Harry drove her home after her appointment, and she didn't even realise that they weren't going back to the grid until the car stopped. She tore her eyes away from the picture of her baby and looked around. "We're not going back to work?"
"I am," he said. "You are resting at home."
"Harry, you can't just…"
"I can and I have," he said firmly. "You've been looking at your child the entire way home, you're not in a fit state to work."
"There's nothing wrong with my state," she said acidly.
"I know that," he said. "Look, I'm being stubborn and putting my foot down. Stay at home. You're not needed for a bare hour of work. And I want you to look at your child like you obviously want to."
"It's just a lump," Ruth said, her eyes going to the picture again. "I mean, you can see the head but otherwise it just looks like a misshapen lump. But I know that's my baby. That's my child."
"It is," Harry agreed.
"God I'm sorry," she said. "I know this must be hard for you. A permanent reminder that I… slept with another man."
"Ruth," he said firmly. "I hate the fact you slept with another man. I hate it. And being brutally honest, I do think about you with someone else. And it hurts." She sighed and looked at her hands. "But no matter how little or how much that bothers me, and sometimes it does Ruth… I can't hate you. I never could. You and I both know you made a mistake."
"Yes," she agreed. "A big one."
"But I am not a stranger to mistakes either," he said. "And I know regret too. Whatever else, I don't want to regret missed chances with you."
"Thank you," Ruth said. "You are a very kind and forgiving man."
"Not usually," he said. "Usually I don't forgive anyone. But you it seems are an exception."
"Harry…" She decided that she simply didn't know what to say. So she leaned over him and kissed him, not caring about the implications for their relationship, just enjoying it. It was a deeper kiss than they'd yet shared and she found that he was a good kisser. The type of kisser that made her wish he'd never let go and long for more. She knew instinctively that he'd be good at everything else too. Everything. No Ruth, that's a dangerous line of thought. She pulled back from him, her heart racing and she put her hand on his tie, straightening it.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said quietly, her voice shaking slightly.
"Yes," he agreed. "Tomorrow. Goodnight." She nodded and he watched as she went in the house, making sure she got inside okay. Then he drove back to the grid, Ruth's kiss which was full of honesty still on his lips.
Harry sat at the restaurant worrying. Ruth was a minute late, and Ruth didn't do late. Harry wondered if she'd changed her mind and was anxious, this was unlike her. Suddenly his phone rang. Feeling a sense of foreboding he answered it.
"Ruth?"
"Hi Harry," she said. "Look, I'm so sorry," she said. "I don't mean to be late but… I thought my morning sickness had gone. Apparently it waited twelve hours to kick in today. I'm so sorry."
"Don't worry," he said, trying to hide his disappointment. "Do you want me to wait or shall we do this another time?"
"I'm sorry," she said which was answer enough.
"It doesn't matter," he said. "Just… try and feel better."
"Sorry Harry," she said again. "I have to go… I'm going to… I just… Bye."
"Bye," he said, knowing that she was going to throw up again. He sighed and put a fiver down on the table for the drink he'd already had and left the restaurant. Then he got an idea.
Ruth rinsed her mouth out and then looked in the mirror. She looked very rough. "Oh baby, you've got really bad timing," she said, one hand on her stomach. "Next time I have a date with Harry, can you avoid making me throw up? I'd appreciate it." Her doorbell rang and she went downstairs. Opening the door she was surprised to see Harry there, in an open necked shirt, dark jacket and a glint in his eye. Ruth looked at herself and felt horribly under dressed She wore a baggy jumper and some PJ bottoms, her hair tangled with slight dark circles under her eyes. Did he have to pick now to ring her doorbell?
"I have supplies," Harry said, lifting a shopping bag that she hadn't noticed. "I thought I could cook you dinner, if my presence is welcomed?"
"Yes of course," she said, moving aside and letting him in. "You don't have to cook for me."
"I know," he said. "I want to. And an evening spent in your company is a lot more comforting than one on my own."
"Well make yourself at home," she said. "I'm just going to get changed into something… less comfortable and more attractive."
"Don't on my account," he said a smirk on his face. She rolled her eyes and went upstairs, hurrying to look more presentable. She brushed her hair and put a short sleeved blouse on, which didn't draw attention to her slowly growing stomach. She also put some jeans on because they were more comfortable than her skirts with her changing body shape. She looked in the mirror and quickly applied some make up under her eyes. She didn't want to look like something the cat had dragged in.
It took about seven minutes and by the time she got downstairs she found Harry at the cooker, drinking some wine from a glass. He smiled at her appearance. "Dinner will be about half an hour, I hope curry's okay with you?"
"Sounds delicious," she said honestly. "Can I do anything?"
"Sit down," he said. "And have a drink." She looked at the wine glass already sat on the table and felt her heart stop for a moment. She couldn't have any alcohol, she thought he might have remembered that. Then she felt selfish because she was sure he had a thousand things on his mind, not just her. "It's not booze," he said without turning as if reading her mind. "I got some alcoholic free wine. Drink." She did, warily at first but then saw that he was right.
"Thank you," she said quietly. He smiled at her, and then returned to cooking their meals.
"That was delicious Harry," she said, smiling at him. "Thank you."
"You're welcome," he said. "Just glad you're feeling better."
"Yes I am," she said. Harry got up to clear their plates but Ruth stopped him, her hand on his chest. Her eyes were burning and he dipped his head towards her, kissing her passionately. Ruth smiled into the embrace and was startled but pleased when she felt his hands start to wander. He pushed his hand under her shirt and his fingertips traced her body, making her heart race. His hand cupped her breast and in that moment Harry had a flash of an image in his mind. Another man touching her. A different man kissing her and making love to her. He pulled away from her and closed his eyes, flashes of those horrifying images going through his mind, as if on a video reel.
"Harry?"
"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't. I thought I could cope with this. But I can't."
Ruth's face was such a picture of sadness that he felt guilty. "I understand," she said softly. "I wish I didn't but I do."
"I'm sorry, I just… I touch you, and I think of him." Ruth closed her eyes so she wouldn't have to look at his disappointment. After a minute or two she opened her eyes, and they were swimming with tears. "Ruth… I want to be with you, but I just…"
"Can't," Ruth finished for him. She gripped his hand tightly. "I know," she said, her voice no more than a whisper.
"I should go," he said, trying not to let his voice break. "I will see you at work." He straightened up and put his jacket on.
"Is this it Harry?"
"I think it might be," he said. "I'm so sorry."
"No, its not your fault," she said quietly. "Can we… still be friends? I don't want to lose you."
Harry smiled tightly at her and nodded. "Of course," he said. "You're one of the most intelligent and genuine women I've ever known. I will see you on Monday."
Ruth nodded and stayed quiet until she heard the door close behind him. Then she very quietly and thoroughly fell to pieces.
Well it had to happen sooner or later! Please leave a review if you have time, thank you.
