Those Kids with a Typewriter
Top 7 Worst Pokemon Movies
"Hello and welcome to Those Kids with a Typewriter where bad fanfiction burns. Today, we'll talk about the worst Pokemon movies in honor of the upcoming twentieth anniversary of the franchise." Wally said, "Let's lay some ground rules. First, the movies will be treated as if they were in one alternate continuity. Second, the Japanese dub will only count if the dub is vastly different. Third, this is all my opinion. You are free to disagree with it."
Number 7, 4ever (Pun Intended)
"While I did enjoy the Iron-Masked Marauder, I did not enjoy the CGI. It feels so out of place. It's not even off-putting out of place. It's just distracting. The 'save and care for the environment' was pretty ham-fisted and annoying. Brock, Misty, and Team Rocket? They're just sidekicks, living props, pointless. Ash and Same are the literal focus of the movie." Wally said.
"Now we move to the ending. Yeah, Deus ex Machina. I know I've harked on that trope to death, but it really was poorly executed. It's not played for irony or humor. One of my favorite movies, Disney's the Hunchback of Notre Dame, ends in Deus ex Machina. Frollo states that he will smite the wicked and plunge them right into hell. The moment he states that, he slips and the gargoyle comes to life roaring at him as he falls into molten lead. That is irony. For the entire movie, Frollo has been doing nothing by saying he's a righteous man while murdering left and right. Guess who falls into hell? Unless it's very stylized, then Deus ex Machina won't cut it for me."
Number 6, Victini and Zekrom/Reshiram
"Zekrom and Reshiram are vastly different beasts because their ideologies are different. Zekrom believes in an ideal world while Reshiram seeks the truth. The Dragon Force could have been an interesting concept. It could have been a power only drawn by legendaries. When those legendaries begin using it for their own use, it could have devastated the land, sea, and skies. Have the dragons see the devastation they are causing are not making them progress in ideologies. Have Zekrom and Reshiram see that it's causing it to go backwards. Make them atone for their sins." Wally argued, "Or just get a stupid sword nuilding with the power of several hundred psychic-types and move it to stablize the force. What was bad about the movie is that it was human centered with Ash and Damon. It's the Tao Trio's power that caused the conflict in the first place. What was the point of having Ash and Damon shoved in there. I guess they could have been the heroes, but let the ideologies play somewhere. I never felt anything for Zekrom or Reshiram's characters."
Number 5, Pokémon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea
Wally inhaled and ranted, "This one was just bad because the legendary it featured was just plain grating. I only have a problem with Manaphy and the ending. The rest was pretty good and fun, but when this movie hits a sore sport, it hits it hard. Kyogre was only in it for only a few minutes despite the billing for it to be somewhat plot relevant. Manaphy's cry is grating. The biggest insult ever made in a Pokemon movie is when Ash hijacks the spotlight (because marketing) from May. He doesn't even legitimately deserve to do anything plot relevant. The super saiyan mode, and yes I'll refer to it as super saiyan mode, was from a Deus ex Machina. Phantom wanted the jewels because they were valuable, but they supported the temple as well. There was nothing to indicate that the sea crown was able to bestow power. The ending was really forced and bumps this to number five on this list."
Number 4, Pokémon: Destiny Deoxys
"The movie was a sci-fi movie that dragged on for way too long. To be honest, I liked that the one-shot character, Tory Lund, got a good degree of focus. Normally, the one-shot Pokemon will be back for the final villainous syndicate battle (or not). It's a little sad to see go characters go to nowhere. The main problem sits within the Deoxys and Rayquaza battle. I feel so indifferent to the battle. We all knew Ash will live. Let's be honest, they have to sell toys somehow." Wally said.
"What about that awesome battle between Rayquaza and Deoxys?" said a fan of the movie.
Why do we want Rayquaza to win? Why do we want Deoxys to win? What characterization do these two have beyond "angry serpent dragon who thinks this shapeshifting beast has invaded by territory" and "don't shoot me. I'm just looking for a friend" do these Pokemon have? Then there is the block plot. Yes, robotic blocks go nuts and make the movie feel longer than it needs to be. The pacing coupled by the lack of characterization for the combatants ruins the film for me." Wally said.
Number 3, Arceus and the Jewel of Life
"The gloves are off now. They were clear had enough time to prepare for this movie. This is where everything stops making sense. The exposition jumps between enough and excessive, but we got to see the exposition play out. Rather than just tell all of it in a flashback, we get to see Sheena explain it then have it play out on their time travel escapade. Arceus lacks common sense for a god. If it hated humans so much, then why didn't it just take the spooky plate, grab all human souls, and cast them into hell or whatever hell they have. It makes no sense. The time travel bit was just plain dumb. Keep in mind I'm judging it as if all the movies took place in an alternate universe, but has the same physics. Time travel should work like traditional fantasy as the anime had an episode dedicated to time travel in AG. If Ash and friends failed at their mission, they would fade away. If they didn't, they would fade away. Returning the jewel would have negated the need go back in time to stop Damos (who was controlled by Marcus) from keeping the jewel away from Arceus. When they return to the future, there were some small problems. The timeline should have bent to the point Arceus should not have rampaged. If that was the case, then Arceus is a forgetful prick that destroys left and right. This is God we're talking about!?
Number 2, Genesect and the Legend Awakened
"You all saw this one coming. Blah blah blah, Newtwo is a clear rehash of the old Mewtwo. Let's get to what annoys me the most. The Douse Drive Genesect. There is a clear distinction between being cute and innocent and trying to poison the audience with how sugary this character is. There is a huge difference between having a sugary personality and a good voice. The main conflict should have been about being an angel in a demon's body, an ugly duckling story. Let other people and pokemon fear the Genesect for looking so unnaturally demonic that it scares them. It may feel out of place in a world with living sludge, but it would make sense as they are beasts of science not nature. Make the Genesect resentful over this and rally other manmade Pokemon to their cause. This is a story of wasted potential much like Best Wishes as a whole."
Number 1, Hoopa and the Clash of Ages
"I need a full review to tear this one apart. Nothing fathoms the sheer level of hate I have for this one movie alone."
Editor's Note: I took some nods at Nostalgia Critic's Funniest Shamylan movie moments (Go check it out if you haven't) and I legitimately hate Hoopa and the Clash of Ages. I would rant all day about it, but I'm tired.
