Chapter six – He has a wife/Lost again

She saw fear and guilt in his eyes as he talked to her, but above all that she's sure she saw relief – relief to finally see her again.

"I'm Addison Shepherd." it hit her like a wave of cold water, it made her freeze on her feet in shock. She knew what the 'Shepherd' meant, she knew the woman wasn't his sister or cousin. But she had to ask, to make sure that the second thing in her life who made her feel good was really ending.

"Shepherd?"

She almost imagined what her words would be before she pronounced them. "And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

She felt her own face get paler, she watched as the world around her kept rolling while she couldn't move. Then, in a mere second everything became clear again, normal. She ran outside in the rain, hoping nobody would notice her little tears falling down.

xxx

"Derek's married. I win." she said.

"McDreamy's McMarried? McAss!"

Her friend's words should have made her feel like laughing, but she just felt lost. Lost, lost more than ever.

"Mom, is Dr. McDreamy coming over tonight? I wanna show him my new toy car." her son asked her later.

"Not tonight, honey." and it almost break her, to say those words. Almost. Almost, because she had to be strong; strong for her lovely son and for herself. She couldn't allow herself to get back to the place where she was before Denny's birth. So, they almost break her.

She felt lost, though. She couldn't kick away the feeling. It was a painful déjà vu, an horrible sensation of emptiness. And she hoped not to fall in the vortex again. She prayed for Derek to become only a little piece of memory that didn't hurt, that didn't slice her. She wished he hadn't become, in those short months of dating, as important as he was. Otherwise, she was done for. She wouldn't be able to cancel him off her mind.