Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.

OMG! I've actually written another chapter for you guys! I know, it's been too long, Please don't hate me *hides in corner*.

You all have Shadowdragon1317 to thank for this. She really helped me out and got my butt in gear.

This took me forever to write, and I have been quite busy lately. My majorette troupe start competing next week. Woohoo!

Enjoy the chapter!

I'm not going to lose you – Chapter 7

"How did you get the dragon to answer to you? The last Dragonlord died years ago."

Merlin was silent. He knew where this would lead and he didn't really feel like telling everyone in the room. The memory of Balinor's death still hung heavily over him, the weight he's carried for a long time still burned. The ache he'd grown accustomed to. The one thing the physician could never help him with. Merlin didn't want to speak. Fortunately, Gaius was at his ward's rescue.

"Sire, I don't think now is the right time to bring up this subject." The physician knew the pain his boy had gone through at the loss of his father. To meet someone and have them taken away so soon would be hard for anyone. To have to relive those moments in front of a group of people was another thing altogether. Especially when his best friend is forcing the truth from him, like so many times when Arthur had pried into his life.

"Don't be silly, Gaius. It's not exactly a hard question, is it?" Arthur really couldn't understand why his friend had gone quiet all of a sudden, and why Gaius was insisting he stop. It was a harmless question. All he wanted to know is how Merlin had come to meet the dragon and be able to call the creature when the last dragon lord had died. So why wasn't Merlin speaking about it? Normally it was get him to stop prattling on about the issue was the problem.

"Sire, please…" the old man tried to say.

"No, Gaius." Arthur held up his hand not letting the physician finish. He wanted to know, needed to know. "Merlin?" questioned the King, waiting for Merlin to respond.

All Merlin could feel was the expectant looks of everyone around him (apart from Gaius anyway). Their eyes were like daggers, digging into his skin. Merlin could almost feel the sharp pain, smell the metallic blood dripping down his body. The warlock even stole a quick glance to the floor, just to make sure the floorboards weren't being coloured dark red. Releasing a sigh, Merlin felt his heart sink painfully to his stomach. Could this meeting get any worse? Of all the things that Arthur would want to know, it had to be one of his un-healing scars from the past.

"Well, um…" Merlin began, not quite knowing how to continue. Balinor's dead eyes flashed in his mind, making the warlock waver. He let out a choked sob, one that only Gaius heard. His guardian turned to him, his aged face expressing worry and sadness for the questions that the King was pushing him to answer. The old man choked down his protests against Arthur, but spoke directly to Merlin.

"My boy, you don't have to." comforted his guardian, but all Merlin could think of was perhaps it's was best to get it over and done with, and out in the open. Maybe then the ache in his heart could finally start to dull. Maybe just fade to a constant reminder, like many others who were lost. No, never. Merlin thought to himself. Only three of those people that died because of him, the warlock made certain that their pain never dulled. He wanted to feel it, just to make sure he doesn't forget his father, his lover, or his childhood friend.

"It's okay, Gaius… really." Merlin stared Arthur in the eyes, he wanted to the King to know how much of a big deal this was for him. "I am the last Dragonlord, Arthur. I…"

"But the last one died, Merlin. You were there! You saw him die!"

Merlin took a deep breath as he looked up at the ceiling, the fresh tears prickling his eyes. "The ancient gift of a Dragonlord i….is passed from father to son only when the father dies." The servant waited for the revelation to sink in. The servant looked away as the salty tears started to fall again. This time, Merlin didn't let it stop. The tears he held for so long were being shed, and it made the weight Merlin had on his young shoulders ever since Balinor's death lessen.

Shock was the only thing Arthur registered. Why hadn't he realised before? "Balinor was your father." he said sullenly, remembering that day, and what he had said to Merlin afterwards. 'No man is worth your tears.'the words echoed, sounding so cruel and heartless each time the King remembered them. When Uther had died, he'd shed the same tears. But Merlin had to hide his inner sorrow, and endure Arthur's teasing and demeaning remarks on how he responded to Balinor dying in his arms.

Oh, what had he done? "Merlin… I'm sorry... for what I said, when it happened…I."

"It's okay, Arthur. I forgave you a long time ago. You couldn't know."

The rest of group in Merlin's room didn't quite know what to say. It almost felt like they shouldn't be there. The subject was so private and personal to Merlin, they felt like they were intruding. But all of them could relate, and the group of the Round Table knew that the servant would want his friends to be with him.

Leon didn't know what to think. On one hand, Merlin had obviously stopped the dragon. He remembered that day well, riding into to clearing knowing he was most likely to die. He almost had. But when he had awoken after being slammed to the ground by the dragon's massive tail, the monstrous beast was gone, with no body to be seen, and now he knew why. On the other hand, Merlin could control dragons! And there was still one in existence. That was some power to have. Merlin was so small, to think he could do all that, plus magic was unbelievable. Leon didn't really feel as close to the servant like with the other knights, but he hoped that this meant Merlin would become a great ally in protecting the kingdom. If Merlin was on their side, nothing could penetrate the wall of Camelot.

Gwen and Percival sympathised most with Merlin. Both of them had known the loss of losing family so close.

Gwen had now lost both her father and her brother; the only family she had left now was Arthur. And she had come so close to losing him as well. Her heart went out to a friend who had had to deal with the loss, with only Gaius as comfort. Her tears went silently, but not unnoticed. Arthur reached out one of his hand and grasped Gwen's, giving her the encourage meant to lean onto her husband's shoulder and sob.

Percival could understand as well. He had lost all his family when Cenred had raided his village. The only reason why Percival survived was because they sent him to the woods to gather more dry-wood for the winter supply. Percival had heard screams and ran back to find his family staring up, milky eyes staring at nothing. The future knight had gone off on his own after that, not able to deal with his feelings. He hoped perhaps he could be a closer friend to Merlin now, especially after losing Gwaine. He needed that one friend that would be like Gwaine, the friend to be with you until the very end. Merlin understood, and Merlin was now Percival's only link to his closest brother of the knights.

Merlin looked around at all the solemn faces. "Please, it's okay." he said, wiping the last tears away from his eyes. Swallowing back the hurt, Merlin could manage a small smile that attempted to reassure his friends. But it probably looked more fake than usual. And the stares of sympathy were starting to feel uncomfortable. "Really, it's fine. Shall we get back to the main point of this conversation? I'd rather not dwell on certain things."

Gwen, catching the fact that Merlin was starting to feel uncomfortable, brought the focus back to her friend's magic. "So you've saved Arthur's life." she smiled, "Somehow that doesn't surprise me."

Arthur attempted to feign hurt, but was so unsuccessful that he started to grin foolishly. The group began to laugh quietly, the first time they've done so in a while.

Merlin chuckled nervously, moving his hand through his hair. "Something like that. I've also done things I regret." he ended sadly. Merlin brought his hands together and unconsciously began to rub his wrists in his shame.

"Like what?" questioned Percival. The knight had been fairly quiet up until now, but he was curious about the things Merlin had done, and why he still felt he had to beat himself up, even though he had done so much good for Camelot. Raising an eyebrow, he awaited the answer

"Morgana." he whispered. That one word to Merlin, said so much. She was the reason for everything that went wrong since Morgause corrupted the King's ward.

Arthur wasn't sure what to say at first when he heard his sister's name. He hated what Morgana had become, but still knew his old childhood friend who he laughed and played with. Morgana had been so kind and caring. He never really knew the cause for the changed that occurred within her. "What about Morgana?"

"I could have helped her. I knew from the beginning Arthur…. I knew. About her magic, her visions, but I didn't, I didn't want to get discovered. She was afraid, terrified of herself. And then Morgause came and filled her with such animosity. I could have helped her." Merlin sobbed. He hated crying openly in front of everyone again so soon. But the past few days have been the most taxing for him in a long time.

Gwen immediately moved up beside the young warlock and hugged him as tightly as she could. "Merlin," she said sternly as she took his hands in her own, "You are in no way to blame for Morgana. She was never one to be swayed and she made her choice. The hate that filled her? Nothing, I repeat nothing could have changed that. Morgana was in control of her decisions."

"She's right Merlin." Arthur added, at which Merlin looked up at the King. "She was gone the moment she found out Uther was her father."

Merlin nodded silently, although he still felt guilty. "Sire?"

"Yes, Merlin,"

"What are you going to do?"

Percival was confused, "About what?"

"He means his magic." the King answered plainly.

Merlin looked sullen at the subject. "I can't stay in Camelot now, can I?" the warlock was cringing in anticipation for the King's decision. Worried, Percival gave his silent plea to the royals for his friend to stay in their home. However, the queen's reaction was quite different. Gwen was astounded that her friend even thought that he would be forced to leave Camelot.

"Don't be silly, Merlin. You aren't going anywhere." she said in her natural, kind way. Clasping Merlin's hand, she gave it a reassuring squeeze of encouragement. But giving a quick glance at her husband, she made sure that he would agree with her. But Leon never caught the glare of his Queen.

"But the law…." Leon added. Magic was forbidden. It was seen as evil by all of the citizens. Surely they wouldn't accept this as readily as the knights could? But before anyone else could respond, a voice rang out. It echoed like a bell.

"Screw the law."

Everyone turned in shock to stare at Arthur. Had he, the son of magic hating Uther Pendragon, really just said that about the law against magic?

Again, I apologise for it taking so long to update. Forgive me? You can yell at me in a review if you'd like ;)