Chapter 7 - How To Succeed In Fraud Without Really Trying

Friday, May 24th, 2013 - Days Married: 144

"Are you nervous?" Her eyebrows are pulled together seriously, but Mindy's smiling.

He disengages his death grip from the armrest one finger at a time. "No."

"That's good. Because it seems like a well-educated man, a doctor even, who understands odds and deals with split second life and death decisions on a regular basis, would know that statistically flying is the safest form of travel." Danny nods his agreement to every word she says and tries to ignore how the recycled air is kind of nauseating.

"It's just that you look nervous. My mistake." Mindy goes back to the magazine propped on her tray table (which should be up and secured) and slides through the glossy pages slowly.

Once the ascension is over, his ears finished popping uncomfortably, the seat belt sign unlit, and they're gliding smoothly along at thirty thousand feet, he feels perfectly relaxed. He's engrossed in his book when the drink cart comes along. They split a can of Coke, and once the flight attendant has moved to the next row Danny gives Mindy his shortbread cookie and she offers him some of her tiny pretzels in exchange.

He's midway through a paragraph when she turns toward him, pulling a knee up in the seat. She doesn't have to make any more overtures than that for him to know to replace the bookmark and give her his full attention.

"So why don't you like flying?"

"It's not that I don't like it," he says, knowing it's no kind of explanation.

"Then what is it?"

Danny's never been one to self-analyze, so it takes him a minute to articulate something more than, it makes me uncomfortable. Waiting patiently, she sips her drink, the few rapidly-melting cylinders of ice in the cup clinking against her teeth.

"Um, I guess I don't love that once you're on board and the plane starts taxiing, that's it. There are no other options. You're stuck."

"Like claustrophobia or something?"

"No. Or - not entirely. It's just being at someone else's mercy until we touch down and those doors open again. No matter what happens, there's nothing I can do about it."

"So it's about control."

Hearing it phrased so frankly makes it sound a little crazy, but yeah; it's completely about losing control. Danny shrugs and nods. "Yeah, I guess. Ultimately. I know it's ridiculous to think anyone has control over their own fate or whatever, but there's still this illusion that we all do. I don't know. There's always this moment when I fly when I realize how little control I have over anything. It makes me feel. . ." He struggles to name it.

"Scared?" she offers, regarding him in that soft way she does every once in a while when she's truly invested and listening.

"No, not that exactly. Small. Insignificant. Like no matter what, my life is completely in someone else's hands." He cuts his eyes, looking at her under the veil of his lashes. "That sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

"No, I get it." Mindy lays a hand light on his arm. "It's kind of exciting though, isn't it? Surrendering. It's like falling in love. It's terrifying and exhilarating, and there comes a point where there's nothing you can do about it. You have to trust that the other person isn't going to crash and burn with your heart. That's part of the fun of it."

"Describing love that way doesn't actually make it sound fun either. Sounds more like a war zone."

She tuts at him. "You're just saying that because you're jaded and need a girlfriend."

"Hey. I see people."

"Sure you do," she says disbelievingly, and he knows it's pointless to insist any further. "And you're not wrong. Love is totally a war zone. It's all just - friendly fire everywhere, dark-secret landmines, and all kinds of collateral damage."

"That does actually sound very accurate, yes."

"Mmm."

"Is that why you're thinking about seeing Josh while we're out here?" Danny doesn't like that even a little bit. That scumbag doesn't deserve a moment of her time. He's a shithead for even calling her in the first place. Like Josh clearing his conscience is going to do anything but hurt Mindy.

"Maybe. It was all very abrupt. Within the span of an hour I was happy and in love - or almost maybe close to being in love anyway - and then it was done. Until this morning, the last time I spoke to him was at the Christmas party. He never even asked for his stuff back." She's plucking at the fabric of his sleeve absently. "Casey raised some good points about it. Closure might be good. I can muster armistice for half an hour."

"I don't like it." Danny should keep his damn mouth shut. It isn't any of his business. Although it feels like it is if the end result is her getting hurt again.

Mindy snorts a laugh. "Do you not now? Well buddy, your opinion is noted. Thank you. But you don't really have a say."

"I didn't suggest I did."

"True."

"So you're going to do it then?"

She takes a deep breath and turns her head to peer out the window for a moment before meeting his gaze again. "Yeah. I think I am. So go ahead. Out with it. Tell me all the reasons you think that's stupid."

Danny pushes his bottom lip up in an almost-frown, and shakes his head. "No. You know what's best for you. Doesn't matter if I don't like it. I won't try and change your mind."

"Oh." Her brow is pulled tight in surprise and confusion. "Okay."

Mindy shifts facing forward again, leg bending back to the floor, and he picks up his Koontz novel. He waits a good long time before finishing his thought. It's a bit overly dramatic, in a way that's a lot like the woman seated next to him. "Doesn't mean I'm not going with you."

"Like hell you are." Without even looking up from the page, he can feel her eyes flash from the seat-back TV screen to him. "Why would you even want to go with me?"

"I didn't say I wanted to. I said that I was." Slowly he looks up to find her frowning so severely he can't stop the smile that twitches at his mouth. "What? You think I'm going to let you go into a war zone by yourself? Now who's the one talking crazy?"


There are lines to check in. Apparently every single person attending the conference arrived at the hotel at the same time. Jeremy and Morgan both chose the faster moving line, and by the time Mindy rolls her giant suitcase up to the desk in front of him, Danny thinks he spies the two other men headed toward the resort's bar.

"Checking in. It will be under Shulman & Associates."

"What's your name, ma'am?"

"Dr. Mindy Lahiri."

The clerk, whose name tag reads Dillon, keys in a few things, his typing speed and frown accelerating at the same rate. "Um."

Mindy's tapping a single, manicured nail on the rough-hewn wood counter, already antsy from having to wait nearly half an hour. "Is there a problem?"

"I - uh. There appears to be, yes. There's no record of a reservation under your name."

Danny steps up next to Mindy, shifting his bag, and leans an elbow against the counter. "The other two people in our party have already checked in. There are no other rooms listed under Shulman & Associates?"

"Just one." The young man shrugs. The other one must be his. Their trip has been booked for months. How can the hotel have lost just her reservation and no one else's? "I'm guessing it's yours, sir. A Queen Suite for Dr. and Dr. Castellano?"

Danny's jaw clenches hard, locking, and he can feel his face starting to redden. Catching the look, Dillon begins to ramble somewhat frantically. "I'm very sorry. Let me get our manager. I promise we'll do everything we can to straighten this out."

He's about to tell him there's no need, clearly Mrs. Dr. Castellano and her fucked up sense of humor is the culprit. He's about to say just that when the back of Mindy's hand smacks his chest hard.

"I cannot believe you did this. What? Did you think it would be funny?" She lowers her voice from the worked-up pitch. "What if Morgan or Jeremy heard this? Can you imagine how embarrassing it would be to have to explain? I am NOT sharing a room with you."

"You think I did thi-"

"What could possibly be so embarrassing?" The sudden clap of Jeremy's hand on Danny's shoulder makes him flinch.

"Uhh." Danny stumbles, looking to Mindy for any help at all. Her eyes are wide and hold nothing but mild panic within them. "Nothing. Just. Tiny mix up. I thought you were getting a drink."

"Just exploring the place," Jeremy turns his attention to address the clerk. "This is a lovely facility."

"Thanks." Dillon says, looking just as confounded as Danny feels.

"So. You two lovebirds find your little surprise?" He's squeezing both Danny and Mindy's shoulders, towering between them.

"What the hell have you been telling people, Danny?" Mindy growls at him through clenched teeth.

"Nothing!" He turns his attention back to their partner. "Why did you do this? Or - maybe more importantly - how the hell did you find out?"

"Hard to keep a budding love affair like yours secret for long." Turning his attention away again, Jeremy addresses the young man. "They'll need two key cards, please."

"Wait. I still need my own room."

"And ruin your belated honeymoon? That would be a shame." Danny's fingers twitch to clench into a fist at the saccharine sound of Jeremy's voice.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Lahiri. There are no other rooms available. We've been booked solid for this conference since the end of April." Now that Jeremy has opened his big mouth, Dillon looks much more dismissive and less inclined to be helpful.

"You heard the man. All booked." Jeremy takes the key cards, and before either of them can protest further, he ushers them away. The two middle-aged women next in line sigh with relief as they go.

They sit down in a cluster of deep, perfectly worn, brown leather chairs surrounding the stacked-stone fireplace in the lobby. Danny races to think of the least embarrassing way to tell the story, to make it clear it's not how he's interpreting it. And he's weighing how much he's willing to offer for Jeremy's silence.

Before he can decide where to start, Mindy beats him to the punch. "This isn't what it looks like."

"I haven't the slightest idea what you think it looks like. But I can assure you I don't want to know what it actually is." His tone has changed completely, Jeremy dropping the sweetness.

"Why are you doing this, man?" Danny asks, curiosity getting the better of him trying to be cool. "And how do you know?"

"I'm the managing financial partner." He's looking at them like this should explain everything. He sighs when he's met with nothing but blank stares. "Our accountants send me any payroll changes with our quarterly tax statements."

Danny still doesn't get it, but the way a fierce blush is rising on the apples of Mindy's cheeks, he thinks she does. "What did you do?" he asks her perhaps a bit too forcefully. She shrugs and won't meet his gaze.

"She did what I'm assuming would, in a court of law, be considered tax fraud."

"Mindy!"

"What?! It's not fraud! Legally we're married. And if you hadn't already spent six months 'working on' the annulment I wouldn't have done it. Do you have any idea how many tax breaks there are for married people? My paycheck is like a thousand dollars more a month now."

"It hasn't been six months," he grumbles. It's inane, yet it's all Danny can find to say. "I told you I'm working on it, and I am. I just found out last week I'm going to have to get Judge Markaway's signature, since she was our witness. So... I am working on it. And if you think I'm doing such a terrible job at it, why don't you do it yourself?"

"Janet Markaway? Your patient?" Jeremy waves a hand in dismissal when Danny opens his mouth to confirm the question. "Never mind. I don't want to know. Whatever this is," he makes a face at them, "I want to maintain as much plausible deniability as possible in case I'm called to testify. I refuse to be deported because of your shenanigans."

He stands to walk away, smoothing his dark, knit sweater. Mindy grabs his sleeve before he can go. "Wait. If you at least get that it isn't real, why are you doing this?"

"Same as you. Money. You two sharing a room is saving the practice nearly $1,500.00. If you need a better reason than that, you may think of it as punishment for defrauding the United States federal government. I'm choosing to think of it as the first contribution to a legal fund we hopefully will never have to use."

Mindy huffs and falls back dramatically in the chair. "I hate you more than a little bit right now. Just so you know."

"There was never a doubt. I promise you'll be grateful if we have to retain a tax attorney." He pats her hand gently before smiling bawdily. "Have fun settling in, you two. See you at the dinner tonight."

It takes a few minutes sitting in complete silence for Danny to sort through everything that just happened. Perhaps shockingly, he comes to the conclusion that it could be a lot worse. At least he's not committing tax fraud. If that's even what Mindy's doing. She isn't wrong that currently in the eyes of the law they are married, neither of them going into it with the intention to defraud anyone. It also doesn't sound like anyone other than Jeremy and their accountants even know what's going on. And none of them want any of the embarrassing details. So basically the only thing left as a concern is them sharing a room.

Danny looks over at his friend. The woman who is still technically his wife. Mindy's eyes are closed and she's pushing and tugging on the long handle of her suitcase, methodically rolling it back and forth in front of her. She's probably very messy. Clearly there will be stuff strewn everywhere since she packed for a month-long journey and not a long weekend. But he knows from the doctors lounge that she only snores occasionally, and even then it isn't very loud. If bunking together is the most dire thing to come of all this, Danny thinks maybe they're actually coming out easy.

"Hey. Min-"

"Don't say it. I know that it was stupid. I didn't realize I was going to have to fill out all new W-4 forms. I'll change it back as soon as we get home."

"That's not what I was going to say."

"Oh." She opens her eyes and sits up a little straighter.

"I'm going to put my luggage in my - in our room." He stands, picking up his small leather case. "And then I'm going to the bar and ordering a very large drink. Wanna come?"

"Yes!" She nods enthusiastically. He's taken the suitcase handle from her grasp and is rolling it toward the bank of elevators when she catches up with him. Mindy loops her arm through his. "You're a very understanding man sometimes, Danny. If I had to accidentally drunk-marry someone, I'm glad it was you."

"I'm going to remind you you said that."

"I'm sure you will. Right now I don't even care."