Hey, so I know that things in this chapter may not be 100% accurate to how it was explained in the show (if it even was explained I haven't re-watched season one in forever). So hopefully you can excuse that. Also I feel horrible for not updating! I'm very sorry. Honestly I had no ideas and when I got one school became incredibly busy. Hopefully you enjoy this, thank you for reading!
I'd been lying around my house all day. Our air conditioner had been broken and it was finally fixed, so I'd basically just been sitting around reading. I'd ordered a pizza, because my mom was actually going to be home for dinner which was strange since we hadn't spoken much lately. Not that we usually did, but we'd barely even passed one another on her way to work because I'd been out so much. I picked up my phone, checking to see if Matt had messaged me. We hadn't spoken all day either, which was strange. It wasn't like we spent all day texting or anything, but usually he'd send me a message asking how I was doing. Realizing I'd been reading all day and could've messaged him I wasn't mad, but I contemplated calling him to see how he was doing.
I was about to run upstairs and get my phone when the doorbell rang. Walking over to the door quickly I checked the peephole, seeing Matt standing there with his back to the door. Opening it quickly I said his name tentatively, wondering why he was here when we hadn't made any plans. He turned around at the noise of the door opening, and I took in his tear stained face and red eyes, my heart dropping at the sight of him. I stepped forward slightly, putting my arm on his and pulling him inside the house.
"Matt, what's going on? What's wrong?" He let out a sob and I wrapped my arms around him tightly, holding him to me and letting him cry. His face in the crook of my shoulder, and my neck getting wet from his tears we stood there for what felt like forever. I felt nauseous, wondering what was making him cry, and my own eyes were tearing up from seeing him like this. Eventually he wrapped his arms tight around my waist, pulling me to him. I rubbed his back, trying to comfort him but not really knowing what to say. We pulled apart 15 minutes later only when the doorbell rang. I told Matt to go to the living room, and answered the door to pay for the pizza. Bringing it to the kitchen I grabbed a tissue box, leaving the pizza on the counter and walking out to the living room. Matt's eyes opened when I sat on the couch next to him, crossing my feet under me so I could sit facing him.
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"
He bit his lip, taking in a few deep breaths. "My uh-" his voice cracked and I took his hand in mine, squeezing it. "My mom killed my dad."
I inhaled sharply, then realized I should maybe think about how I was going to react because it might affect him. I shook my head, wondering what happened but not wanting to ask, attempting to keep a neutral expression on my face so as not to upset him. He must've figured what I was thinking, because he spoke up again.
"My dad called me, two nights ago. Just, freaking out." He grabbed a tissue, wiping at his eyes. "He was yelling at me, and talking about how worthless I was. My mom heard, and she saw how upset I was." His lower lip started to wobble and I brought my hand up to his shoulder, rubbing it in hopes of comforting him. "It's my fault really. I left my keys to my dad's house- on the counter and she got a hold of them and…" I pulled him towards me, wrapping my arms around him, hugging him as he cried some more. I tried to keep my feelings in check for Matt's sake. But I was mad. Mad at his dad, for being such an asshole, and mad at his mom for not controlling her temper even though I could maybe understand why she did it. Eventually he pulled away, grabbing a tissue to wipe at his eyes.
"This is probably a really stupid question, but how do feel?"
He let out a humorless laugh. "I'm sad. And angry. We were doing so well." He looked at me in the eye for the first time since he'd come in my house. He looked worried, and opened his mouth to say something before shutting it again. I waited for him to be comfortable saying whatever he wanted to say. "Is it bad that I'm almost relieved he'd not here anymore?"
I shook my head. "No. Matt, he may have been your father, but he made your life hell. I think I would be relieved too." He nodded, and leaned over, resting his head on my chest. I brought one hand up to run through his hair, and kept the other holding his. "Do you know where you're going to live?"
"With my aunt Jodie. I should actually probably get back there."
"You can stay here if you want." At the look on his face I rushed to cover up my disappointment. "I get it though, if you want to be with your family."
"No, Gabs. That's not it. I want to be with you. Is it okay though, with your mom?"
I waved my hand. "It'll be fine." He nodded and we sat there in silence for a moment.
With all the of the questions and everything running through my mind I figured it would be much worse for Matt. I thought back to when my dad died, trying to remember how I'd dealt with it. I realized I hadn't. My mom hadn't dealt with it, so I eventually I just started to compartmentalize, pushing all of the sadness and anger and frustration aside. It wasn't healthy for me, and I knew I didn't want Matt to do the same. I knew I wanted to help him through this.
"I love you." I muttered quietly, not wanting the disrupt the strangely calm silence we'd been sitting in.
"I love you too."
We were walking to get ice cream from a new place that had opened up. He'd been living at his aunts home for almost two weeks now, and summer was about halfway through. We'd been mostly spending time at my house and in air conditioned restaurants. The heat was close to unbearable, and neither of us had pools or wanted to bear the community ones. So we took comfort in the air conditioning and cold desserts being served.
Matt, Shay and I hadn't hung out the three of us since before everything happened with Matt's family. I'd seen Shay a few times, but I mostly spent my time with Matt, making sure he was okay. Matt was reluctant to see Shay, and I knew soon I'd have to insist to him that he couldn't avoid her forever. Plus I felt like shit avoiding Shay. I missed her and felt like a terrible friend.
We'd been walking in silence for the most part, so when Matt spoke up I jumped slightly. "What was it like when your dad died?" I stopped for a moment in surprise. Realizing my reaction I kept walking, taking a few larger steps to catch up with him.
I thought about it for a moment, and I could see Matt was nervous, probably wondering if he'd crossed a line of some sort. After thinking out my answer, which likely took a while since I wanted to be as honest as possible, I spoke up. "Sad. The worst few months of my life." My fathers death was definitely something I avoided thinking about, so now that I was I could feel my stomach tightening. "My heart felt heavy for weeks. Every time I saw my mom, she was crying. Antonio disappeared for a while. I felt alone, and angry. I was really sad." I looked over to see Matt's expression. He looked sad so I smiled at him, taking his hand in mine. "I don't know. It was like the only thing I could think about was how much I missed him. I didn't care about anything else. But I also didn't really make an effort to talk to anyone. And once I was done being sad I just shut down about it. My mom got rid of everything that reminded her off him. I stopped trying to work through it in my head. I still haven't worked through it, I think. There's a lot I didn't allow myself to feel." He squeezed my hand and I leaned over, kissing him on the cheek softly. "I want you to work through what you're feeling."
"I think I have." I stopped walking and he stopped alongside me. I looked at his face carefully, making sure he wasn't lying. His eyes didn't look hurt or sad like they had the first few days after, so I nodded in content, pressing a kiss to his lips. I was about to speak up when he said "you worry too much" and kept walking, pulling me along.
Since my mom was hardly ever home, the noise in the kitchen was foreign to me. It was 7 in the morning, and normally I wouldn't get up but I was curious as to what exactly my mom was doing downstairs. Getting out of bed I pulled on a sweatshirt, heading down the stairs. My confusion grew when I walked passed the front door and saw a suitcase. Hurrying into the kitchen I saw my mom, dressed like she was ready to go, leaning against the kitchen counter writing a note.
"Hey." She looked up and smiled at me, standing straight and turning to face me. "What's going on?"
"Gabriela, you grandmother died."
I raised my eyebrows, curious but not too surprised or sad. I knew my grandmother was old, and I hadn't seen her since I was around two years old. I'd never gotten a chance to know her, so her death wasn't too upsetting to me. I knew my mom was probably upset though so I tried to look sympathetic. "I'm sorry mom."
She smiled sadly. "It's alright sweetheart. I um-" she cleared her throat and started fiddling with her hands and I could tell she was uncomfortable. Worried about how I would react.
"What is it?"
"I have to go. To the Dominican Republic."
My eyebrows raised higher, and my jaw dropped slightly. "What?"
"Well, I have to go deal with the funeral arrangements, sell her home and deal with her possessions and all of that."
I was pissed. But I smiled, crossing my arms over my chest. "Oh. So, you're leaving now?"
"Yes. Gabriela-"
"You were going to leave me. Here in Chicago. While you went to the Dominican Republic." I let out an unamused laugh.
"Gabriela, you understand we don't have the money for two tickets. You're a grown girl, you can take care of yourself."
"You were going to leave the country, and just leave a god damn note on the kitchen table. What the hell mom?" I knew I was raising my voice, and her expression read half pissed and half guilty. But I couldn't care. "I could probably call the cops on you if I wanted."
"Gabriela, do not speak that way-"
"What? I could! Maybe I'd end up with a half decent family. It would sure as hell be better than this family. You know we aren't even a family." I could feel tears brimming in my eyes and my face was getting hot because I was so angry. "We haven't been a family since dad died and you stopped caring about me." She had tears running down her cheeks, but I couldn't care because I did too. I bit my lip hard to urge myself to stop crying, and quieted down. "You couldn't have even told me?"
"I was working yesterday."
"You're always working."
She simply nodded, before picking up her purse and starting the leave the kitchen. "I'll only be gone for days Gabriela. I'll see you when I get home."
I nodded, and she stopped by me as she left, giving me a kiss on the cheek and telling me to be good. I stayed standing where I was until I heard the front door close.
Then I punched a hole in the wall.
It was about 3 in the afternoon when I decided to finally call Matt. I'd mostly spent the morning crying, and then throwing things around. Of course after I'd cleaned all of it up, feeling somewhat guilty for making a mess of things. I mostly sat around being angry. Angry at my mother for leaving, for not telling me. I was angry for the past few years, when she was all I had after dad died and she couldn't even be there for me. I thought my house had felt empty before, but it just felt plain miserable now.
Deciding I'd done enough wallowing today, I went upstairs, grabbing my phone to call Matt. I sat on my bed waiting for him to pick up, tapping my foot on the ground in anticipation, knowing that just hearing his voice would make me feel better.
"Hey Gabs, what's up?"
"Do you know how to fix a hole in a wall?"
He showed up 15 minutes later, and after explaining what happened we went upstairs and laid in my bed, him stroking my back.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah. I may have even overreacted."
"Maybe punching a hole in the wall was overreacting, but I don't think the rest of it was. You have a right to be mad Gabby."
I pushed myself up on my shoulders and smiled at him. "Punching a hole in the wall really hurt my hand." He grinned at me before taking my right hand in his and bringing it up to his mouth, pressing kisses over my knuckles. I smiled and it felt like my heart was swelling with happiness just being around him. I lifted myself slightly and straddled his waist before leaning down again and kissing him.
We lay there for what felt like forever, exchanging soft kisses that felt warm and at home and made me feel so in love with him it hurt. Finally though I deepened the kiss, and feeling his tongue against mine I pushed my body closer to his, not wanting there to be any space between us. Matt's warm hands held my face, sometimes pulling me closer to kiss me harder and I was starting to feel light headed and out of breath. I slowed things down, pressing my hand against his chest and going back to those slow kisses we started out with.
Pulling myself away from him I sat up, pulling my shirt off so I was left completely bare on top. My heart was racing, and my stomach was in knots. Looking carefully at Matt, gauging his reaction I took somewhat deep breaths, aware of my chest rising and falling slightly. He was blinking slowly, his own chest rising and falling almost in time with mine, biting his lip. I was regretting doing this and about to make up some excuse when he smiled, bringing one hand up to cup my breast and the other to my face, rubbing his thumb against my cheek. "You're beautiful." I let out a quiet laugh of relief and he pushed himself up on his shoulders, somehow maneuvering his shirt off, and pulling me down.
We kissed, nothing rushed or needy like they're been before, but still somewhat desperate in away. I loved the feeling of his bare chest against mine, and his arms wrapped tightly around my back, and his mouth against mine. I wasn't sure I'd ever felt more whole than I did then, despite how shitty things had been only an hour ago. I wanted to lie there forever with Matt. His face was hot and flushed in my hands, and his hands holding my sides tightly made me feel like putty in his hands, and it felt amazing.
Thinking maybe we should move things on, I brought a hand down to my pants, ready to pull my shorts off. Matt pulled away from my mouth then, grabbing my hand and bringing it up. My eyebrows knit in confusion and he gave me a peck on the lips, interlacing his fingers with mine and bringing his other hand up, rubbing his thumb against my swollen lips.
"Hey, as much as I want to do this, I don't think now is the right time."
I rolled my eyes and smiled at him. "Now is the perfect time. My mom is gone for the week and we're already shirtless."
His grin made my chest tighten, because I was sure I was in love with his smile. "You've had an emotional day. I want you to be sure." Before I could protest he put a finger to my lips. "Also, neither of us have a condom. We can wait Gabs."
I crossed my arms on his chest, resting my head on them and letting out a hum. "Who would've thought you'd be the sensible one in this relationship." The grin I got in response made me smile just as wide. "We'll do it soon though."
He faked confusion, cocking his head to the side and asking, "do what?"
"Have sex, you dumb ass."
"Hey, I may be respectful but I am also a teenage boy. Don't worry." We smiled at each other for a moment. "I love you."
"I love you too. So much."
Shay and I had been hanging out for the past three days. The day after my mom left she came over with groceries, and comfortable clothes to last her a few days. Apparently Matt had called her and we had some missed time to make up for. I agreed of course, having been missing Shay since I hadn't seen her in a while.
She'd been weirdly smiley though. Not that it wasn't good, but usually Shay was sarcastic, and often had a calm, 'I don't give a shit' attitude. But she'd been smiling a lot.
We had just started re-watching the first season of The X-Files for the third time when I decided to bring it up. I poked her with my big toe until she tore her eyes away from the screen with an annoyed expression. "What do you want? Why aren't you paying attention?"
"Why are you so happy?"
"Am I not allowed to be happy?"
I rolled my eyes. "No of course you're allowed to be happy. Just wondering. You getting laid or something?" I asked sarcastically, but sat up abruptly when she started to blush. Pausing the show despite her protests. "You're getting laid!?"
"Why'd you even say that, that's such a weirdly adult thing to say."
"I don't know, I said it jokingly. Who are you dating now?"
"This girl named Devon. She's really hot and goes to that one catholic school."
I grinned. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"
"Hey, you've been avoiding me!"
I bit my lip, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry girl. It's just.. Matt-"
She waved her hand stopping me. "He called and explained. He also told me you two almost slept together a few days ago."
My eyes widened. "He told you that!?" I hissed.
"Please, don't act so traumatized. I told him he could always talk to me about girls if he wanted. It's not like you wouldn't have told me anyways." She gave me a pointed look and I grinned. "I was considering telling him about how you got so good at kissing."
I glared at her. "Don't you dare."
"C'mon, it was summer camp and we were like 12. There's nothing wrong with kissing girls."
"It was for practice! I was convinced no boy would ever like me if I didn't know how to kiss." I whined slightly.
"Don't worry about it. Although I did have huge crush on you."
"Really!?" I smiled and Shay rolled her eyes.
"Don't let it inflate your ego. It only lasted like a week. Caroline Burns was a lot cuter than you were.
"I take personal offense to that."
"Whatever."
She leaned over to press play and I intervened. "Nope, not until you tell me everything about Devon."
"Alright, but you have to tell me everything about Matt."
"Of course. What else would best friends be for?"
