Chapter 7:

Ty wondered what his wife was thinking about. She was playing with her wedding ring and he had noticed she would do that whenever she was nervous or upset. He wanted to talk to her, to tell her it would be okay, but he was afraid he would only make it worse. He looked toward the cabin and remembered that their dinner was waiting for them.

"Ty..."

He looked back at his wife, who looked like she was about to cry.

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I can do it."

"Do what?" Ty asked, not wanting to assume he knew.

"Be a mom."

Ty wiped a tear from her cheek. He wanted to tell her she'd be a great mom, but he had a feeling she had more to say, so he simply asked, "Why not?"

Amy spun her ring around on her finger, a couple of times, and then answered, "It's just... raising a child is a huge responsibility."

Ty nodded, but let Amy continue.

"I guess, I never thought of myself as one of those women, who would rather focus on my career, instead of having kids," she said, watching for Ty's reaction, "But, maybe I am. I love being able to focus on the horses that I'm helping, and I hate being interrupted from that. Remember Hotshot?"

Ty thought back, the name was familiar, "Hotshot... yeah, he was... um... the barrel racing horse, right? The one Caleb bought?"

"Right, that one," she confirmed, "I was supposed to be babysitting Katie, but all I really wanted to do, was work with him."

"Yeah, so I basically babysat Katie for you."

"And even you questioned if that's how it would always be, if we had our own kids," she reminded him.

"And you said it wouldn't be like that."

"Yeah, well, I didn't want believe it would be."

"So, just so I'm clear, you don't want to have a baby, because we're both too busy, already; our loft is too small; my truck is too small; a baby would cut into our alone time; and you would rather focus on working with horses, instead of being a mom?"

"Yeah, all of that, and..." Amy took a breath, then said, "I just don't think I'd be a good mom."

"What? Okay, I can kind of understand the other stuff, but why don't you think you'd be a good mom?"

Amy shrugged her shoulders and said, "I don't know. It's not like I have a whole lot of experience taking care of babies or children, I was the youngest and I was never the babysitting type."

"Well, I don't have a lot of experience, either, so do you think I'd be a bad dad?"

"No, of course not-"

"So why would that make you a bad

mom?"

"I guess I just can't see myself being a mom, okay?" she snapped.

"Amy, relax, I'm just trying to understand how you're feeling." Ty said, taking her hand.

Amy tried to relax, but instead she felt herself tensing up and her eyes filled with tears. "Losing sleep, because the baby cries all night; changing diapers; being spit up on; never being able to just go out, without getting a babysitter first... I just don't want to deal with any of that."

"Okay, but what about baby cuddles, first words, first steps, hearing your child say "I love you", hearing them laugh, teaching them everything you know about horses or anything else, and just watching them grow..."

Amy wiped the tears off her face and stared at the ground.

"I just think," Ty said, "that some part you did, and still does, want children. All of the reasons, you've given for not having kids, are things we can figure out and make work. And I'm sorry, but I don't really believe that you would ever care more about horses, than your own child."

Amy thought about what Ty said. "What if I'm not any good at being a mom?" she asked, not taking her eyes off of the ground.

"I told you, you'd be a great mom."

"You don't know that," she said, looking him in the eyes, "so, what if you're wrong and I'm not?"

"I seriously don't think it's possible for you to be a bad mom-"

"Ty-"

"But if you are, then, you'll learn," Ty said, wrapping his arms around her, "Remember, you won't be doing this alone, there's two of us. We'll figure it all out together and our family and friends will help. I'm sure we'll both make our share of mistakes, because nobody is perfect, but we'll learn from those mistakes."

For a moment, Amy just stared at Ty, thinking about what he said. "You really believe we can do this?" she asked.

"Yeah, I do."

"Well, I'm still not sure," Amy said, as she laid her head on his shoulder.

Ty kissed her head and held her tighter. He gazed at his wife, while she watched the river continue to flow past. He wondered what she was thinking and if maybe, just maybe, she was beginning to come around.

"I love you, Ty," Amy spoke up, after a few minutes.

Ty smiled and whispered back, "I love you too."

Amy relaxed against Ty and closed her eyes. "I'm tired. Can we just eat dinner and get some sleep?" she asked, "We can talk more tomorrow."

"Yeah," Ty said, brushing her hair with his fingers, "that sounds good to me."