Rin took a deep breath. And then another. And another. Oh, what shall I do? I can't just tell him—but I can't avoid him either. Thoughts circled through her mind with all the intensity and speed of hungry vultures, each new thought chasing down the previous one. Her racing heart was as a drumbeat in her ears, and she thought she might end up fainting.

"Rin?" Sesshomaru was so close. His breath tickled the back of her neck.

Rin took an involuntary step away. I can't do this, was her first thought. Then—but I can't just run like a coward. I'm not a coward.

And so she closed her eyes and schooled her expression into one of neutrality. Another deep breath, and then she spun around, saying, "I'm sorry—I don't feel too well."

"I'll send you home," Sesshomaru said, his voice gentler than it had hitherto been. "You don't look well."

"I—" Rin paused when she realised she did not what to say. What do I do now? Should I refuse and walk away? Is that too rude? Or—we have to work together for a while. I can force myself to be polite, surely? Finally—"Thank you very much. I appreciate your help."

Sesshomaru raised his eyebrows in a questioning manner when he heard Rin's words. There's something off about her.

The homeward journey was shrouded in silence.

To Rin, it was an awkward time, for her heartbeat was the thunder of a thousand hooves across a plain, and she marvelled that Sesshomaru could not hear it, could not see the flush on her cheeks, that he did not notice the sidelong glances she shot at him without meaning to.

To Sesshomaru, who heard only the smooth purr of the car engine and the soft swish of the air conditioner, Rin's silence hung like a cloud over his head. No woman had ever made him feel so uncomfortable before. What was more—no woman—and indeed, no one—had ever caused him to question himself before.

It was a relief to both when Sesshomaru's car finally drew up outside the apartment complex where Rin and Kagome lived.

Rin undid her seat belt in double quick time. "Thanks for the ride."

"Rin—"

Rin met Sesshomaru's eyes but at once looked elsewhere. She pushed the door handle and slid her legs out.

"Wait," Sesshomaru said, but Rin was already walking along the pavement, her back to the car.

Sesshomaru watched through the passenger-side window, only leaving when Rin had disappeared beyond the gate.


Rin sat on her bed, laptop propped up on her knees. She pulled up a web browser and typed Sesshomaru's name into the search box.

Her mouse hovered over the first hit—"You won't believe this—the golden couple breaks up!"

And then the second hit—"Kagura Onigumo talks about her latest collection and her breakup with everyone's favourite Taisho Heir".

Rin hesitated. To read—or not to read?

She left-clicked.

The gossip site loaded, and a photo of Kagura, in a form-fitting cream blouse and sea-green mermaid skirt, came into view. Rin stared at the photo, taking in Kagura's perfectly coiffed hair, the fringe that had such movement, the large eyes and elegantly arched brows, the deep red nails against the polished black heels held up to the camera.

Rin read on. And on and on. Gossip site after gossip site, as if she had fallen down a rabbit hole of celebrity trivia with no end in sight.

Kagura, it turned out, had had a public spat with Sesshomaru. No one quite knew why they'd fallen out, but the media had lapped it up and turned the whole mystery into a debacle for all to view. Kagura, in her various interviews, looked sadly at the camera, always a figure of composed grief, and also always well-coiffured and graceful.

"I'm not sorry for dating him," one site quoted Kagura as saying. "But I regret how we grew apart. He deserved more from me."

Another site quoted Kagura thus: "Do I hate him? No. Have I forgiven him? Yes. I don't think he meant to break my heart."

A third site had posted a video interview. In the short clip, Kagura sat on what looked like a dreadfully uncomfortable sofa, knees crossed and be-ringed fingers clasped above her knees, head tilted slightly to the side. She had chosen to wear a black jumpsuit that day, with a single large diamond glittering in the hollow of her neck, and rubies dangling from her ears, the same colour as her lips.

The host, all tanned skin and minidress and long, bronzed legs, laid her fingers on Kagura's forearm. "So tell us, Ms Kagura," the host said, "how do you feel now? About, you know, Sesshomaru and the whole media frenzy?"

Rin leaned in.

Kagura blinked slowly, like a cat, her long lashes curled against the paleness of her skin. Then she looked straight at the camera, her eyes bright and clear. "I would like to request the media to give us some space in this time. For us to grieve and heal."

Rin was struck by the gravitas in Kagura's voice, the grief that seemed to ripple through her very words, the weariness in her eyes, and her poised demeanour.

She must have loved him a great deal once, Rin thought. And did he love her?

That very question gave Rin pause. There had been a time when she could not imagine Sesshomaru loving anyone—or indeed, showing affection to anyone to warrant the type of display given by Kagura. But since their first meeting, Sesshomaru had started to show another side of himself. A caring side, a hidden side.

So thinking, Rin hit the backspace button and clicked on the next search result link. Again and again she read articles about Sesshomaru and Kagura, about Kagura alone, and about Sesshomaru alone. She learnt more than she cared to know about Sesshomaru and his various previous flings.

At the end of it, the only conclusion Rin reached was that she was not Sesshomaru's type. The rational part of her was thankful for that, since he was unlikely to notice her growing affection for him. However, the more emotional, primal part of her chafed against the idea that she would never be anything more to Sesshomaru than a friend, if they were even friends.

With unpleasant thoughts in her head, back stiff from sitting for hours against her headboard, and fingers cold from the morning wind, Rin finally gave up, sighed and shut her laptop.

She huddled under her blanket, clutching a pillow tightly to herself. Sleep first, she told herself, you're not fit for anything now.

And so she sought the comfort of sleep instead.


The next morning, Rin picked at the omelette which Kagome had cooked for her.

Kagome stopped in the midst of paring an apple. "What's wrong, Rin?"

"Nothing." Rin let fall her fork, and it landed with a clang on the table. "I'm just tired."

"What time did you get back?"

"Too late," Rin said.

"Late? You guys must have stayed out drinking really late. Sango says Miroku's having a splitting headache, which I must say serves him right."

Rin shrugged and started poking at the egg again. It looked delicious, but the very thought of putting food in her mouth—and her stomach—made her faintly nauseated.

"Rin?" Kagome laid her palm against Rin's forehead. "You're not running a fever. Are you having a headache? Hangover?"

"Not really," Rin said. "I didn't drink that much."

"Then why are you behaving like this? This is really unlike you, and you're making me worried. Rin?"

Rin looked over at Kagome. "I guess I'm just tired."

Kagome peered at Rin's eyebags. "You do look tired."

"I am," Rin said. "I fell asleep at—maybe 3am last night."

"So late?"

"I couldn't sleep. Too many thoughts…"

Kagome fiddled with the coffeepot. "I—I'm so sorry, Rin. I didn't know things would turn out this way. If I'd known—I'd—"

"Kagome." Rin drew Kagome's trembling fingers away from the lid of the coffeepot and towards her. "We don't blame you, you know that right?"

"But I didn't manage to protect you—"

Rin smiled. "But you tried. And that's enough. You're the best boss anyone could ever ask for."

Kagome blinked rapidly as hot tears suddenly gathered in her eyes. She pulled Rin into a tight hug, pressing her chin against Rin's shoulder. "And you guys are the best."

Rin yawned.

Kagome laughed and said, "It's a good thing we don't have to go to the office today. Go catch up on your sleep."

Rin said, "I think I will."

"Good." Kagome ruffled Rin's hair and stepped out of the kitchen.

With Kagome gone, Rin's smile slid off her face. She returned to poking at the omelette, mind clearly elsewhere. She was thinking again of Kagura, so self-assured and elegant, so polished and graceful. If a woman like that could not keep Sesshomaru;'s heart, then how could she, simple Rin who did not even know who her parents had been, who was clumsy and tended to trip every now and then, aspire to Sesshomaru's love?

Silly girl, she scolded herself, why did you allow yourself to think of him in this way?

Better she stay away from him than fall even deeper into the mire of her own making.

Rin took comfort in the fact that she would not have to see him again for a long time since the programme had been put on hiatus while investigations were ongoing. For now, she would avoid Sesshomaru as much as she could, not that she expected him to seek her out.


Kagome leaned against the cushions behind her and studied the newcomer with barely concealed surprise. "Sesshomaru?"

Sesshomaru gave a sharp nod.

Inuyasha took a long draught of his beer as he stared up at his brother. "Why are you here?"

"I was passing by," Sesshomaru said. His eyes were narrowed. "No one else is here?"

"No one?" Inuyasha frowned and looked around. "I'd say it's pretty busy today. Something wrong with your eyes?"

"He means," Kagome said, "that the others are not here. Rin and Sango and Miroku."

Inuyasha rolled his eyes as he was wont to do around his brother. "Well, I haven't seen them today."

"Is there news?" Kagome asked.

"Nothing new yet." Sesshomaru closed his eyes for a second before he looked at Kagome. "How's Rin?"

"Rin? A little tired, and a little sad, but that's as much as can be expected. Why?"

"She wasn't feeling well last night."

"Really? Maybe that's why—oh." Suspicion flared in Kagome's eyes. "How did you know she wasn't feeling well?"

Sesshomaru raised an elegant eyebrow. "I drove her back last night. She told me."

Kagome looked sideways at Inuyasha. He shrugged, as if to say how would I know?

In the meantime, Sesshomaru continued looking at Kagome, as if waiting for an answer to an unasked question.

"She's resting at home," Kagome said finally when the silence was getting too awkward to bear. "She's just tired."

Sesshomaru nodded. For a moment Kagome thought she saw something close to relief flash across his face. But the next she looked, he was as impassive as ever, features still and blank as if they had been carved out of ancient stone.

Still, Kagome had her suspicions. She could put two and two together and—"So," she said, "why did you send Rin home yesterday? I remember asking Miroku and Sango to send her home."

"They didn't. So I offered a ride."

"I didn't know you had a heart," Inuyasha commented. "I guess people do change sometimes."

Sesshomaru turned his glare on Inuyasha. "No one asked for your opinion. Don't bother me."

"Can't promise that, can I now," Inuyasha said. "We're brothers, after all, even if we pretend not to be."

Kagome lay a hand on Inuyasha's wrist. "Please don't fight. Sesshomaru, did you bring Rin straight home yesterday, or did the two of you go drinking elsewhere?"

Sesshomaru looked surprised for the span of a heartbeat, before his features rearranged themselves into his usual calm. "I—we—we went for a short walk."

"Really?" It was Kagome's turn to look surprised, and she did not hide her surprise. "She said she slept at 3am. That's why I thought the two of you—"

"It was only a walk." Sesshomaru slid into the booth next to Inuyasha. "Is she very unwell?"

Inuyasha turned to stare at his brother. "How caring we are today."

Sesshomaru glared down his nose at a grease spot on the table, taking care not to let his blazer sleeves touch it. "You have always been a nuisance, Inuyasha. You have not changed through the years."

"Oh? You think you're such a fucking— ouch! Kagome! What was that for?"

Kagome smiled sweetly. "Calm down, Inuyasha. I think your manager is looking for you. Over there."

Grumbling under his breath as he massaged his shin, Inuyasha shuffled away towards the bar.

Sesshomaru did not bother to watch Inuyasha go. "Why did you send him away?"

"Why? Because you're both fools, that's why. Now back to Rin. What are you trying to do to her, hmm?"

"What do you mean."

"You know what I mean." Kagome sat upright, all traces of smiles gone from her face. "It's not right to lead her on, and you should know it! If you even try anything funny—"

"I'm not. You can rest your mind."

"Frankly I don't believe you—but—you do sound serious about this." Kagome downed the rest of the amber liquid in her glass. "I don't trust you when it comes to Rin. She's like my own sister, and you're a playboy. Don't deny it."

Sesshomaru merely continued with his cool stare. "I have no malicious intentions towards Rin."

"You'd better not," Kagome said, "or I'll strangle you myself even if Inuyasha tries to stop me." Her gaze flickered to the counter, where Inuyasha stood banging glasses on the countertop. "If he even tries. Which I doubt."

Sesshomaru said, "I would not hurt a girl like her."

Kagome raised her eyebrows. "So what do you intend to do with her? Why are you hanging around her?"

"She's different." Sesshomaru studied his nails.

"She's different, and?"

Sesshomaru knew how to make silence work for him, and often did so, but his silence now gave Kagome pause. There was something strange here—something very different from the manipulative games Sesshomaru played with his fellow businessmen.

But Kagome could not quite put her finger on it. And so she sighed and fixed her fiercest glare on Sesshomaru. "You just remember what I said. Try anything funny with Rin and you're dead."


Sesshomaru shuffled the papers in his hands. Tables, bullet points, endless paragraphs, all arranged to put the company in the best light. He looked across his desk at his public relations manager. "This doesn't mention the TV company at all."

The manager at least had the grace to look slightly ashamed of himself.

"Well?" Sesshomaru said, tapping his fingers against his keyboard.

The manager shrank back. "I thought it wasn't relevant."

Sesshomaru frowned. "It is relevant. So include it."

"But—I don't think we should—that is to say—" the manager looked away and took a deep breath before facing Sesshomaru again. "I thought it best not to mention them, so that we can make it a bit more ambiguous about whose fault—"

Sesshomaru stood so quickly that his chair rushed backwards to collide against the wall. "That is not how we do things here. Understand that."

Frazzled and frustrated, the manager shook his head. "But—"

Sesshomaru pressed the intercom button on his desk. "Jaken. Come in now."

A moment later, there was a tap on the door, and Jaken put his head into the room.

"Come here," Sesshomaru said impatiently. "Show him out and tell legal to come over in fifteen minutes."

The manager rose. "But the statement—"

"Can wait," Sesshomaru said coldly. "Now leave at once. And think about what I said."

Jaken stepped out on the heels of the manager. Alone in his office, Sesshomaru pulled his chair back to its usual position. He did not sit however, but paced the length of the room.

Once upon a time he would have approved the statement without a second thought—and then get scolded by his father for not thinking clearly. However, he could not approve the statement, not when Rin's distraught face was clear in his mind, her eyes sad and her smile forced. No, he could not force that on her.


Rin's phone rang. She slid her finger across the screen without looking at the caller's name. "Hello?"

"Rin."

That voice—low, a slightly musical tint to it, the ring of authority—Rin sat up at once, sending her container of chips clattering to the floor. "Oh!"

"Is something wrong?" There was now a tinge of concern in Sesshomaru's voice.

"No, no, I'm fine," Rin said. "I just—"

"Kagome said you were not feeling well."

"I—I had a bit of a headache this morning. That's all."

"Hmm. Are you really. You sound a little… different."

"Do I?" Rin laughed nervously as she thought about all the gossip articles she had read the past night.

"Do you have time for dinner tomorrow?"

"Dinner?"

"Dinner. I will pick you up at seven."

"Well I—" Rin considered her options. She had told herself that Sesshomaru was not for her, could never see her as anything other than Kagome's little sister—yet his voice, his call, had sent her heart racing. Surely seeing him—meeting him—but purely as friends—would not harm anyone?

Sesshomaru took Rin's hesitation as polite refusal. "Dinner tomorrow. Please."

That last please was enough to melt Rin's heart. And that was how she found herself standing along the pavement to the front of her apartment the next day. As she waited, she picked at the ends of the silky yellow sash which was looped around her waist. The cool breeze threaded through her hair as she watched the neighbourhood bustle with life.

The streetlamps had just lit up, circles of orange and yellow dotting the dark street. It was not yet full night, but the sun had set, leaving behind swathes of purple and pink curling against the far horizon. Cars travelled up and down the street, honking at each other, and students on bicycles weaved through the traffic. The street vendors were beginning to pack up their wares, and children ran along the streets, yelling and laughing.

Rin spotted Sesshomaru's car cruising to a stop. She stepped towards the car and slid into the front passenger seat.

"You're on time," Sesshomaru said, sounding faintly surprised.

Rin belted herself into the seat. "So are you."

Sesshomaru raised an eyebrow. "I'm always on time."

"I noticed," Rin said. "You seem the sort, stickler for punctuality and all that."

"Why does that sound like an insult coming from you?"

"It isn't an insult. Just an observation."

Sesshomaru moved off. After a while, he said, "You are still unwell?"

"No, I've recovered. Why?"

"You don't sound like yourself, Rin."

"I'm…" I'm what? she thought. I'm lovesick and afraid? I want something you cannot give me? I'm a fool who should know better? Out loud, she said, "I'm just tired. Been thinking too much."

"Hmm," Sesshomaru said, and that was that.

Dinner was a desultory affair. Sesshomaru remained his usual untalkative self, and Rin did not feel up to chatter. Her mind was cluttered with new thoughts about her feelings, with worries about her job and her colleagues, with the strange feelings that itched in her heart and crawled through her veins and made her lower her eyes every single time she met Sesshomaru's gaze.

It was with great relief therefore that they exited the restaurant and stepped onto the wooden boardwalk. The breeze came floating over the river, the bright circles of the road lamps wobbling across the water.

Rin drank it all in. It's so peaceful here, she thought.

"Peaceful? I suppose it is."

Rin had not realised that she had spoken aloud. She glanced at Sesshomaru, his perfect profile silhouetted against the white disc of the full moon. For the first time she realised how tired he looked. "You should spend more time resting," she said.

Sesshomaru tilted his head to the side as he shot a sidelong glance at Rin. "I rest enough. Sleep is for the dead."

Rin shook her head. "Everyone needs rest sometimes. Even you."

Sesshomaru moved. His clothes rustled in the breeze. "You look tired too."

"I feel tired," Rin said. It was as if the dam had broken and she could see clearly the reasons for her poor mood the entire day. "I feel so lonely and so lost. A little bitter, even. I know I'll get over it but now every grey cloud seems to have lost its silver lining."

"Why?"

"I don't know." Rin took a step forward to lean against the railing. She rested her chin on her upturned palm. "Just a bad day?"

Sesshomaru leaned against the railing as well. "You know we're working on it."

"I know, and I'm so very grateful." Rin smiled in Sesshomaru's general direction without meeting his eyes.

"Rin," Sesshomaru said.

Rin had not realised how close he was. Their shoulders were touching now, and she could feel his hair drifting in the breeze, tickling her neck. This close, she could see his irises, could smell his cologne. He was so close, and so perfect.

It suddenly became hard to breathe that she thought she must soon gasp for air. She was certain he must feel her arm trembling against his, was certain he could see her emotions reflected in her eyes, was certain he could hear her traitorous heart beating to its traitorous tune in her chest.

Rin stumbled backwards, nearly tripping over a popped tile.

"Careful," Sesshomaru said, reaching out to steady her.

And in that moment, she was partly in his embrace, his arm warm against her back, her hair in her eyes, and she could not think straight at all.

And in that moment, Sesshomaru was looking at her lips, feeling the weight of her against his hands, and felt a bone-deep urge to pull her closer, to kiss her, to protect her from the big bad world.

He leaned closer. Time stilled for both of them in that infinite moment. They were so close, so very close, light hair mingling with dark.

Then a passing car honked, and the spell broke, and Sesshomaru let fall his arm. But before he turned away, he reached over and pushed the stray hair out of Rin's eyes with gentle fingers, and she did not draw back at his touch.


AN: Very much a filler chapter but I am working on drawing this fic to a close. Thanks for sticking with this fic if you came back to read this update despite the unintended 1 year hiatus, and thank you for giving this fic a chance if you're a new reader.