Moony's Authour's Note: My sincerest apologies for the late update. I didn't realize how much time had past...For SnowShimmer, who reminded me to update.
Draco: I kind of don't want to read this chapter.
Dumbledore: It does not do to not give it a chance.
Snape: Headmaster, your wisdom filled statements are not quite up to par.
McGonagall: SEVERUS! Respect!
Chapter 7. Bring me 2 life
Hermione: Oh look! This one has a chapter name!
Dumbledore: I believe this means sex!
Ron: What is your obsession with sex?
Draco: It turns him on...
Ron: I didn't need to know, Malfoy.
Draco: You asked!
AN: wel ok u guyz
Snape: Would it kill her to spell things properly?
Draco: Probably.
Snape: Five points to Slytherin.
im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws.
Hermione: I thought she's obsessed with Satan, and wanted god reviews?
Draco: Merlin, Granger, it's a typo!
Hermione: I know, I'm just commenting!
Draco: No one cares for your Mudblood comments.
Harry: Shut up, Malfoy, no Slytherins are here to hear your fake stupidity.
Draco: ...
McGonagall: Ten points to Gryffindor, and five from Slytherin.
Snape: ...good call...
n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons!
Draco: Ooh, that's probably asking for too much.
McGonagall: Even I'd have to agree.
Draco: Five points to Slytherin?
McGonagall: No.
STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U!
Harry: Woah!
Hermione: She's a bit bipolar.
Ron: Stop using such big words!
Evony
Draco: I am still unable to understand how she continues to spell her own character's name wrong. It's pathetic.
Harry: Anybody who writes about anybody having sex with you is pathetic.
Draco: Hey!
isn't a Marie Sue ok she isn't perfect
Hermione: Well, she's written that way...
SHES A SATANITS!
Snape: That escalated quickly...
Draco: I bet she's perfect in this authour's eyes...
Hermione: I hate to say...but I agree with Malfoy.
Ron: HERMIONE, YOU TRAITOR!
McGonagall: Mr Weasley, please calm down. I would like to get to the story today, if you please.
Snape: Two points from Gryffindor. Minerva forgot to do so.
n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!
Hermione: Actually, that is the recipe for creating a Mary Sue, make them depressed so the world revolves around them. I'm surprised the authour doesn't know this, this is actually normally considered common knowledge-
Draco: I'm going to say this politely, Granger...SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Hermione: ...That wasn't very polite.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXZXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Draco: X's with random Satan's number in the middle, heehee...and the Z. Why is there a 'Z'? Am I not allowed to enjoy my x's in peace?
Dumbledore: Accidents happen. That is why they are called accidents.
Draco: I DON'T CARE WHY THEY'RE CALLED ACCIDENTS!
Harry: Calm down, Malfoy. Angst year was last year.
Draco: I can be angsty whenever I want, Potter.
Hermione: Now I know why Malfoy and Harry are rivals!
McGonagall and Snape: ...
Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish
Ron: Why was that important?
Dumbledore: Details help one read the authour's mind.
Snape: Headmaster, I do not really wish to see what is going on in this authour's mind.
McGonagall: Unfortunately, I find myself in the same position as Severus.
as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish
Harry: I don't care.
Ron: She's not as sexy as Hermione.
Hermione: WHAT?!
Ron: What?
Harry: ...
(AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?).
Hermione: Yes.
Snape: Five points from Gryffindor.
Hermione: WHY?
Snape: For being wrong. Clothing cannot define a Mary Sue.
Hermione: AAHHHHHH! I never get things wrong!
McGonagall: We are going to be out of points soon.
Dumbledore: Losing hope is the first step to failure.
Draco: No one cares for your unwise wise words, Dumbledore!
I waved to Vampire.
Harry: I killed her. Because I am the boy who lived! I am just that epic!
Dark misery was in his depressed eyes.
Draco: No you didn't.
I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco.
Harry: Wait, what?! Why would I be jealous about...about-
Dumbledore: Would you like some gay counseling? I can help you there.
Draco: Um...
Snape: Um...
Harry: I AM NOT GAY! Why would I be jealous for Ebony going out with Draco?
Draco: I don't swing that way, and nor would I date a Potter.
Harry: I wouldn't date a Malfoy either.
McGonagall: FIFTY POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR FOR COOPERATION!
Snape: 50 points to Slytherin for the same reason.
McGonagall: Well that defeats the purpose.
Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco.
Draco: Oh no, no, no, no.
Dumbledore: I wonder how accurate this is.
We went into his room and locked the door.
Draco: Scream me, scream! She's RAPING you!
Harry: *gleeful* I'm pretty sure this is mutual.
Ron: Oh this is great!
Then…
Draco: I ran out of the room after AVADA KEDAVRAing her!
We started
Draco: Shit.
frenching passively
Hermione: Passively? How do you french passively? Or why?
Draco: I don't french passively!
Dumbledore: That would turn me on.
Draco: NOBODY CARES!
Harry: I don't think I want to have anymore private lessons with you, sir.
Draco: Private lessons with Dumbledore?!
and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically.
Harry: Oh Merlin!
Ron: This is even better than the bouncing ferret!
Draco: Shut up.
McGonagall: Don't be a poor sport.
He felt me up
Harry: How did she feel?
Draco: ...
Snape: Five points from Gryffindor for stupid questions.
Harry: This is not fair! Snape always backs Malfoy up.
Dumbledore: Professor Snape, Harry.
Harry: You see!
before I took of my top.
Ron: Geez, you made the girl do it herself? That is not how you do it!
Then I took off my black leather bra and he took off his pants.
Hermione: Her bra is black. Why does this matter?
Draco: She's a Mary Sue. Everything matters.
Harry: Even her sex life?
Draco: Shut up.
Harry: You called that upon yourself, mate.
Ron: MATE?!
Harry: Malfoy. I meant Malfoy.
Draco: ...
We went on the bed and started making out naked
Draco: No shit.
Snape: I do not want to witness this stupid teenage phenomenon.
McGonagall: Nor do I.
Hermione: HOUSE UNITY! Now, for about the house-elfs...
Ron: Draco is making out with a Mary Sue, and you're worrying about spew?!
and then he put his boy's thingy in mine
Hermione: She has a boy thingy? A penis?
Dumbledore: Gay sex is not wrong.
Snape: For the last time, are you a gay pedophile?
Dumbledore: ...maybe?
Snape: You're not even speaking in riddles anymore! This is just plain obnoxious!
and we HAD SEX.
Draco: Why is that in caps?
Ron: She had sex with you. Obviously it's gonna have to be in caps for us to believe it.
Draco: Excuse me!
(c is dat stupid?)
All: Yes.
Everyone looks around at eachother.
Dumbledore: You know what they say about people who say things at the same time? They're soulmates.
Everyone: ...
"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed
Hermione: How attractive.
Draco: Shut up.
while getting an orgasm
Ron: How attractive.
Harry: It only works when you say it at the same time.
Ron: Oh.
when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm.
Draco: *really worried* Shit.
Harry: *curious*
Hermione and Ron: *roll eyes*
It was a black heart with an arrow through it.
Draco: Wait, what?!
Harry: NO WAY!
Snape: Mr Malfoy, why do you have a tattoo on your arm.
Draco: ...
Dumbledore: Students have a right to express themselves.
On it in bloody gothic writing were the words…
Dumbledore: Bets?
McGonagall: Malfoy.
Snape: Snape.
Draco: AUGH!
Vampire!
Harry: WHAT?!
Draco: What?!
Harry: EEEEVVVVVVIIIIILLLLLL!
Dumbledore: Gayness is not something to be as-
McGonagall: The words are homoerotic feelings.
Draco: SHUT UP! WHY DO I HAVE VAMPIRE WRITTEN ON MY SKIN?!
I was so angry.
Draco and Harry: Me too!
Dumbledore: You know what they-
Draco and Harry: Shut up! You stop talking! No you! ARRRGH!
Ron: You guys are digging yourself into a deeper hole.
"You bastard!"
Hermione: Woah. Calm down, Mary.
Snape: She has a headache.
I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.
Ron: I'm imagining Ebony doing some weird flying thing and escaping from Malfoy heroically.
Draco: This is not the time for jokes.
Harry: Why is my name plastered on your skin?
"No! No! But you don't understand!"
Draco: Wait, what don't you understand?
Hermione: *laughing* She probably thinks you're cheating on her for Harry.
Draco: What?! That is the stupidest-
Draco pleaded.
Draco: I. Do. Not. Plead. Nor, do I have a tattoo with Potter's pseudonym on it.
Harry: I am the Boy Who Lived, not Vampire!
McGonagall: ...bickering like an old married couple...
But I knew too much.
Draco: Oh Merlin...
Harry: ...hear, hear...
"No, you fucking idiot!"
Dumbledore: *wincing* You are going to turn him away.
Draco: Can you not see I want to be turned away?
Dumbledore: No.
I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"
Dumbledore: Woah, woah, woah! Hold the phone!
Snape: There is no phone.
Dumbledore: You don't get AIDs through gay sex!
McGonagall: And you would know how?
Dumbledore: I've done it! And I'm AIDs free!
McGonagall, Snape, Ron, and Hermione: ...
Draco: Why is everyone under the impression Potter or I got the other one laid?
Harry: Believe me, if I knew, this whole thing would have stopped.
I put on my clothes all huffily
Hermione: She can't even write an emotional moment, it's way too grammatically incorrect.
and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked.
Everyone but Draco: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Draco: What have I done to deserve such awful treatment?
Harry: Were born.
Hermione: She has not denied the two of you having sex...
Harry: I think it's her imagination.
Draco: I agree.
He had a really big you-know-what
Draco: Smile?
Dumbledore: I believe she means the testicles?
Ron: The...dick? Hahahahahahaha!
Draco: We have a First Year here. Call an ambulance.
McGonagall: Muggle thing...
Draco: ...no.
Hermione: Actually—
Draco: Shut up. This is a big enough disaster already!
Dumbledore: But surely you want others to see your parts!
Snape: What is wrong with you? I don't.
but I was too mad to care.
Hermione: She sure assumes a lot.
Ron: Like she assumes she has a brain?
Draco: *mutters* As if you have a brain.
Hermione: *oblivious to Draco* Exactly!
Ron: Hey!
I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom
McGonagall: If you're both in Slytherin, I would assume you both have the same classes.
Harry: Not in Seventh Year. I think I'm in higher classes.
Draco: That is not true!
Harry: So you think Ebony is worthy of being in NEWTs classes?
Draco: ...
Hermione: She could be acting dumb.
Snape: Or you both could be ditching classes.
where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape
Snape: I am forever traumatized.
Draco: Hey! I'll have you know my penis is perfect!
and some other people.
Hermione: These are not important in such an important time.
Draco: How is this important?
Ron: Quiet! I want to remember this. Draco Malfoy, the gay guy with a huge banana...heehee...actually, bad mental image.
"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"
Harry: Uh oh...
I yelled.
Draco: Ebony is becoming Dumbledore!
Dumbledore: Two Dumbledores!
McGonagall: Yay!
Snape: May Merlin preserve my soul.
Moony's Authours Note: Please review! You all are AWESOME, because you are all totally goffic. Yay!
