LEGEND OF ZELDA TIME LOOPS: In Which Weirdness Happens
Disclaimer: I disclaim that I do not own Zelda...or anything else associated with the Legend of Zelda Games. Well, I do own copies of the games, but I do not own the characters or locations or, well, you get the idea.
Enjoy!
7.1 - (SpaceKGreen)
Link stared up at the moon hanging ominously over Clock Town.
The moon stared back.
"HI! WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND?"
...Screw this Loop.
7.2 - (KrisOverstreet)
All three of the Hyrule Loopers agreed: there weren't enough N-O's in WRONG to describe this Loop.
For one thing, they were all on the same side, which was unusual.
For another thing, despite clear references to the Star Wars world (which all three had visited separately), certain things had been changed and twisted. Like, say, common sense. In what other universe would "combing the desert" involve a ten foot tall Afro pick?
For yet another thing, it was Prince Ganondorf being rescued. This, Ganondorf pointed out, was yet more evidence that the Loops hated him.
When it came to the mooks chasing them, though, one thing was exactly the same. The safest place to stand when they were shooting was right in front of them.
But as they stood in front of the spacegoing Winnebago bickering over who locked the keys inside, one of the Spaceball troopers got lucky- or, rather, unlucky.
A small lock of Ganondorf's hair fluttered to the spacedock floor.
A pair of amber eyes turned blood red.
With a roar Ganondorf sent out a wave of dark energy back towards the bunker and the convenient line of Spaceballs, who were all bowled over simultaneously.
"Er, Ganondorf," Zelda said quietly, "I thought we agreed-"
"HE SHOT MY HAIR," Ganondorf roared. Then, in a slightly softer voice, he barked, "You two go on ahead. Tell 'mother' I'll be along shortly." He cracked his knuckles before striding back to the bunker. "I have a planet to conquer."
Planet Druidia shrieked in terror as Spaceball One completed its transformation into MegaMaid.
The shrieks stopped when a familiar voice echoed down through the air shield.
"MY PEOPLE OF DRUIDIA. THIS IS THE VOICE OF PRINCE GANONDORF... THE NEW ABSOLUTE RULER OF PLANET SPACEBALL."
For a few moments the shrieks turned into cheers... until the Druidians noticed that the air shield doors were opening and that MegaMaid's vacuum cleaner was moving towards them.
"IN A FEW MINUTES WE SHALL DISCUSS THE TERMS OF PLANET DRUIDIA'S SURRENDER," Ganondorf continued. "BUT FIRST, DEAR MOTHER QUEEN ROLAIDE, IF YOU HAVE THE STOMACH FOR IT, I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS THE MATTER OF MY ENGAGEMENT TO THE PRINCESS HEMORRHOIDEA."
Aboard the Winnebago, Link turned to Zelda and asked, "So, do we stop him?"
"I think... not," Zelda said. "This Loop deserves him. Besides," she added, holding up a Triforce-shaped medallion, "I don't want to be anywhere nearby when he realizes who the only other eligible royalty of the opposite sex is in this Loop."
7.3 - (SpaceKGreen)
Ganondorf Awoke in an unfamiliar room.
As had become his custom, the first thing he did was purge his local self of the remnants of Demise's curse.
Scanning his Loop memories, it seemed to be a standard Loop, aside from the odd starting location. He was in a small shack on the edge of Hyrule Field, between Hyrule Castle and the Gerudo Desert.
Ganondorf sensed that the other Bearers were Awake. That always made things interesting.
He was in the middle of making his plans when he was interrupted by a small noise.
He looked down, and froze.
'Well. This is certainly different.'
Link and Zelda were getting worried.
Ganondorf hadn't shown up, and since they could sense he was Awake, this didn't bode well at all
Link had gone to grab the Master Sword early, and as soon as he had drew it, he started feeling... pings from it. Almost as if it was showing Fi's dowsing abilities.
This was giving him really bad vibes.
Zelda had started preparing defenses in the castle, while Link had followed where the sword was pointing.
It had led him to an unremarkable shack out in the Field.
As he drew close, he could hear a familiar voice, and as he followed it behind the shack, he started making out the words.
"-now SIT! SIT! Good boy! Good boy. Who's my adorable little abomination? Who'sh my little monshter? Who ish? You ish!"
Link rounded the corner and stared.
Staring back at him, bent over something on the ground, stood Ganondorf.
In front of him was a tiny version of Demise's Fallen form, about the size of a chihuahua.
The silence stretched for several moments, broken only by the occasional yips from the mini-Demise.
'Oh goddesses it sounds like a lapdog from hell,' thought Link.
Ganondorf coughed. "I don't suppose I can convince you to not mention this to anyone?"
The silence continued.
There was the click of a camera shutter.
Link ran for it.
The ground behind him exploded as Ganondorf followed.
7.4 - (OracleMask)
"Wait, so you're sure you're not an Elf?"
Link "Strider" tried not to show any obvious annoyance. Even if he'd been getting this question - repeatedly - ever since Waking in this loop from everyone he met including Gandalf, and even though Link liked all the hobbits - they reminded him of Kokiri but with giant hairy feet - Pippin's insistence in proving that their Ranger was secretly an Elf was starting to irritate him.
"No, Master Took," Link replied, "I am of the race of Men."
"But the ears?"
"My family tree does have a few Elves in it," Link admitted, thinking of what his loop memories told him about the Men of Numenor, "The ears are...a throwback."
7.5 - (KrisOverstreet)
The scent of athelas, steeped in red potion, filled the room.
"You know," Link, son of Arathorn, said to the woman in the bed, "you could have blasted him from a hundred yards away. There was no good reason for you to take him on sword to sword."
The woman sat up. "I have been waiting so very, very, very long to say this." Zelda, Princess of Rohan, threw her hands up in an exasperated shrug, rolled her eyes, and said, "Well, ex-CUUUUUSE ME, Prince."
7.6 - (Mivichi)
Out Of Horses, Come Back Later
Malon seethed. "Ganondorf killed all of the horses?" She looked ready to strangle the man with her bare hands. Her hair practically bristled like a hissing cat's.
Pushing locks of her own hair out of her face, Zelda sighed. "Indeed. It was a couple hundred years ago. Ganondorf was Awake at the time - he's still Awake, just sealed, my Loops are like that sometimes - and he got the idea to create an undead cavalry. Cleaning that up was...messy."
Malon bet it had been. She could recall legends of the time that spoke of how a mysterious sorceress had destroyed the army. ReDead rotted awfully when re-killed, with even scavengers unwilling to touch them. Efforts to remove the pollution had resulted in what was still called the Bog of Eternal Stench. ("I borrowed the name from one loop I visited," Zelda had admitted.)
Crossing her arms, Malon grumbled. "I don't have the intelligence that I had back on that spaceship, you know. I've got the theory, but the gene-splicing magic is tricky." She closed her eyes as she thought over her options.
Zelda nodded sympathetically. "The efforts I made to find a new riding animal all failed pretty spectacularly. If you don't want to," she began, but Malon's frown was pushed away by cheer.
"Hee! So that's where the weird farm breeds came from. It gives me a lot of material to work with. We can give it another go." Malon stretched, rolling her shoulders and cracking her neck. "Say, did you know the modern giant Cucco can reach three feet in height?"
Zelda hid a smile. If some future loops continued to follow the current altered timeline, Hyrule had interesting times ahead.
In another life, Malon led an Awake Link on a tour of the Lon-Lon Stables. She giggled as she concluded, "And that's why we have Chocuccos."
Dryly, Link asked, "Not Chocobos?"
"Chocuccos," Malon replied firmly, pointing at the red wattle and comb on the nearest specimen. Its coloring looked suspiciously like that of Epona-the-horse. "You know who this is. She's the smartest of the bunch, too. Has a few interesting mutations."
Link chuckled and stroked Epona-the-Chocucco's back-feathers gently. "Ganondorf doesn't stand a chance."
Fluffing her feathers blissfully, Epona cawed, "Kick his ass, wark, kick his ass."
Link startled backwards and gaped at the talking bird. It had been several loops since something had truly managed to surprise him.
Tittering, Malon cooed, "What a smart girl," and fed Epona a carrot.
7.7 - (KrisOverstreet)
"So let me get this straight. You can carry several different swords, enough bottles to start your own recycling center, hundreds of live bugs, magic wands, magic carpets, butterfly nets, sticks, stones, nuts, a bow and arrow, shields, even a damn RAFT... but you can't carry ten thousand and one rupees?"
Link shrugged. "What would anyone ever need with that much money on them anyway?"
"I don't know- buy your own island, maybe?"
Again Link shrugged. "I already have my own island. It's overrated."
"All right, fine, but there must be Loops where rupees are hard to come by and you need to buy something really expensive, really fast. And you can't keep money in reserve?"
"I met this other Looper named Nabiki Tendo. She taught me about a wonderful concept called 'venture capitalism.'"
The other Looper threw up his hands in defeat. Link smiled a little smile. That was the fourth Looper who had tried, and failed, to teach him about subspace pockets.
Sure, there were a few limitations to the method Link used... but if it's not broken, don't fix it.
Besides, playing stupid with the strange Loopers was always good for a laugh, and if he ever needed money he could trade his way from a paperclip up to that island resort in twelve steps or less.
Link was nothing like as simple-minded as he looked.
7.8 - (Indalecio)
Zelda, in her current incarnation as the Pirate Lady Tetra, was troubled. There was something different about Link, but she couldn't put her finger on it. He'd just defeated Phantom Ganon and was about to rescue the kidnapped girls from the Forbidden Fortress. Right now he was pecking at the door with his beak, trying to get it open.
"The cell won't open that easily."
"Bwak?" asked Link.
"There you go, acting before you think." she motioned to the two pirates beside her to open up the cell door before him.
"Bwak."
"I swear! Do you even realize that we had to draw that monster bird off for you? It was about to come flying in here!"
"Bak!" Link's feathers ruffled a bit.
"Yes, you probably could've taken it, but its always nice to have someone watching your back. Anyway, we'll take the girls for now, so you can get on with your business." she glanced up to where the giant bird, the Helmaroc King, was currently approaching for battle.
"Bwak!"
Yes, there was something odd about Link this loop, but what could it be?
7.9 - (SpaceKGreen)
Link and Ganondorf slowly circled each other, out in the field east of Hyrule Castle. Both were Awake, and the field showed the scars of their battle.
Outside the magical arena that had been set up around them, Zelda sat in an incongruous lawn chair, sharing a bag of various treats with an confused Midna.
Suddenly, Link smirked. Dropping his sword, he spread his arms wide, as if in welcome.
Ganondorf almost pressed the advantage, but something about Link's grin unnerved him.
Link grinning like that never ended well.
"What have you got planned, boy?" he growled.
Link's smile grew wider. "One word," he said, as a small golden disc appeared in his hand.
There was a sound as of millions of corks popping simultaneously, followed by a deep, roaring, angry hum.
Ganondorf's eyes bulged as he saw the golden cloud pouring out from Link's subspace pocket. Zelda and Midna screamed.
"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES!"
7.10 - (Indalecio)
Link and Ganondorf slowly circled each other, out in the field east of Hyrule Castle. Both were Awake, and the field showed the scars of their battle.
Outside the magical arena that had been set up around them, Zelda sat in an incongruous lawn chair, sharing a bag of various treats with an confused Midna.
Suddenly, Link smirked. Dropping his sword, he spread his arms wide, as if in welcome.
Ganondorf almost pressed the advantage, but something about Link's grin unnerved him.
Link grinning like that never ended well.
"What have you got planned, boy?" he growled.
Link just stood there, continuing to grin until he finally extended one finger as if pointing up at the extremely large ball of energy hovering there in the sky.
"Spirit Bomb" was the last thing Ganon heard as the ball of energy plowed into him.
7.11 - (OracleMask)
Link and Ganondorf slowly circled each other, out in the field east of Hyrule Castle. Both were Awake, and the field showed the scars of their battle.
Outside the magical arena that had been set up around them, Zelda sat in an incongruous lawn chair, sharing a bag of various treats with an confused Midna.
Suddenly, Link smirked. Dropping his sword, he spread his arms wide, as if in welcome.
Ganondorf almost pressed the advantage, but something about Link's grin unnerved him.
Link grinning like that never ended well.
"What have you got planned, boy?" he growled.
Link just stood there, continuing to grin until he finally extended one finger as if pointing up.
Ganondorf looked up.
The moon looked back.
"HI, FRIEND!"
7.12 - (Mivichi)
Link Awoke with a start as his alarm clock went off. With a startled curse, he rolled out of his bed and landed heavily on the floor.
"Link! Are you okay?" called his mom from downstairs. He tried to place the voice. Was that… Navi? He gave himself a mental shake and told himself to focus.
"Yes, Mom!" he replied.
He heard her move about. By the smell drifting through the house, she had cooked breakfast. "You had better hurry and get ready if you want to get to the Professor's house on time! Today's the big day, after all!"
Yes, his loop memories told him, today was the day where four new trainers from Pallet Town would start their Pokémon journey. He blinked as he remembered the names of his friends and rivals, as well the details of what the journey would entail.
The material Link had studied in the Hub hadn't mentioned anything like that.
Half an hour later, he joined four other thirteen-year-olds standing on the dusty road that ran in front of the Professor's laboratory. Each of them wore jeans, T-shirts, jackets, backpacks, and baseball caps, all normal for this loop, but each mainly wore a different color.
After a few moments of everyone trading uncomfortable glasses, the kid with purple hair and matching clothes made a face. "Looping?"
"I am," replied Link's best friend, Zelda "Blue" Hyrule, daughter of the current Champion.
"So am I," said Link "Green" Orden. His father had been a well-known trainer.
"I as well," came the reluctant response of Ganondorf "Red" Dragmire, whose background Green had known nothing about. Link rarely ran into Ganondorf while he was a young teen, so Ganondorf's lanky, thin figure and boyishly pitched voice amused Link.
Ganondorf caught sight of Link's grin and scowled, guessing the reason for Link's amusement. After Link used his cell phone to take a picture of Ganondorf's face and the next few faces Ganondorf made as well, he had to hastily dodged when Ganondorf growled - like a puppy, thought Link - and grabbed for the phone.
Ignoring the byplay, Vaati "Purple" Minish sighed in disappointment. "I thought so. Damn, winning this just got harder." His Unawake self had simply wanted to get out of their small town, but Awake Vaati had more ambition.
Zelda rolled her eyes as Link and Ganondorf wrestled for the cell phone. Ganondorf had a height and weight advantage; Link relied on dirty tricks. Boys, she thought. To Vaati, she said, "Do you want to try this loop without using out-of-Loop abilities? It could be fun. None of us are giving off the cursed aura this time." She sidestepped the two on the ground as they rolled in her direction.
Displeased with the dust thrown onto her shoes, she took out her own cell phone and started recording. Vaati glanced at her, shrugged, and did the same.
From behind them, a voice said, "If you don't stop fighting, you'll meet a terrible fate, won't you?"
Link and Ganondorf scrambled apart. Zelda and Vaati fumbled with their phones as they jumped and turned to face the interruptor.
All four of them had full-body shudders. They hadn't noticed from their loop memories, but the Professor was the Happy Mask Salesman. Sure, he wore a suit and lab coat instead of his usual outfit, but the face was as creepy as usual.
Their plans for the loop shifted from 'have fun' to 'hope a moon doesn't fall on us'.
Professor Happy Salesman clapped his hands gleefully. "I'm glad we all came to an understanding. Now, you are here for your starters, are you not?" He ushered them into the lab.
Link again considered the Pokémon games he had played during one Hub visit. The Salesman replacing Professor Oak explained quite a lot about what he remembered about life here.
Shelves of masks in glass jars lined the clean white walls of the well-lit lab. At lab tables, assistants had either one jar with a mask or a jar, a mask, and a Pokémon. The four assistants looked like younger versions of the Professor, too.
The Salesman led them across the tiled floor to a table with four jars upon it. "Dibs on the Eevee mask," Vaati said instantly.
"Oh, it's nice to see such an eager ranger," the Professor said, picking up the jar and angling the opening towards Vaati. He reached in and grasped the mask confidently.
Ganondorf shot Vaati a jealous glare and cleared his throat. "Professor, I have a question. Why did masks replace Pokéballs? Isn't it much riskier for a human to use a mask to battle than-"
The Professor leveled a hateful look in Ganondorf's direction. He shut up and involuntarily took a step back as the Professor crowded Ganondorf's space. "Mr. Dragmire, you do know that forcing Pokémon to fight was outlawed, don't you? You aren't advocating that humans have the right to force sentient creatures to battle to the point of unconsciousness or death, are you? You wouldn't happen to be a coward who likes to hide behind others, would you?"
His arguments, Zelda knew, weren't as clear-cut as they seemed. Trainers, who kept pet Pokémon in Pokéballs for use in nonviolent competitions, could also be licensed rangers. Rangers, as most called mask-users, had become the standard fighters after Professor Salesman invented his new mask system. Both were allowed to fight and obtain wild Pokémon the old-fashioned way if defending themselves.
Ganondorf's jaw clenched as he visibly restrained himself from landing a blow on the Salesman. "My apologies, Professor," he grit out. "I understand my error."
"Good," said the Professor before shoving a jar in Ganondorf's direction. He pulled out a Charmander mask. The Professor, smiling again, chose the Bulbasaur and Squirtle masks for Link and Zelda respectively.
The Professor clasped his hands together and smiled even more widely. "The four of you know what to do next, I hope?"
They put the masks to their faces. There was a brief moment of pain. Then, they had transformed.
A full-length mirror stood conveniently to one side of the table. The four crowded around it to look at their new forms, poking at their faces and testing their skins. While definitely Pokémon, their colors had changed to reflect their true selves.
Link had the Triforce marking on one forepaw, a pointy green hat, and the Hylian royal crest on his bulb. Zelda had a silver circlet, the Hylian royal crest on the stomach of her shell, and the Triforce marking on her hand. Ganondorf also had the mark of the Triforce on a hand, the Gerudo symbol on his back, and a golden crown on his head. Finally, Vaati wore a purple cap and a gold necklace set with a red eye-like gem.
"Fascinating identifiers! I believe this may be proof of reincarnation," the Professor exclaimed. "Or you just have overactive imaginations, funny children. I've registered your information with the League. Now, make sure you can change back."
The four teens reached for their masks - like subspace pockets, a physical movement wasn't necessarily required - and tugged the masks off.
Professor Salesman continued to speak. "Speak with the assistant closest to the door on your way out to get your Pokédexes and a small amount of blank masks. Remember, they must remain on a live Pokémon's face for a few minutes to properly copy the Pokémon! Convince a Pokémon to wear the mask by feeding it or passing its test; most Pokémon among the major routes know what humans are getting up to, after all, and they don't object to the masks nearly as much as being shoved into teensy, tiny little balls for indefinite amounts of time."
Still smiling brightly, he said, "I expect you all to be very successful on your journeys," his smile turned into a frown, "if you manage to survive your first month, not like that Cubone kid who went out with the Clefairy twins."
His demeanor darkened further. "Thieves who stole my work. They deserved what they got."
Noticing the various displays of skepticism (Link), disbelief (Zelda and Vaati), and boredom (Ganondorf), the Professor forced a grin back onto his face. "Good luck!"
Link miniaturized his newest mask, a female Nidoran, and clipped it on the inside of his vest. Most rangers had a similar system as laws limited them from carrying more than ten at a time.
"Isn't there any less time-consuming way to get masks?" Zelda wondered as she sat on the boulder with him. From their vantage point, they could see over the tall grass and trees that filled the route.
Vaati agreed from his seat even higher on the boulder, "I would like that there was as well. Greenie, don't you have anything from that Termina cycle I keep hearing about?"
Ganondorf and Vaati still traveled with them because sticking together made them less of an easy target for any evil plots. Wild Pokémon were becoming more and more unpredictable and dangerous even as they trained up their masks' levels. All of them had the uncomfortable suspicion that their loop's usual curse had infected someone and was spreading its effects throughout Kanto.
"There's a song I can play around a unhappy spirits with unfinished business," Link replied with a shrug. "The song helps them move on, and they leave masks pretty similar to this loop's."
Ganondorf looked up from digging a fire pit at the base of the boulder. He sat back and dusted his hands off. "Teach us this song now," he demanded.
"Does everyone here even have a magical musical instrument?" Link asked with incredulity.
Suddenly, Vaati had a xylophone across his lap, Zelda pulled out an ocarina, and Ganondorf held a harp. Link withdrew a saxaphone. "Never mind. Here's the Song of Healing."
They picked it up quickly.
A few minutes later, the field nearby had masks lightly scattered across it. They weren't extraordinarily abundant - not everything that died would stick around - but more than any of the four had expected.
Maybe a natural disaster had occurred sometime in the past couple of years; a wildfire would account for some. The recent upswing in hostility from wild Pokémon and the lack of psychics and exorcists in their locality would contribute to a portion as well. It was impossible to tell how long ago the spirit Pokémon had died.
"Aaaand Pokémon kill and eat each other in the wild all the time, huh," Link said lamely as he switched his sax for a spyglass. "I wonder what kind of results we would get in other places." He picked up the one mask that had landed on the boulder - a Rattata - and tested it. The transformation worked, as did the miniaturization. He could even scan it with his Pokédex like a normal mask. "They're definitely legitimate."
Ganondorf's grin showed plenty of teeth. "I suggest we drop the plot while we can, stop relying solely upon in-loop abilities, and go off course to stock up our subspace pockets. All for?"
The other three raised their hands slowly, still a little stunned by the success of the song.
The cawing of a Spearow flock overhead broke through their reverie. All four exchanged looks and pushed off the boulder, scrambling for the masks.
"Dibs on the-" Ganondorf snapped up a shiny Beedrill mask as Vaati spoke. "Damn it."
7.13 - (barryc100588)
The Happy Mask Salesman stared down at the mask in his hands, a gleeful smile on his face. The smile soon turned malevolent.
"At last. Majora's Mask is back in my possession! I can finally take revenge on the gods who cast my ancestors into darkness!"
Link gripped his Sword, but didn't draw it.
"Your ancestors? You are a member of the lost tribe?"
The salesman looked at Link.
"Yes, I am. I took this form to hide from the gods while I worked tirelessly to decipher my ancestors' records. When I learned about Majora's Mask, I knew how I could avenge them. And now, the moment is at hand! Thank you, Link, for aiding me in getting my revenge!" The mask salesman turned around and started to put the mask on. Link released his sword and pulled a mask out of his Inventory while this was going on, and put the mask on. He painfully started transforming into Fierce Deity Link. The Happy Mask Salesman turned around at Link's painful grunts, eyes widening at the transformation going on.
When the transformation finished, Link wordlessly pulled out his Helix blade and swung at the salesman. he backed away in front, eyes widening further as Majora's Mask fell off of his face, cut in two from the slash.
"No! My mask! My vengeance! Ruined!" The mask salesman glared at Link. "You'll pay for that!"
Link glared menacingly at the mask salesman, causing him to scurry away.
"And that's how I stopped the threat of the Happy Mask Salesman. Let me tell you, I did not need him as my enemy."
Malon was listening attentively to Link's story.
"Gosh, Link, I hope you don't have a variant like that again. What happened to him after he left?"
Link frowned. "I heard he got himself killed trying to get some other ancient evil on his side. But that does bring up a question: The salesman was definitely human. How could he possibly be related to the ancient tribe in the Majora's Mask legend?"
Malon thought about it. "I don't know, Link. I don't know."
7.13 cont. - (masterofgames)
Malon then gave Link a deadpan stare. "It is a mystery. It boggles the mind. We may never know. How would he ever manage to take a form unrelated to the tribe? If only we knew someone who had experience with magic masks. And shape-shifting. And knew a song to make shape-shifting magic masks, that he may have learned from a magic mask salesman. Oh, the humanity. How will we ever unravel this huge, nigh-unsolvable brain puzzler?"
Link slumped over his glass of milk. "Nobody likes a smart-ass, Malon..." he pouted.
7.1 - When you look at the Moon, the Moon looks back at you.
7.2 - They learned about the Schwartz from the great sage Deco. His house had a certain style.
7.3 - An Abomination is a Thief King's best friend.
7.4 - They always ask about the ears. Always.
7.5 - Turnabout is fair play, and so sweet besides.
7.6 - Why ride horses when you can ride giant, death chickens?
7.7 - Never underestimate the power of the Trading Chain.
7.8 - Then the hat comes off. "Wait, you're a chicken!"
7.9 - At least it isn't the Cucco Swarm.
7.10 - Oh look, it's a running gag.
7.11 - Spreading the Lunacy.
7.12 - The Song of Healing is so OP.
7.13 - Just look at that creepy grin. Humans just don't have that many teeth!
