I honestly didn't think I'd get this out so quickly, but here we are. I'm so grateful to all of you who read this and have stuck with me since LYNITS, you guys are the reason that I do this. Shadow, thank you for your reviews, please never apologize for the length, I truly look forward to each of them, they flatter me and the things that you pick up on are so satisfying. I try to craft well thought out work and to see that it is recognized is a gift. Paggers, your reviews are always a wild ride and I love the work that you put into them. Thank you a million times. Also, I'm kicking around a new AU, so make sure that you follow me as an author for when that goes live. Enjoy!


"Sit." John hissed coolly after having gently given the prompt at least a handful of times.

Philip glared and sat on the folding chair between John and I. John's brows softened and he patted Philip's knee.

"But, she's gonna be sitting in front of us. I want to make sure she knows where I am." Philip whispered.

"She will, you're okay." I straightened his tie.

Thea and Burr walked down the aisle of the church after the mourners had all taken their seats. Burr held his daughter's hand. Philip fidgeted. The priest took his place at the pulpit. The funeral home fell silent. I tuned out the words he said, and set my hand, palm up across Philip's lap. John took my hand and Philip placed both of his around them. John squeezed my hand and Philip ran his fingers over the back of John's hand. Our sweet boy. He smiled up at each of us and I leaned over to kiss his cheek.

I listened half heartedly to the song that one of Theodosia's sisters sang, mostly staring at my feet, trying my hardest not to think about my own mother's funeral, about how young I was, too young to remember most of it. Younger than Philip. I remembered it nonetheless, the hot church, still no power there. The kind old woman escorting me back to the hotel I'd been placed in until they'd figured out what to do with me.

Burr stood to speak at the pulpit, I avoided looking at him, afraid seeing his grief would make my own too raw. Instead, I watched as Thea reached her hand between the backs folding chairs, fingers wiggling to catch Philip's eye, he leaned forward, letting go of his grasp on mine and John's, taking her hand into his own. John and I let each other go and I reached across the back of the chair to hold his shoulder. He nodded toward Philip and smiled at me. I smiled back, the kid was alright.

Thea gripped Philip's hand until hers turned white, he didn't budge, just kept squeezing right back, John leaned forward, resting his forearms on the back of Burr's empty chair, he smiled at Thea and wiped her cheek free of tears with a tissue he'd tucked in the pocket of his suit. He whispered something in her ear and she smiled and nodded, more tears in her eyes, John put his arm around her shoulder. She looked back at me, eyes wet and shining, I squeezed her other shoulder. John kissed her cheek and got up to deliver his eulogy. I listened to the words that I knew by heart, that I'd helped him to write once Burr asked him to speak. He executed it flawlessly and rejoined us.

The priest spoke again and led a prayer. I bowed my head and stared at the scuffs on my shoes, pretending to pray, pretending to listen. Everyone stood to leave, Philip refused to go without Thea, holding her hand tightly. They went out to the foyer of the funeral home Philip flanked her as old people and some of mine and Burr's colleagues and other people that I'm sure meant nothing to her shared their condolences. I remembered that. I remembered the half heart condolences, the words that people say when they feel obligated to say something that there are no words for. Thea took it in stride. Burr found us, his tie already loosened, I was familiar with how much like a noose they could feel when under stress, and empathized with him.

"Alright?" I asked him while John handled the kids.

"Better than I was an hour ago. Thank you, Alexander, for all that your family has done for mine." He clapped me on the shoulder.

"It's our pleasure."

"Now, where does a man have to go to get a drink?" He laughed an empty sound and walked off to be received by the mourners.

As Burr walked away, I was shocked by the force of Thea flinging her arms around me squeezing them around my waist. I petted her hair and looked down at her. I caught John's eye, he was grinning, a lopsided expression as the young girl closed her eyes and sighed.

"You doing okay, pequeña?" I asked her, hugging her back.

She looked up at me with vacant eyes and nodded, "you just give really good hugs. I wanted a hug from you, since my mama can't hug me."

Fuck. I mean, fuck. What do you do with that? I did the only thing that made sense and kept hugging her.

"I think John probably gives better hugs."

"Nope, his are pretty good, but yours are better."

John held Philip back and let Thea have her moment with me. She squeezed me a final time and let me go, "thanks," she whispered, tears glossing her eyes again.

I nodded and John took my hand. We stood there, waiting to figure out what to do next. Burr came over and talked to John, I fidgeted with my suit while John talked, their voices too low for me to understand. John returned and suggested that we take our leave.

I retrieved Philip from where he stood guard over Thea, following her every move, diligently at her side.

"Alright, hijo, we have to go now, okay?"

He stepped closer to Thea and shook his head, "no, papi, I have to stay."

"Come on, love, they're going to leave soon, too."

He shook his head, concern on his face.

"Pip, I'm okay. Go with your dad." Thea hugged him and kissed his cheek while he stared daggers at me.

John was right behind us, "see you later, Thea, call us if you need anything okay?"

She nodded, "bye, guys."

Philip looked over his shoulder, "bye, Thea, I love you, I'm sorry."

"I'm okay, Pippie, I'll be okay." She waved at him.

John and I took either of Philip's hands once we got outside. He pulled free of my grasp, glaring up at me.

I stuffed my hands in my pant pockets and walked alongside them.

"Am I still going to the zoo?" Philip asked as we descended the stairs to the subway.

"You up for it?" John asked.

"Yeah, wanna see Eliza… wanna see some leopards."

"Good deal, kiddo. She'll get you in about an hour."

"Do I have to stay fancy?" He pulled at his tie.

"You can probably switch into jeans and different shoes, but keep the up top stuff fancy."

"I hate these shoes, they're too slippy."

"No one likes them, hijo. I want to go home and change, too." I smiled, he smiled back at me, and reached out for my hand while we waited for the train.

Once we were home, we got Philip situated, still looking dapper, but slightly more appropriate for frolicking at the zoo. Eliza rang the buzzer and John let her in. She was a vision in a robin's egg blue cocktail dress, half sleeves and just skimming the ground. Her dark hair half pulled back.

"Eliza!" John exclaimed, twirling her, "babe! Look at how beautiful she is!"

I stared at her, she was stunning. My heart stuttered and my breath caught in my throat, I crossed the room and took her hands, holding her at arm's length.

"You look lovely, Betsey."

She grinned, "thank you, 'Lex. Look at you, all snazzy, too. Bet you're ready to put on sweatpants, though aren't you."

I shrugged, "some things never change."

John rested his forearm against my shoulder and leaned on me, "I mean, I get it, babe, 'cause dang, I've been gay for twenty years, but phew! Eliza!"

She giggled and blushed, "oh, stop it, John."

Philip plodded down the stairs in his more comfortable attire, and gasped, "whoa! Eliza you look like a princess!"

"Well then it's only fair that I should be escorted by a prince." She bent and offered him her hand which he bowed and took, kissing the back.

"Did you teach him that?" I whispered to John.

"Nope." He giggled.

"Have fun, guys," I stooped to talk to Philip, pretending to whisper, "don't keep her out all night."

Philip flashed an 'a-okay' sign, "got it!" and ran ahead to hold the door.

We wished them well and went upstairs to change out of our funeral garb.

"Well… today went alright." John sighed from inside our closet.

I stepped out of my shoes and unzipped my pants, "yeah, the service was nice. You did a great job."

"Couldn't have done it without you," he reappeared from the closet, still dressed, I cocked my head at him, "take me out to a nice dinner?"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Please, come on, let's go on a date, we both look so nice." he spun in a circle, and grinned at me.

I tucked my shirt back in and zipped up my pants, "I'm not wearing a tie." I pulled it free from my neck and unbuttoned the top two buttons on my shirt, "this is the best I've got."

"Perfect," he stared at me and sucked his bottom lip between his teeth, "better, actually."

"So, what horrible fancy place are we off to? It's Saturday night and we don't have reservations."

"I'll pull some strings." He offered me his hand, much like Eliza had to our son, and I mimicked Philip and bowed to kiss it.

"I still have no idea where he got that from." I chuckled.

"Dude, me either, but that was maybe the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"Everything about that kid is cute, though. Did you see him get all pissy with me earlier?"

"You took him away from his girl, you monster." He giggled.

"I know, Alexander Hamilton, certified monster."

"Man, that kid cracks me up."

"I know, he's really something."

"Has he done his poem for you?"

"What?"

"Oh, man, he hasn't? It's a treat."

"Damn, I love that kid."

"Me, too. Now, come on, let's go!"

I let him lead the way, a metaphor for my life, I'd follow that man anywhere. He took us to a place, lit in glowing candles, tables draped in fine cloth. We waited together for a half hour before his name was called, he schmoozed the host, thanking her for fitting us in.

"You're something. I don't know how you do that." I smirked once we were seated.

His lip curled, "grew up watching my dad."

I nodded and looked at the menu. We ordered and I got a mildly horrified look from the waiter when ordering my pedestrian rum and coke as opposed to the suggested added wine pairing. John leaned forward and took my hands while we waited for the first course. He looked so pretty in the soft flicker of the candles.

Our first course came out and it looked disappointingly unlike pizza. I figured out how to eat the tiny portion of shaved smoked salmon with some sort of berry and chive thing happening on it while John happily ate a too pretty vegetarian radish and something else ridiculous. The meal continued in a confusing array of artful, design over function food that became less shocking with every overpriced rum and coke I sipped.

By the final course, we were mostly full despite only having three tiny mismatched bites of each plate. John beamed at me, happy when I would actually relent and go with him to one of these absurd restaurants. I loved seeing him happy, relaxing, for just a few hours, not having to be everyone's everything. We waited for the bill which amounted to a month's rent in my first studio. I checked my phone while he paid, seeing texts from Eliza.

Hi, Alex! Everything's great, but it's running later than expected. This is good, though, the auction went incredibly well. The center made so much! Anyways, should I keep Philip? He's asking about a sleepover. You're the boss.

"Everything okay?" John asked, signing the credit card slip.

"Yeah, all good. Want the house to ourselves tonight?" I winked at him.

"Ooh, Eliza wants to keep him?"

"He's asking if he can."

"Done."

I texted her back to confirm.

"Hey, Jack?" I rested my chin on the heel of my hand.

"Yeah?" He looked at me across the table.

"Can I take you out dancing?"

He blinked in disbelief, "you… you want to?"

"It's been a while. Let's go. You want to invite Laf and Hercules?"

"Uh, yeah, sure. I'll call them."

We left the upscale restaurant and headed toward one of the clubs he liked to go to. He called Lafayette who was free, even more surprising was that Hercules was as well. They agreed to join us. John was giddy as we entered the club, we reserved a table and set down our jackets before ordering drinks. Our friends joined us in record time. I let John lead me out to the dance floor and watched in awe as he danced on me, his body moving sensually to the music. After a few songs, I retired to our table, Hercules caught my eye and they sat with us. Lafayette finished his drink and stared at John.

"Mon ami?" He gestured to the dancefloor.

"Bye, babe." John kissed my cheek and I watched him and Lafayette make their way to open spot on the dancefloor, looking to all the world like a couple.

I smirked, watching them dance, seeing the grin that split John's face as Lafayette twerked against him, he caught my eye and gave a little wave before helping Laf back up and grinding on him.

Hercules and I shared a laugh.

"How the hell are you, stranger?" I asked Hercules.

"Never better, man. I mean, does it get better than dressing J. Lo for the Met Gala?"

"I… I guess when you put it that way."

"Sure sorry to hear about your friend, though, man. That's rough, and they've got that little girl Pip's age."

I nodded, "it's a shame."

We chatted for a while, watching our husbands dance with each other, heads thrown back in laughter, drinks in their hands.

"Laf really wants a kid." Hercules changed the subject.

"Yeah? How about you?"

He laughed and took a sip of his drink, "you know, I don't know. I see you guys with Pip, and I see Laf with him and, yeah, I love how he is with him. You know, he's such a good man, but I don't know. I'm still not really home. I just don't know."

"It's hard, it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. I'm serious… I make a million mistakes, like, every goddamn day. And the travel thing is hard. John was supposed to be out of town this week, but he sent someone else, that's the nice thing about being so high up."

Herc nodded into his whiskey.

"There's no rush, though, man. Take your time. You don't want to do this thing half-assed."

He smiled and our husbands returned.

"Come dance with me!" Lafayette pleaded, dragging Hercules off the lounge, he gave in and followed Lafayette whose tall, lanky body cut through the crowd with ease.

"You're not having a terrible time are you?" John whispered in my ear.

"Not at all, you were sexy out there." I sucked the corner of his jaw and he shuddered as a chill hit his spine.

"Would you like to dance with me?"

I finished my drink and followed him.