The following chapter has mature content, so please be warned :) (Sidenote: I am new to FF, and therefore also new to... Mature content. I hope I have done it justice, it was rather... Difficult for me to come up with some of the stuff! I'm not all for intense, crazy detail, but hopefully there's enough there to not be too disappointing!)

Let me know how I'm going, you guys give me the confidence to keep going!


After returning Merrill back to her home in the Alienage to rest, Hawke returned to the Estate for the night. She was exhausted not only from the battle earlier in the day, but her thoughts would not stop running circles in her head. Why in the world did she feel the need to flirt with Anders? What would have happened had Anders not been there to help Merrill? Should she go talk to Fenris? The last thought made her stomach pang in worry. She was so furious at the way he had acted, but she still wished that he would have asked for her help. She wanted to be there for him.

She changed in her room, unbuckling the heavy armour and placing it in a trunk before slipping into her familiar soft robe. Even though Isabela would always make fun of Hawke's choice in 'finery', there was nothing more relaxing than feeling the soft fabrics against aching limbs and bruised skin. A small scar was all that was left of the wound on her arm, and as she touched it briefly she felt a pleasant jolt, as if Anders had touched her with that blue light again. Taking a deep breath to settle her heart, she sat down at her desk to write in her journal, something she only did when she particularly missed talking to Bethany. She would write each entry down as 'Dear Bethany,' and send the pages to her when she had the chance. She had only ever received one letter back to tell Hawke she was doing okay, and only that was a favour from Cullen who hesitantly handed it over, making sure no one was watching. As far as Hawke was concerned, The Gallows were a prison but Bethany was no prisoner.

There was a light knock at the door, and Bodahn slowly entered the room. He bowed deeply.

"Lady Hawke, there is a visitor in the entrance room for you."

"Is it Anders?" Hawke cursed at herself for the hopefulness she heard in those words.

"No, messere, it is Fenris."

Hawke grinded her teeth, "I'll come down in a moment."

Bodahn left her and she closed her journal before taking a quick look in the mirror where the circles under her eyes had become an awful bruise, her eyes themselves were bloodshot. What a treat, Hawke thought. She braced herself for the confrontation ahead.

Fenris was sitting, as usual, with his head between his hands. Hawke was trying to decide what attitude she should take towards this particular Fenris encounter; angry or hurt? Nonchalant or hypersensitive? Fenris raised his head towards her as she entered and the look on his face completely knocked any preparation out of her. He looked anxious, his eyebrow knotted upwards in a worried frown, his lips parted as if to speak but no words came. She hardly ever saw him like this, the last was possibly when he told her of the Fog Warriors, which she knew was difficult for him. All the anger diffused completely and she was just left exhausted. It was too much, everything was too much. It wasn't fair that he kept doing this to her; breaking her heart with harsh words and then making her forget everything with a simple look. She couldn't keep doing this.

The silence stretched on until Hawke finally had the courage to break it.

"Fenris," She croaked out, "Today has been a day I would rather forget. First, I was sick with worry when you tell of me of Hadriana, so I drop everything to help you. And then after it all, you just leave me there in that horrible place. Even when I called out to you. When I knew that you needed me, you just left. And then Merrill... Merrill was almost dead in Avelines arms. I can't get her empty, pale face out of my head. She was so close. So close. She nearly died helping me. Helping you. And I miss Bethany. I miss her so much, Fenris. I haven't slept properly since she left, I can't eat. My life is missing her disapproving little smile in that chair." The tears started pouring, and Hawke struggled to see through them, smearing her sleeve across her eyes.

"And you say that she is tainted. That magic ruined her. That magic destroyed my sister, my father. The most important people in my life. And I'm lonely. This house is too big and I'm alone all the time and I can't take it anymore. And I'm tired. I'm so, so tired. I just want to sleep. And I just want you leave, please. Just leave," Hawkes voice cracked and she looked away from him, just pointing to the door while trying to gain some composure.

Fenris stood.

"No."

"No, what?"

"No, I will not leave."

Hawke scoffed, wiping her eyes, "This isn't one of those funny little back-and-forth things we do. You need to get out of my house."

"I won't. Not until you have heard what I need to say."

"I swear to Andraste, Fenris, get out of my house."

"I will not move."

"GET OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE!" Hawke screamed, tears flying through the air as her face was taken over by incredible pain and sadness. She fell to the bench behind her and just cried. And cried. Releasing everything, after holding it in for so long felt gratifying. She would normally be kicking herself for being so pathetic, but she just didn't care at that moment. She just needed to cry.

Fenris moved across the room and sat next to her, taking her hand, which she held tightly until her sobbing slowed and she moved closer to him. He allowed her to rest her head in the nook of his neck until she calmed down, and they sat like that for what seemed like hours. Just holding each other and breathing.

"I'm sorry, Ophelia," Fenris muttered into her soft hair, "I should not have taken my anger out on you. I thought I could control it, but this... Hate is overwhelming. I could not see Hadriana and not be reminded of everything that had happened, of what she would inflict on me. I... I feel as if I am never truly free. But you did not deserve those words. I am sorry."

"I know. Thank you."

Fenris pulled himself suddenly away from Hawke, releasing her hand and standing. He seemed uncomfortable.

"Uh, are you okay?" Hawke said, confused.

"Yes. I am just not used to being so..."

"Pathetic?" Hawke offered.

"That... Would be a word for it."

"Ah yes, the familiar shame. I know it well. But being pathetic has its benefits I've found, I can cry for far too long and people will actually comfort me! It's rather ingenious."

Fenris coughed a laugh, "Somehow I don't see myself crying, Hawke."

"Now that you mention it, that would be very weird. Don't cry."

A quick smile danced across Fenris' lips and Hawke couldn't help but grin goofily back, completely besotted. Which she hated, but honestly couldn't care less while he looked at her in that way.

He nodded and angled himself towards the door, "Right, well, good night Hawke."

If Hawke had a mouthful of water at that moment, she would have spat it out across the room.

"Are you actually serious, Fenris?"

"I have said what I needed..."

"No. You're not leaving."

"I distinctly remember you screeching at me to leave not too long ago."

"That was then, this is now. You can't possibly expect to leave for the night after that brilliantly breathtaking performance."

"Breathtaking what?"

"I honestly can't believe you're trying to make a runner."

"I am not 'making a runner.'"

"You fool," Hawke sighed, before saying quietly, "I want you to stay."

"I don't think that's a good idea Hawke."

"Just stay," She said, reaching out and touching his arm.

A bright glowing blue overcame him, as his lyrium tattoos coursed with energy. He grabbed Hawke and pushed her against the wall, none too lightly. He looked at her furiously as he held her there, but then his eyes focused on her face and the glowing faded. She stared into his eyes with surprise, but then the hint of a smile played upon her lips and she reached up and kissed him hard and fervently. The anger and passion that had been boiling under the surface in both of them was thrown into each grasp, each grope, each tongue flicking along lips. Hawke took Fenris and turned, pinning him against the wall, and he gasped against her lips before pulling her closer. He seemed to like Hawke rubbing against him, paying special attention to his lower half, and Hawke liked the sharp points of his armour digging into her flesh. Their warm breath mingled as their mouths opened to each other, chapped lips brushing and tongues swirling in each other's mouths. Fenris reached downwards and grasped Hawkes ass, pulling it upwards and bringing her to rub smoothly across his hardening groin, making both of them moan slightly. The red robe was being untied when Hawke stopped suddenly, looking behind her.

"I think I heard someone."

"I think you need to keep focused," Fenris gently nuzzled her neck, licking the place beneath her ear. Hawke shuddered with pleasure.

"Fenris... Oh gosh... Oh please, s-stop it. I heard someone," Tearing her head away and walking over to the lounge archway. She heard quick footsteps upstairs and a door shutting softly. Fenris came up behind her and slipped his hands around her waist.

"Who was it?" His hands were sliding down lower and Hawke slapped them, even though she liked where this was all going.

"Mother. Maker, if she saw anything I will go on a murderous rampage."

"I like it when you get murderous," Fenris growled in her ear. Hawke almost collapsed at that very moment, but instead decided to take him to the privacy of her room.

As soon as they entered, Fenris shut the door behind them and strode towards Hawke who was standing in front of the bed. His eyes were full of lust and hunger, leaving Hawke deliciously frightened at what he would do to her. He immediately ripped the robe from her body, throwing it across the room while kissing and gently biting her neck. Hawke, panting and gasping, reached over and began unbuckling his chest plate and spiked pauldrons. Her shaking fingers were slipping on the leather straps so Fenris pulled away roughly and began tearing at them in desperation, wanting to feel his skin against hers. The armour fell in a noisy heap on the floor, as did his gauntlets and belt. All that was left was his thick leather pants and vest. Both Hawke and Fenris paused for a moment, looking at each other and finally realising what they were actually doing.

"Well... Let's get to it then?" Hawke said, blushing, suddenly aware that she was only in her undergarments (while pushing her chest out a little more).

"Yes. I suppose we shall."

"I mean. You want to, right?"

Fenris looked at her steadily, his eyes flashing with desire. "For months I have wanted nothing more."

"Huh! Same here."

"I'm glad we agree."

"Yes. That's great! All decided then."

"Yes. Decided."

"Right. Okay."

Fenris looked amused now, his lips turning upward in a half smile which made Hawkes knees weak.

"You seem unsure," he said slowly.

"No, I'm definitely not. I just, can't really believe it's... Well... Happening, I suppose."

"This is unusual; hesitancy isn't usually your reaction to... Anything."

"Yes, yes, I'm a rip, shit and bust kinda girl. I know."

Fenris took a step closer and brushed her jaw line. Without the gauntlets, Hawke could see his fingers were long and slim, callused but soft.

"Why the sudden hesitation then?" He asked softly.

Hawke opened her mouth to answer, but the answer seemed too... Pathetic. That was becoming a favourite word of hers it seemed. Fenris raised his eyebrows at her lack of speech, and so he kissed her gently, hoping to pry the words from her mouth if need be. He then waited expectantly, clearly not going to pursue further until she had told him what was holding her back.

"Fine," She sighed. "I guess I just don't want this to be... Meaningless."

"You don't want to just 'rip, shit and bust' then?" Fenris smirked.

"That is a revolting phrase in this context, don't ever say it again! ... But yes, basically," She looked ruefully at him. "But I mean, if that's what you want..."

"That is not what I want."

"It isn't?"

"Not in the slightest."

She replied back by putting her arms around the nape of his neck and kissing him fully on the lips. Their foreheads rested against each others for a moment before Fenris pulled away and began removing his vest. He did so slowly and carefully, making sure not to make eye contact. He seemed almost shy as his swirling tattoos were revealed, glowing against the golden light of the fireplace. Hawke ran her hands gently across one that passed down his chest and he shuddered.

"Do they hurt?"

"A little."

"Oh, sorry."

"It is not always an unpleasant pain."

Hawke moved her hand lower, following the largest lyrium vein to the waist of his pants.

"Hmm... I wonder what colour they are..."

"My underclothes?"

"Yes, I have a bet with Isabela," Hawke winked mischievously.

"Well, they will be staying on then."

"I joke! But I am curious." She peeked inside before Fenris has a chance to protest. She gasped and started grinning manically. Fenris pulled her hand away before pushing her onto the bed.

"Happy now?"

"I never would have guessed," She teases him, shuffling to the back of the bed as Fenris crawled onto the bed following her. "Isabela is going to love this!"

"You will not tell her a thing." He growls.

"But there is nothing really to tell! You go commando!"

"I go what?"

Hawke fell into fits of giggles, "Oh you are just too cute."

"You will regret saying that." He pulled himself onto her and held her hands to either side. The skin of his bare chest on hers seemed to tingle with heat and electricity. They kissed deeply and Hawkes legs opened so Fenris could fit his body snugly into hers. His bulge was pressed tightly against her panties, making them both gasp and writhe against each other. Fenris jerked her upwards, twisting his arms around her back and unclasping her bra. As it slipped away, he kissed her gently on the neck and brushed his fingers across her breasts.

"Es Pulchra, Ophelia." He whispered, laying her back down and lowering his head to quickly flick his tongue across her nipples. She sighed, the breath taken out of her.

"What does that mean?" She said breathlessly as his head came up to kiss her again.

"It means you are beautiful."

"Say it again." She whispered back pulling down his leather breeches, and throwing them to the floor.

"Es Pulchra." He said, low and gravelly into her ear, as he removed her panties and slipped his slender fingers deep into the warmth between her thighs. Her back arched as she moaned.

"Say it again," She said, voice uneven, her forehead slicked with sweat.

"Es Pulchra." He murmured, looking into her eyes before he raised his hips and entered her.

Hawkes eyes fluttered close as they moved together, their skin sliding, fingers pulling and scratching across spines, lips and breath a haze of warmth across bodies. Occasionally Fenris would still, gasping with eyes wide. Hawke would take his face in hers and calm him, unsure of what was happening, and every time he would return to her with a fervent kiss and gentle bite to the neck.

Finally after what seemed like hours, dripping with sweat, Hawke whimpered and shuddered against Fenris, eyes rolling back in ecstasy. A few seconds after, he followed, grunting against her chest and stilling. After a time he removed himself, but lay there on her as she stroked his hair and kissed the crown of his head.

"Tu es omnia mihi." He spoke softly against her skin, as if a secret. His eyes were heavy, he seemed to struggle to keep them open against the coming sleep.

"What does that mean?" Hawke prayed he could not feel her heart quicken.

"It means... You are my everything." And with that he closed his eyes and his breathing slowed.

The tears in Hawkes eyes stung and fell from her cheeks to rest upon Fenris' head.

"I love you," She whispered, hoping he had not heard from his dreams. She held him closer, and closed her eyes.