Chapter 7

Scarlett stared at Rhett for a long long time. She did not feel the faintest inclination to give serious consideration his words. He was talking about her Mother! Whatever could he know about her? She remembered peeping through the crack of her door, watching her Mother gently tip-toe past the rooms to avoid Mr. O Hara from waking up to mundane household woes - even if it was the middle of the night! Her Mother's soft admonishing words which always made her burst into guilty tears. No one could kindle Scarlett's conscience like her Mother. And her prayers for the family - how long and how pious. God listened to her Mother and Scarlett was proud of it. She was proud of her Mother! Rhett had no right to say these scandalous things about Ellen O Hara!. And if this story was true, then Mammy must have known about it. And Mammy never dropped a hint.

"I see you don't believe my words", said Rhett, studying the changing emotions on her face. "I don't blame you. If I had met your Mother once..even once, I'd have understood for myself what her character was. I'm a good judge of character- But everything I heard about her was from you. According to you, she was nothing short of an angel! Yet, this angelic nature of hers might have done the greatest damage to your upbringing-"

"How dare you!",broke out Scarlett, in fury. "How dare you speak of my Mother that way. She raised me fine - good and proper like the lady that she was-"

"You weren't much of a lady when I met you- And you broke all your Mother's gentle instructions one by one until you cut yourself from the Southern gentry,didn't you dear?"

Scarlett's cheeks reddened. "I..I was going to become a lady after I'd grown older-"

"Aah", said Rhett, understandingly. "A fine grey-haired lady"

Scarlett glowered silently.

"No Scarlett, your Mother married your Father to forget her heartbreak and to punish her family for destroying the love of her life. And when she came to Tara, she threw herself into work. An admirable woman, no doubt and I know for certain that Mr. O Hara thought the world of her. But how well did she really understand him?"

"Mother understood Pa very well",defended Scarlett, angrily. "She.. she never disturbed him. She never argued with him.. not before us,anyway. She.. she was always worried that Pa would break his neck while riding-"

"Yes but have you ever seen her in your Father's arms, singing a song by the piano, swaying to gentle music, walking hand in hand with him on some moonlit night along the plantation road or even shared a horseback ride with him as he roamed the County?"

Scarlett looked bemused. It had never entered her limited imagination that her Mother was even capable of these things. She always looked so elegant in her simple, matronly dresses, her hair always in place and her hands always busy with knitting or mending. Why, Mother couldn't possibly have had interest in all those other frivolities. "Perhaps she did those things before I was born?", she wondered, doubting her words even as she spoke them.
Rhett looked at her unconvinced. "Well, I used to cover things up for Pa. Whenever he was really drunk he would ride over the County on his horse and jump the highest fences and I always covered up for him. We had a deal, Father and I. We both respected Mother's gentle nature and we hid things from her which would hurt her, you see-"

Rhett listened without saying a word for a long time. Then suddenly he stood up. He took Scarlett's hand and pulled her across the lawns.

"Where are you going?",asked Scarlett, pulling her shawl closer to her body. The fever had subsided now but she still felt weak. Rhett didn't reply to her question. Instead, he led her past the tall overgrown hedges and past the little pond and they came to the flat patch of ground where Rhett used to teach Bonnie how to ride her Shetland pony.

"You see those line of trees at the far end of the grassy mound? Bonnie and I used to start there.",said Rhett, a queer tone in his voice. "I'd set her up on her saddle- She didn't ride side-saddle first- and I'd teach her how to hold the reins. She'd always beg me to give her pony a carrot just before started riding. I'd laugh and tell, 'Bonnie, if you feed him now, he'd get too lazy to go real fast'. But she used to beg again and I'd always give in. And after we fed her pony carrots and sugar cubes, we'd start our practice. Oh, you should have seen her, Scarlett. She was born to ride horses. And she wasn't afraid of anything!"

Scarlett first wondered why Rhett was stirring up these painful memories. But as he spoke the words, the picture of Bonnie, riding down the garden stretch, came alive. She could hear her daughter's laughter and the thudding hoof-prints of her pony.

She remembered her own riding days with Mr. O Hara.

"Pa was fond of me.",said Scarlett, quietly. "He..he loved me more than Suellen and Careen and he and I.. well, we understood each other. But even Pa wasn't with me the way you were with Bonnie. He never fussed over me. One little tear and he'd harrumph like a horse and look so uncomfortable. He'd never never take me in his arms and comfort me if I was crying. He left that up to Mammy. And you know Mammy-" Scarlett gave a lopsided smile. "Mammy would know half the time that I was only fussing. She'd chide me and give me cookies to eat and my tears would disappear. I never got to thinking why I cried in the first place. Nobody gave much importance to it and neither did I- Oh, but you gave so much importance,Rhett! Bonnie just had to wail to get you scrambling to her room as if the house was on fire! And all I could think of was that you were humoring her. Truth is, I was jealous-"

At this, Rhett turned to her in faint surprise. Scarlett continued a little ashamed. "I was jealous of all that attention you showed on Bonnie. And she always liked you better than me. You were so triumphant that I hated you. You were taking Bonnie away from me. I could only give her presents and laugh at her silliness. You.. you treated her like a little lady..you listened to her- I mean, really listened."

"Did your Mother listen to you?"

"No",said Scarlett, with soft realization. "She didn't know me at all" Suddenly she shivered as the night breeze ruffled her hair. She lifted her eyes and said, "Look! Even now, you can see Bonnie skipping lightly through the grass wearing that blue velvet frock.. looking so fine and precious.. And I never enjoyed those sunny days when you both played in the gardens. I was always buried in some foolish game of whist with all those women who became strangers once my baby died. Not one of them came to comfort me. Not one! And I missed it all. I missed watching her grow up. Even if it was only for five measly years-"

Scarlett voice broke off. She was overcome with emotion and she stared helplessly at Rhett. He looked back at her, and there was such emotion in his hard, strained face as well. "Bonnie loved you, Scarlett. You weren't such a bad mother-"

"Oh, but I was-", cried Scarlett, sobbing hard and the tears running unchecked down her cheeks.