Hi again! I feel bored, so I decided to update this story. Hope you enjoy this!!

Warning: The following story contains sexual references, randomness and really crap blonde jokes. Please don't sue me if you are easily scarred for life by the mentioning of Emmett's manhood. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: -Sigh- How many times had I said this?

Plot No. 7 – Emmett the Sex Fiend

Setting – The Cullen House

Time – 11am, Saturday

Emmett: -sings in the shower- I like sex! Sex, sex, sex! Sex is great! Sex, sex, sex!

Edward: -calls out from downstairs- Emmett! Shut up! We can all hear you down here!!!

Emmett: -turns off shower- Edward, my prudish bro, unlike you, I actually have a healthy sex life.

Edward: -mutters to himself- Unfortunately for the rest of us…-wrinkles up nose-

Emmett: -calls out- Rosalie? Oh Rosalie…

Rosalie: -runs into the shower and sees Emmett in a towel- Well hello hot stuff. –Walks up to him and purrs- You know, you look better without the towel…

Emmett: -grins- I know I do…Let's demonstrate to the 107-year-old virgin how the experts do it…

-Meanwhile, downstairs…-

Edward: -swears- HOLY GOD! THAT'S JUST SICK!!! –Runs out to Bella's house-

Jasper: -shudders- Oh God…OH GOD THE LUST!!! –Carries Alice to their bedroom and locks the doors-

-Back upstairs…-

TDIB: -appears in the Cullen's bathroom- Hey sorry, I just need to- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! SHIT!!!

Rosalie: -quickly drapes herself with a towel- WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!

Emmett: -covers his thing with his hands- NO! My daily 11 o'clock sex!!!

TDIB: -still screaming- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MY EYES!!! MY EYES!!! I'VE BEEN MENTALLY SCARRED FOR LIFE!!! HOLY GOD PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON ME!!!

Alice: -comes in giggling with Jasper- Hehe, that was hilarious!!!

Esme: -runs up to the bathroom- I heard something and- OH MY!

TDIB: -murmurs to herself- So that's what a penis looks like in real life…-shudders-

Rosalie: -gasps- You're telling me you never seen a penis in real life before?!

TDIB: Hey! I don't have sex in the bathroom on a daily basis, okay?!

Emmett: -grins- Then you're missing out on a lot in life, isn't that right, Rose?

TDIB: -mutters- I just want to use the bathroom…I was in the middle of nowhere, and I don't want to pee in the bushes…

Emmett: -whimpers- Rosy? I'm still horny…

Jasper: -feels Emmett's feelings and shudders- Me too, Alice…me too…

Edward: -runs in while carrying Bella from her house- What the hell is going o- OH MY GOD!!! EMMETT, PUT SOME PANTS ON!!! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!!

Emmett: No Edward, you should be ashamed. I mean, this thing here –pointing to his genitals- is probably bigger than y-

TDIB: -shouts- EMMETT!!! YOU'RE A SEX ADDICT!!!

-Awkward silence-

Bella: -slowly raises hand- I second that.

Edward: Me too.

Esme: I have to agree with them, Emmett. Sorry.

Emmett: -huffs- It's okay. It's not my fault that I live with a bunch of prudes…

TDIB: -mutters to herself- Okay, I'm just gonna go now…-disappears-

Edward: Yeah, me too. I'll be at Bella's. –Runs out with Bella cradled in his arms-

Jasper: -glances at Alice- Um, both of us have some, erm, unfinished business to do…-backs out of the bathroom and runs upstairs-

Esme: Ah, can you two do it in your own bedroom? I'm sick of bleaching the bathroom…and the antique table…and Edward's piano…and his car…especially his Ashton Martin Vantage…

Rosalie: -sweetly- No problem. We'll just go to our bedroom now. –Darts off next door-

Esme: -smiles- Well, I'll just take out the bleach and gloves and clean this place…

-Meanwhile, next door…-

Emmett: -closes door- So…where were we…?

Rosalie: -giggles- Um…I think we were doing something very interesting…

Emmett: -grins- Oh that's right…-leans in to kiss Rosalie-

TDIB: -pops up between them- Hel- -Is cut off by Emmett kissing her in the mouth and making out with her-

Rosalie: -angrily- EMMETT!!!

Emmett: -looks up- Huh? –Looks down at TDIB and pushes her away- HOLY GOD!!! –Starts spitting out the human saliva-

TDIB: -spits onto the bed and wipes mouth- Ewww that's just gross…-looks up at Emmett- Although I have to admit, you are a good kisser…

Rosalie: -screams- BITCH!!! YOU KISSED MY HUSBAND!!!

TDIB: Hey! It was an accident, Ho-salie…

Rosalie: -narrows eyes- What did you just call me?

TDIB: -mutters to herself- Geez, I thought you have super-hearing. –Looks up at Rosalie- I kinda forgot…You know, short term memory…

Rosalie: Did you just call me Ho-salie?!

TDIB: -brightens up- Oh that's right! Yeah, I did, Ho-salie!

Rosalie: BITCH!!! –Tries to attack TDIB, but she disappears-

Emmett: -whimpers-…Um…sweetheart?

Rosalie: -twists Emmett's ear- I cannot believe it! YOU KISSED ANOTHER GIRL BESIDES ME!!! HOW COULD YOU?!

Emmett: Ow ow OW!!! I DIDN'T MEAN IT, I SWEAR!!!

Rosalie: Oh really?!

Emmett: -screams- YES, MY LITTLE ROSE BUD!!! THERE'S NO ONE IN THE WORLD THAT IS MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN YOU!!!

Rosalie: -steely whisper- I'm glad you know it Emmett…

TDIB: -suddenly appears behind Rosalie- Hey Ho-salie!

Rosalie: -walks towards TDIB- Today you die…

TDIB: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

Rosalie: Shut up! –Tries to attack TDIB, but she disappears-

TDIB: -appears next to Emmett and holds his hands- "Oh look! Donut seeds!!!" –Throws a packet of condoms towards them- You guys better have safe sex! We wouldn't want another accident now, would we?

Rosalie: GAH!!! Don't you DARE hold his hands!!! –Attacks TDIB again, but misses-

Emmett: -rolling on the floor laughing- Haha! That was funny!! –Takes deep breath- Donut seeds…HA!!!

Rosalie: You IDIOT!!! –Slaps him in the face-

Emmett: -pleads- Look baby, I'm really sorry, but that was funny…

Rosalie: I never had been so insulted in my life! How could you Emmett?

Emmett: -pleads- I'm sorry, but-

Rosalie: That's it! NO MORE SEX FOR THE REST OF THE MONTH!!

Emmett: -screeches- WHAT?!

Rosalie: You heard me! I can't believe you did this to me, I really cannot…

Emmett: But my little Rose Bud, I can't go on without you by my side in bed doing our special little dance an-

Rosalie: I said NO SEX! What part of "No sex" don't you understand?

Emmett: Um…the "no" bit?

Rosalie: Ugh! I'm not in the mood anymore…-Gets dressed and walks out of the room-

Emmett: -whimpers- Awww…

-Meanwhile, downstairs…-

Edward: -breathes a sigh of relief- Oh thank God…I don't have to endure anymore torture for the rest of the month…

Hehe...okay then...

For those of you who didn't know, "You're Obsessed With Twilight Fanfiction When..." had just finished. I want to dedicate my spare time doing this story and "OMC!!! The Principal Is a Vampire!!!". I basically wouldn't have too much time on my hands as my school year will be too busy for my own good, so I'll warn you now - As soon as school starts for me, I'll probably update about once every two weeks or something like that. SORRY!

Next up - Bella Never Jumped Off that Cliff...