Chapter 6: School
Hitori looked annoyed at her husband as he demonstrated the use of his old wand, a 12 and a half inch Dogwood with Grimm fur wand he had since he was 17 and his psychotic cousin's fiancé snapped his old one (12 inches, Dogwood with dragon heartstring). So far he had turned the dinner mats into bubbles, levitated her dress, the pervert, Turned into a shaggy dog, Changed the table a bright red and gold and destroyed that ugly vase she'd been trying to break for months as to not hurt her sister's feelings.
"I'd apperate but I don't fancy loosing a leg, the devil magic around the town screws with mine." Sirius explained with a careless shrug. He then turned to harry. "So pup, did we win the war and you're not on vacation?"
"No." Harry muttered, shaking his head. "Voldemort the bastard, he destroyed everything, luna Identified it as a doomsday rune grid, he literally destroyed everything."
"Mother fucker!" Sirius snapped.
"Lord forgive him." Asia prayed out of habit, a soft golden glow enveloping her form briefly. Harry and Issei were quickly on the ground withering in agony, Holy aura striking at their nerves like a crucio from Voldemort and Bellatrix combined, Issei would later compare it to being covered in paper cuts, swimming in molten concentrated hydrochloric acid and having the Kendo club beat the shit out of him for a month straight aiming only for his nuts.
Hermione was quickly hugging Harry delicately as to not harm him further, Asia began rapid apologies and Ginny conjured a small vile and cried into it, figuring as she was a human Pheonix hybrid then she may have healing tears. Sirius could only use an Incarcerous on his son to stop his thrashing as he knew his magic had little effect on Devils due to how saturated they are with magic anyway.
"Asia, shush." Issei groaned pitifully as he twitched from such a close proximity prayer he had to endure.
There was a muted gold flash and a cut up turnip appeared. Remembering the results from last time, Hermione placed one on Harry's forehead, making him sigh in relief. Hitori quickly did the same for her son Issei.
"Asia, please be more careful." Sirius stated. "I'm being seriously Sirius here."
Hitori cuffed him around his head hard. She got sick of that joke by her third date with him. It was at this time a second golden flash happened and Luna appeared.
"Miss Lovegood?" Sirius asked in shock.
"Oh, hello stubby Boardman." Luna replied distantly, as if she was looking right through him, and probably was.
"Its Luna alright." Sirius groaned, slumping. "Why do you always insist that I'm my cousin?"
"I do?" Luna asked, genuinely confused. "That is most odd, anyway I just had a small chat with my wayward son." She smiled a bit too cheerfully.
[Heaven, 30 Minutes earlier.]
Luna marched er...skipped towards the main hall of heaven, twenty golden wings had sprouted from her back with how focused she was on disciplining her son Michael. She reached the front door in no time and literally kicked them open. "HONEY! I'M HOOOOME!" She called loudly, vocational bags in her hands and a black hat on her head, giving the impression of mouse ears.
"KAAAA-SAAAAAAANNNN!" Cried a blond missile who tacked her into a tight hug, tears in her eyes.
"Gabby my little girl!" Luna grinned brightly,of all her children, Gabrielle and Castielle were her favorite daughters, Azazel her favorite son, no matter how big of a pervert he was, that didn't mean she wouldn't introduce him to a frying pan though for him, Abalon and Ddraig peeking on her in the hotsprings back in 1231. "Look at you! Still my precocious little snorlak aren't you?" She giggled.
"Michael-sama said you died! How are you back mum?" Gabby cried happily as tears ran down her face in a steady stream.
"I went on vacation and I'm going to have some rather naughty words with him okay and I don't want you to copy them, understand?" Luna asked seriously. Gabby nodded in agreement, she had heard her mum rant before, she had no idea what a "cockbite" or a "Bastardized cunt-face" was but neither sounded very nice. "MICHAEL GET IN HERE NOW!" Luna screamed at the top of her lungs making the entire hall shake.
A scared shitless angel in robes with silver wings flew in from a side hall nervously and looked like he was about to turn tail and run at the sight of Luna. Luna was quicker and grabbed his ear like a human mother would a misbehaving child.
"OWOWOWOWOW!" Michael cried in pain as Luna brought him towards her throan and sat down, placing him on her lap, ass up.
"MICHAEL YOU [Redacted] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] HOW DARE YOU LIE TO THE HUMANS AND MY LITTLE GABBY I WILL [REDACTED] YOU WITH A [REDACTED] WHILE I [REDACTED] [REDACTED] YOU AND [REDACTED] [REDACTED] PURPLE HAT!" Luna screamed, each word was punctuated with a swift slap on the angel's bare ass leaving the man crying in pain and embarrassment by the end of it as half of heaven had gathered to see what was going one, many were ecstatic to see their mother again, many more however were wanting to have some rather choice words with Michael for telling them she was dead but all of them winced at the spanking, Nobody but nobody wished to get her to that stage, it was said to be worse than falling from grace according to Azazel who had experienced both, the former on numerous occasions. Poor, poor Azazel.
[Issei's place, current time]
"So, you're God?" Hitori asked, not sure weither she should bow or cross he heart like she had seen nuns doing.
"Yep, I am God but please, just call me Luna." The blond smiled whistfully before looking at Asia. "Yay one of my wives is here!"
"W-what? But I have to remain pure to serve you?" Asia asked in confusion, still confused as to how she hadn't been smote yet.
"That was my son's ideology Asia." Luna waved it off. "Nuns are essentially my own private Harem."
"WHAT?!" Everyone cried in disbelief.
"Don't believe me? The bible is actually just a bunch of Porn." Luna stated with wiggling eyebrows and a perverted grin. "Including Vore, BDSM, devine sex and others." She giggled perversely.
"MUM/HITORI BUY ME A BIBLE!" Sirius and Issei beged at once.
"NO PORN!" Hitori snapped, cuffing them both around their heads, her so was soon on the floor crying in dispear and Sirius was becrying how unfair she was and how he should of married that Kitsune he met in a bar in Kyoto.
