I do not own 'Naruto' or anything related.


Kisame: Hey Itachi, what are you doing?

Itachi: Meh, just flicking through some channels. Hey, the Chuunin Finals are on!

Commentator: You're watching the 'Chuunin Finals Tournament'! I am your host, the Commentator, and these are my assistants, the Professor and Sammy T. Slug! We will be commentating on this marathon of battles!

Itachi: Why are the Chuunin Finals being hosted by a canary?

Commentator: Who will be made chuunins out of these lucky nine finalists! Wait, I only see six. Oh I'm getting a message that one of our contestants met an untimely demise yesterday. CSI say that it looks like he drowned in a sandstorm, which is odd since there aren't any sandstorms in Konoha. However I haven't got any news on two of our other missing finalists, both of whom hail from the hidden village of Konoha, where the finals are being hosted. They are Sasuke Uchiha, the last of the elite Uchiha clan, and Naruto Uzumaki, the Nine-Tails jin- and now I'm getting a message to shut the hell up right away. How-rude.

Itachi: Hey! My little brother is on this show! GO, BRO!

Kisame: Do you still stay in touch with him?

Itachi: Eh, we sort of fell out after I killed his parents and everyone he loved. I still send him a postcard every holiday though!

Kisame: I guess that's the best you can do.

Naruto: WAAH!

Commentator: Oh wait, one of our finalists has finally burst in! Literally! That just leaves Sasuke! And I'm getting a message that the finals will proceed without him! So, our first match is between Neiji Hyuuga and Naruto Uzumaki! Before we begin let's take a look at our-Wait, what? What just happened to Naruto's fox whiskers?

Professor: What do you mean?

Commentator: They just disappeared!

Professor: No they haven't, they're right there.

Commentator: But- but they disappeared a second ago! Well anyway, let's take a look at our contestants! Neiji is a member of the elite Hyuuga clan, bearers of the Byakugan, a kekkei genkai that is a lot like the Sharingan held by the Uchihas! Its numerous powers include being able to see a person's chakra circulatory system and see things at all angles! He is also the number one rookie of his year group! We interviewed Neiji earlier today.


Commentator: So Neiji, looking forward to the Chuunin exams?

Neiji: Meh.

Commentator: You don't seem that enthusiastic.

Neiji: What will happen will happen. Although I see myself winning the finals.

Commentator: What do you think about your opponents?

Neiji: They're all losers apart from Gaara and Sasuke. Although I don't see myself losing against someone younger than me, Gaara may be a challenge.

Commentator: So, what do you think about you upcoming opponent, Naruto Uzumaki?

Neiji: Didn't I already say? He's a dropout, there's no need to know anything else?

Commentator: -A dropout? A dropout from what?

Neiji: Sorry. I believe the American equivalent is 'loser'.

Commentator: -And what makes you come to that assumption? I mean he did defeat an elite ninja and make it to the finals.

Neiji: Meh, I consider anyone without a kekkei genkai or important relatives a loser.

Commentator: -That's, kinda prejudicial, isn't it? Also I taki it you know his relatives then, do you?

Neiji: No, but I guess they're not someone important. It's not like he's the son of a-


Commentator: And that's when I cut the interview short. I HATE irony lines with a vengeance.

DING DING DING DING DING!

Commentator: Here's a tip for all you comedian wannabes. AVOID irony lines like the plague! They are extremely lame and utterly annoying. Now then, let's go on to our second contestant! Naruto Uzumaki happens to be the –

Headphone: WHICH BIT OF SHUT UP DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?

Commentator: All right, all right, you don't have to get in such a two and eight over it! So anyway- yeah, not really anything to mention here that won't be a twist later. Oh wait! I've got one! His signature move is the Shadow Clone Jutsu, also known as the Kage Bushin No Jutsu to those who prefer the Japanese version, which lets him create multiple clones of himself and overwhelm his opponent with sheer number! This is considered a jounin level jutsu. We interviewed Naruto earlier today.


Commentator: So Naruto, looking forward to the Chuunin Finals?

Naruto: You bet!

Commentator: Think you will win?

Naruto: You bet!

Commentator: You know there seems to be some pretty tough contestants in the finals. Neiji, Temari, Sasuke, Gaara, you really think that you can beat them all?

Naruto: I don't think it! I BELIEVE it!

Commentator: …(I hate you so much.) So Naruto, what are you goals?

Naruto: Well Com, I plan to one day be the Hokage!

Commentator: The Hokage, huh? That's like the head ninja of your village, right?

Naruto: Er, Yeah.

Commentator: So, like the greatest of all ninjas, right?

Naruto: Well, in Konoha, yeah.

Commentator: So you could say that the Hokage is like the ninja MASTER or the KING OF THE ninjaS, couldn't you?

Naruto: -What are you getting at?

Commentator: Oh, nothing, nothing.


Commentator: The Neiji/Naruto match has begun! And they're doing…ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Hey you two! Why don't you start fighting already? This isn't a staring contest you know!

Naruto: Sorry, but the longer we remain still, the less chance there is of an upcoming filler episode.

Spectators: TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED! YEAH, WE DON'T MIND HOW LONG YOU STAND STILL!

Commentator: And Naruto finally does something! Probably not the best move but hey, at least it's something!

No. Of Times Naruto Has Been Knocked Unconscious: Eight.

Commentator: And Naruto gets up! Apparently he was just testing to see how tough Neiji was. Personally I think he's just covering up his suckiness. And Naruto uses Shadow Clone Jutsu! The clones attack! It's the attack of the clones all over again! And for some reason I'm hearing the music from Neo's fight with the many Smith clones. Neiji summersaults over two of them! Two other clones go in! Neiji defends himself! Another Naruto goes in for the kill! He's about to kick him! AND HE CONNECTS! AND SAKURA GOES WILD! Let's replay that moment! Oh. Wait, he missed. Two clones charge in, Neiji leaps and spins in the air! And he kicks them with a sickening crack! One of the clones has poofed! Two other clones go in for the kill! Neiji blocks, And he pushes them away! And they poof! Neiji dispatches the remaining clone! Naruto creates more clones! The Clones charge in! Now all the clones are just standing there, whereas the original fights Neiji one on one! And now I'm hearing the music from Neo's final fight with Smith.

Neiji: It ends today!

Naruto: I know it does, I have foreseen it, which is why the others are just going to stand and watch.

Commentator: The clones attack! Neiji defends himself! And OW! He seems to have got Naruto's vital chakra points! Looks like this is it for him! Wow. Other shonen heroes tend to get past the first stage- NO WAIT, IT WAS JUST A DECOY! THE REAL NARUTO CHARGES IN! Neiji defends himself with some kind of chakra force field, and pushes Naruto and another clone away! Naruto creates more clones, and they surrounded Neiji! They charge in! Neiji spins and sends them flying! He he, it looks like Naruto and his clones are blasting off again! And poof they go!

No. Of Times Naruto Has Been Unconscious: Nine.

Commentator: I've just realised that this battle's rather repetitive. Naruto creates clones, they attack, Neiji sends them flying. Hold on. (Takes out manga) Hey! Naruto throwing kunai and charging at Neiji was filler! Well rock me Amadeus, that's the biggest plot twist so far in the history of 'Naruto'! I say Professor, Naruto seemed slightly more intelligent in the original manga. Aha! I thought so! The battle isn't nearly as repetitive! Half of it is filler! Now everything's gone black and Naruto and Neiji are in some kind of green glowing yin yang symbol. And Neiji takes out Naruto's chakra points! Looks like this is it for Naruto, but it looks like he isn't giving up!

Naruto: What is your problem?

Neiji: Very well. I shall tell you my sorrowful ten minute tale.

Spectators: A FLASHBACK? WE DIDN'T COME HERE FOR THIS!

Neiji: It's either that or a filler episode.

Spectators: …YOU WERE SAYING?

Commentator: Everything flashbacks to when Neiji was a child and when the heir of the next head family in the hyuuga clan turns three. Neiji shows some attraction towards Hinata, which is kinda gross since they're both cousins. We later see Hinata training with her father and Neiji and his father looking on, before Hinata's father thinks his brother is about to attack his daughter and causes him pain with a jutsu.

Neiji: You see, those who are not part of the head family are branded with a mark that makes them slaves.

Commentator: Neiji takes off his band to reveal- AN X ON HIS FOREHEAD! …WAIT A MINUTE! AN X? BUT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE JAPANESE VERSION!

Professor: What's your point?

Commentator: Vegeta 3986 and MasakoX said it was a swastika in the original!

Professor: Sir, no, it's an X.

Commentator: But Vegeta 3986 said-

Professor: Sir. It's an X.

Commetnator: Well there you have it, folks! Once again, instead of focusing on the flaws of a series, Vegeta 3986 and MasakoX make them up!

Professor: What are you talking about, Sir?

Commentator: Let's go through the list, shall we? In the first episode, they make fun of the fourth Hokage for not doing the 'sensible thing' and killing the fox, when it was clear that if he could have kill the fox then he would have done so. Later Mizuki was made fun of for getting Naruto to get the scroll when he could have gotten it himself, when it was perfectly explained that the reason he got Naruto to steal the scroll was to get all the blame. Later a few of the episodes in the 'Land of Waves' Arc were passed off as filler, but they were in fact canon, and now you've got them claiming that in the original Japanese it was a swastika, when in fact it was an x all along!

Sammy: Actually Boss it's much more likely that they were referring to the manga, where it was a swastika. See?

Commentator: Oh yes, I see! That's what they must have been talking about! Well anyway, it appears that during a peace negotiation between the Leaf and Cloud villages someone tried to kidnap a member of the Hyuuga clan but got killed. The Cloud village demanded retribution but instead of Hinata's father his brother got sacrificed instead.


Neiji: Many wish to be Hokage, but only a few can become Hokage. Hard work does nothing.

Naruto: Well actually some people would say that environmental conditions are just as important as genetic-

Neiji: No they're not. The victor of this match was certain before either of us entered the arena.

Naruto: Yeah, you're right.

Neiji: I'm-what? I am?

Naruto: Well yeah, but why are you so certain it's you? I'm the main character for crying out loud, that practically assures me victory!

Neiji: Pfft, so were Ash Ketchum and Goku, and how many tournaments did they win?

Naruto: They both got through the first rounds! And I'll do same! I'll prove it! (Prepares to extract his kyuubi chakra)

Neiji: No you can't.

Naruto: Yes I can.

Neiji: No you can't.

Naruto: Yes I can.

Neiji: No you can't.

Naruto: Yes I-

Commentator: OH WILL YOU JUST EXTRACT YOUR KYUUBI CHAKRA ALREADY?

Naruto: Ahem, the longer, the less chance of filler.

Commentator: Oh come on! The fillers aren't THAT bad!

Spectators: INFIDEL! (Throws things at him)

Commentators: Well they're not! Unless of course you get tons of never ending filler rather than just the couple of arcs.

Spectators: …HERETIC! (Continue to throw things at him)

Professor: You should consider that a compliment, Sir. Heretics are held with higher regard than infidels.

Commentator: That may be so but they're treated the same. Wait, something's happening below! Naruto has released some hidden power!

Itachi: Wait a minute! That chakra…gasp! THAT CHILD IS THE NINE-TAILS JINCHURIKI! THE NINE-TAILS JINCHURIKI IS ALIVE!

Kisame: What, it wasn't obvious from his fox whiskers?

Itachi: -What fox whiskers?

Kisame: And whoever said he was dead?

Itachi: Orochimaru did.

Kisame: Are you sure it wasn't a dubbing error?

Itachi: Nope, it was definitely in the manga.

Commentator: Naruto disappears! Naruto throws shurikens! Neiji deflects! Neiji throws shurikens! Naruto dodges! Naruto throws a punch! Neiji dodges! They both take out their kunai knifes and throw them! The two charge! They grab their knives and clash! They land, and charge again! Naruto charges! Their blades clash! I can't see anything, the energy is too bright!

(The energy clears, with Neiji standing and Naruto unconscious)

No. Of Times Naruto Has Been Unconscious: Ten.

Commentator: Well that was anti-climatic. Wait! There's some rumbling from the earth! Naruto bursts through and punches Neiji! Neiji is unconscious! I repeat! Neiji is unconscious! And Naruto is the winner! Let's watch that again! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!

Professor: It's ironic, really. The thing that otracised him from the rest of the village is what has gained their respect right now.

(Awkward, guilty silence fills the stadium.)

Commentator: Let's go back stage to ask Neiji how he feels losing!


Hinata's Father: Neiji, there's something you must know. I wanted to give myself, but my brother, your father, wouldn't have it, wanting free will.

Neiji: Oh Uncle!

Hinata's Father: Oh Nephew!

Professor: Er, should we really be filming this?


Commentator: Right then, it's time for the next match! It's Sasuke Uchiha versus Gaara of the Desert! And I'm getting a message that since Sasuke isn't here yet, we're skipping to the next fight, Shino Aburame versus Kankuro! Let's take a look at our contestants! Shino is a ninja from Konoha whose clan specialise in using insects. They burrow and live within the clan members, and in return, they do the ninja's bidding. Kinda like the relationship between a pokemon and a pokemon trainer except it isn't much like slave labour. Now let's look at our second contestant! Konkuro hails from the Sand village, and his fighting style specialises in using puppets! Never before have I seen a fighting style that's as sinister as it is lame!

Professor: Perhaps it's a way to appeal to the young audience?

Commentator: We interviewed our contestants earlier today!


Commentator: So Shino, tell me about yourself!

Crickets: CHIRP, CHIRP, CHIRP.

Commentator: O-kay…looking forward to the finals?

Crickets: CHIRP, CHIRP, CHIRP.

Commentator: Think you'll win?

Crickets: CHIRP, CHIRP, CHIRP.

Commentator: What are your dreams?

Crickets: CHIRP, CHIRP, CHIRP.

Commentator: OH COME ON, SHINO, GIVE ME SOMETHING!

Shino: Sorry. My crickets will answer any question.


Commentator: And here is Kankuro's!


Commentator: So Kankuro, looking forward to the chuunin finals?

Kankuro: Meh.

Commentator: You don't seem that enthusiastic.

Kankuro: Well, I assure you, it's not because my village-


Commentator: And that's when I cut him off before he could make any irony line. AND THE MATCH BEGINS! And now I'm hearing that Kankuro gives up. And the crowd goes wild! Having basically two matches robbed from them, if one more gives up, then we could get a riot on our hands! So our next contestants are Temari and Shikamaru! Temari is the sister of Kankuro, and her speciality is wind. Watch out for that fan, it'll blow you away! Man I feel like the commentator in that old 'Hurricanes' cartoon. Does anyone remember that? It was perhaps the only time ever that-

Professor: AHEM!

Commentator: Oh right, I'm drifting off topic here. We interviewed Temari earlier!


Commentator: So Temari, looking forward to the finals?

Temari: Meh.

Commentator: You don't seem that enthusiastic. I've interviewed like five people now and the only one who seems glad to be at this stage is Naruto Uzumaki!

Temari: Well, I assure you Mr Commentator, my lack of enthusiasm has nothing to do with a secret-

Commentator: OH FOR THE LOVE OF MILES, WILL YOU LOT STOP IT WITH THE IRONY LINES!

Temari: -I'm not trying to be ironic-

Commentator: IF IT'S ONE THING I HATE MORE THAN LAME CATCHPHRASES, IT'S IRONY LINES! Check out 'Philosopher's Stone With A Difference' where I express my views on irony lines! I swear the next person who tries to be ironic I will zap!


Commentator: Now let's take a look at Shikamaru! Shikamaru is a ninja who's laziness is only matched by his intellect. He is a genius at Shougi, and his speciality is the Shadow Immitation Jutsu, where his shadow extends itself and merges with his opponent's shadow, enabling him to control their every move. We interviewed him earlier today!


Commentator: So Shikamaru, feeling excited about the finals?

Shikamaru: Groan, interviewing is such a drag.


Commentator: Shikamaru appears reluctant at fighting! Temari has had enough and charges. Wow, the crowd appear tolerant when the fighters are just standing around yet when this guy doesn't do anything Temari has had enough? SHE STRIKES! However, Shikamaru has dodged the blow, and is standing on a pair of kunais. Temari strikes again! Shikamaru has disappeared. This fight has special importance to Anonymius. This was actually the first episode that he watched, although at the time he was convinced that Temari was good whereas Shikamaru was bad. Shikamaru is hiding within the trees, but seems more concerned with looking at the clouds than fighting. Shikamaru comes out from behind the tree! Temari waves her fan, cutting the tree let leaving no mark on everything. Huh. That's a little weird. And this isn't even the syndication version! Shikarmaru sends his shadow. Temari sumersaults backwards and but the shadow is too quick for her! And- it stops. Temari marks the ground. Shikamaru bends, closes his eyes, and puts his hands together. I have no idea what he's doing! He stops, and takes out a couple of kunai, Temari waves her fan again, Shikamaru runs away, Temari waves her fan again, he throws the knife! Temari side steps! Shikamaru throws another knife! She deflects it with her fan! Shikamaru send his shadow again, and it crosses the line! But then stops. But wait, what's this? It seems that Shikamaru has made a balloon out of his shirt and a kunai, creating a further shadow and lengthening his range! Temari backs away, the balloon falls, and Shikamaru's shadow shrinks away! Temari smashes the fan into the ground as a defence, she prepares to make a replication, but oh wait, what's this? Shikamaru's shadow has travelled up the hole that Naruto made earlier, and has caught Temari! Apparently this was his plan all along! Shikamaru makes Temari walk towards him, one punch can finish her AND- he gives up. Let's watch it again! Wow. Talk about an anti-climax. Let's interview Shikamaru to see how he feels losing!


Commentator: So Shikamaru, how does it feel losing in the tournament?

Shikamaru: Groan, interviewing is such a drag.


Commentator: All right, folks we've now gone through all of our contestants apart from Gaara and Sasuke, who still hasn't appeared. I'm getting a message that we're gonna wait for him for five minutes, and if he still isn't here, he forfeits. In the mean time let's cut to a commercial!


FIVE MINUTES LATER…


Commentator: OH MY GOD, has it really been five minutes? It feels more like twenty!

Professor: That's probably because time manga based anime passes much slower compared to real time.

Commentator: Huh. So that's why it takes them forever to do things! Well I'm bored of this, let's spy on some people!

Professor: You have cameras placed all over the stadium?

Commentator: Hey, it's Gaara! And he's talking to some people!


Ninja 1: OMG! You're Gaara of the Funk!

Gaara: No. You've got the wrong parody of Gaara.

Ninja 2: Hey, do the "BOOMCHBOOMCHBOOMCHBOOMCH GAARA OF THE FUNK!" Where everything changes colour!

Gaara: Shut up.

Ninja 1: You know I love the DDR battles you have!

Gaara: Shut up!

Ninja 2: Hey, how come you didn't have a DDR battle with Sasuke or Naruto-?

Gaara: DIE!

Ninjas: GAK!

Naruto: So then I said 'believe-' (Naruto and Shikamaru stare at something) it.


Commentator: At last here it is, folks! The battle of the emos!

(Sammy imagines a pair of emus pecking at each other)

Commentator: EMOS, NOT EMUS! And now we're having a flashback!


Gaara: You have the same eyes as me. Emo eyes.


Commentator: While they're flashbacking let's take a look at our contestants. Sasuke Uchiha is the last of the elite Uchiha clan, known for their aptitude to fire jutsu and their Sharingan, a kekkei genkai with a wide range of abilities such as seeing through moves and copying them. Sasuke is known as the number one rookie of his year group. When we interviewed him earlier, this is what he had to say.


Commentator: So Sasuke, looking forward to the finals?

Sasuke: Meh.

Commentator: What a surprise. So what do you think of your opponents?

Sasuke: They're all very challenging in their own way, especially Gaara, Neiji and Naruto.

Commentator: What are your goals?

Sasuke: My dream is to kill my brother and revive my clan.


Itachi: Oh my God, I can't believe that he is still mad over that incident! It was five years ago!


Commentator: Kill your brother and revive your clan, eh? How's that going for ya?

Sasuke: Not particularly well, to be honest.

Commentator: Of course I'd think that the latter would be easy to accomplish. I hear you have quite alot of admirers, any special (Nudge nudge) friend among them?

Sasuke: Not really.

Commentator: I hear that there's a girl on your team. How do you feel about her?

Sasuke: She's a friend, nothing more.

Commentator: Aha. You're not really into girls, I take it?

Sasuke: Wha?

Commentator: You're more of a dude guy, then?

Sasuke: WHAT NO! I'M NOT GAY!

Commentator: It's all right, Sasuke, no one here's judging you.

Sasuke: I'M NOT GAY! I'm just not that interested in girls, that's all!

Commentator: Right, you're more into guys, then.

Sasuke: NO!

Commentator: Mr Uchiha, is it true that your fellow teammate Naruto Uzumaki is your secret lover?

Sasuke: WHAT? NO! Who said that?

Commentator: Girls, mostly. So then do you deny then, Mr Uchiha, that you and the said Naruto Uzumaki kissed on your first day as ninjas?

Sasuke: Well, about that-

Commentator: DO YOU DENY IT, YES OR NO, MR UCHIHA?

Sasuke: Well yes it happened, but-

Commentator: THERE YOU HAVE IT, FOLKS! UNDENIABLE PROOF! SASUKE UCHIHA HAS JUST ADMITTED TO BE IN A HOMOSEXUAL AFFAIR WITH FELLOW TEAMMATE NARUTO UZUMAKI!

Sasuke: It wasn't like that at all-!

Commentator: HOW WILL HIS FANBASE FEEL ABOUT THIS REVELATION? UTTER DESPAIR, OR UTTER DELIGHT? Perhaps a bit of both.

Sasuke: This interview is over!

Commentator: AND NOW HE'S RUNNING AWAY, FURTHER PROOF THAT HE IS IN LOVE WITH NARUTO UZUMAKI!


Commentator: We later interviewed Gaara.


Commentator: So Gaara, looking forward to the finals?

Gaara: ...

Commentator: Any comments about your opponents?

Gaara: ...

Commentator: What are your goals?

Gaara: ...

Commentator: Sorry for doing this, but you give me no choice! BOOMCHBOOMCHBOOMCHBOOM GAARA OF THE-

Gaara: DIE!


Naruto: Kakashi! You can't let Sasuke fight Gaara! He's a psychopath!

Kakashi: What, you've only just realised this?

Commentator: AND THEY'RE OFF! Gaara's sand comes out of his gourd, and he's suddenly having a headache! He appears to be talking to his mother. He has another migrain and the sand collapses! Then it rises, Sasuke throws some shurikens! Gaara blocks! And he has created a sand clone! Sasuke charges, the sand attacks! Sasuke dodges by leaping into the air! Sasuke throws more shurikens, and the sand clone deflects them! Sasuke kicks, and deprives the sand clone of his hands! A lot of dirty jokes can be made from that action!

Sammy: Why Boss? Sand isn't THAT dirty!

(The Commentator groans)

Sammy: Hey Boss! Aren't you going to make fun of Gaara for using nothing but sand?

Coometnator: -Why would I do something like that? Sasukes hits the clone in the throat, but the sand builds up around his wrist! He hits the clone in the face, and it disperses! He charges at Gaara! Gaara prepares to defend himself, but Sasuke disappears and punches Gaara! Apparently he can move faster than the speed of light, which should be utterly impossible for a human being and even if he could, a blackhole should have appeared right about now!

Sammy: A blackhole? RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (Leaps away)

Commentator: AND THE PUNCH SENDS HIM LITERALLY FLYING INTO THE GROUND! Sasuke beckons him to come. Sasuke advances! Gaara builds up his sand to block, but Sasuke comes behind him and Gaara sends his sand! Sasuke dodges! AND HE KICKS GAARA! Gaara gets up! Sasuke charges again! Gaara's sand surrounds him! Sasuke spins around him! He dodges the sand and kicks Gaara! Then grabs him by the shirt and jabs him with his knee! Gaara makes a seal, the sand forms a sphere around him! Sasuke advances! He tries to punch the sphere but it threatens to impale him with spikes! Sasuke is bleeding! From cheek and hand! He jumps away! The spikes go in the ball. Oh and Sasuke has his Sharingan on. When did that happen? And now I see he's bleeding from his leg! Sand is forming in the sky! Where the Hell did that come from? And it's formed an eye! I don't particularly understand the logic behind that. Sasuke wipes the blood from his cheek, Sasuke charges and throws some kunai! They fail to make a crack! He dodges the spikes, Sasuke attacks! Gaara blocks! You know, this battle seems to be just as repetitive as Naruto and Neiji's. Hold on-(Reads the manga) oh wait, my mistake it's all canon! Apart from this part. Sasuke runs up the wall! He's charging some sort of attack! His hand is crackling with lightning! Gaara builds his sand around his body as a shield! Sasuke runs down! He aims! HE BREAKS THROUGH! Hey, I wonder what's happening within the sphere? Let's use my x-ray scope! It looks like Gaara is getting upset because Sasuke is touching him. Sasuke's hand is stuck in the sphere! But he breaks free! Wait, what's this? Some kind of monstrous hand has gotten hold of Sasuke! What is that thing? Wait, it looks kinda familiar… The hand, which is starting to look like a tail-is it in fact a tail?- retracts into the sphere. Something is moving within the sphere. And we see an eye! The sphere bursts! Oh sure, NOW they show the blood! And now for some reason it's raining feathers, and- everyone's asleep? What's going on? Wait people, I see an explosion! The third Hokage has been captured! I repeat, the Third Hokage has been captured! And now I'm getting a message that-WHAT?

Professor: What?

Commentator: The Chuunin Finals-HAVE BEEN CANCELLED! Ladies and gentlemen, I am outraged! This is the worst cancellation since 'Angel'! I haven't been this mad since they defeated the Digimon Emperor!


Digimon Emperor: NOOOOOOOOOOO! (Transforms back into Ken)

Professor: OH MY GOD! THEY CONVERTED KENNY!

Commentator: YOU BASTARDS!


Professor: -Seriously? That's the mad you've been since today?

Commentator: Meh, I've been wanting to fit that in somewhere. Wow. You know, we intended there to be three more fights. So stay tune for some 'Naruto' filler!

(Itachi throws the remote at the screen, smashing it)

Itachi: What a total rippoff! Here I am expecting to watch the greatest event in ninja history, and they cancel it before the end of the first round! Well, it wasn't a total loss. We now know the existence of a host. Come, Kisame. We have a a Nine-Tails to catch.

Gotta catch them all!

Gotta catch them all!

POKEMON!


P.S. I do not own the lyrics of the Pokemon opening or the Digimon Emperor either or anything related.