Chapter 7: It's a miracle!


Psycho's POV:

Okay. So here we are now. In a creepy graveyard. Could it be any more appropiate for the current situation? We're being hunted by two weirdos instead of one! I swear, If I don't get a break soon, I'll kill everyone within a twelve mile radius using electric shovels! And I don't know how big a twelve mile radius is, but I think it means I have to kill EVERYONE IN SIGHT! So it means a lifetime in federal prison. Personally, I don't give a f-

"Psycho! Look, I found something shiny!" Katie yelled. I looked at where she was pointing. A little while away from where we were was something that looked like an altar.

"Hm, let's go check it out," I said. I walked past her and Katie ran before me.

"Hello? Anyone here? HELLO? WE'RE LOST! HELLO? HE- Mmf!" I put my hand over Katie's mouth. Is she nuts? We could have been heard by our "friends" back there!

"Shut up!" I hissed. She grew quiet and we stared at each other for awhile.

"WHY? THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE?" she asked with that megaphone she somehow got a hold of. Ow... She yelled right in my ear...

"Because. (snatches megaphone and throws it over gate) Uno: We're not entirely sure that we're the only ones. Dos: Corroder and Chopper may not be here, but no doubt they would have heard that. And Tres: YOU ALMOST TOOK OUT MY LEFT EAR YOU MORON!" Eep! That was a little loud.

"Oh... but I don't see anyone else," she protested. Ugh, how thick could ya' get? Those of you that have seen horror movies KNOW that when you think you're alone in a graveyard, there's something just waiting to jump out from behind a gravestone and suck your guts out, drink your inner fluids, and toss your hollow corpse to the hounds of hell!

Katie: Wow... A littleviolent today, aren't ya?

Me: Yeah. A little.

"C'mon! Let's go check it out!"

"Wait up!"

Katie and I ran to the altar and stopped when a beam of light, similar to our super attack, shot down from the sky and hit right in front of us!

"Aaaaaaaah!" We shrieked and sove behind a pillar. Katie poked her head out from behind it.

"Psycho! Look at this!" she whispered while shaking me by the hood of my jacket.

"What? ...Whoah..." was all I could say.

on the once empty altar were five girls, a little older than us. They were carrying flaming swords and twirling them as they walked along the border. The same girls, only in togas, were dancing in front of it. The girl in the front waved her sword and they all disappeared. She turned to us and a little light shone on her.

"I was killed by an Entity, and have been trapped in the darkness ever since," she moaned mournfully. Hey... That one looks like...

"Hey Psy-chan! She looks like you!" Katie said with her mouth hanging open. She does, kinda. We would resemble each other more if she had purple fur and a tail at the moment, but beggers can't be choosers I guess. Another girl stepped up. She was hunched over slightly. This one looks like Alyssa!

"What pain... Help...! Help me!" she cried before sinking back onto her knees. The third girl stepped up.

"Katie! This one looks a lot like you!" She had dark brown hair and also wore glasses. Hm, that's gotta cause problems if they fall off in the middle of a battle.

"Those cursed Entities. I wish... I wish I could just be resurrected to fight them!" Katie tilted her head to the side.

"I look nothing like that!"

"Uh, yeah ya' do."

"Do not!"

"Katie, she has the same hair color as you, she looks as tall as you, she wears glasses-"

"Lots of people wear glasses! You are supposed to wear glasses!"

"Yeah, but I'm don't."

"That means you can't see anything anyways!"

"I can see fine Mom!"

"I'm not your mom!"

"You look like her."

"PUT ON YOUR FREAKING GLASSES!"

"NEVER!"

"Um, excuse me!" the youngest girl on the altar called.

"WHAT?" we yelled and turned to her. She took a step back.

"We're.. um, trying to say some stuff... If you don't mind," she stammered. Yeesh, are people always so rude as to barge into other people's arguments here?

"Right, sorry," We glared at each other one final time before watching whatever the heck they're doing over there.

"What a shame... a subordinate stole my heart from me. And the Entities used it in the Ritual of Engagement!" she cried before they all disappeared. Ritual of Engagement? I'veheard that somewhere before.

"What's the Ritual of Endangerment?" Katie asked.

"It's 'engagement', and I can't remember. All the more important plotline links are practically gone from my brain," I tapped my head and it made a hollow sound, just to prove my point.

"Well, what do you remember?" she asked. I thought for a bit. What do I remember?

"Um... I think I remember the names of the rest of the bad guys. Oh! I remember who the boss of the subordinates is!" I said happily. Katie smiled. I think we're getting somewhere!

"Who? Who is it?"

"Burr-" I was about to say, but the ground started shaking and we heard a sound like something rising up from under the ground.

"Is this the part where the zombies come up from under the ground and eat our vital organs?"

"No Katie, this isn't the part where zombies come up from under the ground and eat our vital organs. Sorry to disappoint you," I muttered while getting back up.

"Aww! No fair!" she whined. No more Dawn of the Dead for her!

"What happened?" I asked when the ground stopped shaking. Katie shrugged and looked back at the altar.

"Um... Is this in the game?" I looked behind me to see what she was pointing at. The altar exploded and a sorta light tornado came up.

When the light cleared, there wasn't anything there. What a ripoff!

"Well that sucked," I muttered. Katie noddded and began to walk out of the courtyard.

"Let's go see what has risen out from under the ground to eat our vital organs," she suggested.

"Fine, better than nothin'," I sighed.

(A woman rises from the ashes of the altar as soon as we leave.)

We walked back out to the mausoleum... Hey, that's fun to say! Mausoleum mausoleum! Mausie mausie masuie mau...so...leum! Ma-

Reader and everyone else: GET ON WITH IT!

Aw shut up! You're not the ones writing this! Ahem. We walked back out to the mausoleum and Katie started searching for zombies. I really need to get rid of the portable surge fridge she carries with her.

Katie: (chugs bottle of surge) ZOMBIES!

Oy vay...

What rose up from down under was a ripoff too! Just two statues! One with a picture of the sun carved into it and another with the moon. Why don't I get to see anything cool today? Hm?

"I found the zombies!" I heard Katie yell. WTF? There are no zombies!

"What are you talking about you- OH MY GOD!" THERE ARE ZOMBIES?


In the lab...

Zoe:

"Oh great. A glitch,"I muttered. Alyssa looked over to Jimmy who had for some reason found it wise to change the channel and ding! Dawn of the Dead. The never before heard of extended version with deleted scenes and outtakes as well as a commentary on how the movie was made. Via Time Warner Cable and Roadrunner high speed online.

Jimmy smiled and turned up the volume when the zombies began attacking Psycho relentlessly.

"Ow! Hey! You stupid rotting bags of fly food! Leave me al- Aaaaagh!" she screamed through the screen. She is not having a very good day, is she?

"Hahaha! This is better than pay-per view!" Jimmy laughed.

"Why's that?" Alyssa asked. Jimmy winked and pulled out some popcorn.

"Because it's free." He got us there. I sighed and changed it back. When I did, Psycho was sprawled on the ground with little stars floating around her head, and Katie crying because she missed her zombie bretheren. Jimmy pouted and stared at the screen some more.

"So where's that little bugger, Dennis?" he asked. Hm, where did he run off to?

"I don't know, and I don't care! He dare leave me for an orange cat with a short attention span? Hmph!" Alyssa stomped out of the room with steam coming out of her ears.

"I could find him, but there may be some consequences," the doctor said while dragging himself to us with crutches (several attempts in getting around the lab ended up with us destroying his wheelchair. Whoopsie!).

"What consequences?" I asked while putting on a crash helmet. I'm not taking any chances...

"Well, some items may be transported here... or some people," he muttered.

"Great. Just show us where he is. I'm bored and tired of watching Katie and Psycho suffer for now."

"Here here!" Jimmy and Alyssa chimed. The doctor sighed and quickly dialed a number on his cell phone.

"Hello? Statefarm Life Insurance?"


Mausoleum...

Psycho:

"Okay! Who changed the channel? Hm? Who?" I yelled while brushing the blood, dirt, and God only knows what else the zombies left on me. Why can't zombies be cleaner? WHY? This was my favorite shirt! first the jeans, now the shirt! What next?

"Zombies can't be cleaner because they are nothing more than re-animated corpses of the recently deceased, and because if they fester to long, the body fluids have to escape, otherwise they'll be too slow and their prey will escape," Katie stated while wiping her glasses with her shirt.

So that's why the zombies were fast in that movie...

"When were you the zombie guru?" I asked. She smiled.

"It's a secret..." she cackled. For future reference, I don't know her...

"Whaaatever. Let's check out these portal squares, whadda ya' say?" I asked, pointing to the two seperate portal squares that had appeared next to the statues.

"Okay! You take the one for the moon, and I'll take the shiny sun one!"

"Um Katie, the moon is a symbol of darkness, right?"

"Yeah. So?"

"So, doesn't that mean that there'll probably be something dark and deadly waiting for me like Chopper or Corroder?"

"Who?"

"Uh... Justin Timberlake and friend?"

"Oh! Don't be silly! What's the worst that could happen if you run into them?"

In Psycho's mind...

(Chopper and Corroder are laughing and Psycho is carrying a heavy load of rocks and stuff. Everything is burning and the Subordinates are sitting on a throne. Dramatic funeral music is playing.)

Chopper: Hahaha! See what happens to those who call me gay? Ahahahaha!

Corroder: Walk faster slave! And Choppy-san, it's okay to be gay. The purple one isn't the only one who thinks you are.

Psycho: I know you are!

Chopper: SILENCE! WALK FASTER!

reality...

Katie gasped and wrote out her will, and mine.

"Unmerciful dictatorship! Weird. I pictured an underground Street Fair!"

Everyone: ...

I sighed and smacked her.

"So you see... That's why you get to go through the moon portal," I said. Hey, she runs faster than I do. I think she could get away.

"Uh uh! I'm not going! It's suicide!"

"THEN WHY WERE YOU GOING TO SEND ME?" Katie shrugged.

"Better you than me Psy-chan!" she chirped. X.X some friend!

"Oh come on!" I whined. Why always me?

"Okay, how 'bout this: We both go on 'three' and come out together. Agreed?"

"Agreed." Hm, she finally grew a brain.

"Okay! One..."

"Two..."

"THREE!" she yelled before running in. I turned away and whistled before jumping onto the sun portal.

Sucker.


Katie's POV:

"Psycho? Psycho?" I called while looking around. Where was she? ...

...She did not do what I think she did...

"PSYCHO YOU STUPID... DITCHER! HOW COULD YOU ABANDON ME LIKE THIS?" I cannot believe her! After all I've done for her!

...Which is virtually nothing... But I don't care. She had no right to do that!

"Oooh! When I get my hands on you, I'll-"

The portal was gone! Where'd it go? Ooh... look! A nickel! Aah! Focus Katie! Focuuuussssss! Wow... I never knew my hand was that big before...


Psycho:

Maybe I should have taken the moon...

the sun just put me in a crypt! That's worse than the graveyard, and on top of it all, the portal disappeared! I do not remember this in the game!

So far, I got pissed off, kicked a large pillar and practically shattered my toe membrane, I found three ghosts, and now, I don't know what to do!

"O-okay ghosts! I'm warning you!" I tried to sound confident (failed miserably) and waved a huge piece of wood in front of me in my defense. Hey, works for vampires. Why not ghosts?

They kept on comin'. One of them stopped and laughed while shaking its head.

"What are you going to do? Give us a hell of a splinter?" Dang. She found me out. Uhmm... Think Psy! Think! Improvise!

"No! I am skilled in the ways of... Origami! So you better step off!"

"...Paper folding?" the second one asked. I took a step back and gulped.

"Crap, I was hoping you didn't know what that was..." I'm screwed, ne? The ghosts advanced and my life was once again flashing before my eyes. That's happening a lot today for some reason. Was I ever dating a Mexican named Diego?

(little light bulb appears)

"Ooh! Cool!" I said while poking it. I can't help myself! It's so... pretty...

(Ghost grabs her by the throat)

"Gack! Too... much... strangling...!"

(the camera swerves to the side, showing a mouse and a dancing panda)

Announcer: Please do not look at the violent scene! Look at the cute little panda! Awww... It's doing the macarena!

(blood flies overhead)

No! Don't look up! Look at the adorable little bear! See? It's doing the Mambo number 5!

(A battered Psycho is trying to reach the other side of the screen)

Hey! You're in the way of the panda! (sweeps her back with a giant broom)

Psycho: Wait! what're you doin? Waaaaaaah!

Announcer: Now then. Isn't that cuuuute? Wait... what's that? (blood covers the panda)

Umm... okay! Don't look at the panda! Better yet, just turn off the computer! Yes, that's right... reach for the power button...

Oh! Hi Psycho! Ehehe... What are you going to do with that rooder stone? Ps-Psycho? I'm sorry! I'll pay for your hospital bill... No need to get up! Why are you looking at me like that?

Oh poopie...

Aah! Let go! No! That doesn't belong there! Help! Someone call a medic! I'm being attacked by a large purple cat! Aah! No! I just got that healed! What's that swordf or? Where'd you get it? Noooooo! Aaaaaagggghhhh...

Psycho: (grabs camera lens) What're you looking at? Show's over. Get lost. (rips lens off and the screen goes fuzzy. The panda moonwalks across the screen one final time.)


Katie:

Hm... that gravestone looks kind of cool. Oh! It's green! How pretty! And look at that fog! It's so thick that if a masked murderer were to pop out, I couldn't see where I was going and I would surely be killed! Good thing that can't happen! Right?

(portal shows up and a heavily bandaged Psycho pops up holding a circular object.)

"Oh! Psycho, you're back! How was the sun... Aaah!" I screamed when Psycho grabbed me by the throat.

"Next time... You go in the sun..." she hissed through gritted teeth. Oh boy... Something tells me she didn't have fun.

"Y-yes ma'am!" I squeaked. The big rock-thingy in her hand started to shine a little.

"Ooooh... can I touch it? It's shiny..." She stuffed it in her pocket and shook her head.

"No. You run into any trouble?" she asked. I shook my head.

"Lucky you," she muttered. Psycho looked around and her gaze stopped on a large shape.

"What's that?" I asked. A plane? A dead elephant? David Hasselhoff?

"It's a... Car! It's a car! We're saved Katie!" she cheered. We are?

"We are? Oh yeah! We are!"

"I call shotgun!" she yelled before running towards it. She tripped over a tombstone and got back up with a black eye.

"Okay, I'm gonna stick to the path..."

When could she walk again? She looked like she had been attacked by a herd of elephants a little while ago.

"Ghosts. Wait... I can walk?"

"When could you walk again?"

"IT'S A MIRACLE! I CAN WALK AGAIN! I'm gonna go take a victory lap around the-"

(blue car speeds by and runs over Psycho)

Psycho: Bleep.

Yowch. That had to hurt.

The car stopped and Psycho got up (we're blessed with many miracles today!) and Justin Timberlake- OMGOMGOMFG- stuck his head out of the window.

"Evening ladies!" he laughed. Another man got out.

"OMG! It's Johnny Depp!"

Johnny just stared.

"Excuse me?" Psycho walked up to where I was and shook her head.

"Forget it Choppy. I stopped asking questions a long time ago," she muttered. Is she insulting me?

"Think of it as a compliment to your -and my- brain capacity."

"Okay!"

The two celebirties shrugged and took out their weapons, and I can guarantee they weren't microphones!

"Let the games begin!"

Psycho: They already started.

Justin: Silence!


Done! Sorry it took so long. School started.

Katie: Excuses, excuses! You just don't type fast enough!

Me: Oh, I'm sorry! Do you wanna do this?

Katie: Um, no. Sorry.

Me: No, I'm serious! Do you wanna take over? Because I hate this job!

Next Chapter: Subordinates of the Carribean