Ch. 7 Brilliance

Sam trailed behind Jack as they entered the woods. The flashlight shown brightly ahead of them.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." Sam could hear the excitement in his voice. He was up to something.

The terrain began to get rocky and uneven. Jack reached back and took Sam's hand. "It gets a little rough for a while."

Sam nodded and let him lead her. Jack's fingers were long and thin, a contrast from Pete's short, pudgy ones. She unconsciously ran her thumb over the back of his hand.

Jack swallowed hard as he plunged ahead. Didn't she know what she did to him? He was so hoping this wasn't a bad idea.

Finally they entered a clearing. Sam couldn't tell how big it was, but as she looked up she could see the night sky, sparkling and radiant.

Jack scouted out an area for them to sit down. As he settled into the grass, he let her hand slip from his grasp. Sam sat down next to him, looking at him expectantly. Jack flicked off the flashlight, plunging them into semi-darkness.

"Relax, Carter," Jack told her, leaning back on his palms. "That's what I do when I come here. I just…unwind."

Sam gazed heavenwards and understood. It was breathtaking. She'd been to other worlds and seen amazing things. But it had been so long since she had taken a moment to stargaze on her own planet.

"It's beautiful," she breathed.

"It is," Jack agreed.

"Oh, look! The Big Dipper!"

"I bet you've been able to pick that one out since you were six."

"Five."

"You've always been into this sort of thing, huh?"

"Yeahsureyabetcha."

"I see I've rubbed off on you, Carter."

"Yes, sir. There's Leo. See?" Sam squinted and traced the outline of the constellation with her finger.

"Yeah, but look at that." Jack grabbed her hand and adjusted its position.

"It's Arcturus," Sam nodded as her eyes focused on the star.

"It's an orange giant, you know."

Sam nodded again, a smile playing on her lips. They both had a common love of astronomy. How sweet that he would bring her out here and share this with her.

"It's in the constellation Boötes," Jack pointed out.

"It is," Sam replied, laughing lightly. He was too cute.

"Did you know Arcturus was known as Hokule'a, the "Star of Joy," to the ancient Polynesians?" His voice was low.

"No, I didn't," she whispered. She suddenly felt very guilty. Not for being there with Jack, but for being with Pete. For leading him on. She knew there would be no getting over Jack O'Neill.

"You ok?" Jack asked, concerned.

Sam's heart began to race. He knew something was up. "Just thinking."

"About?"

"Life."

"Life?"

"Yeah."

Jack shifted so he was looking directly at her. "Are you happy, Sam?"

She froze. He'd used her given name. This was serious. "Generally, I guess."

"Generally? You're getting married. Are you happy?"

Sam bit her lip. She stared up at the sky, but the stars blurred as tears threatened to fall. "No. Not really." There. She'd said it. And she actually felt better.

"What would make you happy, Sam?"

So was this it? Was this how it was all going to surface? Well, he needed to know. She needed to know. "If I could take back the past year. I'm sorry," Sam said quietly.

"What's to apologize for?" Jack asked gently.

He was going to make her spell it out for him. He deserved that much. "This whole Pete thing. I'm just so…confused. I thought I knew what I wanted, then I thought I was happy, but this is all wrong and I-"

"Oh for cryin' out loud, Sam! You're human! Anyway, I only encouraged you with that whole get a life thing."

"I never meant to hurt anyone. Especially not you."

"Hey, I've done my fair share of hurting people. Never intentionally. It's life. Live and learn."

"Maybe. It just seems I've been failing the people I care about. Pete and I? It's just a farce I keep perpetuating. It's not fair to him. I hurt the guys by shutting them out. Don't get me started on what I did to you. I was selfish, wasn't I?"

"No, you weren't. There's no rule that said you had to wait for me. You deserve more. I want you to have more. But only if it truly makes you happy."

Sam glanced at Jack, barely able to keep her tears at bay. How could he be so forgiving? What she wanted she couldn't have. The one thing she probably wanted more than anything else. "Do you know what would make me happy?" she asked boldly.

Evidently Jack wasn't too surprised by her question. "I think so. I hope so. I've known you for eight years. I think you want it all. You want your job, but you want some sense of normalcy. You're an independent woman, but you want someone to always be there for you, in a 'more than friends' way." He paused. "You can still have everything you want, Sam."

"How?" she asked, heart in her throat.

Jack met her eyes in the dim light, hesitating only for a moment before he began to speak.

TBC in "You and Me"