Chapter Seven

Chemicals React

You make me feel, out of my element

Like I'm walking on broken glass

Like my world's spinning in slow motion

And you're moving too fast


Life can be awkward sometimes. Every teenage girl knows it. Life is awkward like getting your period in white jeans, like having a coughing fit in the middle of class, like your cell phone ringing in the middle of the movie theater because you forgot to silence it.

Actually, none of those things are awkward. They're just embarrassing. Maybe I've never actually felt true awkwardness before today.

Because yes, I'm currently in the middle of awkward. Queen of Awkward Land, reigning from her awkward capital of Awkward City. Welcome to my awkward castle.

I bet you're wondering, why all of this… Okay, I won't use that word again. It's becoming pretty meaningless in my head. Well, the truth of the matter is, Ed and I had (stupidly) picked each other to be year-long lab partners in third period Physics.

And right now, we're sitting in said class, each of us desperately trying not to make eye contact with the other, which is sort of impossible, seeing as we're supposed to be measuring the velocity of different marbles rolling down an incline. As a pair. Together.

Oh, why hadn't I partnered up with Paninya in the beginning of the year?

As if you knew back then that he would spend all his time ignoring you, I internally scoff.

Ed's hand accidentally brushes mine, and I let go of the marble way too early. His fingers, unprepared, fail to catch the small sphere, this one made of glass. It audibly clatters to the floor and bounces away across the lab room's white tiles. A few of my classmates look up, including Paninya. Her eyes narrow, watching my face, which I'm sure is as red as a fire engine about now.

I give her a infinitesimal shrug and dive after the marble, hoping all the while that I don't accidentally moon anyone with my so-called tiny miniskirt. That would be embarrassing.

The marble has rolled all the way across the classroom and settled next to Paninya's foot. I bend down to pick it up, and at the same time, she drops her pencil. She pulls me down beneath the table and asks in a harsh whisper, "What's going on between you and Ed, anyway?"

"Hey, Paninya, shouldn't we keep working–" begins her lab partner, a mousy girl who looks oddly familiar.

"Shut it, Sheska. I'm trying to hold a conversation here–"

"Miss LeCoulte and Miss Rockbell. What's going on?" I can see Mr. Havoc's shiny dress shoes coming down the aisle towards us.

Paninya shoves me out from beneath the black topped table at an astonishing speed. We stand up together, and she holds up her pencil in the air like a victory flag.

"Nothing, sir. I dropped my pencil." All eyes turn to us, waiting to see what will happen next.

Our Physics teacher eyes her suspiciously. He's never liked her very much, and I highly suspect it has something to do with her embarrassing him in front of Miss Sult a few weeks ago (she'd rather loudly pointed out that he had tucked his uniform sweater vest into his underwear).

"Seriously, she dropped her pencil," I say, trying to help her out. "And I was trying to catch my marble."

"Hmph." Our Physics teacher turns away, as well as the rest of the class. "Keep on working, you two."

I let out a slow breath and begin walking back to my table, but Paninya firmly catches at my elbow. I try to pull away, but then she whispers in my ear, "We need to talk. I'm coming over to your house after school."

I nod and keep walking, nearly tripping once I reach the fog of awkward surrounding our desk.


Running laps in gym class helps to calm me down, which may seem counterintuitive, but it really does. After all, there's nowhere to go but forward, and the artificial orange loop never ends.

I notice that I'm pounding too hard, so I try to lighten my stride, taking my knees into consideration, where my heel strikes the pavement. The late September wind is strong today, and it echoes harshly in my ears, whipping away all feeling. Fall is coming.

I try to empty my mind. Just concentrate. Put one foot in front of the other.

And for forty-five minutes, Edward Elric does not cross my mind.


Paninya has taken Al's spot on my bed, but a late afternoon sunbeam shines down on her face instead of a shaft of moonlight. We sit criss-cross with notebooks on our laps and a physics textbook in between us, trying to decipher special relativity with little success.

Finally, Paninya breaks the silence and drops her notebook to the floor with a slap that makes me wince. "Oh, c'mon, Win! Let's just ask Ed for help! We both know he can do this stuff, he's way smarter than he looks–"

"No," I answer shortly, stopping her in her tracks. "No. I refuse to talk to him until he apologizes."

"For… what?"

"Shutting me out."

"Wait… that's what this is all about? Isn't that, you know, kind of…" She trails off.

"Kind of what?" I almost hiss.

She throws up her hands in front of her like a shield. "Kind of… petty?"

I toss my notebook to the floor as well, gesturing widely. "No! No, it isn't! Those two show up here after a year without any explanation at all. They tell me they still want me around, but then they keep secrets from me. They keep whispering about something, and the best part of it all is, Al was about to tell me what's up! And then his stupid, idiot brother came in and interrupted, as if letting me know what's going on is the worst thing in the world!"

Paninya's looking at me oddly, and I realize that I'm breathing pretty heavily. I sigh, and my arms fall somewhat reluctantly into my lap.

"Sorry. That wasn't directed at you. I'm just…"

"Frustrated?"

"Yeah, that's it. I just can't stand it when people refuse to tell me what's going on. I know that sounds childish, but I just want to be a part of things. You know?"

She gives me a sympathetic side hug. "I get it."

"Really?" I wonder.

"Yeah, I do. When I first began wearing my prosthetics, kids used to bully me all the time. They used to call me No-Legs, Robot Girl… They treated me like I wasn't a person anymore. And I really resented Dominic for awhile because of it.

"So one night, I asked him why he had saved my life. I told him he shouldn't have, because no one wanted me around anymore. Everyone talked to me like I didn't belong, that I shouldn't even be around."

I feel a lump welling up in my throat. I had never known this about her before – everyone loves Paninya, despite her remarkable ability to say the wrong thing at the wrong time. She's outgoing, athletic, and intelligent, and many people look up to her. Who could've guessed that only a few years ago, she hadn't been this person at all? I'm her best friend, and even I hadn't known.

"What did he say to you?" I ask in a slightly creaky tone.

"Well, he told me that he needs me. And then he said, 'fuck those kids, Paninya. You're better than the whole bunch, and someday, they'll realize that and regret treating you like this. You'll see. And I'll beat up the little shits who don't.'"

I can't decide whether to cry over Dominic's wisdom or laugh at his usage of expletives. "He didn't really say the f-word in front of you... did he?"

She looks at me, and I look back at her, and then we burst out laughing. I only just catch her before she slides right off my covers, and this makes us laugh even more.

The door slams open, and an indignant looking Ed appears. I immediately stop, but Paninya keeps on going when she sees his ridiculous expression.

"What are you hyenas going off about? I'm trying to study!"

"So are we," Paninya counters around a stifled giggle. "Want to join up?"

Ed's metal fingers freeze around the doorframe. "Well…" Suddenly, we're looking at each other, for real, for the first time since Mr. Hughes's funeral.

Mr. Hughes, I think with a shock. Mr. Hughes loved everyone, no matter what they did or how they acted. He saw right through all that. Just like Dominic, he was always looking for the good. He was smart enough to put aside the bad. He was smart enough to forgive.

Screw it, I think. I unfold myself from the bed and cross the carpet patch. I place my hand on top of Ed's, and I can't help but notice how warm the metal is. Then, before I really register the shock on his face, I wrap my arms around his waist and lean in.

"I understand now," I whisper in his ear, and then squeeze him even tighter. "Sorry."

He's totally frozen beneath me, and I'm about to back away, but then his real arm comes to rest at my hip, and he whispers back, "Don't apologize, it's not like you did anything wrong… I promise, we'll figure this out–"

There's a cough. "Want me to leave you two alone?"

Paninya! I jump back from Ed with a start, but reluctantly so. His arm around me makes up for everything, and I can't believe I have to let that go.

His eyes search my face for a moment, and then he says, "Okay."

"Okay… what?" I ask with a slight tremble in my voice.

"Okay, I'll come study with you." He disappears from the entrance, and Paninya falls back on my bed with a cackle.

"You should've seen his face! It's like he's never touched a girl before!"

"Cut. It. Out," I hiss, ducking down to retrieve our notebooks in order to hide my wildfire blush.