Thanks so much for everyone's reviews! It definitely keeps me going, and some of the things you guys say make me cry (that's a good thing, ha).

You may hate me after this chapter, though. There is definitely some heartfail here, I'm warning you all now. But if you can get through it, you will be rewarded with more story, I promise. :)

~MissSingItAll

Disclaimer: Do I have to do one for every chapter? I don't own Twilight.


EPOV:

School was dreadful after the break. The knowledge that we were only a quarter into the year was torture; even more so for Emmett, who was a senior. He was constantly restless, going on about how he couldn't wait to leave home. Alice and I rolled our eyes at each other whenever he said this, because we both knew that he would be homesick within a few weeks. It was just the way Emmett was.

The first day back, I had to restrain myself from marching up to Mike and Tyler and punching them in their ugly faces. They laughed and stormed around like normal; from what Bella told me, they didn't actually get in trouble since there was no proof. They had no clue that Jasper, Emmett, and I were very close to hunting them down that night, and now Emmett was at a loss about what to do with his friendship with Tyler and the rest of them. He just silently accompanied them wherever they went, leaving them confused with the distance that he was starting to put between them.

As the days went on, though, I spent more and more time with Bella. I had started staying with her after school when Alice would bring her homework. Alice and I would help Bella with some of the topics she didn't understand, giving her our notes that we had taken in class. Sometimes Alice would go home with Rose and Jasper, giving me the task of delivering Bella's homework by myself (which I didn't mind at all).

I noticed that I was starting to see less of Jasper now that he was dating my sister. He was my best friend, and I felt a little bit lost at the absence of his presence in my life. The same thing happened with Emmett; he was constantly over at the Hale's place. I guess that since Rosalie was a junior, he wanted to spend as much time with her as possible before he graduated. Still, I found myself constantly alone, only really speaking with anyone during school. It was times like these that I looked to Bella for company.

Spending time with Bella was an escape unlike any I had ever known. She was bright and funny, and she did everything with an air of innocence that many teenagers I knew never had. At the same time, she was very mature, sometimes almost extremely mature for her age. Whenever I came over to her house, we mostly sat out on the porch, talking until she had to go in to make dinner for her dad. As it got colder during the season, though, we moved our conversations inside, where we both sat on the large couch in the living room. This was how things were for a few weeks.

A week after Thanksgiving, Alice had decided to, once again, ride home with Rosalie and Jasper. Emmett had finally gotten his Jeep back, and was out doing who knows what with the other guys. I had driven to Bella's house, and instead of having to go ring the doorbell, she was already out on the porch, sitting cross-legged at the top of the stairs.

"Hey," I greeted, climbing up the stairs and plopped down next to her, her assignments in hand.

"Hey," she replied, continuing to stare out at the street. I noticed that her eyes looked far away, like she was deep in thought. I waited for her to speak.

"Sometimes I wish that I could just make it down to the sidewalk, you know?" she said suddenly. "That's all I ask for."

I didn't know what to say. Clearly, she was in a grave mood, and I wasn't sure how to react.

"I mean, I'm so pathetic that I can't even go to school like a normal kid!" she exclaimed, gesturing with her hands. She turned to me and grabbed the homework out of my hands, and when I saw her eyes, tears had gathered at the corners. She stood up suddenly, and turned to go back inside, leaving me shocked on the stairs.

I don't know how long I sat there, staring at the place where Bella had previously occupied. The door creaked open after a while, and Bella quietly stepped out and sat back down. She avoided looking at me.

"I'm sorry," she voiced, taking a deep breath.

"It's alright," I consoled, watching as her teeth chewed at her trembling bottom lip.

"Thank you for bringing my homework."

"No problem."

An uneasy silence followed. Bella continued to sit and stare out at the sidewalk like it was the bane of her existence. In her reality, it probably was. I took this in as I sat next to her, looking down at the withered porch staircase. Staring at the swirling wood grains in the first step unexpectedly gave me an idea, and I turned my eyes back up to Bella, who still hadn't moved.

"Stand up, Bella," I said, jumping up. She looked at me, puzzled.

"What?"

"Stand up." I offered her my hand, which she took gingerly after a second of hesitation. She stood, moving her long hair out of her face with her other hand. I kept her small hand in mine, and turned so that I was facing her fully. We were standing on the top step.

"Just keep looking at me, okay?" I instructed. She only nodded her head, confused. I grabbed her other hand so that I had a firm grasp on both.

"I never did tell you how Emmett messed up his car, did I?" I said offhandedly. Bella grew even more bewildered.

"Um, no?" she responded, her wide eyes searching mine. I kept my expression casual.

"It's really stupid, actually. Emmett being Emmett," I chuckled, slowly taking one of my feet and lowering it down to the next step. I kept my eyes locked on Bella's.

"Really?" Bella asked, a hint of a smile forming on her face. My foot touched the next step, and I started leaning my body toward, pulling Bella's hands along with me.

"Yeah. I was with him, and he was driving with the windows down one day, and he stopped at the Thriftway to get some stuff for Mom," I elaborated, showing no reaction when Bella's body started to follow in the direction her hands were moving. My foot that was still on the top step started to move downward as well.

"He was pulling out of a parking space when a couple of bees flew in," I continued, internally rejoicing when Bella's feet moved to the next step down, just as mine did. I lowered my foot down to the next step. "They flew right up to his face, and he started freaking out."

"Oh, Emmett." Bella shook her head, smiling. My other foot moved down, and so did her feet.

"Yeah, he was screaming like a baby, and he had switched gears at the same time. He punched on the gas and smashed full speed right into the wall of the Thriftway." I kept Bella and I moving slowly, never looking away from her. We had eventually reached the gravel pathway in front of the stairs by the time I got to the part about Emmett bursting into tears at the sight of his crushed baby. I allowed myself to smile widely then, finishing the story. Bella had been laughing, still holding onto my hands. She looked down, chuckling a little, and then suddenly stopped. She stared at the gravel for a few more seconds, and then looked back up at me, eyes wide.

"I didn't even..." she trailed off. I grabbed her hands a little bit tighter and pulled her back up the stairs with me quickly, before she had a chance to start panicking. We were back on the top step, still holding each others hands.

"How did you do that?" she questioned.

"I just distracted you," I said simply. We stared at each other for a beat, and then she looked away, shaking her head.

"I didn't even notice," she whispered, almost in awe.

"Bella, if you'll let me," I entreated, "maybe I can help you."

She said nothing, the warmth of her hands connecting me to her. She glanced out at the street again, and then gazed back at me.

"Can we go slow?" she asked.

"Of course," I said gently. She gave a small nod then.

"Okay," she accepted. I grinned then, gaining just a little bit more ground in understanding Bella. She was trusting me with this, and I knew that I had to tread carefully and slowly.

She smiled meekly back at me. We both looked down at our hands, my big ones still clasping her little ones. I stroked her soft skin, rubbing in circles with the pads of my thumbs. The air was crisp and cold, making the warmth of her body more apparent and strong. I slowly leaned in closer, captivated by the honesty in her eyes and the flush of her cheeks. Tenderly, I kissed her cheek, watching as her eyes fluttered shut. My lips brushed across her skin and rested there for a moment, and then I pulled back, inhaling her sweet scent.

Bella's eyes opened then, and her cheeks grew redder as she looked back at me. We both broke into smiles at the same time then, and I started to turn to leave. I didn't want to speak; it felt like words would break the fragility of the moment we had shared. Instead, I locked eyes with her again, conveying to her that I would definitely see her again soon.

As I reached my car, I saw that Bella was still standing out on her porch, but she wasn't looking at me. I turned to see what she was staring at, and was horrified to see Lauren Mallory and Jessica Stanley standing on the street corner.

They were both dressed in sweatpants and hoodies; they must have been jogging together. But they were silent, their eyes moving back and forth between me and Bella, scandalous. I gave them a stony half-glare and slipped into my car. Bella shuffled back into the house, and Lauren and Jessica started talking furiously with animated expressions. They gave me another shocked look as I drove by them.

I knew that they had probably seen me kiss Bella, and I could sense that there were repercussions for that. I just didn't know what they were.


The next day, I was sitting with Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie at our usual lunch table. Jasper was waiting for Alice to get out of her class.

"First time I've seen you without Alice in a while, Jasper," I said, playing with the bottle of juice I had bought. He looked at me sheepishly.

"Yeah, man, I know. I'm sorry about this whole being-at-your-house-constantly-but-never-actually-seeing-you thing, by the way," he stated, shoving a piece of his sandwich into his mouth. "It's not fair to you."

"It's cool, I understand," I replied. I looked up at him with a smirk on my face. "But you owe me."

Jasper was in the middle of asking me what when Alice finally popped up. She bounced into her seat next to Jasper with a salad and a diet soda in her hands. She kissed him on the cheek and snuggled into his side. For the majority of the lunch period, we all mostly just made small talk and ate, not really paying attention to anything in particular. I should have known trouble was coming, though, when Jessica and Lauren slinked up to our table near the end of the period.

"Edward," Lauren's voice grated my ears, "can we ask you something?"

I just nodded once, not trusting myself to speak.

"What were you doing at Chief Swan's place yesterday?" Jessica asked, her voice laced with a hint of excitement at the prospect of fresh gossip. I rolled my eyes.

"I was dropping off some homework for Chief Swan's daughter," I answered shortly, hoping that it was enough. Obviously, though, it wasn't; Lauren actually sat down in the seat next to me while Jessica hovered behind her.

"So do you know why she doesn't go to school?" Lauren demanded, scooting closer to me. I leaned away.

"That's really not anyone's business but her own," I retorted, not making eye contact with her.

"Okay, then answer this: why were you kissing her?"

The entire table snapped their heads to me in shock. I glared at Lauren, shaking my head.

"Again, none of your business," I growled. Lauren pouted.

"Why would anyone even want to kiss her? She's definitely not anything to look at," chortled Jessica. She and Lauren snorted together with laughter.

That was it; I was done talking to them. I wasn't going to sit here and listen to these two air-headed, slutty bimbos trash-talk Bella. I stood up so quickly that I knocked my chair over, startling them. I gave them the coldest, most menacing glare that I could, and turned to walk away. I could hear Alice behind me talking to them.

"You two are real bitches, you know that?" I heard her say. I slammed through the cafeteria doors and went out to my car, leaning against the side and taking deep breaths.

They just didn't understand. Bella was beautiful, inside and out, and she couldn't help who she was. I wouldn't have her any other way, and simple girls like Lauren and Jessica would never get that.

A few minutes passed, and then I could hear multiple footsteps approaching me.

"They're both skanks. Don't listen to them," Alice chirped, coming to stand next to me. Jasper followed behind her.

"Did you really kiss her? I mean, I didn't even know you had a thing for her," he asked, putting an arm around Alice. Emmett came bounding up with Rosalie.

"Yeah, did you? I mean, come on, Edward. It is you we're talking about," Emmett guffawed. Rosalie smacked him on the chest, rolling her eyes.

"I kissed her on the cheek," I explained, not really looking at any of them. Alice squealed.

"Aw, Edward! That's so sweet!" she cooed. I sighed, not really wanting to get into this right now.

"So you and Bella are basically dating now, right? You're her boyfriend?" Rosalie interjected, bored.

"No! I'm not her boyfriend, at least I don't think so. Well, I mean...I don't know," I responded, meeting Rosalie's crystal blue eyes. She stared at me skeptically.

"Okay, so you constantly go over to her place and hang out with her, and you kiss her, and you 'don't know' if you're her boyfriend," she said, arching one eyebrow. I just stared back at her helplessly.

"Alright. Whatever," she shrugged. She turned to go back into school, Emmett trailing behind her.

"Rose makes a good point," Alice quipped. I looked at her, confused.

"Which is?"

"You need to figure out where you and Bella stand, Edward," she elaborated.

"I don't want to pressure her into anything she doesn't want," I confessed, sticking my hands into my pockets. Alice simply smiled at me.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about," Alice winked, and before I could ask her what she meant, the bell rang, signaling the end of the lunch period.

As I walked to my next class, I decided to forget the whole lunch incident and focus on getting through the day. After all, I was going to see Bella again after school, and that was the only thing that mattered to me.


BPOV:

A week after Edward first helped me, I was sitting in the living room, waiting for him at the usual time. He had taken over homework duty from Alice; everyday after school he would give me my assignments and then he would stay over for a little while. Sometimes, we would practice going down the porch stairs, something that quickly became one of my goals.

The first time that Edward had guided me down the stairs, I was so mesmerized by the sound of his voice that my brain only barely registered that we were moving. I was looking into his eyes, watching they way they moved as he talked. His voice was so alluring, so incredibly irresistible that I let him talk without too many interruptions. It was him that had kept me from freaking out.

Of course, that day only got more shocking when Edward leaned in and kissed me. I was thrilled and panicked and flustered all at the same time. He was so gentle with me that it almost brought me to the point of tears. We never talked about the kiss, but I could always see a flash of something in his eyes whenever I caught him staring at me.

The next few times that Edward tried to help me were met with mixed results. It was harder to convince my body to take steps forward now that I was aware of what Edward was actually doing. Sometimes, he was able to coax me out onto the last step before the pathway; other times, my body refused to budge from the top step. Edward went slowly, just as he promised, but I would still get frustrated with myself. I would feel hopeless and pathetic and burning tears would roll down my face, but Edward was as patient as ever. He would wipe the tears away, telling me that there were many more days, and therefore, many more chances to try. His reassurances made my constant failures a bit easier to accept.

Today was Friday. I kept peeking out the window, waiting for that familiar silver Volvo to pull up. I was trying to multitask; there was dinner in the oven, so I was constantly moving back and forth between the front room and the kitchen. I was in the kitchen checking on the chicken pot pie that was cooking in the oven when I finally heard the doorbell ring. I dashed to the door and threw it open eagerly.

To my surprise, there was no one there. I stood in the doorway for a second, confused. "Edward?" I called out, wondering if he was just hiding. There was silence. "Edward?" I called again, stepping out into the porch.

Before I could even register what was going on, I was suddenly hit in the face and drenched with ice-cold liquid. I spluttered and spit, the cold running down my body. I blinked furiously, trying to orient myself. A flash of light blinded me, making me see spots.

"That's what she gets!" a whiny, loud voice cackled. Looking around, I finally saw that there were two girls standing on the porch, one with a camera and the other with a large bowl that was dripping with water.

"Yeah, Edward's yours. You hear that, Swan? No one wants you." The girl with the bowl sneered at me, her curly brown hair falling to her shoulders. The other girl with the camera, a blonde, laughed obnoxiously.

"I don't know who you think you are, but you better learn this right now. Edward is MINE. He deserves someone pretty, someone normal. He deserves someone who can actually leave the house, unlike you," the blonde spat.

I could feel the tears well up and my cheeks grow red in embarrassment. I was still dripping wet and freezing, the wintry air blowing across the porch. My breathing became ragged, and my heart seemed to break into a thousand pieces. They were right; Edward couldn't possibly be with someone like me. I wasn't good enough for him, or anyone really. I shouldn't have deluded myself into thinking I even had a chance.

"What the HELL is going on?" a harsh, velvet voice bellowed, interrupting the giggling and snorting coming from the two girls. We all turned towards the gravel pathway, finding Edward standing there. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides, and his chest rose and fell with his heavy breathing.

"Edward, what are you doing here? I thought you were getting ready for the Hale's party tonight," the blonde smiled, slipping the camera into the pocket of her jeans.

"What did you do?" he asked viciously, spotting me standing and shivering in front of the doorway. He jumped up the porch stairs and stopped in front of me. His eyes scanned over me, then the girl with the bowl, and then finally, the blonde, whose smile dropped when she saw his eyes. They were dark and cruel, sharp emeralds that cut could through stone.

"W-we just wanted to let her know, she's nothing! You can stop wasting time with her," the blonde stuttered, her green eyes growing wide with fear.

"What did I tell you before? I DON'T LIKE YOU! You're a shallow bitch that doesn't think of anyone but herself!" Edward yelled at her. The other girl stepped closer to him.

"Edward, come on now. We're just trying to help you out and-"

"No! Jessica, you are just as bad as Lauren is! Stay away from me and leave me alone!" Edward shouted, cutting off the brown haired girl. He stepped closer to me and turned around to face them.

"Leave. NOW." His growl made the two girls jump back to the edge of the porch. The blonde, Lauren I think, spoke up.

"Edward, I don't get it. What's so special about her?" she asked frantically. Edward took a loud step forward, making her jump.

"Leave," he ground out. They finally scampered down the stairs and nearly ran down the street, not looking back.

It was a few seconds before Edward turned back around to look at me. His eyes softened and were filled with concern.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly. I just nodded.

"Let's get you inside," he said, and he guided me back into the house. I numbly walked into the living room and sat on the couch, shaking. Edward went up the stairs for a moment, and then came back with a towel for me. He gently wrapped it around my shoulders and sat next to me.

"I'm sorry about them, they're always annoying the crap out of me," he stated, his voice only containing a hint of the anger he had possessed before. "I won't let them bother you again."

I rubbed the towel around my shoulders, starting to slowly warm up. I wiped the moisture from my neck and face. Edward didn't have to apologize for anything. Those girls were only speaking the truth. I knew then that I had to stop whatever was going on between us and end this silly fantasy that I had been living out.

"Edward, it's okay," I voiced, my voice raspy.

"No, it's not. No one should be treated like that," he insisted. "Especially not you."

"But that's my point, Edward." I stood up and looked down at him, pulling the towel tighter around me. "I'm not like other people; I can't just be normal. I can't leave and go outside and interact with other people. I'm a freak, a shut-in. No one should have to deal with all the burdens that come with me. You shouldn't have to deal with me."

"That's not true, Bella! You're not a burden! Don't listen to what Jessica and Lauren say. You're a wonderful person and I really like spending time with you. I want to spend time with you," Edward protested. I only shook my head.

"You couldn't," I said softly. "I'm messed up." Why couldn't he see that?

"None of that matters to me," Edward answered, standing up. He stopped in front of me, looking me directly in the eyes. He was so close that I could smell his scent and see every crisp line on the planes of his face. "Bella, I really like you. Please believe me when I say that I want to be with you."

I froze, shocked at his words. It was the first time he actually said anything about wanting to be with me on a level bigger than just friendship. I could feel tears gather in the corners of my eyes. He was making this so difficult. But I had to do it; an amazing person like him shouldn't be brought down by someone like me.

"Edward, don't," I whimpered. I looked away from him, anywhere but his honest eyes. "I don't think you should see me anymore."

He didn't say a word, and when I looked back at him his eyes where desolate and heartbroken. "What?" he whispered, his eyes searching mine.

"You should go. Please, don't worry about me. Just...forget all about me," I said, trying to make my voice harder and failing miserably. Edward just stared back at me, dismayed.

"Bella, please. I care so much about you," he said, hurt. The pain in his voice knocked against my heart. I only shook my head, knowing that there was no way that I would be able to speak.

"I...If that's what you want," Edward finally replied, his face falling into an expression of such agony that I wanted to throw my arms around him and tell him that I was lying, that I wanted him here, that I truly cared for him, too. He slowly turned and made his way to the door, long and solemn footsteps echoing down the hall. I didn't turn around as I heard the door shut behind me, and it was a few more minutes before I finally collapsed back onto the couch, sobbing.

I cried for all that I had just thrown away: Edward and his compassion, his wonderful siblings and friends, and all the experiences I could have had with them. I cried for all the people who had to deal with me like Charlie and Renee. But most of all, I cried for myself. I cried for who I was and all the things I had to go through even in one simple day.

I knew that I had hurt Edward deeply. But I had to turn him away. After all, I don't think I could have survived it if we had gotten any further and he decided to leave because he got sick of me. It was better that I lose him now rather than later.


A/N: So yeah, they "broke up" before they even really started anything. But you have to understand, Bella's train of thought almost follows canon Edward's in New Moon. Just like he did, Bella here thinks that she would ruin Edward and that she is not good enough. She figures that taking herself out of the picture now would be better in the long run.

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