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Okay, after ages (I apologize for the terribly long wait) another chapter for you... I am really sorry it took me so long but I had a little writer's block, this chapter was really difficult in some parts and I am also busy with exams so I couldn't write that much...

PS: Missing moments will follow later this week, I'm sorry for the delay but you will get it as soon as possible and after this week I have holidays till october so I will post more regularly!

ENJOY!

CHAPTER 6 – realisation

Edward's POV

I couldn't speak for a moment. I was literally shaking with rage and disgust. The images seemed to have burnt themselves in my mind. I saw Esme – cowering away in fear, I saw how boots kicking her cruelly in the stomach, I saw her being threatened, pushed against walls, being hit with a broken bottle… and even worse… Esme crying in the darkness, curled up in a small ball on the floor, I saw her body bruised and battered, bloody even… I saw this… this animal threatening her, forcing himself upon her… No! I could stand it no longer! I shook my head violently, trying to get rid of the horrible images. I shuddered again and spat on the ground. I knew Carlisle was worried sick for Esme and also because I behaved so strange but I couldn't explain it. Not now. I needed to cool down first. What I wanted most right now was hunting this… this… piece of scum down and make him suffer, the same way he had made Esme suffer. I wanted to kill him, painfully, slowly... A growl escaped my lips and I felt my eyes darken with blind rage. If I knew where he, it was…

I was pacing up and down the meadow, taking deep breaths, hoping I would finally calm down a little, but I was still seeing all these terrible things in my head… I still saw Esme crying and hiding in dark corners… I snarled again and ripped a low hanging branch from one of the trees and threw it inside the forest were it shattered into tiny pieces. I felt a little better afterwards.

"Edward! What is it? Calm down!" Carlisle said, his voice etched with worry. I took another deep shuddering breath and turned to look at Carlisle. He looked awful. His hair was messy from him running his hands through it all the time, his eyes were wide with fear and worry and he seemed even paler…

"He abused her…" I finally whispered, so low I wasn't sure Carlisle even heard it. "Her… her husband… Charles." I spat the name out, disgusted by it. "He… hit her, the scars… the scars on her body, they were all from him… he forced himself upon her… she was in hell…" I looked up to see Carlisle staring at me. His thoughts were a mess. Torn between a blind rage I had never seen on him and self-torturing guilt.

Carlisle's POV

I saw Edward storming out of the house. He was shaking, whether with anger of fear I did not know, but it worried me even more. He started pacing, his face looked like he was sick, twisted in some sort of pain I couldn't understand. It was terrible for me, watching Edward like this and knowing Esme was also in pain – because of me. It was pure torture.

Edward was not calming down. He was getting worse in fact. He was growling and snarling. It was driving me mad. He was behaving like on his worst days as a newborn. He looked terrifying right now. Really dangerous. Was this all because of Esme? Was she alright? What happened? My head was starting to spin with all these questions and fears messing up in my head. Edward – Tell me what happened! I begged in my head.

Suddenly he ripped a branch from one the trees, throwing it into the forest were it hit a tree trunk and broke into tiny splints. "Edward! What is it? Calm down!" I said startled. Edward turned to me and after taking a deep breath he finally told me.

"He abused her... her… her husband… Charles." Edward spat out. "He… hit her, the scars… the scars on her body, they were all from him… he forced himself upon her… she was in hell…" I stared at Edward, not believing what he was just telling me.

Oh my god. I could not believe this. Esme… this bastard… what had he done to her? It all made sense now… why she had been so afraid of being near me… why every contact scared her… I felt sick… I just wanted to hunt this piece of shit down and rip him to pieces… how could he do this? How could anyone hurt someone so beautiful? I was torn. Torn between finding this piece not worth living and rushing to Esme's side to comfort her. I wanted so desperately to hold her right now… to make her realise I would never hurt her…

"Argh! Damnit!" I shouted and punched the nearest tree. The tree actually shuddered behind the force of my punch and I left a huge hole in the trunk. Then I sank to my knees, feeling like this was all too much…

Edward's POV

I was shocked. I had never seen Carlisle lose his temper. I had never heard him curse. He was always so controlled and level-headed but that all seemed gone now. His thoughts were a mess. I didn't know what to do. Carlisle was still kneeling on the ground, his head in his hands. He was fighting for his control.

After a few moments Carlisle stood up again. He was composed again. I'm sorry Edward. I want to be alone for a while… he thought before vanishing in the forest. Though Carlilse had asked for some time alone I was not sure if I should follow him. But I decided against it. I would give him a few hours and if he didn't return I could still look for him. Right now I would check on Esme first.

Esme's POV

Though the shivers were almost gone and I felt a little better, knowing neither Carlisle nor Edward were a danger to me, I was still scared. I couldn't get the images out of my head. Images I rather forget than remember. It was all back now. The marriage with Charles. Him hitting me, threatening me, the helpless feeling, the fear. That's why I was afraid of being close to anybody. Because of him. I was again studying my right arm. I had known there had been a scar once, but I couldn't remember how I got it. Now I knew. I had just seen it in my head. This monster… He… had hit me with a broken bottle. I shivered again. No, I needed to think of something else.

"Esme?" A soft voice asked. Edward. He slowly opened the door and looked at me, concern shining in his eyes. I wanted to tell him I was alright, but my mouth couldn't from the words, because I wasn't. I was far from alright. I was scared, damaged, broken. "Can I do something?" Edward asked gently. I shook my head. Edward was such a sweet boy. Like I had wanted my Carl to be. "Oh Esme, I'm so sorry." Edward whispered and stepped into the room. He sat down on the edge of the bed and I closed my eyes, willing to hide the pain. Of course Edward still knew how I felt, or picked it up from my thoughts. I felt him reach for my hand and tensed but didn't pull away. He took it and squeezed lightly. It felt good actually. "Can… would… you hug me?" I whispered shyly, not knowing how to ask of this. I opened my eyes a crack to look up at Edward who seemed a bit unsure. "If… if you want me to…" he said. I nodded. Clumsily Edward pulled me in his arms. I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the pain overcome me with new intensity. I sobbed quietly. Edward awkwardly patted my back, probably not knowing how to handle this situation. I wondered how long it has been since he has been hugged. The last time probably by his mother…

Carlisle's POV

I had run a few miles before I sat down on a rock, my head in my hands. I felt terrible. It was my fault Esme had had these horrible flashbacks. I triggered them, I changed her… Everything was on me. Everything I tried turned out wrong. I thought taking Esme to the graveyard had been a good idea, now she was shivering and crying in her room. I felt terrible. I was feeling guilty, sad, angry, helpless, lonely, confused – all at the same time. I was a mess right now and I simply needed some time to compose myself before going back home.

The sun was already beginning to rise when I went back home. I felt better. But my main concern was Esme now. Was she better? Should I go to her? But what should I say?

I went into the house and upstairs. There was no sound coming from Esme's room. I stopped in front of her door for a moment and peeked inside. Then my jaw dropped. Esme was hugging Edward. Seeing this, my heart sank. Esme was shying away from me all the time, flinching whenever I got too close, but she was hugging Edward. I quickly focused on something else than my hurt feelings, lowered my head and went back into my study.

Edward's POV

"Thank you…" Esme mumbled when I released her. I smiled. "I'm happy to help." I said smiling. She looked down into her lap. "Are you better?" I asked carefully. Esme nodded. "Yes, I feel better…" "Good, I'm going to my room, okay? Just tell me if I can do anything else for you." I said lightly and left.

I didn't go to my room straight away though. I had noticed that Carlisle had come home, even wanted to check on Esme but not entered her room. I went to his study and knocked. "Yes, Edward." I heard him say and stepped inside. Carlisle was sitting behind his desk, reading a thick medical textbook. "You wanted to talk to Esme? Or check on her?" I asked him. Carlisle didn't look up but instead focused on the part he had just read while answering. "Yes, I just wanted to see if she's better." He replied in a monotone voice. I knew something was wrong right then. Carlisle was blocking his thoughts really hard and behaved strange somehow. "Are you alright?" I asked him, trying to get out of him what he was keeping from me. But Carlisle wasn't fooled by my trick. "I am." He replied shortly. "I'm in my room then…" I said and left the study.

Carlisle's POV

I was trying to keep my thoughts on different medical problems throughout the day and didn't leave my study. It worked more or less. Edward was leaving me alone, which I was glad for. When the sun sank again I was getting ready for my shift at the hospital. I was early for work but I needed to get my mind off things. Hiding my thoughts around Edward was becoming difficult, especially when I couldn't ban Esme from my thoughts.

When I went down I remembered that I still had the clothes in the trunk of the car. "Edward?" I called. "Yes?" His messy copper coloured hair appeared at the top of the stairs. Can you help me get the clothes for Esme out of the car? Give them to her, please, I need to go to work. I thought and opened the trunk to get the bags out. "Okay, I'll give them to her." Edward said as he took the bags from me. "I'm off to work now." I said my goodbye to Edward and jumped in the car.

Edward's POV

I took the bags upstairs to Esme's room. It seemed that Carlisle was avoiding her now, and me too. And he was still hiding his thoughts very carefully.

I knocked on Esme's door before peeking inside. "Edward, yes come in." She said. "Hey, Carlisle got you're the clothes for you, he asked me to give them to you." Esme got up from the window sill where she had been sitting and took the bags from me. "Thank you." She said as she placed everything on her bed. "Okay, I'm leaving you alone." I said and closed the door behind me.

Esme's POV

I placed all the bags and boxes on the bed. Even without opening them I knew that these were more clothes than I had ever possessed. I was a little sad that Carlisle had gone to work without talking to me again. I would have liked to thank him, not only for the clothes but also for taking me to the graveyard earlier. It may have turned out bad but I still liked having been able to say goodbye to Carly.

After I had looked at all the things before me for a few minutes I actually opened the first box – and quickly closed it again. It contained undergarments! I lowered my head, waiting for a deep blush that would never come. I only hoped Carlisle had not checked the contents of the boxes. But, if I was right about him, he hadn't. He hadn't even looked at the list when I gave it to him…

I carefully took a sneak peak in another bag. This looked better, like actual clothing. I took whatever it was out of the bag. The cloth was a beautiful silky purple. It was a dress and it was absolutely wonderful, elegant and classic, but absolutely breathtaking. I already loved it. But when would I wear an outfit like this? I couldn't think of an occasion that would require such an outfit, especially since I wasn't going out.

The other clothes were just as beautiful. Some were more practical, I could probably wear them while hunting while others were as stunning as the dress. Everything was there. From the undergarments Esme still felt a little unsure about to hats, coats and a complete winter wardrobe. Everything was of high quality, expensive and made with great care.

I began to stock everything in the closet, then I decided I would try one of the outfits on. I took a pair of dark pants and a thick woollen pullover out of the closet and all the other things I needed. Then I headed for the bathroom. A bath sounded like a good idea to me right now. Maybe I could relax a bit more.

Carlisle's POV

Work was not half as distracting as I wanted it to be. My mind kept slipping back to Esme and Edward hugging. It gnawed at me. I didn't know why it bothered me that much. I should be happy she seemed to cope better with this life after all. But it was driving me crazy.

I even tried to bury myself in paperwork but it wasn't working. A knock on the door got me out of my thoughts. "Dr Cullen?" an older nurse stepped into my office. "An emergency just arrived. A man, 31 years old, he cut himself with a knife, it looks really bad…" she said. I nodded. "I'm coming." I said and followed her outside.

The smell of blood was heavy in the air and so was the smell of alcohol. I frowned. Then I saw the mess. A young man was sitting in the waiting room, his left hand was all bloody. He was bleeding all over the place but didn't even care. He was obviously drunk. I approached him. "Good evening sir, I'm Dr Cullen. Would you please follow me, so I can take a look at your hand?" I asked. The man stood up, swaying and stumbling to keep his balance. "Sure doc, if you want to…" he slurred and smiled a goofy smile. I led the men into the closest examination room. The older nurse followed behind me. I helped the man onto the table and then went to prepare my things. "What should I get him for the pain?" the nurse asked behind my back. I shook my head. "Nothing. I doubt he can feel the pain in his hand. I'm going to stitch it up without pain relievers for the moment, he will just need something later." I said and turned back to my patient who was now curiously exploring his sliced open palm.

I took his hand and started to clean all the blood off first, so I could see the damage done. "Okay, Mr…" I glanced at his chart. "Carter, how did this happen?" The man smiled. "We were cele… celebrr… had a party…" he said. "My wife had the baby, you know? Jerry…" I nodded. So this man was getting drunk while his wife just gave birth to their son, a great way to show love and support for his wife in my eyes… "You have kids doc?" he asked me. I shook my head. "No, I don't." I replied shortly. This wasn't any of my favourite topics, especially not after the latest events. I focused back on the wound. The young man had done a good job. He had sliced his whole palm open and wouldn't be able to use this hand for weeks. His wife would be very happy about that, I was sure.

"You're married?" my patient asked again. I shook my head. "No. I will stitch this up now, Mr Carter, please hold still, alright? Would you like something for the pain?" I asked. He shook his head. "No… just do it…. So, no wife? Why not? Looking like you the girls must all be crazy about you!" I sighed. No, apparently they rather flee from me. I thought bitterly. This man was going on my nerves. I finished the work on his palm as quickly as I could without raising suspicions, then I wrapped some gauze around the wound and looked up to explain to my patient how to take care of the wound so it could heal properly.

"Alright Mr Carter…" "Man, I still can't believe you don't have a wife at home…" he said shaking his head. I ignored the remark. "You have to keep the stitches dry and change the gauze every day, alright Mr Carter. And please come back for a check-up in three days." He nodded, but I wasn't sure he had been listening. I would better write everything down again, together with the prescription for the pain meds.

Just then the door opened and the nurse stepped inside. "I'm sorry Dr Cullen, but the wife is here and she is extremely worried for her husband. I couldn't calm her down, maybe you could speak to her?" she asked. I stood up. "Of course, please just write a prescription for Mr Carter, I'l sign it later." I said and left the room.

His wife was pacing up and down the waiting room, a crying child in her arms. "Hello. I'm Dr Cullen, Mrs Carter, I assume." I said politely. She turned to me and nodded. "Yes, how is my husband? Is he alright?" I gave her a reassuring smile. "Yes, I stitched him back up, everything went nicely, though he isn't in any pain right now, he will be later. I will give you a prescription, but please make sure he doesn't take any pain medications before the alcohol wore off." She nodded.

"And… he will get back to normal? I mean, his hand…" I smiled. "Yes, it looked worse than it was, but I fear your husband won't be able to use his hand much in the next weeks…" I explained. The wife nodded. "I must also ask you to make sure the wound stays dry and the gauze is changed every day. In three days he needs to come here for a check-up." Mrs Carter nodded. "Alright…" she sighed. I gave her a sympathising smile. "I know this is really hard now, maybe you could stay at your parent's for a while?" I suggested. She nodded, rocking the crying baby in her arms. "Thank you, Doctor." I smiled. "Congratulations, by the way, for your boy." I said smiling. She practically glowed with joy at my compliment. "Thank you."

After I wrote the prescription I made a quick round to check on my patients and then busied myself with paperwork till the end of my shift. I was dreading going home, but I couldn't hide in here forever. I grabbed my coat and finally left the hospital.

Esme's POV

I was sitting in my room, wearing the clothes Carlisle had ordered for me. They fit perfectly, tough they were, of course, much too expensive and elegant. I felt more comfortable now, more at ease after the bath.

I had borrowed a book out of Edward's room and was reading when Carlisle got home. I heard him come up the stairs and go into his room. I waited a few more minutes and then slowly got up. I wanted to thank Carlisle for the clothes and also for taking me to the graveyard. The closer I got to the study the more nervous I got. My fingers actually were actually shaking a bit when I knocked.

"Come in." I heard Carlisle's calm voice and got more relaxed. I opened the door and stepped inside.

Carlisle's POV

As soon as Esme opened the door I got up from behind my desk and stepped back so I was leaning against the wall. She stood in the middle of the room, looking nervous and shy. "I… I just wanted to tell you, well… thanks for taking me to the graveyard… and the clothes…" she mumbled. I nodded. "No problem." I replied shortly. I knew Esme was uncomfortable, probably because of me, so I didn't want her to be here longer than necessary.

She nodded. "I don't want to keep you from your work… I just wanted to tell you this." She said and left. I sighed lowly.

Esme's POV

I went back to my room. This had been extremely awkward and I was a little sad. The last times I had gone to talk to Carlisle we had at least shared a few lines, but this time. Nothing. He was being distant, almost cold. The way he had leaned against the wall, leaving his desk like a barrier between us. It was strange and I didn't like it. I was also sad he hadn't tried to talk to me… the last time he had told me how lovely I looked in my old blue dress and this time he didn't even look at me. I wondered what was wrong… Had I upset Carlisle in any way?

Edward's POV

Carlisle was acting strange. He hadn't come out of his study since he had returned from the hospital and was still violently blocking his thoughts – all the time, not only when I was near him. I had expected him to talk to Esme, check on her, but he didn't. He hid in his study or his room. I didn't know what was wrong and since I at least tried to respect the privacy of others, as best as I could, I didn't press the issue. But when the day turned into night again and Carlisle went to the hospital for another shift I got worried.

Normally Carlisle was much more companionable. He would always talk to me, ask me about my day or tell me about his and until today, he had always done the same with Esme. He even sought the company of her more than mine… and now he was avoiding both of us? This didn't made sense…

After Carlisle had left for work I went to Esme's room. I wanted to know if she wanted to hunt again. "Come in Edward." I heard her mumble after I knocked. "Hey…" I greeted her. "I wanted to know if you want to hunt again?" I asked. Esme's thirst flamed up again when I asked, her thoughts showed me that, but she hesitated. I knew the reason. She hoped Carlisle would take her hunting when he got back… on the other hand Esme felt like she was imposing on Carlisle… he obviously felt that way…

I bit back a growl. Now Esme was feeling bad because Carlisle had some problem with himself. I really had to talk to him about it…

"Okay, I think hunting is a good idea." Esme finally agreed. I smiled. "Good. I'm waiting downstairs, alright?" I said smiling. Esme nodded. "Yes, I'm ready in a minute." She said.

I went downstairs and waited for Esme to join me. She did after just one minute. I smiled at her and opened the back door. We ran outside. The snow hadn't melted yet and it was beautiful outside. I began to run immediately. I enjoyed running as fast as that. It was probably the best part about this life. Running like a bold of lightning.

Esme's POV

I followed Edward through the forest. He was fast, just as fast as I was with my newborn strength. He was smiling happily. I knew Edward enjoyed the run more than anything else. He didn't need to hunt, he was just watching over me.

It wasn't long until we smelled some deer. I immediately went after it, I couldn't help it. It was instinct. I ran after the deer and took one doe down, sucking it dry in mere seconds. My throat was already feeling a little better. I left the carcass lying on the ground and followed the fleeing herd to kill another doe.

I had just finished my second doe when something hit me in the back. I turned around, startled. I had moved into an aggressive crouch without knowing I did. My eyes were scanning the area just to find Edward leaning against a tree trunk, laughing, holding a snowball. I relaxed. He had hit me with a snowball! "You're paying for that!" I said and formed a snowball with my hands. I threw it at Edward but he just gracefully moved out of the way and threw another snowball my way. I growled playfully and ran after him, dodging his attacks as good as I could and trying to hit him. The effort was more or less futile; he always knew what I had in mind.

We chased each other back home. I was laughing the whole time. I couldn't remember I ever had so much fun. Once on the way back I managed to overtake Edward and shove the snow right into his face before he could move away. But I paid for it later with being shoved into a snowdrift.

Carlisle's POV

I finished work and drove home. When I arrived home I noticed the house was empty. This was nice because I didn't really like company right now, but on the other hand I was of course worried for Edward and Esme. I put my coat and bag in my study and went back down to get a book from the living room.

I was just tracing the spines of the books when the back door opened and Edward and Esme entered. They were laughing and wiping snow off of each other's clothes. I swallowed hard. They surely had had a lot of fun. I immediately averted my gaze and after giving them a quick nod and a short hello I went back upstairs. It was clear Esme was happier when I wasn't around.

Edward's POV

When we stepped back into the house Carlisle was standing in the living room. As soon as he saw us he retreated upstairs but not before I saw something in his mind. I saw him watching me and Esme embracing and now laughing together and how she fled from him when he tried to touch her. So this was what this was about!

Carlisle had mumbled a low hello and was back in his study within seconds. Esme was watching him with a pained expression on her face. She felt rejected, in a way. I couldn't believe this! I had to clear this up before things got messed up any further…

I smiled at Esme. "Please don't think that, it's not true, okay?" I told her before squeezing her hand and going upstairs to see Carlisle.

I didn't even bother with knocking on his door this time. I just stepped right inside. Carlisle wasn't even in his study. No, he had retreated in his room, licking his wounds. "This is what this is about? Really?" I asked him, startling him a little bit. Carlisle looked away. "You're jealous!" I realized. This was unbelievable. Carlisle looked to the ground. I'm not! He mentally shouted at me but I saw other things on his mind. I understood the pain it caused him every time Esme flinched from him when he just wanted to comfort her and how much it hurt him when Esme was willingly embracing me. "You are! And you know it! Do you know that you're hurting Esme with that?" I questioned Carlisle. "She thinks she has upset you or something! She feels bad about it!" Carlisle finally looked up, worry in his eyes. "It isn't like you think it is! This isn't because of you! She can't help it that she's frightened of you! She doesn't want to be, but she can't help it, Carlisle! And now stop being so damn stupid and talk to her!" I hissed, struggling to keep my voice low so Esme wouldn't hear. Carlisle was still not believing me. He kept thinking of how easy it was for her to be with me. "Yes, she's not afraid of me, you know why not? She sees me as a boy, Carlisle, she remembers her son when she's with me, you… you're a… man to her… and she's frightened of that, not of you." I told him, finally getting through. Carlisle looked up. Suddenly feeling awful for acting like he did. He was hurting, too.

Carlisle's POV

Oh God. I was such an idiot. I sat down on the bed behind me, burying my face in my hands. I was so stupid! I had treated Esme like she wasn't welcome here. I heard Edward leave while I sat there, feeling awful. But I deserved it. I had hurt Esme. The only thing I was trying to avoid… I sighed, biting back a sob. I couldn't do anything right.

I needed to apologise. I had acted like a complete fool. Esme must feel terrible and I had to make this right. I would talk to Esme right away.

I got up and slowly headed towards Esme's room. I was feeling bad. I didn't know what to say to her, since I didn't think words could make this any better. I had hurt her and I felt awful for that. Hell, I didn't even know why I acted that way!

I had reached Esme's door and took a deep breath before knocking.

Esme's POV

Regardless what Edward told me, I still felt like I had done something wrong with Carlisle. He was distant and cool. When we got home from hunting it was the same. We had just entered the living room when he literally fled upstairs. Like he didn't want to be around me…

I had been sitting in my room since then. I felt bad. I mean, I couldn't think of anything I had done to upset Carlisle and I really liked talking to him. I missed him, in a way. I missed spending time with him, how little our exchanges might have been.

A knock on my door ended my thoughts. I mumbled a soft 'come in' and waited. Just a second later the door opened and Carlisle stepped inside. I was sure if it could my heart would have skipped a beat. I was frozen to the spot. What did he want? I couldn't help the fears that came up. Did he want me to leave?

"Can I talk to you?" he asked softly, not meeting my eyes. I nodded, still unable to talk. Carlisle took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed, leaving enough space between us. "I… I am sorry…" Carlisle said after a minute of silence. "I'm sorry I acted so… cold and distant towards you. I… am extremely sorry… I know I was stupid and… sorry Esme…" he rambled, still not meeting my gaze. "It… it had nothing to do with you… it… well, maybe it had something to do with you… I was afraid of hurting you, of you being afraid of me… and well… I was extremely stupid…" he finished weakly. I looked at Carlisle and felt a wave of relief wash over me. He didn't want me to leave. He was afraid of me being afraid of him. It was… sweet.

"Carlisle… I am not afraid of you…" I whispered. It was true. I wasn't afraid of him. I knew he wouldn't hurt me. Carlisle looked up. I could see he didn't believe me. "It's… just memories… I can't help it… I know you wouldn't hurt me…" I said, trying to make him understand. Carlisle looked away. "Yes, I understand. Sorry, I don't want to be pushing you…" he said softly, but somehow not completely sounding like the Carlisle I knew.

Carlisle's POV

"So, eh… how about the clothes? Do you like them? Do you need anything else? Do they fit?" I asked, trying to change the topic. Esme let out a little sigh and I wondered what it meant, but then she smiled. "Yes, they are perfect. Thank you, again. They are all beautiful and I don't need anything else." She replied softly. I nodded. "Well, I'm happy you like them. You look beautiful" I mumbled lowly. Esme lowered her head, a clear sign of embarrassment. I mentally cringed in frustration. I was almost sure if Edward had complimented her, she wouldn't shy away like she did with me. Some part of me knew I was behaving ridiculous and stupid but I couldn't get over it. Esme didn't trust me and that hurt.

"Well, I'm going back into my study. If you need anything ask me." I said and got up. I felt better after talking to Esme, but a little sting of pain remained. And I still didn't know how to help Esme. Because I was too big a coward to ask her straight away, or tell her what I thought. I knew she had experienced horrible things, but I just wanted to show her I wasn't like that monster. I wanted so badly to make her feel safe… show her she didn't need to be afraid... I would protect her from everything… I didn't really know what to think or do. I was used to being my calm collected self, always knowing what I wanted. This was completely out of line for me – this confusion, these feelings. It was maddening.

Edward's POV

Though Carlisle had talked with Esme things weren't completely back to normal. Carlisle was still a little jealous, though he would never admit it. But I knew he was. He may be creating a thousand different names for that feeling but that didn't change what it was. Carlisle was jealous. Jealous because I could be close to Esme, talk to her, make her laugh, hug her even. All the things he wanted to do, even if he was carefully hiding his thoughts most of the time.

Listening to Carlisle's confused thoughts was making my head spin. I was used to his calm mind. His thoughts were normally just as calm and collected as his behaviour. They hadn't been lately. Not since Esme arrived here. Since he found Esme, Carlisle's mind had been swirling with different emotions, changing faster than I could keep up with… Also, his thoughts were mostly focused on Esme. He hardly thought of anything else… I wasn't bothered by this, but seeing images of her seemed more like spying than when he thought of medical problems or simple everyday things… I knew that this was something so very private for Carlisle it gave me a bad conscience… I didn't like being in Carlisle's or Esme's head, especially not when they thought about each other.

Carlisle's POV

Though more than one hour had passed after my talk to Esme I was still extremely agitated emotionally. I decided to go hunting. Maybe stretching my legs a bit would help clearing my mind. I quickly changed into more comfortable clothes and left the house.

Running felt good. I felt the wind rushing past me, effectively clearing my mind. But still I couldn't stop thinking about Esme completely. I was torturing my brain, looking for a way to help Esme. The only problem was that I had almost no experience with women, except how to dodge the flirtatious nurses at the hospital… So I couldn't really help her, and Edward could neither… but maybe another woman could understand Esme better, maybe she would appreciate the company of a woman… well, the three Denali sisters surely were the wrong company for Esme. They were too… overwhelming and self-confident, plus Edward and I would have a hard time with them around… but Carmen, Eleazar's wife. She was one of the nicest persons I had ever met. I smiled. I would at least try that…

My thoughts got distracted when I came across a deer trail. I quickly followed it. I really needed to quench the burning that was nagging uncomfortably at the back of my throat. I followed the fresh trail and only minutes later took down two does.

I didn't feel like going back home so I ran a few miles through the forest till I found a beautiful little clearing. I sat down, my back against a tree. I should talk about my idea with Edward and also with Esme. I didn't want to push her into anything. If she wasn't comfortable with two additional people around I would not pursue this any further. But if she agreed I would write to Eleazar…

I made my way back home slower than I would have done otherwise. I was barely jogging through the forest, thinking about how I would approach this subject with Edward and Esme.

Edward's POV

It was almost dark outside when I heard Carlisle coming back from his hunt. His thoughts were calmer now. I sighed in relief. It had been hard being around Carlisle when he had been so confused and worried and hurt and many more things.

I went downstairs into the living room where Esme was to tell her that Carlisle was on his way back. Esme had been really worried when he disappeared for hours.

"Carlisle is coming back." I said as I sat down in one of the armchairs. Esme looked up from the book she had been pretending to read, a look of relief on her face. Finally… she thought. I grinned lightly. Even if Carlisle was too blind to see it, Esme cared for him, more than he thought…

A few minutes later Carlisle stepped into the house. He only gave me and Esme a short nod before going upstairs. Edward, can I talk to you? He asked in his head. I waited a few more moments before going upstairs.

Carlisle was standing by the window in his study when I entered. He gave me a grateful smile. "Esme was worried for you, you know, when you simply disappeared for hours." I told him in a low voice so Esme wouldn't hear. Carlisle looked up at me. Really? He asked in his mind, not fully believing me. I sighed. Sometimes I really wished I could not only read people's minds but also show others what I saw. If Carlisle saw what I had seen maybe this whole thing wouldn't be as complicated. "I was thinking about something." Carlisle said lowly, carefully. "I want to help Esme feel more comfortable, in this life, with this new situation, around us." He explained. "So… I thought maybe the company of a woman would be good for her…" he said lowly and I saw an image of Carmen flash through his mind. "You can't think that!" I burst out, slightly louder than I intended to. Carlisle looked startled. "You can't send her away!" I continued but then I stopped, seeing different images in Carlisle's mind. I had gotten it wrong. I only saw him thinking of Eleazar and Carmen in Alaska and thought he wanted to send Esme away, but he wasn't planning this. He wanted to invite them to us. He showed me his whole idea in his thoughts, wanting to know what I thought about that.

I thought about his plan for a moment. I could see the logic behind it. "You're right maybe. A woman around could make Esme feel safer. Though, I don't know if she will be alright with that." I said slowly. Carlisle nodded. "Yes, I wanted to talk to her about it…" he said. I nodded, but then looked up at him. "Eh… maybe I could talk to her about this, if you don't mind?" I added quickly, but realizing I had already hurt Carlisle. "Yes, of course. Maybe that would be better indeed." He replied a little stiff. I swallowed, knowing he wasn't liking this but I honestly had my doubts Carlisle would be able to tell Esme what his idea was when he was talking to her. He tended to be a little confused and not really reliable in her presence. "Okay, I'm talking to her tomorrow…" I said and left Carlisle alone with his, now again, messed up thoughts.

Esme's POV

I watched Carlisle out of the corner of my eyes when he went upstairs. I was glad he was home. I had been worried. He had behaved strange earlier. Well, he was still behaving strange. I wondered what he and Edward were talking about. I could hear their low voices upstairs, but I couldn't make out what they were saying.

But only a few minutes later Edward came back down into the living room, looking perfectly fine. He gave me a soft smile and shook his head. "Nothing, really, I'm just having a different opinion than Carlisle on some things." he mumbled.

Carlisle's POV

Later that night I was sitting in my office watching the snowy landscape outside. Everything was so calm, calm and peaceful. I wanted some of that peace for myself. I placed my bookmark in the thick volume I had tried to read and silently went downstairs into the empty living room. It was a cloudless night with the stars twinkling in the deep, velvety blue sky and the moon casting a silvery light over everything. I stepped out into the snow and sat down with my back against a wooden porch.

I simply stared into the night time sky and let my mind wander. I remembered one night just as beautiful as this one, though it was summer back then. Summer in 1911. It was the time Esme was in the hospital. She was 16, beautiful, vivid and carefree. I had taken her out for a night time stroll through the hospital park, chatting easily with her. I had lend her my coat… we had watched a squirrel climbing a tree just a few feet away. I smiled when I thought of the sparkle in Esme's eyes when she watched the little animal. I had enjoyed that night more than anything else. I had felt truly like myself, like I didn't have to hide what I was… I remembered all the tiny details… Esme blushing when I told her she was truly unique, her grabbing my sleeve to get my attention, snuggling into my coat, even her telling me off because she was afraid I would get cold… I sighed. This time back then had been so easy…

Esme's POV

I was sitting in my room on the window sill, my now favourite spot. I had a beautiful view from here, over the garden and the forest to the blurry shape of the mountains on the horizon.

Suddenly I saw Carlisle stepping out through the backdoor. He sat down in the snow, leaning back against the porch's railing, staring up at the sky. He looked sad somehow. Not knowing why I did it I stood up and slowly went downstairs.

The backdoor was open, the clear air streaming inside the house. Carlisle was still sitting there, still as a statue. I didn't know if he was so lost in his thoughts he hadn't noticed me or if he just wasn't acknowledging me. I stepped outside till I was only a few feet away from him.

"Are you alright?" I asked softly. Carlisle snapped out of his thoughts and quickly turned around. He obviously hadn't noticed me before. "Yes." he breathed, looking startled. "What are you doing here?" I asked him. Carlisle sighed lowly. "Nothing…" he mumbled. "Just sitting… and thinking…" I sat down beside him. "You look sad." I whispered. "I'm fine." Carlisle replied, not looking at me. I nodded, knowing Carlisle was shutting me out.

I sat next to Carlisle, simply staring into the night. Sometimes I would glance at him from the corner of my eye. He wasn't moving. I saw the look of sadness in his eyes, his slumped shoulders and how he would occasionally glance at me or sigh so low he probably thought I couldn't hear, but I did. I wanted so badly to reach out and touch him, hug him maybe. My hands started to twitch so I clenched them to my sides, trying to suppress the desire to reach out for Carlisle.

After a while Carlisle stood up. "I'm going back into my room, good night." He said, heading back inside.

I spent most of the rest of the night sitting in the snow, thinking. I had wanted to reach out and touch Carlisle's shoulder, comfort him a little but I had been too shy. Now I regretted this.

In the early hours of the morning I went back inside my room. Just a few hours later Carlisle left, probably for work.

Edward's POV

After Carlisle left for work I went to Esme's room, planning on taking her out to hunt. I would do everything I could to get her to agree on having Eleazar and Carmen over here. Carlisle and Esme were both so complicated. I mean, I was really hoping they would get a little closer sitting out there for hours. If Esme had only hugged him like she wanted to, or Carlisle got the courage to talk to her…

I gently knocked on Esme's door, waiting till I heard her whisper "come in.". I opened the door and peeked inside. "Hey, I wanted to know if you want to go hunting, maybe?" I asked her, smiling. Esme smiled. "Yes, I'd like to hunt." She agreed. "I'll be ready in a minute." I nodded. "Alright, I'm waiting downstairs." I said, leaving her room.

Just a few minutes later Esme came walking into the living room, wearing dark pants and a purple blouse. "Are you ready to go?" I asked her. She nodded and followed me outside.

The hunt was relatively quick. We found a herd of deer just a few miles from home. After satisfying our thirst we ran a few miles through the forest, simply stretching our legs. After a while I slowed to a comfortable jog.

Esme's POV

Edward slowed down to a slower pace. He had been acting strange the whole day and I was a little on edge. "Eh… Esme, I wanted to talk to you about something…" he finally said. I stopped, horrible images filling my mind. Maybe he wanted to tell me I had to leave. Maybe Carlisle didn't want me around any longer. After all, he had enough problem without me. Maybe that was the reason he had been so cold last night and I mistook it for sadness? "Esme please stop." Edward said. "It's nothing bad." I breathed a quick sigh of relief. "What is it?" I asked, still sounding nervous. I wasn't able to ban the worry completely from my mind. "Well, eh… to cut it short… Carlisle got a letter… of an old friend… Eleazar… They have known each other for ages and Eleazar was thinking of visiting Carlisle…" Edward explained. I frowned. What do I have to do with this? "Well, Carlisle wasn't sure if this would be okay with you… He… doesn't want to make you uncomfortable… with two more vampires in the house…" Two? I looked quizzically at Edward. "Yes, Eleazar and his wife, Carmen." He explained. I nodded. The thought of meeting others was a little frightening. On the other hand, I didn't want to say no… Carlisle would surely like it if his friends visited. I didn't want to spoil that.

Edward's POV

I tried hiding the smirk that was threatening to escape me. Like I had expected it, Esme didn't want to make Carlisle unhappy, so she would agree. I felt bad, tricking Esme into agreeing but I had a feeling that it could actually be good if Carmen was around for a while. "I'm alright with them visiting." Esme mumbled. I smiled. "That's really nice. Carlisle will be happy. He hasn't seen Eleazar in ages." Esme smiled a little. She liked the thought of making Carlisle happy.

"Are they… like us…?" Esme asked after a while. I nodded, knowing where she was heading to. "Yes, they are vegetarians. They have lived like that for a long time." Esme nodded. "When will they arrive here?" she asked. I shrugged. "Next week, maybe the one after. I don't know for sure."

We went back home in a faster pace. Esme was still lost in her thoughts but she wasn't that afraid of meeting two other people. I was glad she wasn't struggling as much as I had expected. It would only make me feel bad.

When we got home I heard Carlisle upstairs in his study. I frowned. He was home early. "Carlisle's home." I said. Esme nodded. She also had noticed. "I'm going to say hello to him." I said and went upstairs, half-hoping Esme would join me, but she didn't.

I opened the door to his study and stepped inside. Carlisle smiled, laying the book he had been reading aside. "Hello." I greeted him, next to me Esme was giving Carlisle a shy smile. Carlisle smiled. "Hello." He said. "Why are you home already?" "Dr Carter wanted to swap shifts with me, so I got the rest of the day off but have to work a double tomorrow." Carlisle explained. I nodded. "Okay." Carlisle nodded. "I talked to Esme." I added in a low whisper. Carlisle looked up. "She agreed." I told him. Carlisle smiled. I will write to Eleazar. He thought. I nodded. "Yes, do that."

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