Jealousy, Confessions and Realizations
Severus Snape had never much liked Christmas as a child as his father always was drunk and took it out on his mother and him. That was until he was nine and met Lily Evans. Violet Evans the red headed mother of Lily and Petunia had taken one look at the scrawny boy in mitch matched clothes and decided to "fatten him up" in her words. Not that it worked. Severus Snape, it seemed, was destined to be a bean pole. But spending Christmas' with the Evans' was Severus' favourite memory of the holiday even with Petunia trying to spoil his and Lily's time when she found out what her sister was. That was until that faithful June day when Severus and Lily were sixteen Potter had humiliated him, again. And in his anger and embarrassment Severus had lashed out at his one true friend. Lily and Severus never got on again after that. Then she had married Potter. Severus never bought presents for anyone and only Dumbledore ever felt the need to give him anything even if it were only a book or Merlin help him another pair of luminous socks. But this year was different this year he would get something for his young lover.
That was if he wasn't in Azkaban for murdering some hapless admirer of Harry's who seemed to think that he was available. Something he so wasn't! Though, by the look of things Severus was not the only one in Hogwarts who was angry at Harry's popularity with the ladies. And he didn't mean the Weasley girl who though now had a boyfriend was still looking over at Harry hopefully. The normally jealous Weasley boy was too busy with his little girlfriend. The look on Harry's face was simply murderous as he jumped out from under the mistletoe as yet another girl followed him under it. A sixth year curly brunette Hufflepuff girl had cornered him, Kim Hope, a Muggle-Born child. Severus thought if he could be cornered by Hufflepuff teens then the war was lost. And then Harry walked smack bang into his lover almost falling over only righting himself just in time. Harry blinked owlishly up at Snape whilst Snape turned to the girl who had dared to try and take Harry from him. He had already lost one love he wasn't going to let history repeat itself. But it was more than that. He had never fought for Lily Evans' affections but the feeling for her son had completely eclipsed any teenaged love he had felt for the girl.
'Hope what are you doing?' he demanded. 'No inappropriate behaviour in the corridors. Hope detention at five. Potter detention at eight.'
'Yes, sir,' both students muttered.
'He really needs to get laid,' muttered Kim as he walked off.
Harry and Severus' eyes met at this moment and they both smirked knowing that the girl would never guess that this was exactly what would happen at the "detention" as Harry and Severus' illegal trysts in the dungeons were often called. Well between them anyway. It wasn't like anyone knew. Harry wondered what would happen if anyone found out. But he would always push it to the back of his mind unwilling to deal with the consequences of his – their – actions. Harry walked off in the direction of the Gryffindor common room with plans to clean himself up a bit before he went down to the dungeons at eight. Ron thought it weird that he was washing for a detention. But let it slide one because he was so blissfully happy with Lavender he didn't care, two Harry was happier than he'd ever seen him, three it was Harry's life, four Harry was always weird and even more so at the present. But he needed to look his best for his lover/ Okay he knew that Severus had first kissed him when he was covered in blood and in baggy Muggle clothing but that didn't mean he wanted to risk losing Severus' affections. After all Harry didn't believe that a mature man like Severus wouldn't want to be stuck with a smelly, dirty teenaged boy forever. Harry still hadn't worked out his feelings towards Severus Snape. There was lust, definite lust but was there something more. A part of him hoped so but another part was scared of commitment. It was easier to just say that it was purely carnal and be done with it.
Just before eight O'clock he went down to dungeons passing his Hufflepuff admirer who was looking traumatized hands covered in some sick green goop. Harry entered the sea green living room which he was by now well used to. He felt it suited Severus' personality. Today Severus was in his winter robes. Not that Harry blamed him. It was freezing outside. The older man was looking more relaxed and open, than Harry had ever seen him. It seemed to Harry that Harry spent with the teacher the less he put on his gitty act. Oh he was no fool he knew that Severus Snape could be a real arse when he wanted but he could also be a wonderful person to be around if he wanted to try hard enough. He was snarky as hell and many would say what he had to say regardless of what others thought of him. But Harry was coming to recognize that as the man's bizarre sense of humour. If you saw under the sarcasm then he had a lot to offer he was after all very intelligent man if lonely but Harry hoped he was helping to soften that loneliness. Harry wondered why he had never appreciated Severus before he had flung himself so spectacularly at the man with such satisfying results.
'What did you make her do she looked traumatized?' Harry asked.
'Just made her sort between dead Flobberworms after all you never got around to doing it,' he smirked.
'I believe I was otherwise distracted,' Harry smirked. 'As I believe could become again.'
Harry placed one small hand on the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher's broad chest drawing patterns in the soft velvet, which the man wore, underneath his fingernails enjoying the sensation. He felt Severus shudder under his every touch. And smiled to himself he was going to enjoy this detention as he had so many others beforehand since that one detention three months ago where everything had changed between the two men. How two people who hated each other so much could come together like this, he did not know. But he loved every night spent wrapped in his father's childhood nemesis' arms. He undid the silver serpent clasp with the glowing red eye on Severus' chest flinging the cloak to the other side of the room not seeing it land on the coffee table busy as he was with his man. As he felt his lover draw him closer and those sinful hands wandered to the hem of his shirt and slipped underneath where they squeezed Harry's nipples which were hardening. Those pale lips on his neck. Harry knew he'd have to sort out his appearance in the morning so that this remained a secret as it had to until Harry was no longer a student and Severus no longer a spy. Harry soon was topless with goose bumps running up and down his arms and torso. And it was not from the cold!
'Are you cold Mr Potter?' Severus whispered into Harry's ear. 'Let's get you somewhere warm.'
Harry gasped as Severus lifted the slight boy into his strong arms and swept the teenager bridal style onto his bed where Harry lay on top of the covers looking up at Severus. Severus still couldn't believe how beautiful the teenager was especially like this. His once crisp white shirt now crumpled was off lying somewhere in the other room showing the muscles the boy had earned from Quidditch and war. His nipples were dark and hard; goose bumps covering him. As he lay on the dark blue quilted bed a black bulge in his school trousers. Severus always felt awful when he made love to the boy in his school uniform. It reminded him of exactly how young his lover really was, how immoral his actions were and of the innocence that he'd taken from him. But it didn't stop him. Not now they'd started. Severus didn't think he could ever stop not until the boy got over him as he should. He should have a young man. Not an old man like him. The boy didn't realise that the passion was more than lust. Well at least for Severus Snape. He was sure that whatever Harry Potter felt for him it wasn't… well what did Severus feel for Harry? Love? He shied away from that word he didn't want his heart broken again? Deciding to leave the philosophical debates for when he didn't have Harry Potter in his bed. He climbed into bed beside him.
'Someone's feeling chivalrous today,' murmured Harry into his ear taking a soft nip.
'I'm a Slytherin I don't do chivalry,' Severus murmured back huskily.
'You keep telling yourself that,' Harry replied.
Then all talking ceased and it was just the two of them. Harry had a feeling that nothing would make him stop this relationship. Not with this man. As he felt a hand at the ring of his muscles he ceased thinking. It seemed he was bottoming tonight. Not that he minded either way. He wondered how he could have ever thought that Severus Snape really was a death eater when he trusted him so much nowadays. Their salty lips met each other's in a moment of pure unadulterated passion as Harry felt the first thrust. He groaned into his lover's lips as he pushed upwards with his hips not being help but buck. This in turn made Severus unable to restrain from thrusting harder. The two of them were tumbling about the bed as if their personal playground. It was coming closer and closer until Harry felt his muscles clench around Severus and came all over Severus' stomach. The clenching pushed Severus over the edge and the two lay panting and sweaty in the bed. Severus pulled himself out of Harry and the two lay beside each other well and truly sated. It was a few minutes of both of them catching their breath before anyone said anything.
'You're much better than any of the girls stalking me,' murmured Harry.
'I should hope so,' Severus agreed.
'It's because of Slughorn's stupid party,' groaned Harry. 'You couldn't give me a detention the night before Christmas?'
'No such luck Horace insists that I come,' groaned Severus.
'You at a party?' smirked Harry. 'At the Yule Ball you were too busy blasting bushes and uncovering snogging couples.'
Severus laughed at the memory, 'going with anyone?' he asked trying not to sound scared.
'Jealous?' Harry asked.
'Who's asking?' Severus returned.
'You know nobody would ever believe this was the same Severus Snape who Gryffindors all love to hate,' Harry laughed.
'I should hope not,' sneered Severus.
'We could always find ourselves our own rose bush,' suggested Harry.
'Are you trying to get me in Azkaban?' asked the ex-Death Eater.
'Jeez kidding lighten up already,' Harry kissed the man, 'goodnight.'
'Goodnight Harry,' Severus said.
But Harry Potter was already fast asleep. With nobody watching Severus was far more prepared to be tender. As he stroked some hair back from Harry's eyes. And Harry smiled in his sleep. That was when Severus stopped lying to himself and admitted it. He loved Harry Potter! He had done for several months now and he always would! He had to tell him about his and Dumbledore's arrangements if only Dumbledore hadn't made him swear not to tell anyone until the moment that Voldemort kept his snake, Nagini, protected in a ball. Why the Dark Lord would ever do that he did not know. But now that he had Harry he didn't want to see the hatred on that tended face. See the rage, anger, and betrayal in those jade eyes. He couldn't bare it. It would be worse than when Lily refused to speak to him ever again. He loved her son more than he had loved anything in the world. And Dumbledore's plan was going to break them apart. Break his newly heart in a thousand little pieces. He pulled the boy close making plans to talk to Dumbledore, beg him if he had to change his mind about telling Harry. Slytherins weren't proud like Gryffindors they could beg when they wanted if it was for a cause worthwhile.
'I love you Harry James Potter,' Severus admitted.
In the morning Harry woke up feeling fresh and lively ready for another day when he thought back to the dream. But was it a dream? Severus had told him he'd loved him while stroking his hair. He was still in his lover's arms and he looked towards Severus. The man looked peaceful and content the way he never did when he was awake. Harry wanted to ask him about last night. Whether he had really said what Harry thought he'd said? Harry so hoped he did. That made Harry stop; why did Harry want Severus Snape to love him? He lusted for the man with every fibre in his body. That was it, surely. But if it was then why did he hope against hope for it to be something more. Then it hit him like the Hogwarts express. Harry was love... Harry and Severus... Harry was in love with Severus Snape! He looked over to the sleeping form of Severus Snape. For once Harry had managed to wake before Severus. That never happened. He decided to wake Severus up in a very non-traditional way. He kissed the naked, sleeping man on the lips and the two snogged like their lives were on the line. Finally they broke away panting.
'Morning sleepyhead,' smiled Harry.
'You're up early,' Severus grumbled.
'Did you stay awake after I fell asleep?' Harry asked and saw the man tense. 'I had a dream.'
'I don't care about your dreams,' sneered Severus resorting to his first form of defence when scared; sarcasm and cruelty.
'You would if you were in them,' Harry wasn't alarmed at his lover's reaction. 'You said you love me. Do you?' Harry asked insecurely.
'I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything,' Severus thought he was going to make the teenager run away at the idea of some sort of commitment. And he was, therefore, surprised when another passionate kiss met his lips.
They both broke away panting, 'I love you too,' he murmured.
