The Gossips
Offense
Sanji's eye tweaked as he listened, and he said, "Nami-san likes sweaty men?"
"She said I smelled awful though," he said, staring up and through the ceiling in his desolation. "I still haven't showered yet."
"We noticed," Usopp and Zoro said.
"How could I!?" Luffy said, "The sweat dried up, but the smell stayed, and Nami quit bugging me."
"I sweat all day long over a hot stove, and she's never told me how much she liked it!"
"She keeps beaming death rays at me! Or staring holes into me! I hate it!" Rolling onto his stomach, he said, "She should just get it over with if she's gonna kill me."
"What do I have to do to get her attention!?"
Usopp rubbed his chin slowly, "Our other attempt backfired too …"
"And now I got another pair of panties I don't know what to do with," Luffy said.
Brook and Zoro raised their hands, which Sanji's foot stamped down before his eye narrowed, and he looked at Usopp, "Wait, what other attempt?"
Usopp sweated, and made a cross over his heart, "I swore never to tell."
Blinking, Luffy said, "Eh? No, you didn't."
"Well, I'm swearing now!"
"Whatever," Franky said, waving Sanji off. "It's your turn, Straw Hat. You might as well enjoy it while you have it."
Luffy shook his head into his pillow, "I'm not in the mood."
Snorting with a slight grin, Zoro said, "You'd have to wait a full two weeks before your next turn, Luffy. You either got to get in the mood now or let it backup in your system."
He grimaced at this, trying to think again with minimal success, and then he said, "How about I trade with someone?"
"Hah!" Sanji reclined into his bunk bed, putting out his cigarette, "We set the rules in stone, Luffy, and there's no trading timeslots. Either you take your turn now, and do your business, or wait two weeks."
Luffy lifted his head to look at the only member not on their schedule, and he abruptly felt very jealous of Chopper who didn't have to deal with the hormones of his age and gender since he was a reindeer. Luffy almost wished he were a cool seven-transformation reindeer as well.
"I'd have thought you'd really be in the mood after your day," Usopp said. "You were alone in the library with Nami, and even got a handful of her butt."
"He what?" Sanji loomed over Usopp, lighting a cigarette.
Striving for peace after realizing his slip, Usopp said, "It was just a pat. Really! Barely anything!"
Sanji turned on Luffy, almost bursting into flames, "You. Shit. Eater."
"Ah?" He blinked up at his cook before digging into his pocket to toss the panties at him.
"Mellorine!" Sanji pressed the pure, white cloth to his cheek, gently rubbing against it, "Oh, sweet, beautiful goddess, how I wish you were here with me now! Feeling this lovely cloth pressed against your actual skin would be a thrill and a tease all in one!"
"That's it!" Luffy jumped out of his bed, and ran for the door.
"Huh!? Luffy, wait!" Shoving past a nearly catatonic Sanji, Usopp said, "What's it? What're you doing?"
"Getting Nami!"
Shutting the door behind him, he turned to stretch his arm out to catapult himself onto the higher deck. He knocked on the girls' door then, and crossed his arms as he waited. He heard as the door of the men's bunker opened and closed while some of the crew found places to watch in secret. They either hid on the stairs or they were tall enough to peek through the space between the railings.
The door opened, and Nami squinted out at him, "What is it?"
Grabbing her wrist, he pulled her out to let the door shut, and he said, "You got to help me get off, Nami."
She snapped to attention, absolutely appalled, "What!?"
"It's my turn tonight, and I thought you could help me get in the mood."
"Turn? What …? Why you …!" Yanking a hand free, it formed into a fist which was shook under his nose, "Coming to me in the dead of night, asking me that, and – and … smelling like something died in your hair! Why do you expect me to comply?"
"What's wrong with it? You're going to be my future wife anyway. It's just touching."
Her fist slammed into his face, sending him to the deck, "You're not touching anything until you're King of the Pirates!" With a growl, she turned to stomp into her room, "Of all the nerve!"
Luffy grinned victoriously up at the night sky before he dragged himself back to the men's room. As he rubbed his cheek, he sniggered to himself while those that had watched piled in again.
Zoro poked Sanji – who had stayed behind to marvel over the panties – with the end of his sword, "Looks like the idiot took his turn already."
"I thought he said no trading," Usopp said.
Sanji glowered at them, "Nothing happened, you shit holes. I was only admiring these fine, beautiful panties."
Luffy grinned as he realized they weren't going to tell Sanji what had just transpired, and he waved slightly before he said, "Zoro, the panties are yours."
"Hah!" Zoro snatched the panties away from Sanji before tying them around his arm beside his bandana. "Free of debt, here I come!"
"You can't sell them stretched out like that, sea green shit-face!"
He scowled, and said, "I can sell them however I want as long as there's a pervert to pay for 'em. I'll give you a special discount for a hundred million, one minute."
"Huh? One minute?" Sanji made a slight face at him, "What are you talking about?"
"We were only out there for one minute, and you're done already? That's pretty sad."
"Your face is sad, three minutes!"
"At least, three minutes is more than one!"
Sanji stood, bracing for an attack, "Too bad it's because each stick only lasts one minute themselves! Notice how there's no fourth!"
"Dartboard!"
"National treasure!"
With a grin, Luffy settled into his bunk.
Usopp lifted his head from his hammock after a moment to look at Luffy in confusion, and said, "Aren't you going to take your turn, Luffy?"
"Still not in the mood," he picked his nose with a grin, "but maybe the wait won't be so bad if I just focus on making Nami miserable."
"One minute!"
"Zoro-kun!"
"Question!"
He was soon rocked to sleep by the fight between his crewmates.
!#&()+
Man, I have a headache … also, there's about four chapters mostly ready to be uploaded. Not that they are. I'm making sure they're completely ready.
Duval: Also, LuNaFan, I doubt he could respond to you, and also, I can take care of myself. It's very true though, since you're either hiding within anonymous or you don't have an account yourself, I can't respond to you unless I do this. I suppose starting from this chapter on though, I can reply straight to the reader, and if they don't leave an e-mail, I'll just respond down here like I've been doing.
quivering quill: Nope, I'm keeping 'em short.
Saint Dezzie: Mmmm, bare back …
MewPirate: A lot of 'em seem to, but this one pulled through.
Shinjite Florana: ……… Onee-san …? Why … who … NO. Bad girl.
Confession68: Face.
waver-chan: No, no, no. His pheromones were extracted from his sweat. Pheromones don't really have a scent, which is why Nami couldn't smell anything.
wheathermangohanssj4: Pfffff.
LuNaFan: Actually, it only looks like that. The last few chapters have been a little on the unplanned side of things. Besides, Usopp helps throughout really.
!#&()+
