Shield
The traditional tea house was quiet at that time of the day. Everyone was trying to rush to their homes. Mothers to prepare dinner, fathers to rest, students to catch up on friends. The whole world revolved in its usual orbit. Except for two. Retsu and Ritsu.
Finally, the teas being served, its aroma filled the room. It was supposed to be relaxing, but at that moment, the soothing effects of the sakura tea seemed to have not reached the two. Sitting on both sides of the table with Retsu sitting so informally while Ritsu was doing 'seiza', it clearly showed the difference of the environment they grew in. And they only looked at each others eyes, not one gazing away like they were staring at a mirror instead.
Brows knitting, Retsu took the ceramic and swirled the contents, just looking at the pink petals floating in his cup with a bored expression. He was on his way to his hang-out, when they literally bumped into each other. Ritsu was in a hurry going back to his work after submitting the galleys while Retsu was in a hurry catching up on some new faces in the gay bar. How they ended up in a tea house was a mystery to Retsu.
After ten years, why now?
"R-Retsu...how have you been?" a small voice coming from Ritsu broke the silence.
One corner of Retsu's lips curled upwards. "Still gay. And you?" slowly placing the ceramic back on the the table he squinted his eyes. "Became gay?"
Looking surprised, Ritsu took his cup with shaking hands. "Wh-what are you talking about? I..."
"You're as annoying as ever. Stop the act. Weren't you all lovey dovey with MY senpai...huh? Liar?"
With a sad face, Ritsu stood from his seat and slowly took painful strides to the other side of the table, where Retsu was sitting. The blackhaired guy only watched his twin brother with scorn.
Then, to Retsu's surprise, his twin brother kneeled before him and grabbed him into a hug. Retsu's eyes growing wide as he stared at the birds carved on the beams of the room.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the things I did to you. I am supposed to be the acting older brother, but I did something terrible..." the hug became tighter. "I'm sorry Retsu..."
The well of calmness in Retsu started boiling from under. And his irritation and anger grew as he felt his kneck become soaked by Ritsu's pathetic tears. "What could your sorry change? Damage has been done. I'm outta here."
Not wanting to stay one bit in the same room with Ritsu, Retsu stood abruptly, throwing the brunette off balance. His eyes, hidden behind his dark locks, he threw a worried look at his brother, but Ritsu didn't see it. "Pull yourself together...Retsu...pull yourself together' was what Retsu had been telling himself the entire time he stared at his twin brother on the floor who was looking up at him. He hated Ritsu, but he was even more mad at himself to realize that he still love his twin brother.
At any moment, he felt like he might burst out crying. In all honesty, it was only a mere 'sorry' that Retsu was waiting to forgive everything Ritsu has done. But he didn't also want to show weakness so he just stood there acting arrogant.
He was beginning to feel sorry for Ritsu...but it disappeared in an instant.
"Retsu please..." the brunette kneeled once again, his forehead touching the floor. "I am begging you...don't come near Takano-san...please..."
"What?"
"This is so selfish of me. I know..." raising his wet face to look at Retsu's confused one, Ritsu smiled an apologetic smile. "I am really in love with him. Please don't break us..."
"Fuck you."
About to explode in feeling mixed emotions, Retsu ran a tired hand on his exhausted face and snickered. "Do you really think I appeared here to have revenge? We just ran into each other accidentally," he turned and started sliding the door open. "I don't give a damn to the both of you."
Just before Retsu could go any farther from the tea house, he felt a hand grab his arm. Turning his head at Ritsu, he pulled his arm away but Ritsu just grabbed his arm again. "Can you leave me alone!?"
"Takano-san...he...he is still hung up on you. If he realizes that I am not the person he thinks I am...he'd for sure leave me for you...Retsu please..."
A laugh escaped from Retsu's mouth. "Then all the better. You'll get to taste the same bitter feeling of being thrown away to rot alone. Serves you right."
Yanking his arm from Ritsu's grasp, Retsu started walking away briskly, avoiding eye contact from the people watching them on the street. When Retsu took a turn at a rather poorly lit part of the city, he threw a glance at the huffing view of his twin brother running after him.
He sighed and continued to walk. He lowered his gaze to the ground, not minding a different voice calling out to him, or to Ritsu? He couldn't figure it out since his heart was also beating wildly inside his chest.
Gathering the remaining strenght he had in his body that was tired from all the not sleeping he did due to editing, he ran faster. Faster to reach his twin brother. He didn't mind if he bumped into some school girls on the sidewalk. He didn't mind the fast cars running near him. He was on the sidewalk anyway. All that mattered was to reach Retsu and have an agreement, as selfish as it was.
"Retsu...I am willing to help you...money? Work? Just please..."
Running out of patience, Retsu stopped from where he was and faced Ritsu with a death glare. "Money? You are trying to buy me now?"
"I am sorry I fell in love with him. But right now...If I lose him...I can't..."
Due to emotion, Ritsu didn't realize himself digging his fingers on the flesh of Retsu's arms. His grip was too tight Retsu could feel his skin about to tear.
"Let go!" Struggling but still trying not to hurt Ritsu, he pulled his arms.
Occupied by being desperate he dug his fingers even deeper, the both of them almost at the edge of the sidewalk. "Not until you promise me..."
The traffic lights just turned green, after an old woman crossed the street. leaving only Retsu and Ritsu alone, playing tug of war. Or tug of life.
Not thinking anymore, not caring about anything else, Retsu pulled himself free with all his might, pushing Ritsu away from him. Before he even realized it, he had pushed Ritsu on the road of cars speeding to their destinations.
The two of them felt they were sucked in a world of time, everything felt so slow. The twins looked at each others eyes, their faces reflecting on it.
"Ritsu..." Retsu gasped, extending his hand to grab Ritsu back. But he only managed to grab on air, as a black car swept Ritsu off his feet.
All happened before Retsu's wide eyes. His twin brother, landing violently on the windshield. Sickening and nauseating breaking of bones filled his entire being as Ritsu landed on the road, blood splattering everywhere. Another car hit the lifeless body, cutting off his limbs. But both cars didn't stop and instead sped off even faster.
There were screams all over the place. A shrill scream that called out the attention of many. It was Retsu's screams. He felt his heart tie into a knot, running to the unidentifiable body before him.
"Nooo...Ritsu...oh my god...oh my god..." a feeling he cannot comprehend started welling in Retsu. He could only cry it out as he gathered Ritsu's body soakedwith blood.
"Ritsu...I didn't mean..this...oh my god!" He screamed, burrying his face on Ritsu's once beating chest. "Wake up Ritsu...wake up...wake up...this is all my fault..."
That time was the first time Retsu realized how to have a nightmare while still awake.
Dazed, Retsu remained silently seated at the corner inside the police station. Biting the nail on his thumb as tears continuously ran from his swolen eyes down to his cheeks, to his chin, to the ground. "Ritsu...Ritsu..."
"You saw what happened right?" a voice of a man oblivious to Retsu asked.
Confused, the tall guy looked at the shaking ball of trauma at the corner. "Yes, I was there. I was running after the victim. He was my coworker..."
"Mino-san right? We need you to testify. In the meantime..."
There was a sound of running steps and when Mino-san turned to look at where it was coming from, a guy came rushing inside. Looking like he was lost himself until he found Retsu sitting like a mental patient, crying his eyes out.
"Oh my god..." Shin gasped, sitting beside the dazed Retsu as he started wiping the blood off the man's face with his handkerchief.
He slowly touched Retsu's expressionless face and pulled him in a hug. "Snap out of it...Retsu...snap out of it..."
The Chief police officer sighed as he pulled his eyeglasses off the bridge of his nose. "What has the world come into? A brother killing his own twin."
With an angry eyes, Shin yelled at the officer. "Retsu would never do something like this on purpose! Shut your fat mouth!"
A swarm of tv stations started gathering out of the police station eager to get some scoop. They waited and waited but no information has been given. The persons involved were directly connected to a very influencial family. The police couldn't just say anything without the family's permission.
After two hours of trying to bring Retsu back to his senses, a buzz of uproar could be heard outside the police station. Shin and Mino-san who was standing with his back against the wall darted their heads to a shrill voice of a woman, crying and shouting at the same time.
"Where is he? WHERE IS HE?!"
All the police who were sitting had to stand up. The commanding presence of the woman and the man beside her was enough to make every one go tense. Even Shin gulped to the pressure, worriedly looking at the still silently crying Retsu.
Slowly, the woman walked towards Retsu. Her shoes echoing inside the wide tiled floor. With everyone's eyes watching what's about to happen.
"Retsu," a cold voice called out to the wretched man.
"That voice..." Retsu's face lit up a bit, sure that it was the voice of his mother. Their mother.
With staggering movements, Retsu moved for the first time and stood. Wanting to hug his mother. To share the feeling of losing someone dear to them.
But only a sound of flesh hitting flesh filled the room. The intensity of the pain deeper than the wound itself could be felt by everyone.
"Why? Why did you do this?!" Retsu's mom asked accusingly.
Retsu raised his bloody fingers to trace his cheek, that was still red from Ritsu's traces of blood. "Okasan...I am sorry..."
"You disappeared for ten years, and you came back with THIS?!"
A rain of fists landed on Retsu's chest as his mother poured her anger and hatred at his other son. "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MY PRECIOUS RITSU? HOW DARE YOU?!"
"Oka~"
Another slap met Retsu's still stinging cheek. "I am not your mother! I AM NOT A MOTHER OF A MURDERER! I AM NOT!"
The lady was about to collapse when the man, that seemed to be the head of the Onodera family came supporting the woman. "Retsu, leave. Leave now because if anything happens to my wife young man, I'll kill you right here. Right now."
Crying at the hurtful words of his father, Retsu looked around at the police officers who had equal confused looks on their faces. "Send me to prison... have me a death sentence..."
The father mercilessly grabbed Retsu's filthy shirt and hissed at his son's face. "You never existed. YOU NEVER EXISTED. THIS IS THE LAST THING I COULD DO AS A FATHER. I NO LONGER HAVE A SON. HE'S DEAD. MY ONLY SON IS DEAD."
"But Sir!" The Chief officer cut in. "We can't do that."
"NOTHING IS GOING TO BE LEAKED OUT OF THIS. UNDERSTAND?"
"But...the higher ups..."
"I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT."
It was Shin who dragged Retsu out of the station and back into their apartment. He washed him. He tried to feed him. But Retsu was like a living dead himself. No reaction. Nothing.
"Retsu...don't be like this. It was an accident according to an eyewitness...it's not your fault."
He moved his green, lifeless eyes towards Shin's exhausted face. It was 4 am and both of them haven't had any rest. "Shin...I pushed him to his death with my own hands. Accident or not...I killed him. I'm a murderer..."
Shin stood and instead sat beside Retsu, letting his bestfriend rest his head on his shoulder.
"If only I died in place of Ritsu...my parents wouldn't have to make that kind of face. They wouldn't be hurt like this."
Running his fingers on Retsu's hair for comfort, Shin sighed. "They just said that in the heat of the moment. Don't ever wish of dying again or I will be mad at you."
"If only I listened to Ritsu...if it wasn't for my bastard self, Ritsu should have been..." he cut off, crying and hiccupping again.
"Shush..."
After a couple of minutes, Retsu circled his cold arms around Shin's. A different air surrounding him. "Right. It was Ritsu's fault he's dead."
"Huh?" Shin turned his head to look at his best friend. Not sure if he heard him correctly.
With tears falling from the corners of his eyes, Retsu smiled at Shin. "Ritsu died because he had everything. I hate him. I'll hate him for the rest of my life."
Torn, Shin grabbed Retsu against his chest and let the guy sleep. He knew his best friend was trying to make a shield. A shield to stop himself from breaking down. A defense mechanism to be able to move on. It was bad, but if that was what would push Retsu to move on and live, a hatred towards someone who was already dead, Shin would not say anything. Even if he knew deep down Retsu's being, he really love his twin brother.
Retsu's knees grew weak, suddenly he had to grab Mino's arms for support or he'll fall.
"Oya?" Mino grinned as he held Retsu back on his feet. "Don't lose consciousness on me. I might attack you."
Retsu just looked at Mino's eyes and slapped Mino's hands away. "I can stand on my own now."
"What a cold vixen. Anyway, here." The taller guy snuck paperbills in Retsu's jeans. How much, Retsu didn't know. "That's an advance. Next time we meet again, you're never going untouched. For now, I have to join with my friends."
Mino nonchalantly opened the door of the cubicle and made his way out. Retsu, puffing in anger dashed and and grabbed Mino's hand, slapping the paper bills on it.
"Who do you think you are?! I don't need your fucking money!"
The calm eyes showed the icy colors again that numbed Retsu. "Haven't you been complaining your life out earlier? I wouldn't be so choosy if my bills are piling up and I have a friend in the hospital."
Retsu could only glare as Mino started twirling Retsu's black strands touching his eyes and slowly inserting the money again this time in Retsu's jeans pocket at the back. "That's more than enough for your bills. Why? Because I put a high price on you."
"The hell are you talking about?"
"You've never done it."
Frowning even more, Retsu took a step backwards, running his own hand on his hair as if shaking Mino's traces off the strands. Mino just chuckled.
"I always do it! You bastard," Retsu spat, whatever the "it" was. Still he had some idea what the tall guy was talking about.
"Eh...but I have been watching you for a while now. Didn't you know that? Oh you won't because I am a great stalker."
"You're a creep!"
"We'll play some other time...Koneko-chan..."
Placing both his hands inside his jeans, Mino left Retsu standing like a statue. Retsu not really struggling to accept the money hurt him more. But he wouldn't want Shin to go home in a place where there was no water and electricity.
He grit his teeth as he pulled the paperbills out of his pocket. Just one proper glance, he already knew how much it was. It was even more than what he and Shin could earn in two months.
"All I have to do is never see that bastard's face again..."
The moment Retsu entered his quiet place, he let out a very meaningful sigh. Coming from the depths of his soul and heart, he was so tired. The empty fourth floor of Marukawa Shoten where the shoujo mangas were being edited by different teams calmed him a little. He was almost late, barely making his 11 pm working time. He was panting like an idiot when he reached the back entrance but he was still greeted by a warm smile of his boss. Somehow, the grandfatherly aura of his new boss soothed him. So unlike his fatty boss at the ramen shop.
"Okay...let's start cleaning, shall we?" He started in a lively voice. But no matter how he tried to shoo the smiling face of the guy he didn't even know inside his head, he still felt sluggish.
Standing in his grey working suit, yellow rubber gloves on both hands, and his mop on his right hand, he circled the room. He just let the tapping of his worn out rubber shoes produce some screetching sounds. And finally he laughed.
"There is no way I am letting anyone sink me back to depression. No way...I am clean. Yeah..."
Cleaning the fourth floor wasn't all that hard and he even enjoyed it. Working in a quiet place with not one yelling behind his back was his ideal. And after about two hours of running around with his mop, he sat on the floor, removing his gloves and wiped his sweaty forehead.
Then his phone rang. He pressed the talk button but didn't speak. It might be rude, but Retsu just wanted to hear the caller's voice first, specially with his friends.
"Yoh Retsu...are you still at work?"
"Uhuh...it's already 1, why are you still awake? Sick people should sleep early," he answered finally, swaying the yellow gloves back and forth.
"Because you never mentioned what 'new job' you're working. And it's 1. What kind of job is that?"
"To tell you my dear Shin...it's a job in a huge, quiet place. It's usually dim, but of course it depends on you if you want to turn on the lights, unless you wanna work in the shadows. It's a good exercise. Makes me all sweaty," Retsu whispered on the phone, imagining the crampled face of his best friend.
"Cut it out, will you? You give me the creeps!"
Retsu started laughing. "But what I am saying is real, dumbass. I work as a cleaner, night shift. You act like that but you've got some dirty brain too Shin. I am disappointed."
"Don't throw the rocks at me. Well I am glad you're fine. But make sure you catch on some sleep. Go straight home! Skip your gay bar hopping."
"Hai...hai...I plan on doing that," Retsu rolled his eyes, remembering again the creepy guy he met in his favorite hangout.
"That's good to hear."
"Yeah, yeah, now that you're sure I am not sneaking into someone else's wallet, please rest and get well soon. You sound like a scratchy CD."
The rude guy as he was, Retsu just hung the phone up without letting Shin voice out his complaints. And preparing himself for his next stop to clean, he suddenly had the want to sit again on that chair.
He ran his fingers on the table first, feeling the cold, smooth surface against his skin. "I am liking this spot more and more."
Grinning, he pulled the swivel chair and sat on it. He brushed his sticky hair off his face and pulled a serious face.
"Hey, how many times do I have to tell you that this is no good? Are you people blind?" he acted. Blushing at his crazy antic, a scene not many could see, he licked his lips and inspected the whole long table. He was not expecting anything unusual, but then he noticed the glaring yellow sticky note, barely visible from a stack of papers on top of it.
"Oh...it's my handwriting there..." he carefully pulled the sticky note and noticed a new set of handwriting not his. "'Boring? How is it boring when you seem to have no background at manga editing?'"
Retsu started snickering and kicking his feet on air, the chair running away from the table. "Oh my god, I just irritated the editor huh?" he said aloud, grinning. "Well it is really boring in the first place."
Pouting, Retsu bit the sticky note as he rummaged a new sticky note he got from under the table when he was cleaning. He took the pen on the table that seemed to have been placed there for his sole use.
"The story is cliche. It's good if it's the drawing really. But for people who knows that first loves never end happily that easily, they'd find the story very stupid," was what he scribbled, adding a mocking smiley face at the corner.
Satisfied, Retsu stuck the sticky note from where he got the previous one and got off the chair, putting it back neatly in its original position.
He hadn't got far from the table when Retsu suddenly felt like vomiting. Knowing he wouldn't make it to the rest room, he kneeled in front of the trash bin he was pulling around and there threw up.
"Oh my god...what the hell...I suddenly felt sick..." he muttered, wiping his mouth with his hand he ran his other hand on his sweating neck. Feeling the strong thumping of his pulse, Retsu lied on his back. It allowed him to breath freely and calm his churning stomach.
He curled into a ball, looking up at the bottom side of the table for a moment. "I really should rush home and sleep...since how long have I been going on about without sleeping. Fuck I feel so bad..."
Yawning, Takano walked briskly to the elevator, finding it odd himself to go this early. It was the earliest time he ever got to Marukawa. But he couldn't help it. He'd been just staring wide eyed on his bed, unable to get a decent sleep. And instead of wasting time, he figured it'd be better to do some work instead.
When he reached the empty fourth floor, he noticed the lights were on.
Frowning, Takano scanned the floor. None.
"I am sure I closed them when I went home last night..." taking his time towards his table, he shrugged. "Ah...maybe the cleaner...what a lousy one..."
When he was about to reach his spot, his nose crinkled. "What is that smell..."
Throwing his bag and coat on the side of his table, the tall man right away noticed the yellow sticky note. His attention being called by the lopsided grin of the smiley.
He was about to sit, thinking about the meaning of the note when he noticed the handle of a mop resting against the edge of Hatori's table. "This is not normal..."
Takano walked towards the other side of the long table where the Emerald team do its job and he was stopped by a stinky trash bin. He stared harder at the body only from the waist down to the legs could be seen.
Immediately, Takano kneeled beside the body and lightly shook whoever it was. "Oi...Oi..." He poked the guy who was lying on his stomach on the ribs.
"Tsk...Oi...you'll get fired doing this if you don't stand there right now. I mean it."
Still half asleep, Retsu smacked the poking fingers at his side and grunted. "Ah damn it. And I was even having a good dream..."
Raising a brow, Takano stood properly, his arms crossed on his chest as he waited for the sleepy head to get moving.
Retsu sat abruptly, hitting his head under the table. Everything on top of it shook. "Awww...shit..."
Stopping a chuckle, Takano cleared his throat. "Are you awake now? Huh? Editor wanna-be?"
Crawling slowly away from under the table, Retsu crouched massaging the throbbing pain at the back of his head. "Aww...what the..."
"Oh shit...the editors are already here? I have to scram..."
Retsu raised his gaze still scratching the top of his head and smiled his stupid smile to get away from the first editor who saw him. But when his and Takano's eyes met, both stared in disbelief at how fate was playing with them.
End notes:
yey! Update! finally! thought I could never sneak this in my crazy sched! Buahahahaha!
thank you for reading^^review! review! ^^
