Hope you liked the previous chapter. In this chapter however Tessa is going to let her anger control the choices she makes. Don't be mad at her, she is acting impulsively.

Chapter 1: Rollercoaster Part 2

Tessa's POV

It's been two whole weeks since I dumped him, again. I feel like crap. How can he tell me he loves me? He's under a freaking spell that just won't lift. I know I love him, but I always wanted him to love me for me, not because he has to. Yesterday Daren asked me out. I told him yes. I don't know why. I guess it's because, unlike you know who, Daren actually likes me. Tonight Daren and I are going to a movie; he should be here by now anyway. Just then I heard a knock on my room door. It was my mom.

"Miel, Daren est ici."

"Honey, Daren is here."

"Okay." I got up and went downstairs, he was sitting on the couch. When he saw me his face lit up.

"You ready to go?" he asked. I nodded. Daren is a year older than me so he's sixteen but he got left back in the second grade for conduct. Anyway since he's sixteen he recently got a car. And I heard he got his license last month. When we got to the movies we decided to watch Scream until You Die Screaming. During the movie Daren did the yawn-and-put-your-arm-around your-date-move. (So corny). This movie was supposed to be scary, I haven't even flinched yet.

When the movie ended Daren took me home. When he got to my house, we were sitting in the car and there was an awkward silence.

"So, um, did you like the movie?" he asked. I nodded. Then he looked at me, I guess he was waiting for a goodnight kiss. I saw him leaning in, so I quickly leaned over and pecked him on the lips.

"Goodnight." I said, and got out of the car. My mom was sleeping when I got in, so I went upstairs and fell asleep.

The next morning I got ready for school. My mom left a note saying she got called in early for work. That's what I need, a job. Then I won't have so much time to think about him. I wasn't looking forward to school; I have to sit next to him in history class, well, that's if he comes to school. I haven't seen him since we broke up. Jhena walked with me to school today. During lunch Jhena started conversation.

"So, how are you?" she asked me.

"I'm fine." I answered. She didn't look convinced.

"No, really, are you okay? I mean, about Seth and all." I could feel the tears form in my eyes. I put on a brave face, but I always got all sensitive when anyone brought up he who shall not be named.

"I went on a date yesterday, so obviously I'm fine."

"Yeah, with Daren, you hate him. I understand, Seth dumped you but if you are trying to make him jealous, Daren is so not the way to do it. You should date one of those hot tall hotties he hangs with." She said. I told her Seth dumped me, so that was the official story.

"I couldn't do that, they're his friends."

"Yeah, so what, that Paul guy likes you. Look hun, you and Seth just aren't meant to be, first he cheats on you the day before your birthday, then after you get back together he dumps you. You have to get over him; he's not good for you."

"I know, but I still love him." Just then I turned around to see Seth walking through the cafeteria doors. He must just be coming to school because I haven't seen him all day. He looked straight at me. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. He was about to walk over but he hesitated and then walked towards his old table, the one with Sara. She was more than happy to welcome him back. I turned back at Jhena; she just rolled her eyes and finished eating. After lunch I walked to history class. Great, the one class with assigned seats, so I had to sit next to him. When I got to class he was already there. He was staring at me. I avoided his eye and took my seat next to him.

"H-Hi Tessa." He stammered. He looked like a zombie, like he hadn't slept in days.

"Hello Seth." I said. He looked happy to see that I was talking to him.

"Tessa I'm sorry, please take me back. I'm dying here."

"No you're not, you can't age remember."

"That's not what I -"I cut him off.

"Then what do you mean, huh?" Just then, the teacher walked in. Great timing. The rest of the school day flew by. On my way home I bumped into Paul.

"Oh, hey Tessa, I haven't seen you in a while." Paul said.

"Yeah, so, um, what've you been up to lately?" I asked.

"Nothing much, but um, I was wondering if you wanted to come over today."

"Right now?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's only if you want to." I had nothing to do so I agreed.

Paul's house was small and cozy. But, when you walked into his room you could tell he was a rebel. Paul was really nice, we talked about his life a little, and then he asked me about mine.

"So how comes you live on the rez if you're not a Native?" he asked.

"Yes I am, my dad was from Lapush, but he went on vacation to Paris and met my mom. He knew French because he'd been taking the French course in college. They fell in love got married and had me. The cost of going back and forth to Forks was too expensive so we moved back to Lapush when I was four. I knew English but I spoke mostly French so I had to learn. My dad died when I was 7 in a car accident on his way to work. My mom hasn't even looked at another man until Joshua, I swear if she doesn't see that that guy is going to propose soon she must be crazy. Joshua is head over heels for my mom." Paul was quiet for a minute.

"Wow, um, I'm sorry about your dad." I smiled slightly.

"It's okay; I don't even remember him that much. My only vivid memories were when he came to my first dance recital, took me horse back riding, visited me in the hospital when I got pneumonia from walking home from school in the rain when I missed the school bus, and when he told me he loved me in the hospital before he died." At this time Paul had pulled me into his lap.

"I'm sorry to hear about that." He looked at me and I felt myself leaning in. WHAT ARE YOU DOING, STOP IT, I told myself, but I couldn't. I wanted to kiss him. 15 minutes later he was shirtless and we were on his bed. I don't even remember moving from his lap, or him taking his shirt off. Everything was just happening so fast. 20 minutes later he was in his boxers and I was in a bra and underwear. OMG, what is happening, stop this. My mind and heart said no but my body said yes. He pulled my legs around him. Then he stopped kissing me and reached into his drawer and pulled out a black box that said Trojan.

Reality set in and I realized what I was about to do. But, this is what I wanted right, to be able to choose for myself. Have someone want me for me, and Paul did. As wrong as this was, I couldn't stop, I almost felt like I had to do it.

2 hours later

I was putting my clothes back on, Paul came over and wrapped his hands around my waist and kissed my neck. I felt sore. I guess that's how it was supposed to be your first time. Not to mention, during, it hurt like hell. I suddenly felt guilty. I usually tell my mom everything, but I couldn't tell her about this, she'd die. Knowing her only daughter was deflowered at 15 would kill her. Paul was still kissing my neck.

"Paul, I have to go, my mom will start wondering where I am." I said. He nodded and walked over to put his clothes on. Paul dropped me home that night. I felt dirty and cried myself to sleep that night. What was wrong with me, what was I becoming. I was a slut. Before I fell asleep I had been listening to a song that always made me feel better.

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
They may be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of an Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of an Angel; may you find some comfort here

Arms of an Angel: by Sara Mclachlan