remember when i said that updates were gonna come sooner as long as i didn't get writer's block?

guess who got writer's block.

YOOOOO I'M SO VERY SORRY BUT IT'S FINALLY HERE. CHAPTER SEVEN IS FIIIINALLY HERE.

i know alot of you guys were really excited for this chapter and i'm happy to say that yes, it is here! thank you so much to the following tumblr users for sending me really sweet messages and asking me to update: thestriderlalondes, gamzalicious, memoriezwest, m0r0x1d3, and tons of really cool anons as well! sorry for not responding to all of your messages everyone, i actually like to keep them in my inbox because they're really sweet and i go back and read them so i can get inspiration to write more. ;u; anybody who would like to message me about the fic, you can! my tumblr is craigifer and i really do appreciate all messages i get about this fic! (also fanart, cosplay, and/or anything else regarding this fic is REALLY RAD and i would looooveee to see them! a few people have asked me about those things and yES I WOULD LOVE LOVE LOVE IF YOU GUYS MADE ME SOME FAN THINGS FOR THE FIC!)

bUT YEAH OKAY SO THIS IS THE SMUT CHAPTER. it's not completely necessary to read this chapter if you do not want to read smut bUUUT i put alot of work into it so maybe you should. maybe.

this chapter is a whole 4k+ in length (the LONGEST chapter so far!) so i hope this makes up for the loooong time it took me to update! the next update should hopefully be here sooner, i'll try to get it out at least before the end of december! uwu;;

i'll shut up now


"Hey. I'm back."

I closed the door behind me, nervously setting my sights back on Gamzee. He was laying on the bed, looking right back at me. He had a blank expression on his face which slowly turned into one of his big dopey smiles. I was just glad he wasn't mad at me. I was already mad at myself for doing what I was about to do.

"Are you all up and alright? You took a little motherfucking long." He laughed then pat the area beside him on the bed for me to lay with him. I reluctantly did, nervous to be close to him again. I wasn't sure if Gamzee was going to just give up on sleeping with me or if he was going to try to get me to give in again. I already had my mind made up though, I was just going to do what Dave told me had to be done, as horrible as it sounded to me. I already pushed Gamzee away too much with everything else I did and said to him and Dave was probably right... If I didn't do this, I might end up losing my boyfriend.

"O-Oh yeah, I'm perfectly fine. 100% Peaches and fucking cream." I didn't mean to have a sarcastic remark to Gamzee's question but I was too far in thought to process the things I was saying. I was just mean without trying, I guess. I should probably work on that.

Gamzee raised a brow before leaning over and kissing me softly on the cheek. The cheek, not the lips. What did that even mean?! What did the differences in placement of kisses mean?! I had no clue how affection and intimacy worked, I wasn't sure if everything meant something or if I was just overthinking it all. I could ask Gamzee but fuck no. I was not going to let myself sound even more inexperienced that I already made myself out to be.

"Soo Karbro, are you all up and ready to get down and dirty~"

I can't believe he worded it like that and I honestly felt like slapping the fuck out of Gamzee for allowing those words to come out of his annoying mouth. But instead of beating the shit out of him I forced myself to lean up and kiss him just barely on the lips. Maybe I could shut him up with kisses.

I guess Gamzee took that half-assed kiss as a yes because almost immediately he started to kiss me back excitedly. Even though I had already kissed Gamzee more than a few times today now, I still wasn't 100% sure that I was even remotely good at it yet. Whenever I went in to return his kisses I felt myself tense up and freeze until I could just barely convince myself to finish the job and kiss him back. So that resulted in all of my kisses being slow and soft, nowhere near as eager and playful as Gamzee's. Sometimes, though, I'd get so deep into it that I would be able to easily kiss him back without freezing. But only sometimes. Gamzee knew I was new to this stuff now though, so I hoped he got it through his thick skull that I would probably be horrible at these things and that he'd just deal with it. Which, I'm pretty sure he did, because he seemed content and happy as-is.

We locked lips for a good few minutes, sloppy messy kisses galore. Then, finally, Gamzee broke the kiss and went down to trail kisses down my neck to my collarbone, which made me giggle like a fucking girl all over again. I hated the fact that I was ticklish because it made me seem so goddamn submissive when I would end up laughing and blushing like this. I didn't care if Gamzee was my boyfriend, nobody was supposed to see me like this. It was beyond embarrassing.

The kisses suddenly stopped and I watched as Gamzee moved one of his hands down to tug at the bottom of my shirt, pulling it up. I quickly stopped him, placing my hands onto his and looking away nervously.

"Wait wait wait!" How the fuck was I supposed to word this without sounding like some sort of sex-crazed weirdo. "L-Let me um... uh... ugh, fuck! Gamzee, let me try something first before you start trying to grab my ass and shit, okay?!"

Gamzee had a confused but eager look on his face as he nodded and got up from on top of me and sat on the bed beside me. I sat up and looked back over to him, moving closer to him again, placing a soft kiss on his cheek. That was his reward for obeying.

"I um... I don't know how to do this or anything but I wanted to try... for you..." I kept stumbling over my own goddamn words, completely filled with nervous shudders. I sounded like an incoherent shitfuck and I wanted to jump out the nearest window asap because this was just really, really embarrassing. Everybody knew me as the rude, tough one who never gave in to anyone, yet here I was in front of Gamzee about to attempt to give him head. Not the ideal situation but fuck all of this thinking, I was just going to get it over with.

"What are you even all up and try- ...Oh!" Gamzee cut himself off and gave me a surprised look when he noticed that I was now trying to unbutton his jeans. I heard him chuckle again then he positioned himself a bit differently so it'd be easier for me to get his jeans off of him. I felt so dirty doing this, yet, I had some sort of weird thrill of excitement and anticipation as I got his jeans off of him. Was I actually looking forward to doing this now? No... no, I couldn't be. Yet... I felt a smile creep over my face as I hooked my fingers around the waistband of Gamzee's boxers.

Maybe I was just excited to see how much action Gamzee was packing inside of those jeans. Yeah, totally. That was definitely the thing I was getting all giddy and uncharacteristically excited for.

"You're actually motherfucking smiling?" Gamzee smiled too with me, happy to see me show some good emotions for once. But still... I didn't know why I was smiling now of all times. I was nervous and scared and... excited. Why?!

"Shut the fuck up before I stop right here and leave your ass with blueballs." Even with that snarky reply to him, I still had that annoying smile plastered across my face. I wanted to slap myself.

But back to the important matter on hand now. I stared at my own hands for a bit before finally taking a deep breath and beginning to pull down Gamzee's boxers. I saw more and more of his skin until I finally saw it. The thing. That thing.

"O-Oh my fucking god, Gamzee! You're... you're fucking huge, what the actual fuck?!" It's not like I could measure him or anything right now but let's just say he was definitely alot larger down there than I ever expected. Bigger than I'd ever seen, that's for sure. He had like one of those huge dicks you only saw in pornos! And the scariest part was that he wasn't even hard yet...

Gamzee laughed as if he was already expecting me to say that.

"I hope you can all up and handle it, motherfucker."

"Is that a fucking challenge?!"

"Maybe~"

I glared at him then brought my line of sight back down to his length. If I was going to do this I was going to do it good and make it worthwhile and I was not going to let Gamzee think that I couldn't handle him because I bet I fucking could, I could do anything if I was fired up enough for it, this shouldn't be too hard anyways. Even though he was... huge... I could do this!

I wasn't sure exactly how to properly start so I experimentally started by grasping him in my hand and beginning to pump him slowly. I knew how to do this much, at least. N-Not that I ever did this in my own time, I mean...

Gamzee let out small groans, smirking as he watched me. His smirk pissed me off so I hesitantly went faster, trying to wipe that dumb smile off of his dumb face. He was still smirking though so I instead took my hand off of him and brought my mouth to meet with his length. I was going to do this, I was going to do this, I was going to do this...

I was going to do this.

After a few seconds of mentally preparing myself, I finally opened my mouth and brought the tip of Gamzee's length into my mouth, which earned me another small moan from my boyfriend. I didn't really know what to do next so I just sorta swirled my tongue around his tip playfully to see if I could get another reaction from Gamzee that way. And I did.

"M-Motherfuck Karkat, it's so motherfucking hot to see you like this."

"Shuth Uhpmh!" The fact that I couldn't say 'shut up' back to Gamzee properly due to his dick being in my mouth made me just feel dirtier, which made me just want to finish this sooner now. I figured now would be the time to start putting some effort into this.

Slowly, I moved my mouth lower down his length, trying to take all of him into me. It was harder than it looked though, since Gamzee was larger than most people down there. And to make things worse, now he was hard and now he was even bigger. I was scared to think about having to have that actually inside-inside of me, but for now I was just sucking him off so I tried not to think about that.

I was about halfway down his dick when I realized I couldn't take anymore of him in my mouth without feeling like I was about to gag. Well, at least an attempt was made. I looked up to Gamzee, who was biting his bottom lip and smiling at me still. He was enjoying it, so that was good. I think? I hoped he was...

Since I couldn't go any deeper, I figured I'd just set the middle of his huge thing to be my boundary. I'd just make sure I didn't go any deeper than that while doing this and I should be fine. I started to bob my mouth up and down on Gamzee's length, rubbing my tongue up and down him as I did. I really hoped I was doing this right.

"Sh-Shit Karkat, ah..." Gamzee lowly moaned, placing his hands on my head and gently tugging at my hair for more. It was actually... a huge turn on... to see him like this...

I felt my cheeks redden a bit as I quickly went back to focusing on sucking him, moving at a faster pace than before. It got a bit easier over time, as I gradually began to go faster and faster until Gamzee let out a sharp hiss and came inside my mouth. He didn't even warn me that he was going to cum, that asshole!

I tried my best to swallow while still having him in my mouth but that wasn't really working out so I instead pulled my mouth off of his length then swallowed, looking back at Gamzee after I did. I felt so gross for doing that, for having Gamzee look at me with those glazed-over sex-crazed eyes that I hadn't ever seen until today. But at the same time, I felt like I wanted more... Like I wanted something too. I wanted to feel whatever sort of pleasure Gamzee felt when I made him cum, and the thought that I wanted that made me feel disgusted with myself. But who was I kidding? I was probably just as lewd as Gamzee and just didn't know it yet.

"D-Did it feel alright...?" I finally asked, my cheeks redder than ever.

"Alright?" Gamzee moved closer to me and brought me into a kiss, holding my cheeks adoringly. "That was motherfucking miraculous."

"Miraculous. Of fucking course you'd use that word of all the words in the english vocabulary to use. Of. Fucking. Course." I rolled my eyes but couldn't help but laugh a little. It was nice to know I did well even though Gamzee used a word that I rather not hear out his mouth ever again.

"Shh." Gamzee deepened the kiss, pushing me back down onto the bed as he got atop of me again. He was a bit rougher this time, but I actually liked it. I'm not even going to lie, I was starting to enjoy all of this now. I couldn't wait to feel Gamzee inside of me, the anticipation was driving me insane.

Gamzee started to pull up my shirt again and this time I actually let him, wanting this more than ever. It felt like he was taking so long to hurry up and undress me and do this, it was starting to annoy me.

"Gamzee... Hurry... I... want you..." It was hard for me to say that because I hated feeling like I had to beg for things. Especially beg for... this... of all things...

"You're motherfucking eager now, aren't you Kar?~"

"Shut up and fuck me!"

Gamzee stuck his tongue out at me then moved down and unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them off just like I had done to him before. Then he got to my boxers and stopped.

"What are you stopping for?! Come on, Gamzee!"

"Your boxers..."

"...What about them?"

"They're motherfucking purple. That's my favourite motherfucking colour." He grinned, leaning down to kiss around the waistband of said boxers.

I had no goddamn idea why Gamzee was thinking about colours right now when all I could think about was him fucking me senseless right here, right now.

"Gamzee, come onnnnn! Fuck my boxers, take them off already!"

"Alright alright, fine motherfucker." He laughed then finally undressed me completely. It was weird being naked in front of him for the first time but I didn't really give a fuck as long as I was getting the D.

"Hold up brother, let me grab something..."

"What the fuck would you need to get right now at this moment?! I need you, ugh!"

"So you want to all up and do this without lube, Karkat?"

"Oh. Erm... Yeah, you get the stuff..." I should have realized that was what he was getting before I started making an ass of myself. But oh well, I was extremely sexually frustrated right now. Extremely.

Gamzee nodded then grabbed a bottle of lube from under his bed (don't ask me why this guy keeps this shit under his bed, I don't know and I don't want to know) and then poured some into his hand. He then moved back over to me and held a finger up, twirling it around in the air.

"Let's all up and get you ready first~"

"Wh-Wha- Ah!" I gasped when he abruptly stuck his finger into my opening. It didn't hurt, it just felt... weird. I couldn't describe the feeling.

He moved it around a bit before adding a second one, causing me to gasp again, this time out of slight pain. But it still wasn't as painful as it was uncomfortable to me. He skillfully moved the two fingers around inside of me, scissoring them to help stretch me out a bit. It was all just so weird, I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from making noises.

"A-Are you almost done?! I can't wait anymore..." The anticipation was driving me crazy.

"One more finger, Karkat," As he said that he stuck the said finger into me and that's when it really started to hurt. I winced, biting my bottom lip harder. I wasn't expecting to be in pain from just his fingers but I sure as hell was. At this rate, I had no clue how I was going to actually handle having his entire cock inside of me, especially considering it's size.

"Nngh! Gamzee ow..." I tried to hold my breath, anything to help myself from sounding like a whiny bitch. I got myself into this and I was going to see it out to the end, regardless of how much it ended up hurting me. Giving up and making myself look like a wimpass baby was not an option.

"Okay, okay. I'll stop with the fingers. Let's just get down to this~" Gamzee passively chimed as he pulled all three fingers out and positioned himself in-between my thighs. I stared up at him, preparing for either the worst or best feeling I would ever experience. Hopefully this whole sex thing would be as good as everyone always claimed it to be.

He grabbed the bottle of lube, slicking his dick up with some before bringing it right to my hole. I closed my eyes, readying myself for the pain that was surely about to come when he finally entered me. And it came. Ohhhh fuck did the pain come.

"Mngh! Oh my fuCKING GOD." It literally felt like I was being torn in half. There was no other way to explain it.

"It's okay Karkat, it's okay!" Gamzee leaned down, kissing me softly on the cheek for reassurance. But I didn't want fucking kisses or reassurance right now, I wanted his dick to leave the premises of my asshole immediately.

"It's not okay! It hurts- fuuuuck stOP MOVING IN MORE, I HATE YOU!" I was a loud person and I always yelled at people, but I don't recall ever yelling at anybody this loud in a long, long time.

"Kar, I have to motherfucking get all up inside of you before it'll start feeling good, y'know." Gamzee tone sounded so calm and I wanted to punch the shit out of him.

"How much is even in so far?!"

"Almost half."

Oh hell no. Almost half? ALMOST half? I thought he was already entirely inside of me with how much this was hurting and to hear that he was only almost halfway inside of my so far made me want to get up right at the moment and run. But like I said before, quitting was not an option right now.

"Hurry up and get it all in! Just do it!" My eyes began to tear up and my voice cracked a bit. It looked and sounded alot like I was crying and maybe I was just a little bUT HEY FUCKER LOOK. I HAVE A HUGE PENIS INSIDE OF ME RIGHT NOW, FUCK YOU.

Gamzee nodded and did something I wasn't prepared for at all.

In one rough thrust, he filled me up entirely, causing me to make the sharpest and loudest gasp I think I have ever made in my entire sixteen years of living.

It felt like someone had just stabbed me right in the fucking ass.

"HOOOOLY FUCK G-GAMZEE, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!"

"You just motherfucking told me to ge-"

"Not like that, jesus fucking christ!" I closed my eyes tightly to try and hold back the tears that I knew were coming.

"It's okay, just relax. Get comfortable. Let me know when you're all up and ready for me to move, alright?" Gamzee had a really comforting tone and for once I decided to just listen to him and try to relax a bit.

We stayed like that for about three minutes straight in an awkward silence.

"...You can move now. I think I'm alright..." I looked away from him nervously. The pain was finally gone, yes, but I was pretty sure it was about to come back right when he started to move again.

And it did.

I held my breath again, trying not to make even more loud sounds while Gamzee was gradually going faster and faster. It hurt so goddamn bad and I really had no idea at all as to how anybody could ever find this to be pleasurable.

That is, until I felt Gamzee thrust into a certain spot that made a wave of pleasure go through my body. A loud moan out of sheer shock of from the sudden pleasure escaped my lips.

"F-Fuck!~" Embarrassed, I covered my mouth with my hands, looking away from Gamzee. Gamzee chuckled, leaning down to whisper in my ear.

"Found your special spot, motherfucker."

And that's when the whole thing started feeling good. Really good.

He began to keep thrusting into the same spot, making my body ache with an overwhelming pleasure that I had been waiting to feel this entire time. I couldn't even explain the feeling if I wanted to, it just felt so damn good. And now the whole sex thing was starting to make sense.

"G-Gamzee! Ah~ Please, more!" I wanted to fucking shoot myself in both of my knees for even letting myself beg like this. It wasn't like I was trying to do it either, it was like the words were just coming out of my mouth without my control over it. Repeated callings of Gamzee's name and honestly embarrassing sounds of pleasure kept coming out of me and at this point I was too far gone in this to even process my own thoughts or words.

"You want it harder, don't you, motherfucker?"

"Oh fuck, yes! Harder..."

His thrusts quickly became stronger and faster. I was pretty sure I was seeing stars at this point because I could not think of anything but how good this fucking felt. My vision was blurred and my body was trembling as he fucked me harder and harder, placing kisses on my neck from time to time.

"I'm... Hngh~ I'm coming, Gamzee!" I could feel myself reaching my climax as my body throbbed for more. Gamzee told me he was close as well as he began to go as hard as I thought he could possibly go.

"Motherfuck, Karkat!" Gamzee finally pulled out, releasing all over my chest. I came soon after, also ending up releasing all over myself.

After finally catching my breath and regaining my thoughts, I actually noticed the gross stuff all over me now. I was covered in it.

"Fuck you, why did you do it all over me?! Get it off!"

"You look so cute when your hair is messed up like that and your body is all up and soaked in my cum, Karkles." Note to self: Punch the shit out of Gamzee once you can actually move again.

"Shut up, shut up, shut up! Ugh, just give me a tissue or something so I can wipe this off of me..."

"Lick it off." Note to self: Grab a goddamn chair and bash Gamzee's head in with it once you can fucking move again.

"Do you want to die today or...?"

"Okay, okay, fine!" Gamzee laughed, leaving for a bit then coming back with some toilet paper to give to me. I quickly snatched it from him, wiping the... stuff... off of me. Yeah, sure, I did sorta swallow the stuff earlier when I gave him a blowjob but this was different! There was a lot more of it this time and... well... fuck, it was just different, okay?!

After throwing the tissue into the garbage can, I rolled over and covered myself in his blanket, closing my eyes so I could rest. It was a lot more tiring to get fucked than I thought it would be. I felt like if I even attempted to move off of this bed I was topple over and have absolutely no balance. So no, I was gonna just lay here and sleep instead.

"G'night, Gamzee..." I sighed. I felt Gamzee kiss my cheek before laying down beside me and wrapping his arms around my waist adoringly.

"Nighty night, Karbro~"

I was beginning to drift off to sleep until suddenly I realized how perfect this moment was. It was one of those moments that I had always dreamt about having with Gamzee. The way we were finally in bed together, the way his arms were wrapped around me, the whole fact that we were both extremely tired from having sex... It was a moment that I had to stop and appreciate for a bit.

The distance that was in between us for so long was finally gone and even though I would only be here for the weekend, at this moment, it all felt so worth it.

Happily, I nuzzled myself more into Gamzee.

I fell asleep smiling for the first time in a long, long time.