CHAPTER 7

MUSIC:
"Lothlórien" by Enya
"My Immortal" by Evanescence


Into their sanctuary the words filtered and Doyle looked down at her sleeping face longingly.

"And if the beast shalt find thee and touch thee
thou shalt be wounded in thy soul…"

He leaned down to her, kissing her sweetly and smiling against her lips as she stirred. Soft moans escaped her, her eyes opening slowly and he gazed into them adoringly. "It's time to go home, princess…" He whispered and watched her eyes instantly tear up, her hands tightening behind his neck.

"No. I can't, Doyle…please? Can I stay with you? Please let me stay." She begged frantically.

He sighed and shook his head, tracing his fingers lovingly over the back of her arm. "Someday, Cordy. I promise I'll be here when it comes, waiting for you."

"And thou shalt know madness…
the beast shalt attack and cripple thee
and though shalt know neither friend nor family…"

"Nooo…please…no!" Cordelia begged as Wesley's words began to break the spell, kissing Doyle desperately, deeply as she cried.

"But thou shalt undo the beast…
though shalt find the sacred words of Anatole
and thou shalt be restored…"

Tears streamed down Doyle's face as he clung to her just as urgently, he'd been tormented with the need to touch her for so long, now it was slipping away again. He could pretend to be as strong as he wanted when he spoke; the truth was that this was breaking him. Heaven was having her in his arms after so many months of seeing her weeping for him without being able to comfort her, to hold her; it had tormented him worse than any hell he could have imagined. No matter the pain of the visions that he was suffering in order to be here he didn't want to let her go either, couldn't keep up the mask of strength with her pressed against him.

"Three times shalt thou say these words…"

"I love you, princess." Doyle sobbed against her lips, unable to withstand the crushing pain of losing her again as he stared down into her eyes.

"I love you, Doyle." She cried, pressing her forehead to his and trying to hold on…if she could just hold on…

"Unbind…Unbind…Unbind."


The hospital room rushed back into her perception with blinding intensity as a sob escaped her lips. She opened her eyes slowly, turning and finding Angel smiling down at her.

"Hey…" He said softly, his voice straining with joy at having her returned to him.

"Angel." She said, smiling at his familiar face as he stroked her cheek…but the second his name left her lips her expression twisted in devastation. He was the one person who shared her grief for Doyle, the one who understood the pain. She wanted to tell him what he'd just taken her away from, to have him hold her and let her cry for it. She wanted him to ask Wesley to return her to Doyle somehow…

"Welcome back." Angel whispered as his eyes filled with tears and she bit her lip, turning to see Wesley's relieved face. They were each holding her hands tightly, so genuinely thankful to see that she was safe…

How could she tell them that she hadn't wanted to return? That she wished they'd just let her die if it meant she would have been able to stay in that place with Doyle? And so she took a deep breath, forcing a weak smile for them and hardening her heart, storing the pain deep inside of herself to protect them from it in that moment. She told Angel about the visions instead, about the suffering of the world that she'd felt, about the souls crying out for help.

The following morning she was released from the hospital, a hollow feeling in the pit of her stomach sapping her of her strength. She'd learned of the explosion at their office and pretended not to notice that the first singed, smoke damaged boxes Angel had recovered and brought to her apartment to tuck safely into her closet were Doyle's belongings.

Her personality was notably different now, she'd endured the loss of Doyle for a second time and it left her broken inside. The haunted look in her eyes tipped Angel off that something more was going on and he waited a couple of days before bringing it up, taking his opportunity on a rare occasion when Wesley wasn't hovering nearby. He'd entered the apartment to find her sitting on her couch, staring out the window lost in thought. She didn't look at him as he sat beside her, seemed not to notice him until he'd taken her hand in his.

"You ready to tell me yet?" Angel whispered, watching her nod and keep her eyes locked on the city lights beyond the glass.

"He was there with me." She said softly and heard him take a choppy breath, knowing without a doubt who she was talking about. "Just when I thought I couldn't take any more he came and protected me – took the pain of the visions and hid me away deep inside my mind from them. I didn't realize that at the time but it makes sense, it was the place I'd dreamed about." She turned and looked him in the eyes; the light was gone from hers now. She was all out of tears, had finally reached the point of numbness. "It was our heaven, Angel. He was real there, I could smell him and hold him and kiss him…" She took a staggered breath and looked back out the window. "And I lost him again."

Angel sighed and squeezed her hand; staring so intently at the glass heart that he didn't realize she was watching him out of the corner of her eye. "No you didn't, he told you – he's still here, Cordy."

Cordelia turned and looked at him determinedly, turning his words back on him. "So…are you ready to tell me yet?"

He sat up straight and looked at her in confusion. "Tell you what?" He asked and watched her brow arch disbelievingly as she pointed at the heart.

"Why this is so important? Why ever since the day Doyle asked me to give this to you you've been staring at it? Why when they took it off of me at the market the pain got a thousand times worse and why it was back on my neck when I woke up? What is this, Angel?" Cordelia asked, her expression devoid of any hint of the emotions in her voice. "He's a terrible liar, you know. Even with as weak as I was I knew he was lying to me. I asked him if we'd be together in that place when I died and I could see the truth trying to form on his lips…but he pushed it back and told me we would be." She didn't turn as a CD case was knocked off of her entertainment center; she'd been expecting her words to spark a reaction.

Angel's eyes flicked over to it and he took a deep breath before attempting to stand. "I'll go call Puck…" He began but she didn't release his hand.

"Angel." She said in warning and watched him looking around the apartment for any help.

"Cordy, it's not my…you just really need to talk to Doyle." He pleaded and she grudgingly released him.


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