HARRY POTTER AND THE SHIELD OF TRUTH
Chapter 7: Dolores Umbridge
A/N: A response to user "acmcnabb";
First of all, let's look for this guy acmcnabb's stories. He doesn't have any! He doesn't have any stories! He doesn't have any stories. Why? Because he is failing as a writer. If he did have any ideas they'd be too stupid to publish on the internet and he'd be too afraid to post them in the first place. Sad!
"Wow this has got to be the dumbest fanfiction I have ever read. And ur supposed to be a writer?"
Wrong. It's not dumb, you just can't handle the truths on display here in this story because you have been spoonfed the bullshit from MSNBC or CNN or any other fake news source.
Check your facts. #1 the year is 1995. Obama was not president in 95.
WRONG. The books do not take place in 1995. Do not debate me on this. I used to be on the debate team in high school and I never lost a single debate. There is no proof that the books are set in the 90s. There is no evidence. No evdience. The time period is ambiguous. You don't even know what a fact is. That's why I'm writing this story. To entertain and inform in the realm of J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series.
#2 do u really think the dursleys would just let Harry act like that? They'd have dropped him at the first orphanage around.
In this the Dursleys are liberal pushovers so yes, they do let Harry act like that. Don't you think deep down Harry wanted to strike down the Dursleys for promoting all of their shameful liberal ideals? Or was at least plotting to strike the Dursleys and eliminate them with magic when the time was right? Otherwise I think he'd attack them and take the risk of ending up in an orphanage or foster care. Due to his appearance he would end up with the right parents, probably doctors or other people high on the tax bracket who wanted someone of his complexion and not in some drug slum in a poor part of a city with vagrants and drug dealers and criminals.
#3 the supposed good guys are just killing each other, and still supposed to be the good guys and Harry's still a hero.
So? There's a thing called interesting writing and that is what I deal. Can't handle it and want liberal hugfests? Go somewhere else.
Dumb story, sorry I wasted my time. Your grammar is off and shit is spelled wrong too. VERY DISAPPOINTED WITH THIS"
I am not sorry for writing this and there are zero spelling errors. ZERO. Your review however was marred with all sorts of spelling errors and butchering of the English language. No capitalization or sentence structure and you were too lazy to simply spell, "YOUR"!
It was after I wrote this response that I realized something, the reviews generated for this story are FAKE COMMENTS and FAKE REVIEWS. I can't believe it. Fanfiction is part of the left establishment. The left and the DNC are so upset with this story that they're creating fake accounts to write negative reviews. I woke up one morning and saw the positive reviews but when I checked later in the day I saw they were gone and replaced with negative reviews! I can't believe it. I am consulting my friend's dad who is a lawyer to see what my legal options are and see about suing for this defamation of my name and my story! Very unfair!
Anyhoo, onward with the prose. Enjoy!
After a long, sleepless night of deliberating how to handle the many problems Hogwarts was facing with Umbridge, the illegal immigrants and whatever else may arise Harry, witty, charming and incredible as ever, headed straight for headmaster Albus Dumbledore's office. He thought at least he could find counsel with the headmaster of the school whom he considered a close friend. Harry deduced the password change for his office already, from eavesdropping on teachers and the series of connections in the school he had. He knew his network of informants would help him in the coming year.
"Blood and honor." Harry said, and the door opnend. Blood and honor was all that mattered in life. It determined who you were as a person and how you lived. It was the only sensible way to live in a world full of chaos and carnage caused by undesirables. Harry thought to himself... With all the events and madness of the last year. One has to think about what this world is coming to. The terrorism, the protests, and just the plain old happenings of violence that most of the public does not get to see. It is truly sickening to the stomach. Harry thought of the clips of violence he had seen against the helpless, against the old and the young. He had to ask myself, do these perpetrators have an actual conscience? I think what separates us from them, is that we do have a conscience. We could never perpetrate such acts, it is truly not in our nature. That is after all what seperates people from the animals.
Harry thought of a question people asked him. They have asked about what keeps him going. His answer is pretty simple, magic and fighting your way thought a world of darkness is a way for voicing our frustrations, our love, our anger with the world. His dye was cast many years ago, even though he is quite different from the old days, he'll always carry the burden of the world with him. While the "industry" can glamorize criminals and pedophiles, they are only putting more fuel in his drive. His morals and honor far outweigh their money and glamour. He would rather be a bad apple than a slave to the gold and false pretenses of social justice.
As Harry made his way in, he noticed Dumbledore wasn't there, wihch made Harry very mad and upset. Harry chucked one of Dumbledore's books on the ground and thought of how easily he could burn this school down if it continued to not meet his needs. To get rid of all the oldies and long timers...it'd be doable, especially to a brain as bright as Harry's. They might as well do away with the old guard if they were blind and arrogant enough to let those of non-magic blood into the school like the illegal immigrants. The thought of them desecrating the school with their presence alone made Harry's blood boil.
"Harry?" Dumbledore said.
"There you are." Harry said increduously.
"I'm sorry Harry, I know I should be available to you at all times but with Voldemort's return, I am a bit...preoccupied."
"Whatever." Harry said.
"Harry, did I ever tell you the story of how my phoenix returned the growth of this life world?" Dumbledore asked.
Harry was mad, and ignored Dumbledore, instead looking over his desk. He saw a picture that caught his eye. It was of his Headmaster Albus Dumbledore with a true American hero, both wearing formal bow tie attire sitting at a dinner table amongsts other nameless men, no doubt men of class, integrity and power, smiling. The man Dumbledore was next to? Ronald Reagan.
"Who gives a shit about that dumb fucking bird? When did YOU MEET RONALD REAGAN?" Harry asked.
Dumbledore chuckled, a twinkle in his eyes and a grin on his mouth. His glasses sparkled as he recollected.
"It was on one of my many visits to the greatest country in the world, the United States of America. I'll tell you the full story another time as it is a long tale, you need to head to class."
"Oh please Professor Dumbledore. Ronald Reagan is one of my personal heroes. He is the greatest American President of all time and perhaps one of the greatest leaders in the world. I need to hear this tale!", Harry said, refusing to go anywhere. Class be damned. Dumbledore smiled and picked up the photo frame of himself and The Gipper.
"The year was 1981. President Reagan was new in office and was just being briefed on the existance of the magic world. At first he thought we were nothing but a bunch of devil worshipping heathens who only used black magic but soon he saw that we too were men of God. Our magic is only exists because of His Divine Will. During our first meeting we learned that things were grave in the United States of America who was engaged in the Cold War against the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics otherwise known as the USSR. Things were not looking good for the United States who was falling behind in the nuclear arms race against the Soviet Union. The USSR had 100 more nuclear bombs for every one nuclear bomb the US had. Reagan and the CIA wanted me and my colleagues to help create the next super weapon for the US to help them gain an advantage and speed up production of nuclear arms with magic. It would be quite the comeback at that point..."
"Sort of like how Tom Brady helped the New England Patriots win Super Bowl LI against the Atlanta Falcons when he rallied the team to overcome a 28-3 score and gain 25 points to push the game into overtime in the fourth quarter to win the game in what is now seen as the greatest comeback in Super Bowl History?" Harry said, gleaming with pride.
"Yes Harry, good example. Exactly like that instance. With the help of the United States' brightest minds, we created the Magical United Nuclear Proliferation TaskGroup or MUNPT. We developed a new bomb called the M-B90-IV which was the magical variation of the B90 nuclear bomb and a continuation of the B90 phase 3. Phase 4 in this case." Dumbledore explained.
Harry had a sound understanding of nuclear warfare so this was all very fascinating to him.
"The power of this weapon was immense Harry. Before we could test it, we determined that it could not be used on this planet at all so it was tested in space on farther planets lest we risk its destructive effects on the planet Earth. We destroyed planets tens of thousand times larger than the earth with the power of magic and atomic engineering. We knew this was the solution to defeating the Soviet Unions. If we had to decimate the entire planet so be it. Americans and all God fearing people would meet Him while all of our enemies we may have to destroy would burn in the lake of fire in Hell." Dumbledore continued with utter seriousness.
"His will be done. " Harry said softly under his breath.
"But of course you know how this story ends. With the help of the magic world the forces of good stopped the Soviet Union from existing and strong armed them into submission. As it turns out Reagan would need my help one last time. He called me late one night and said, 'Albus... is it ok if I call you Al? Al, I don't know what to do. We are scheduled to demolish the Berlin Wall as a show of Western supremacy and might but it seems the Soviets have used black magic to prevent any of our tools to destroy it. We tested destroying some segments before the big broadcast of the fall this year in 1989 but we don't know what do. Can you and your light magic help us?'... and you know what I said Harry?" Dumbledore said as he looked off into the distance.
"What did you say, professor?"
"I said you're goddamn right I will help you destroy that wall. Not only for freedom but to prove that black magic and socialism will never thrive in this world. May all the evil wizards and socialists crawl back into the sewers where they and all the other subhumans belong and may freedom flourish in the age of the free market." Dumbledore said ending his rousing tale. Harry felt goosebumps rise on his arm as Dumbledore finished. What a fantastic story of victory in the face of socialist scum!
"That was an amazing story, Albus. With all the turmoil and darkness in the world, that provided me with the energy I was looking for. Thank you for bringing me closer to the light. I think I can handle this year now. If Reagan and you can win against all odds I think I can win against everything that's bothering me." Harry said. He wanted to complain about the illegal immigrant students and all of the other PC rules that were permeating into the school but he was in too good of a mood at this point to talk about something that would only upset him again. He knew however that Dumbledore had all the time in the world to listen to him.
"I'll talk to you later Albus." Harry said as he started to head back.
"Any time you need me Harry, you are welcome here unlike other students. I've known you since you were a small boy. I have advised you over the years when I could ... I am very proud of your accomplishments. You have won many battles we thought were lost . . . and you saved my life. I hope you trust me, Harry." Dumbledore said crpytically.
"I trust you Albus." Harry said, taken aback by Dumbledore's somber tone.
Harry begrudginly and disappointedly went to his class Against the Dark Arts. As he sat down in the classroom, he could tell Umbridge was a fucking bitch from the Great Hall, but up close he could tell even more. She sat up by her podium as the students filled the room, which looked wrong to begin with as women have no business being near a monument of power like a podium with their smaller IQ's and insatiable urges to listen to emotion over reason. Harry glared at her not blinking once as he waited for his friends to sit by him. Ron immediately noticed and emphasized with Harry.
"I don't want to hear what this bitch has to say. I know it will be rubbish PC crap the Ministry is trying to immplent into magical teaching. I don't care if she's my teacher. A bitch is a bitch." Ron scoffed as he kicked his feet up on the desk.
"She looks like a dog, doesn't she? Just a complete utter pig, a slob. Ugly and a bureaucrat career politician in the Ministry of Magic. She's almost everything wrong with the world." Harry sneered with his arms crossed.
"You know my old man my dad had a joke about women like her in politics. He said they're too stupid to learn their place in society and were rejected so many times because they're ugly they decided to get into politics as revenge to make all the lives of the men who rejected them miserable. And they marry other career politicians for leverage. Those male career policians can't reject them so they cheat on them! I would feel bad for them if they weren't usually liberals" Ron said as Harry laughed at Ron's dad's joke. Ron said it extra loud so Hermione who was sitting next to him would hear it and get upset even though everything he was saying about women in politics was true.
"Your dad's a smart man. Liberals are the only people dumb enough to let women into their ranks. " Harry said as the last student got in a minute later as the classroom clocked ticked to 7:58 AM. Class was scheduled to begin at 8:00 AM. Two minutes later the clock struck 8:00 AM and Professor Umbridge waddled to the front of the classroom.
"If you were not paying attention earlier, my name is Dolores Umbridge. You may be familiar with my family name as my husband BILL Umbridge is a former Minister of Magic." Umbridge began. Her voice was akin to nails on a chalkboard, to the sound of a hippie anti war music festival, to the sound of a stupid person saying Jimmy Carter was a strong American President, to the sound of an abortion as it occured, just the worst sound possible. Harry grimaced after just one sentence being vomited out of Umbridge's word hole known as her mouth.
"For the remainder of this course you can put your wands away or leave them your dormitories. We will not be needing them! This course under my tutelage shall be theory based only. No wands, only books!" Umbridge said as gasps were heard and the students started chattering. No wands? In a magic class? Absurd! As much as Harry liked books this course sounded as if it would utilize fake books created by the mainstream Ministry not real books Harry had back at his abode.
Harry shot up from his desk.
"That is absurd! Are you at the right school? This is a MAGIC school not some public school that doesn't deserve to have learning materials. We have our wands and you will not take mine unless you pry it from my cold, dead hands." Harry exclaimed vicariously and vigoriously.
"I'm sorry and who are you?" Umbridge asked as her toad like face continued to look ugly.
"Harry motherfucking Potter." Harry said as the students grew quiet, in awe of Harry's masculine presence and confidence.
"Ah Mr. Potter. Your reputation proceeds you. I will have you know that some day wands will be obsolete much like firearms. Because Mr. Potter tolerance is on the rise. If we can all get along and tolerate each other we will not need to resort to violence and magic. There is nothing to be afraid of. There is no threat."
"No threats huh?" Harry said as he got up and walked towards Umbridge in the middle of the aisle of tables.
"I shouldn't say this but I will.. what about Lord fucking Voldemort? He is evil, dangerous and a registered Democrat. And everybody knows it, believe me. " Harry said loudly.
Just the mere mention of the Dark Lord's name instead of calling him He Who Must Not Be Named or You Know Who caused even more gaspses to be exclaimed.
"Lies Mr. Potter. Nothing but lies. 45 points from Gryffindor!" Dolores said as she struck the points from the record. Harry did not like to see his house loose points but it was definitely a rigged system if he was losing points for telling the truth.
"I am not lying! You are just another career politician who is keeping the rigged system tilted in their favor. You are NOT MY Professor. I will not call you Professor. I will call you... Crooked Dolores!" Harry said. Umbridge's face turned red and she was still ugly.
"20 more points from Gryffindor Mr. Potter. I will not be disrespected in MY classroom. The classroom that is entitled to me!" Umbridge said angrily. Harry flipped a desk over in anger to counter her anger.
"Mr. Potter. Detention. My office. Tomorrow. You are dismissed. Good day sir!" Umbridge said.
"Bitch!" Harry yelled leaving the classroom. He stormed up and down the stairs until he finally couldn't take it and left the school to have a smoke. By the time he got back inside class was over for the day. But Harry was still mad.
"FUCK!" Harry yelled as he returned to the dormintary.
"I can't blame you for being mad Harry." Ron said as he saw Harry enter. "But you really got under Umbridge's skin today."
"I KNOW I DID Ron. This is just the beginning, believe me." Harry said. He stormed down the corridor to the entertainment area of the dormitory.
He was already pissed, and saw Hermione sitting on the couch watching a movie, which pissed him off.
"The fuck are you doing?" Harry asked. He was letting out his rage in a proper way, and couldn't be blamed for his firey temper.
"I'm watching Star Wars." Hermione said stupidly. Harry knew she was fucking up watching Star Wars somehow.
"What order?" Harry asked.
"Whatever do you mean?" Hermione said.
Harry slammed his fist down on the table.
"What fucking order you dumbass. Release order? Chronological?"
Harry twirled his hands sarcastically until she could answer.
"Well I was watching them in release order..."
"FOOL! Ignorant BUFFON! The only true order is the MACHETE ORDER. Have you no sense at fucking all?" Harry asked.
"I don't understand.." Hermione said.
"MACHETE ORDER. The RIGHT way to watch Star Wars, or the Journey of the Whills as it was intended to be called before the left got their hands on it. You watch them in this order: 4, 5, 2, 3, 6. Skip the useless ones, 1, and 7." Harry said brilliantly.
"But I quite like the Phantom Menace." Hermione said.
"Next thing you're gonna fucking tell me is you're watching Twilight in here." Ron said, knocking Hermione's films over.
"CLEAN THAT UP." Harry yelled at Hermione who winced from hearing Harry's domineering male yell.
They heard something weird coming from a room upstairs. Harry watched Hermione clean with satisfaction, as he knew she was doing the job a woman should do, before heading upstairs.
Harry and Ron tip towed up to where the noise was coming from. It was coming from where Seamus Finnigan was in the bedroom. Seamus was in his bed kneeled down making weird noises. Very weird. Harry and Ron creapt up on him. They noticed Seamus looked a bit different this year. He looked like he had just finished showering and was wearing a robe and a towel over his head. Usually when one took a shower they were damp post shower but Seamust was not. He also appeared to grow a beard out to ridiculous proportions. There was a book next to him with a cresent moon on it. Harry was not sure what the book was even though Harry had read many books. They noticed Seamus was making the weird noises but he was actually saying something.
"Seamus... what the bloody hell are you doing?" Ron said. Seamus stood up and looked at Harry and Ron with a look of insanity and hatred.
"Durka durka. Mohammed Jihad. You have inturupted my prayer with Allah. Nioshesh shafaresh. You infidels were due to pay this year soon with your blood. Soon I shall be rewarded with my 37 virgins for doing the work of Allah." Seamus said with a strange accent. He began to yell more and make even more wired noises.
Seamus was speaking in a language Harry didn't understand, which was impressive because Harry understood many languages. He could tell one thing though, it was the language of the enemy.
"TERRORIST IN THE DORMS!" Harry bellowed. Seamus unfurled his robe and to Harry's horror saw that Seamus was strapped with several bombs as sand cascaded from his robes. He pulled a trigger wired to his bombs.
"Glory to Allah. Allahu ackbar!" Seamus said as he slowly moved his thumb to the trigger. Before he could press the button and ensure doom for the entire house of Gryffindor a bullet whizzed past Harry and Ron and went straight for Seamus' finger, blowing it clean off.
"Ahhhhh! No my thumb now how will I pray for the destruction of the west!?" Seamus cried as blood gushed from where his thumb used to be. Harry turned around and saw Neville holding up a Barrett M82 sniper rifle.
"Now Harry finish him off!" Neville cried.
Harry pulled his Kel-Tec PF11 pistol out that his good friend and neighbor George gave to him and also Harry always kept it loaded and proceeded to pump the terrorist scum Seamus with lead.
"Some people for live for the moment... You? Your moment's over." Harry said like a true badass.
Ron pulled out his Wilson Combat's Custom Beretta 92/96 and joined Harry in shooting the terrorist into pieces. Neville fired a few more sniper shots as blood shot from Seamus' body. Harry ran towards Seamus and kicked both feet into his chest, sending him flying out to a window behind him. Harry aimed at him for one more shot.
"I'm not gonna open up a can of whoop-ass on you. I'm gonna open up a keg of whoop-ass on you." Harry said as he pulled the trigger and aimed for one of Seamus' bombs. He hit directy like he did with all of his targets and the bombs detonated outside the window, sending bloody chunk's of his carcass in all directions below the school in a bright, firey explosion.
"Is he dead?" Hermione asked, tears streaming down her face from sheer fear of the power that only men can unleash upon one another.
"He won't get any deader now." Harry said as he blew the smoke out of his gun. He had won this battle but he knew the war wasn't over. In addition to illegal Mexican immigrants and Crooked Dolores he now had Islamic terrorists to deal with!
