that I didn't like her…" she shook her head, "It doesn't make it any clearer, does it?"

Emily pondered it a moment, "I don't know," she said slowly, "It made sense to you at the time, though right?"

Cece nodded.

"I guess it makes sense… I mean, it's extreme," Emily took Cece's hand, "But you're ill. And that's why you need to see someone," she pressed, "Please?"

Cece smiled, "You still care."

Emily's eyes widened, "Of course I care, Cece. I can't just turn my feelings off… " she paused, "And I don't want to. I want to help you."

"I'm not a charity case," Cece said quietly, "People look at you differently when they know you're sick."

"I don't want to help you because I think you're a charity case," Emily insisted, "I want to help you because I love you."

Cece smiled at that, "I love you too."

Emily placed a hand on Cece's cheek and drew her in for a kiss. Cece melted into the other woman's lips. They sprung apart when there was an aggressive knock on the door.

"Cece, open up."