Author's Note: I don't really know how to describe this chapter...I just got angry with some squirrels one day and decided to use my frustration and channel it into Charlie being all whiny and whatnot, so here you have it...

Disclaimer: I don't own Dead Poets Society or any Playboy models.


Fuck squirrels.

They remind me of women. They chase after you, chattering and yelling, and then when you actually try to get near them, they run away. Squirrels and women. They're all nuts.

Case in point, the other day as I was aimlessly strolling through the Welton grounds, as I like to do so that others can bask in my awesome godliness, I came across a rather beautiful creature: Audrey Daston, the centerfold of the 1959 March issue of Playboy. I tell you, the woman is a vision. I certainly wouldn't mind working on the car she was leaning over in her picture. All blonde hair and blue eyed…not to mention nude, but that's a given, of course.

And so, I do my little chin-jut, just to make sure she knows I'm checking her out, and she does that flirty little smile-and-wave thing that all girls have pretty much perfected in order to tease men, giving me all the signals to just walk on over and sweep her off her feet. And so, being the hunk of handsome that I am, I make my way over to Ms. Daston, hands shoved casually in my pockets, a smirk plastered playfully on my face (because she's gotta love sexually playful guys, right? And that's totally what my smirk tells about me), and she steps back…as in…AWAY from me. Who in their right mind steps away from Charlie Dalton?

She bats her eyes, all apologetically, and tells me she's waiting for her boyfriend. Besides me, what guy at Welton is good enough to score a Playboy model as their girlfriend?

My answer came when I heard a nose like a blow horn.

Spaz.

Fucking Spaz.

Who gave him permission to date Audrey Daston?

He sniffed, wiping at his face with a hanky and stepping right between Audrey and me. "Who's brain damaged now?" he asks, clearly taking a jab at a comment I made about him earlier in the year.

And as I'm staring down at him in horror, what does Audrey do? She wraps her dainty little arm around his neck and begins to nibble on Spaz's ear. Right. In front. Of me.

I'm pretty sure I threw up in my mouth.

And as she's cooing to him about forgiveness and "letting the poor boy off easy" I decide that Spaz's love life is going to die the moment I learn to control my powers.

It is going to die and never come back.