Chapter 7: Time Well Spent

"LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!" Yachiru screamed, at least whenever her teeth weren't sunk into Hitsugaya's head.

"ENOUGH!" Hitsugaya roared, coming to a complete stop. "Get off!"

"NO!"

"OFF!" He repeated, finally bucking the little parasite off his shoulder. "Now, I'm going to speak very slowly and precisely, so you understand the gravity of this situation. Vice-Captain Kusajishi, you are a spoiled, immature brat. The various threats I have been levelling at my vice-captain for forcing me to bring you along have not been idle… when I get back to Soul Society, she is a dead woman. That is how very, very much I loathe you; I loathe you so much I am willing to inflict grievous bodily harm upon someone else for making me spend time with you. However, right now none of this matters. We're both Shinigami, and we are on a mission. If we fail, people will die. This is much, much more important than any personal distaste we have for each other. Do you agree?"

"Completely." Yachiru said.

"Good. Now, are you going to follow me?"

"Nope. You go the wrong direction."

"Vice-Captain Kusajishi… I'd like you think about something." Hitsugaya said, fighting down the desire to make the girl eat her own Zanpakuto. "When you and Captain Zaraki were hunting Ichigo Kurosaki through the streets of Soul Society, how long did it take you find him?"

"Hmmmm… six or seven hours."

"And why was that?"

"Because we kept going the wrong way and running into dead ends."

"And who was responsible for giving the directions that constantly led you into dead ends?"

"Me."

"Now. Do you maybe begin to see why I don't want you leading the way?"

"… … I don't see your point."

"YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF DIRECTION. THE DIRECTIONS YOU GIVE ARE NOT RIGHT. THEY LEAD US THE WRONG WAY." Hitsugaya said very slowly and loudly, hoping it would penetrate her skull to strike the single working brain cell she had.

"… so basically, what you're saying is that this is all your fault for not following my directions correctly?" Yachiru asked.

"No, I'm saying 'shut up and follow my lead, and I'll give you some cookies when we're done'."

"Yay, shiro-chan! Will you also get me milk?"

"Yes, I guess. Sure!"

"Uck! I hate milk!"

"Then no, I won't!"

"Except with cookies, then it's good!"

"Then yes!"

"Yay! And can I eat it in bed?"

"Yes!"

"Will you read me a story and check the closet for monsters?"

"No!"

"But what if there's a monster in my closet?"

"You're a shinigami vice-captain! You can collapse a small building with nothing but your soul! If there's a monster in your closet, kill it!"

"Ken-chan always checks my closet. AND under my bed. And he reads me a story."

"Do I LOOK like Ken-chan… er, Zaraki? I'm not even obligated to give you the cookie, so don't push it!"

"But I can't sleep if nobody checks!"

"Well then Zaraki can check! I never said I'd stick around to watch you eat the cookie anyway!"

"Heeeeeeey, you're right! Wow, you're smart, Shiro-chan! Okay, let's go!" Yachiru cheered.

"Yes, let's." Hitsugaya said impatiently. "Just give me a second to search for the Hollow's reiatsu again…"

"No time! We should just start looking on our own… probably somewhere to the left." Yachiru advised sagely.

The time it took, Hitsugaya mused, to fold his captain's jacket into a bag and stuff Yachiru inside it so he could carry her like luggage was probably not time that the imperiled students could afford to lose. But listening to the muffled protests of the young vice-captain and appreciating how much quieter they were than her normal speaking voice, Hitsugaya couldn't help but think that it was probably time well-spent.

Unfortunately, even the removal of a major distraction didn't seem to be helping him pick up his missing Hollow. There were brief bursts of reiatsu here and there, but nothing to indicate a feeding Hollow or fighting Shinigami. Just my luck. This may be the first time in the history of the world that there AREN'T any noticeable Hollows in Karakura town. Maybe the students got the coordinates wrong? Well, I hope not, because if that's the case they're all dead… again. Just then, however, inspiration struck him!

"OW!" He shouted, as Yachiru managed to slip a fist out of the makeshift bag he'd shoved her into and clocked him in the face. "ALL RIGHT, THAT DOES IT YOU LITTLE TWIT! WE'RE GOING RIGHT, AND THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!"

Hitsugaya turned right, and proceeded along that path for thirty seconds. Then he stopped. Smiling at his Yachiru-in-a-sack, he said, "Told you so." It was doing a good job of hiding it, but there was a considerable power on the roof of the adjacent building. Whoever it was, they had the high ground… but that hardly mattered when dealing with a Captain. Slinging Yachiru over his shoulder (And smiling just a little bit at the audible 'oomph' she made), he made a flying leap and drew his zanpakuto at the same instant, descending on the so-called 'high ground' like a predatory falcon.

"WHAT THE- ?!" his prey screamed in surprise.

Hitsugaya, far too late to stop his attack, said "Oh, crap."


"All right, apprentice, it's time to begin your intensive training. The purpose of the initial phase of the training is to toughen you up for the more advanced steps. You can't master all the great secrets that I have to teach if you don't master the basics first, after all! No, first we have to build up your strength and stamina!" Zaraki proclaimed grandiosely.

"Um… okay, so I'm gonna be like, lifting weights or something?" Matsumoto inquired. That wouldn't be TOO bad…

"Nope."

"… jogging?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Swimming?"

"Nah."

"What, then?"

Zaraki smiled just the tiniest bit like an utter lunatic and drew his sword. "The name of the exercise is 'try not to die'. You know you've passed when you're not dead."

"… oh, dear."


"10th Squad Captain, sir, you know I would never question you under normal circumstances. You are a gifted tactician, a brilliant swordsman, and a master of kido. I, and all Shinigami, view you as a credit to the Gotei 13. And even more so because of your age, you inspire hundreds of youths every year to strive for their dreams. I deeply admire and respect you." Rukia said carefully. "However, I must ask… why did you feel Renji deserved to die?"

"I… I didn't mean to!" Hitsugaya swore. "I thought he was a Hollow! And besides, he isn't dead… quite…" Motioning vaguely at Renji, who looked a little bit like he'd been run over by a truck with razor blades for wheels. "Look, he's still bleeding! That means there's a heartbeat, anyway!"

"A Hollow?" Rukia asked doubtfully, looking down at Renji who, frankly, did not closely resemble a Hollow in any way.

"Well… I never actually SAW him. I was just kind of targeting his Reiatsu."

"A Hollow?" Rukia asked again, looking down at Renji whose reiatsu, frankly, did not closely resemble a Hollow's in any way.

"Look, I've been stressed recently!" Hitsugaya snapped. "I don't know what news you've been getting out here, but things in Soul Society aren't going all that smoothly! The 11th division burned down their barracks and now they're LIVING WITH ME!"

"How did they burn down their barracks? I thought that was supposed to be impossible!" Rukia asked.

"Well, if you believe them, it's an overemphasis on combat. Frankly, I think it's just because they are chaos personified." Hitsugaya said in a haunted tone.

"They do seem to have a… talent for it." Rukia admitted, looking over at Ichigo.

"GET OFF MY HEAD!" Ichigo shouted.

"ICHI! ICHI! ICHI! ICHI!" Yachiru shouted happily, clinging to Ichigo's head like velcro.

"OFF! STOP IT, I CAN'T SEE WITH YOU COVERING MY EYES LIKE THAT, AND WE'RE ON TOP OF A BUILDING! LUNATIC!"

"You know, I'd feel bad for him, but I'm just glad to see that little parasite latched onto someone else." Hitsugaya said conversationally.

"NOT SO CLOSE TO THE EDGE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Ichigo screamed as he slipped off the building. Yachiru, without missing a beat, gracefully backflipped off his head the second he hit the edge and landed safely.

"Hee… silly Ichi." she giggled.

"I can see how she might be a handful." Rukia admitted. "But she's not even your vice-captain… what brings you out here with her?"

"… CRAP! The academy field trip! Aw, those kids are almost guaranteed to be dead by now…" Hitsugaya groaned. "God, I couldn't have failed more horribly if I tried!"

"Oh, them? We saved them an hour ago." Rukia said conversationally.

The silence was so thick you could have drowned in it.

"What did you say?" Hitsugaya asked slowly, one of his eyes twitching oddly.

"A-about an hour ago, we came upon a group of students being attacked by a huge Hollow. We… well, we saved them. You know, it's what we DO. I… I thought that would be good news." Rukia said, the look in Hitsugaya's eyes making her a little nervous.

"That was a very nice story," Hitsugaya said. His tone of voice was calm and conversational, but there was a bizarre light in his eyes. "I, too, interestingly enough, have a nice story. You see, about… oh, an HOUR ago, my division received a desperate plea for assistance from a group of Shinigami students who were being attacked by… coincidentally!... a huge Hollow. Naturally, I dropped everything I was doing to come and save them, but my loyal, thoughtful, and VERY DEAD vice-captain insisted I bring assistance with me. So I brought Yachiru, and… it hasn't been fun."

"Yes it has!" Yachiru cheered.

"It totally hasn't. But that's beside the point. You see, I feel that, since we were coming to save a group of students, and you have already SAVED a group of students, that perhaps our missions for the night have intertwined in some manner. Do you think this is likely, Kuchiki?" Hitsugaya asked in that same eerily calm yet intense tone.

"Um… yes…" Rukia said warily, now openly afraid.

"How about you, Kusajishi?"

"Hmmmmmm… you know, instead of a cookie, I think I'd like a bananna. Byakushi says they're good for nutrients!" Yachiru said brightly.

"Yes, that's certainly the quality of logic I've come to expect from you. But let me tell you what I think happened. I think that maybe, just maybe, Kuchiki, Kurosaki, and Abarai saved the same group of students we were coming to save! Doesn't that make sense?" Hitsugaya asked. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "Which means that really, our coming out here was probably not needed. But WAIT!" He snapped suddenly, his tone jumping in volume and intensity and practically making Rukia jump out of her skin. In contrast, Yachiru was sitting cross-legged and cradling her head in her hands as though she was listening to an incredibly interesting story. "There's MORE! You see, they saved the students an HOUR ago, but we only got the distress call around an hour ago! This means, that… and bear with me here, because this is where it gets complicated… by the time we found out they were in trouble, they were already saved. Which means this whole trip was totally unnecessary. Do you know what the significance of this is? THERE WAS NO DANGER. Which means I didn't need to come, and more importantly, I didn't NEED ANY HELP. I didn't have to bring THAT!" He screamed, pointing at Yachiru.

"Hi!" Yachiru said, happy to be pointed out.

"She pulled my hair, and tugged on my ears, and rode me like a beast of burden! And the worst part? She bit me, Kuchiki. And it was all unnecessary. A complete waste, if you will. I didn't need to get bitten; there was no reason for me to have BEEN bitten. I have toothmarks in my scalp for no. Good. Reason."

Hitsugaya stopped to think about this for a second. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" he screamed suddenly, his cries filling the night air.


Ikkaku rubbed the bruise on the back of his head and walked over to Yumichika, who was sitting on a bench in front of the 10th division barracks. "You know, she doesn't look it, but that Matsumoto girl hits hard!" Ikkaku declared.

Ayasegawa shrugged. "If you'd like to yell at her for ambushing you, she should be back in a minute."

"What do you mean by that?" Ikkaku asked.

"Well, she's sparring with the Captain. So…" Before he could complete the sentence, Matsumoto ran by screaming with Zaraki hot on her tail, swinging his sword and grinning like a maniac. "… Well, I think that makes my point."

"How often does she come by?" Ikkaku asked, sitting down next to his friend.

"Oh, about once every five minutes. Sometimes more, if she goes down a path that's too narrow for him and he has to break the wall down, sometimes less if she hits a dead end and has to jump over his head and double back."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Almost half an hour, now."

Ikkaku whistled. "Not bad! Most of them get caught in the first ten minutes!"

"Yeah. She's got some real potential, that one. I think the Captain might be thinking about stealing her from her current squad so he finally has a 4th seat worth mentioning." Yumichika said. Then Matsumoto ran by screaming again, and Zaraki's sword slashed off a lock of her hair as she sprinted. "Well, either that or he's just going to kill her." Yumichika said, unconcerned.

"Yeah. It's hard to tell with him, sometimes." Ikkaku agreed.

The two sat back in silence, enjoying the view and the fresh air. Matsumoto ran by screaming again.

"Well, she's got stamina, if nothing else."


"You know who I blame for this? Those damn butterflies. They take forever to get anywhere! We need to move on to a higher grade of insect. Hell Dragonflies, maybe? They have to be faster, and not as many birds eat them. Yes, I'm definitely bringing that up at the next meeting." Hitsugaya said, mostly to himself. "Honestly, the mortal realm can communicate across thousands of miles instantly, and we're still sending messages via fluttering insect! It's just WRONG, I tell you!"

"Now, Captain Hitsugaya…" Rukia began.

"Thank you."

"… huh?"

"It's been awhile since someone outside my own division called me that." Hitsugaya said wistfully.

"Really? What do they call you?"

"Shiro-chan is shiro-chan!" Yachiru said helpfully.

"Oooooooh." Rukia said knowingly. "Well, you're welcome then. But what I was about to say was that you're too negative about these things. You're always going to be unhappy until you start looking on the bright side of these situations!

"There's a bright side?"

"Sure! You may have had… dubious company… but you still got to get out of the headquarters, get some fresh air, and nobody died. And yeah, maybe you didn't get to help out, but at least the reward was really small!"

"Reward?"

"Oh… um… well, one of the students was the heir to a wealthy noble household, and after we saved his life, he offered us a small reward. Well… actually, the reward wasn't 'small' so much as 'anything in his power to give', but y'know, I'm already wealthy so I just ASKED for something small. See?" Rukia asked cheerfully, pulling out a stuffed rabbit from her robes.

"It's… it's a rabbit." Hitsugaya said bitterly.

"Ooooooooh…" Yachiru said earnestly.

"And it gets better!" Rukia said, now genuinely excited. She pulled a string on the rabbit's back, and it began to sing 'Here Comes Peter Cottontail'. "Isn't it the neatest?!"

"Yeah. Sure. It's way, way neater than, say, the new house or replacement antique mirror I would have asked for, that's for sure." Hitsugaya said bitterly.

"It sure is!" Rukia said without the slightest hint of sarcasm.

Yachiru stared wide-eyed at the singing rabbit plushie. "I want it, more than I've ever wanted anything ever." She said earnestly. She then tugged on Hitsugaya's sleeve. "Shiro-chan, I want one."

"That's nice. I want to erase the last hour from history, so I guess neither of us is getting what we want." Hitsugaya said.

"But… but I want it." Yachiru said, confused.

"Well, talk to her, because I'm going to go sit in a corner and nurse this enormous migraine I'm developing." Hitsugaya said, sitting down and rubbing his head.

Yachiru thought about that for a second, then turned to Rukia and held out her hand. "Give me that."

"Sorry, child, but a valuable collector's item like this isn't suitable for children like you. It needs to be properly cared for and nurtured." Rukia said in a cheerfully condescending tone.

"Give it." Yachiru insisted, tugging on the rabbit's leg.

"No! My bunny!" Rukia snapped, all pretenses of maturity gone. She swatted Yachiru's hand away and yanked the rabbit back.

Yachiru looked down at her slapped hand in seeming confusion. "Did… did you hit me?" She asked.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to it was just a knee-jerk reaction…" Rukia babbled apologetically, flushed with embarassment.

Yachiru, on the other hand, smiled brilliantly. "You hit me! That's a challenge, Ruki-ruki! PLAY TIME!" she roared happily, tackling Rukia.

Ichigo climbed up over the side of the building and wiped the dust off his robes. "Yeah, don't worry about me anyone, I mean I only just fell off the building..." He muttered. Then he saw the spectacle of Rukia and Yachiru beating the tar out of each other, Rukia wearing an expression of flustered anger, and Yachiru a cheerful grin. "Um… hey, Toshiro, what exactly is going on here?"

"It's Captain Hitsugaya. And what we have here is a case of rabbit envy gone bad." Hitsugaya said.

"Um… should we stop them?" Ichigo asked doubtfully. "I think that they might actually kill each other…"

"That depends. Do you want to lose an arm by sticking it into that mess?"

"… Point."

"Here, help me get Abarai to medical attention. With any luck, they'll be done by the time we get back."

"And if they're not?"

"We find some popcorn."