Written for Cards Against Humanity Challenge:
What is Batman's guilty pleasure?
The Female Orgasm
Bad Movie Tuesdays - [dialogue] "Your confidence is overwhelming."
The Valentines Making Station - White Roses: Write an innocent (G-rated) love scene.
The Stripper
Sirius drummed his fingers on the table, waiting for Ginny to finish what she was asking. So far, her request had mentioned Hermione's birthday no less than seven times, but she was failing to get to the point.
"Sweetheart, is there something you needed from me?" he asked. "A place for a party? Something she wanted for her birthday that's out of everyone else's price-range? Whatever it is, you know I'll do it. Just quit stalling and ask."
"Stripper," Ginny squeaked out.
"A… a what?"
Ginny coughed, unable to look Sirius directly in the eye. "I was hoping… Hermione has a thing for… you can't tell her, right?"
He mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key, before leaning forward eagerly.
"Hermione has a thing for superheroes and… and older men, we were hoping you'd know someone... " she bit her lip, meeting his eyes with a hopeful gaze, before blushing and looking at the table once more. "Someone who'd be willing… we need a stripper."
Sirius stared at her in shock. "Hermione wants a stripper?"
Ginny shook her head. "Of course not," she stated. "She doesn't know what she wants. But we know she'd enjoy it."
"What's her type?" Sirius asked, repressing a sigh and mentally pulling up a list of attractive friends in his mind. Maybe he could get Remus drunk and convince him?
"Well, she likes guys… about your age. Dark hair. Sexy… she totally digs the whole leather jacket and…"
She trailed off, looking extremely embarrassed and Sirius saw through her. She wasn't asking Sirius to find a friend to strip for Hermione, she was hoping that he would offer to do it himself.
"I've got a couple of people in mind," he stated. "Where's the venue?"
"Well, we were hoping we could hold it here in the ballroom," Ginny admitted, looking calmer at the change of subject. "Can I ask who -"
"No, you cannot," Sirius replied. "But you can have the party here. I'll call in a caterer?"
Ginny nodded. "There will only be a few of us. Luna, Tonks, Hannah… no more than fifteen."
...oOo...
It wasn't hard to get the right outfit. Sirius quickly found a pair of black pants with a silver batman logo sewn on the front. He managed — with Remus' help — to get his hands on a mask too. Remus had pointedly not listened when Sirius tried to explain why he wanted the mask.
The only concern was whether the pants would cover all of him. They were small and he most certainly wasn't. He pulled the pants on to check, smirking at the sight in the mirror. Though he was in his forties, his body looked as good as it did back in his twenties — he certainly hadn't let himself go in the slightest — in fact, these days he worked harder to maintain it. His hair was still quite long and was usually tied up in a bun, but he needn't worry about that as the mask would cover his face.
...oOo...
Remus had unwillingly been put in charge of the music, frowning as Sirius showed off his costume.
"Batman, Sirius?" Remus replied.
Sirius nodded. "Don't you think he's a lot like me? A rich orphan."
"Oh yes. I realised that when I met your British butler and saw your bat-cave," Remus muttered.
Sirius' grin just widened. "Are you going to be sarcastic or are you going to help me with my mask?"
"I don't see why I can't do both at the same time," Remus muttered, grabbing the mask from the table and fitting it over Sirius' head, tucking all his hair into it. "Good luck."
Sirius scoffed. "Like I need luck when I have this all this!"
"Your confidence is overwhelming," Remus replied, shaking his head. The music switched on — a mashup of the batman theme song and a song Sirius could move to — and Sirius entered the room.
...oOo...
Hermione was looking about wildly as she was shoved unceremoniously into the chair in the middle of the room, the girls all giggling around her. Her gaze fell on Sirius and her jaw dropped as her gaze moved down his body.
Sirius wondered if she had expected a stripper. Though if she had, she probably assumed he'd walk in more clothed than this.
He sauntered over to where she was in the chair, ignoring the other girls that crowded around to get a better look, and placed his hands on the handrests of the chair. He smirked at Hermione, who had just had baby-oil thrust into her hand.
His eyes moved to the oil, before flicking back, the smirk widening. He gestured to his chest and she stared hard at him.
A smile slowly moved onto her lips and she opened the baby oil, pouring some out onto her other hand and smearing it over Sirius' chest. Passing it back to someone else, she used both hands to smear it across his chest, all the way to the pants.
Sirius moved closer, trying to remember what it was like when he had done this after leaving Hogwarts. He was almost on her lap now, his hips moving, almost brushing against her, but he kept his distance.
Hands were fighting to shove money into his underwear, and Hermione shyly added her own, looking completely mortified and turned on at the same time.
"Take it off, take it off," the other girls began to chant. Sirius ignored them, his eyes only on Hermione. He reached out, his hand lifting up her chin, and Hermione's eyes widened.
"Yes, take them off, Sirius," she murmured, her gaze moving slowly down his body.
Sirius quickly overcame the surprise that she knew it was him. "Are you sure, Kitten? I know you want to see everything I have to offer, but do you want to share that with all of the rest of them?"
She quickly shook her head. "Only me!" she admitted.
Sirius reached up for the mask, pulling it off and tossing it aside. "Happy Birthday, Kitten."
"Want to make it even happier?" she whispered, though her cheeks were red at her own words. She looked even more mortified for asking him that, though Sirius didn't mind in the slightest. He liked that he was bringing something out of the studious bookworm.
"Anything for you," he murmured.
He stood up, pulling Hermione up with him, grinning at the catcalls from the girls.
"Ladies, enjoy the rest of the party. Goodnight."
With that, he dragged Hermione out of the room, past Remus and up the stairs.
...oOo...
Sirius wasted no time in getting Hermione comfortable in his bed, making her beg, scream and plead for more from him. He took his time teasing her, before giving her what she wanted.
Hermione was a beautiful sight, writhing underneath him, barely able to string a sentence together, only able to utter his name.
Watching Hermione fall apart was suddenly his favourite sight in the world, and he hoped it wasn't a one-time thing.
"You knew it was me?" he asked as they lay together in a tangled naked mess, both drained from what they had just experienced together.
She nodded. "I wasn't sure at first, but how many strippers are that bold as to just wear the underwear?" she asked. "Plus your eyes and when you touched me — you were so gentle. I knew it was someone I actually knew, and I had already suspected it was you."
"You've had a good birthday?"
She hesitated, biting her lip. "I want to say yes, but I'm worried that this was a once-only thing. I don't usually… I didn't come to your bed just for tonight." She watched him hopefully.
"Well how about every night?" Sirius asked, relieved, his fingers gently running across her cheek and down her jaw.
"Only if you wear the pants again," Hermione said, gesturing to the tiny black underwear on the floor.
"Deal," he laughed, pulling her closer for a kiss.
