Flashback
Brooke POV
I sigh and look at my son who is sitting on the floor playing with his toys. It seems like he isn't really there but in a world where no one else is allowed to be. I would do anything to be part of this world but I know, that it will take a long time for us to be a part of his world again...
It is hard. Very hard. I mean...There are days where he would be running around the house, playing,laughing,talking. There are moments where he would lie in my or Lucas's arms for hours deep snuggled into our chests and there were moments where I would hear little footsteps in the middle of the night and a warm body curled up beside me seconds later. Moments, where he would snuggle up to me in our bed, because he was afraid of being alone.
Moments that are too rare.
And there are days where he wouldn't talk at all and would go straight into his room without talking to either of us.
I knew that it would be difficult. I knew that it would take some time until he would be able to trust us again and I sure as he! knew that it was very hard for him to open up. Both Lucas and I knew that we had hurt him badly. God he was 4 years old and doubted our love for him. How terrible is that?
It always breaks my heart when I'm thinking about it. On days like that I'm not able to do anything. I can't get any work done, because he would sit on the sofa in my store colouring and wouldn't even talk to me or even look at me. How am I supposed to get anything done? Those are days where I would rather stay in bed all day, crying.
It is very heartbreaking when you are not able to hug and kiss your own child whenever you want to, because he doesn't trust you. It kills me to know that he ever doubted the love both Lucas and I feel for him.
Lucas and I talk about it often. We lie on the sofa for hours talking, crying,arguing. I know that the relationship between us changed a lot these past days. We both try to built up the relationship to our son and neglect the one between us, because we think it is worth it. Sex?I don't know when we slept together the last time.
1 week?two,three...?
I don't know and even if it sounds kind of cruel...at the moment I don't really care. Our children need us more now...Logan needs us. It is hard enough to be there for both children. Sometimes I really ask myself how other parents are able to handle it with three or four kids. I think it is different from us. They probably don't have children who feel unloved by his parents. I'm always scared that Logan feels left out when I spent too much time with Stella...but I know that she is still a baby and needs her parents just as much as Logan does, but it is very hard. There is this feeling hidden in the back of my head that says "Watch out. Don't forget about him" and then I run to his room to check on him.
It is like you are captured in a vicious circle without being able to escape and I want it to end every single day. I want everything back to normal. I want to be there for my family without neglecting anyone and without feeling guilty. I might be there for my children now but what about Lucas? Sometimes I look into his eyes and I can see the sadness and the craving to be with me again. Even though it breaks my heart I often turn around and walk away, because I'm not able to handle it.
What the he! happened?What did we do wrong to deserve this?I know it is our fault, but we all try to make it better but it seems like we're getting nothing in return. It seems like all we are working on is for nothing, because it doesn't really get any better. There are days which are good, days where Logan acts normal and where it seems like he feels better but those moments are too rare and not enough for any of us...
I want us to heal completely. I want to run around with the kids playing and laughing without a second thought hidden in the back of my head. I want to be with Lucas again without worrying that the kids are feeling left out.
I crave for this moments to come back again.
~End of flashback~
"Hey baby."
Brooke looked up and saw Lucas running down the hall of the hospital. He was carrying Stellas car-seat and had a worried look plastered on his handsome face.
"Hey", whispered Brooke and returned looking at a white door which was closed with the number 202 on it.
"What happened?"
Brooke sighed.
"Logan and I spent some time at the playgrounds. He was climbing up the monkey bars when some stupid kid hustled him down of it."
"Did Logan know this kid?"
"Yeah.I think he is in Logan's class and it seemed like they were friends or something. God had I known that this kid is a-"
"Brooke, calm down ok?I'm sure that he will be fine. It wasn't your fault."
"Are you serious?Lucas he feels left out in school already. He has problems to make any friends there and now he has to deal with some stupid kid who probably will make Logan's life a living hell", Brooke yelled but soon regreted it since it wasn't Lucas fault.
"Brooke. Kids act like that, especially boys. It will get better. Believe me.I don't think that this kid is planning to insult our son for the rest of his life. They are boys..."
Silence.
Lucas looked away and focused his gaze on his wiggling daughter, who was bubbling in her car seat happily. He was so jealous of her, because she didn't know what was going on around her. She was carefree.
Lucas sighed and placed the carrier next to Brooke before walking away.
"Where are you going?"
"I need some coffee. You want something?", he asked rather coldly.
"Lucas-"
"Yes?Ok."
With that said he turned around and marched down the long hallway of the hospital which was crowded with children who were screaming for their parents, patients who were walking up and down the hallway to find their room, relatives who were hugging their loved ones.
Brooke felt like she didn't belong here...
"Miss Davis?"
Brooke looked up and smiled slightly at the doctor who was holding Logans hand. The little boy had insisted to go into the patients-room alone which had made Brooke's heart ache.
They'd always gone together...
"How is he?"
"Just some bruises and a light headache. Nothing serious. He shouldn't jump around too much today though."
"Alright. Thank you doctor."
The middle-aged man nodded and released Logan who walked straight over to his mother and reached for her.
She was suprised but didn't hesitate to pick her little boy up who immediately snuggled into her chest. Brooke felt her heart melt and kissed Logan's cheek softly while rocking him and paced up and down the hall without being far away from Stella and waited for Lucas to return. She wanted this moment to last forever. She breathed in her son's scent and placed more kisses onto his soft cheek. His hair smelled like strawberrys and his scent was a mixture of their fabric softener which smelt like roses and a slight touch of peppermint.
Lucas returned moments later and handed Brooke her coffee. She just nodded in return and started walking torwards the exit.
"Brooke-"
"We will talk at home ok?"
She turned around and smiled at Lucas warmly. He smiled at her in return and knew that today would be a lot better than the others.
"Wow look daddy." Nathan looked at Jamie who was pointing at the Tv screen.
"This camp sounds soo cool. There are 10 slides which led into a huge swimming pool and there is a amusement park nearby. Can we go daddy? PLLEAAAAASE?"
Jamie looked at Nathan with his puppy dog eyes and knew that he was never able to resist them. Haley who was sitting next to him with Nelly in her arms smiled and just nodded at him.
"Why not Nathan? The new basketball season doesn't start until next month, so you have plenty of time to spent some time with your cute family, right?"
Nathan smiled and nodded before turning his gaze to the Tv screen again. It really sounded like fun and it would be even better. if they asked the others to come with them.
"We could ask Brucas and Jeyton to join us."
"Nathan please stop calling them that. I hate those names. Brooke said it all the time when we were in High School and it really pissed me off."
Nathan laughed and ruffled his sons hair who was jumping up and down in exitement because he knew that they would go. He was too cute to resist and he surely knew how to use it.
"Yay, yay,yay."
"Hey babe." Peyton looked up and watched her soon-to-be husband Jake standing in the doorway of their future childs room.
"It looks beautiful."
"Thank you." Peyton sighed and looked around the room. There wasn't too much yet because it was hard for them to decide how to paint the walls since they didn't want to find out the sex of their baby... or at least Peyton didn't want to know.
She didn't want to get her hopes up...she has read of mothers who wanted a certain gender and were disappointed or even depressed when they didn't get what they "wanted", so Peyton decided to not risk anything. She would be happy with either a boy or a girl.
"Are you sure you don't want to know what our child is going to be? I mean yellow-
"Yellow is a unisex color."
"I think it is a color for girls."
"Is not"
"It is"
"Is not."
"Mommy,daddy."
Jenny Jegalski ran into the room.
"Hey baby", Peyton said and walked over to her daughter to pick her up. The little girl held a phone in her hand.
"It's uncle Nathan."
"Oh I never heard the phone ringing...you?", Jake asked and scratched the back of his head.
"No, not really.I think we were too buys with acting like children", Peyton smiled and took the phone from her daughter.
"Hey Nate, what's up?"
"Hey Peyton. Whatcha doing?"
"Oh we are painting our babies room."
"Oh you know if your baby is going to be a boy or girl?"
"No. There are colors which are unisex you know?"
"Why do you make things so complicated?Just go to the doctor and find out what the sex of the baby will be. We all want to know."
"No. Jake and I want to be suprised."
Jake wrinkled his forehead. He never said that he didn't want to know it.
"I had was wondering...there is this camp in Charlotte and Jamie wants to go there so how about you guys join us?It is perfect for our children...what do you say?"
Peyton looked at Jake.
"Nathan and Haley ask if we want to go camping with them and their kids."
Jake shrugged. "Why not?Sounds like fun."
"We are in." Peyton laughed when she heard Haley squeal in the background.
"Ok then, it's settled.I'm going to call Brooke and Lucas. I think it will help them."
"Yeah you are right...oh by the way. You can come over tomorrow for dinner to plan everything,ok?"
"Sounds ya."
"Bye."
Peyton hung up and looked at Jenny who was looking at her mother with big blue eyes.
"You know what Jenny?We are going camping with Aunts Haley and Brooke and Uncles Nathan and Lucas. How does this sound?"
Jenny squealed and jumped up and down in exitement.
"Hello?"
"Hey 's Nathan. Why are you answering the phone?"
"Hi uncle Nathan. Uhm Mom is giving Stella a bath and dad is preparing dinner."
" Ah, ok. Look buddy. What would you say if I asked you,your parents and Stella to go camping with us?"
Logans eyes lit up.
"Really?Where are we going?"
"There is this camp in Charlotte. There are many water slides, playgrounds and even a amusement park, so what do you say buddy?"
"DAD?"
Lucas marched over to his son who had a big smile on his face.
"Uncle Nat asked us to go camping with we go?Please?"
Lucas smiled and took the phone from him.
"Hey Nate. What do you have in mind?"
"Hey. Well, there is a camp in Charlotte which is perfect for children and even for us. We can go fishing there, have Barbeques and let our kids having fun. Sounds cool,right?"
"It sure does.I really hope Brooke has time since she has to arrange many fashion shows in the next few months."
"Don't worry she will come."
"Sounds like fun.I will ask her."
" Ok. Oh uhm Peyton and Jake asked us to come over to their house tomorrow for dinner."
"Sounds good. See ya."
"Ok."
Lucas hang up and looked down at his son,who still had a huge smile plastered on his face. Luke laughed, picked his son up and placed a fatherly kiss on his cheek.
"Who was on the phone?", asked Brooke who came down the stairs with a freshly bathed Stella in her arms.
"Nathan asked us to go camping with him Haley and the others. Do you think you can spare some time in your busy shedule?"
Brooke smiled.
"My shedule isn't that busy. I spent most of my time with the kids anyway."
"But don't you have fashion shows to arrange soon?"
"Not until July so we can go."
"What about the baby?I mean..."
"I won't leave Stella with a babysitter. She can go us. She will be fine, alright?" Brooke looked at her daughter and started tickling her feet which caused Stella to start giggling.
"So you heard that buddy?We are going camping."
Logan squealed in exitement.
This was going to be fun...right?
Here I am, once again....:D
Hey is a new chapter and I hope you like it.I also have to mention again that there might be some words missing from time to time.I still don't know why it happens but I noticed that some other stories have the same problem so I just assume that it isn't my fault.:D
Please review and tell me what you think!I'm dying to know!
And sorry for the delay.:(
~Jules~
