A/N: Sorry for the ridiculous lack of updates, hope you like this one ;)
Jar Of Hearts
Putting on a clean shirt over my head and sending towards my window a dirty look that could kill anyone who would dare getting in my line of vision; I shake my head very slowly and snort bitterly.
Sure, I wish I could just ignore it like I've been doing since coming back… but it's just that he is really unbelievable and as I stand here and watch I can feel the way my lips hide into my mouth to form one angry thin line on my face.
It's just… God, it's just that the sight that greets me as I look out through the window really makes me feel something very close to anger and I don't know if I can ignore this anymore.
"Riggs, come here boy." I said coldly and as soon as the words are out I'm forced to see how my dog lifts his head from Randy's lap, takes a look at me and then goes back to resting his head over him.
At that little occurrence and from his place at my porch, Randy flashes me a half crooked grin, his greyish blue eyes settling on mine as his hands lazily rubs that spot behind Riggs' ear that he likes so much to be treated.
That right there makes me even angrier than before and unable to help it, I advanced towards my door, open the screen and fold my arms up to my chest. "Okay that's it, come in." I say in my bossy tone of voice and both Randy and Riggs get up. "Not you Randy, you can stay there forever. Or better yet, why don't you get out of my property never to come back."
Deaf to my words, Randy arches an eyebrow and walks right pass me, stepping into my living room and going straight ahead to sit in my sofa. "I don't think I've ever been here." He says looking around and I just watch him, not quite believing that he is there at my sofa.
The nerve of him.
"Are you aware that I can call the cops on you? I can say you're trespassing and that would be it for you… off to jail you would go." And who knows, maybe after that he'll take the hint not to bother me ever again.
Moving his head in my direction so he could look at me in the eye, Randy tilts his head and shrugs. "You wouldn't do that."
"What makes you think I won't?" I ask bluffing because we both know that I won't call the police on him. I'm too much of a good guy and that's why it is so easy for people like him to stomp over me while I let them do it. "I'll tell them that you are stalking me; that you've been following me since I left the lake, that you trespassed into my lawn to sit at my porch while I took a shower and that then you broke into my house and refused to leave. How about that?"
"Okay, go ahead and call them; but while they arrive you will hear what I have to say."
Rolling my eyes and slapping a hand to my face, I grunt. "I heard what you had to say and I'm not interested." Yes, back at the lake and right before I turned my back on him to leave him behind, he told me that he came to make things right with me.
Oh sure, I have to admit that as I drove here those words keep dancing in my head like an eternal melody that had barely begun. His voice echoed, his words prevailed and I didn't really know what to make of what he said.
That was until I walked into my house and ten minutes later he was at my porch, sitting as comfortable as he could as I watched from my window in disbelieve. Back to that moment I got mad and for a while I forgot his words, I was then only focusing in not walking out there and kicking him out.
As it was to be expected, I didn't kick him out and when he saw me looking he smiled and said nothing. From there I just ignored him, hoping that once he got tired of sitting there he was just going to leave.
Well… he didn't get tired of waiting, and now as he sits right in front of me I can't help but to remember what he said back at the lake.
'I'm here to make things right.'
Sure, those words right there can mean so much to anyone who would believe them, they can mean everything… and yet, even when they spoke volumes I don't want to listen to them. I refuse to let my spirit swell up in hopes only because it was his voice the one that spoke the words.
Because let's face it, even when I'm mad at him I can't say that I'm completely over him and after all, what he said are just words, and even when they can mean everything, they might as well mean nothing…
I can't risk being disappointed over this, not again and just because he came all the way here to 'make things right' doesn't mean that I'll forget what he said.
Blinking, I take a deep breath and let it blow out forcefully through my mouth. "Look, Randy…"
"All I'm asking is for you to listen to me. If you want me to go and leave you alone after we talk, then I do just that… but not before you listen to me."
As weird as this sounds, I start to consider listening to him. Like for real, what else can he do to me here? Rip my heart right out of my chest and chew on it? He already did that and I survived.
Sighing as my memory gets a bit caught up in our past, I look down to the floor, away from those taunting greyish eyes and I make an attempt to clear my throat. If I speak while looking into his eyes I don't think I'll be able to leave this conversation with my pride intact.
That's the last thing I want so while I look into the floor, I use a flat tone of voice to talk to him. "Talk, but be quick because I don't have all day."
You know, If I manage to keep this conversation like this, emotionless, I might be able to walk away from this with my head up high; and after I put the Randy episode behind my back, I'm so going to kill Cody.
I mean, there is no doubt in my mind that he conspired against me to favor Randy in this and that's something that needs to be settled.
Lost in my thoughts, I see out of the corner of my eye that Randy got to his feet and I immediately lift my head to look at him, watching numbly as he approaches me. Once standing in front of me, he blows out a breath and runs his hand through his jaw.
"You know, I'm not really good at this kind of stuff; but like I told you, I do want to make things right… for us."
At his words I shrug and hold onto his gaze. "We are cool…" The flatness in my voice is long gone and it comes to my mind that now I must sound like a complete dumbass! "I mean, there's nothing to make right because everything is all right. You apologized; I said it was okay so that's it. No big deal."
Oh no… tell me I just didn't ramble that!
Fighting not to cringe at my own words, I see how his lips curl in a smile and I think I'm very close to hate this man… and if not the man at least the way he reduces me into nothing.
It wasn't always like this, I wasn't always like this. Before that fateful night at Cody's I was able to talk full sentences to this man, I could touch him and look at him without wanting to kiss him or craving for a more intimate touch. Before that night, I didn't even notice that scent that I can now tell apart as solely his, the one that is now invading all my senses and making me dizzy by remembrance.
But before all that, before our idyll began and came to a tragic end too soon, he was just Randy, one of my best friend and not the man that broke what little heart I had.
Wait… did he really broke my heart or was it just an infatuation gone wrong?
Oh shit, shit, shit… this is… this is it, the reason I'm feeling like this is because I am broken hearted!
While I muse over what I feel and shouldn't feel, Randy manages to get even closer to me, his fingers finding their way to my face and staying there. "Things may be all right for you, but for me they are not even close to the way I want them to be."
I feel my heart get stuck in my throat; I think I might even throw it up! It's just that he's too fucking close to me, like very, very close…
"I screwed up. I know that and I can understand why you are mad. I have no excuse for what I said, I talked out of my ass and I regret it. I wish I've never said it, it was just that…"
"But you said it, Randy, and if it wasn't because I stupidly walked to your locker room to see you, you wouldn't be here being all sorry right now; in fact, if I wouldn't have walked into you and John talking, you would still talking behind my back with anyone who would listen to you."
"That's not true."
"And how do I know that? Randy-" I grunt and bite hard on my lips to keep myself from talking my heart out.
"I just wouldn't okay. Look, I know I made a mistake and I'm sorry, I really am. But what happened that night… I don't even know how to explain it. It was just that I was backstage getting ready and some of the guys were talking… about us; they didn't know I was there and so I listened to what they were saying. It was basically nothing, just them talking shit but somehow I let it get to me. Now I know that's no excuse, but that than night I felt like it all was too much. Then things kept adding on, I was in a mood, I was confused, overwhelmed… and I just felt like shunning you out of my mind in any way possible. It was wrong and it's the stupidest thing I've ever done."
"So what if it happens again?" I ask as his eyes dig into mine. "What if I give you this chance and after a while you hear somebody else talking shit?"
"It won't happen again."
"It already happened once, you can't say it won't repeat once again."
"I was confused back there, I'm not anymore."
"Oh so you were confused-" I laugh, but there is no humor in it. "And do you think it was easy for me? Because it wasn't. I probably had the same worries that you did, but did I turn my back on you? No I didn't, because no matter how alien it felt to be falling for you at least I was content with the fact that I was making that journey with you." I snort at the silliness of those lines. "Or that was what I thought anyway."
As soon as I'm done talking, he pulls my face to his and I allow him to do it. "I'm sorry." He mumbles, his lips merely a few inches away from mine. "I'm sorry I said those things and I'm sorry I hurt you; and I know I don't deserve it, but at least give me the chance to try to make it better…"
I blink, lost in the warmth of his eyes. "I just don't want to end up all wounded up again."
"You won't… I promise." He says caressing the side of my face with his fingers. I don't fight his touch away or his lips when they seal with mine, I just shut my mind off and let my soul thrive in sensation.
I just allow his soft warm lips to feed on mine, slowly and without haste; I allow him to coax my lips with his until they part so that his tongue could slide in, nudging and willing me into action.
He tastes like mint, sweet and refreshing. His lips on mine and his tongue dancing along mine is even better than what I remember; and as he kisses me and I kiss him back I try to remember why are we at odds.
Oh, but I remember and because of that I pull away, albeit somehow hesitant. I know in my mind that we shouldn't kiss like this anymore, but his soft breathing against my face prevents me to come with an explanation as of why.
"So what do you say?" His voice is mellow and there is an easy smile playing on his lips while his fingers bury into my hair.
Am I the only one struggling here? Because here I stand, a sea of doubts and worries drowning my brain and he is smiling as if nothing was out of place, as if his fucking words about me were something the cheer upon.
What a prick.
As that thought invades my mind, his eyes search for mine, and maybe he saw what I'm thinking reflect on them because he drops his hand away from me and sighs.
"Ted, just give us the chance to try this… I'll make it worth your while." He goes to kiss again my lips, then my checks, my temple, my neck… they are just playful kisses all over my face.
"Randy…" I mumble as a complaint. I really want to push him away, but part of me is enjoying this a little bit… ok, I'm enjoying it more than a little bit.
He pulls the sightless bit away so that he could scan my face. His eyes are shining as he looks at me, his bluish gray orbs lighting his whole face. "If you want I can kiss you until you change your mind."
I snort, I think this is the first time I witness a playful Randy and I don't know what to think. "That's not going to work so you might as well stop it now."
He stops, but the smile is still on his lips. "So what do you say… are we going to try this?"
I look at him, at his face and deep into his eyes. I think it over and come with a decision, I don't know if it's the right decision or not, but here it goes…
TBC
Cliffhanger, I know. Next one will be better ;0
