7/10/12 –

Hey! I'm back! ARTEMIS FOWL AND THE LAST GUARDIAN IS OUT! YAY, YAY, YAY! Ugh, but I don't get it until Friday at the earliest! Stupid 3-7 business day shipping :'-C

So, the way I see it is that the Artemis Fowl fanfiction universe is either going to explode or die today. Here's my contribution to direct it towards exploding.

Disclaimer: No, I don't own the Artemis Fowl series. Colfer does. And he ended it :'-C :'-C

Thank you to:

ukikie

Xodiac 451

Luna Kelly

Silver Tiger 123

TurquoisePeach

bkaddictjk

WolfButler

ranziy

BRILL WILL

Daphne

video games and other stuff :-D YAY! REVIEWER #100! :-D

Harry Artemis Jackson

fuzzypurpleangel

Dragonsong57

LEPrecon

Didget

sunfall – This is your early birthday present, as I will be unable to update on July 14.

For the reviews. And to:

ukikie – for putting this on Story Alert AND making this a Favorite Story.

Silver Tiger 123 – for making this a Favorite Story.

fuzzypurpleangel – for making this a Favorite Story AND putting this on Story Alert AND putting me on Author Alert.

Dragonsong57 – for making this a Favorite Story.

LEPrecon – for putting this on Story Alert AND putting me on Author Alert.

Didget – for putting this on Story Alert AND making this a Favorite Story.

Tiggy Gray – for putting this on Story Alert AND making this a Favorite Story.

JoSchmo666 – for putting this on Story Alert.

Alright, onwards we go! Fearless into reading!


Butler and Juliet were pitching the tents. More accurately, Butler was pitching the tents while Juliet was off playing with Orion. This turned out to be a necessary measure, as apparently the dog was place-trained, and as soon as the fabric part of the tent was laid on the ground, Orion walked up and just flopped down in the center. Apparently, Orion was trained well, too, because no matter how many times the Butlers pushed him off, he just came back again. Butler didn't understand how exactly that training had happened, since the dog didn't have any special mat or anything at the manor that it was required to use. So now Juliet got out of work.

In total, there were four tents that had to be put up. Two large and two small. After debate, it was decided that five humans and a dog could not fit comfortably in one tent, so the Fowls would split up. In one large tent would be Artemis Jr., Myles, Beckett, and Butler. The duplicate tent would host Foaly, Mulch, No1, and Trouble. Artemis Sr., Angeline, and Orion would take up one of the smaller tents, leaving Holly and Juliet to share the remaining one.

Butler had pitched one large and one small tent when he heard Myles scream and turned to see him fall down. Juliet had seen it too and, like Butler, was running over. Orion had taken notice of something completely different, which Butler's trained eyes identified as a small toad, and began pursuit. Juliet whistled and stopped the dog before he could get into the surrounding forest, however.

Butler reached the twins first.

"Are you alright?" he asked, helping Myles up. "What happened?"

Beckett sighed. "There was a frog in the fire pit and it jumped out at Myles and scared him."

Myles glared at his brother while Juliet, who had arrived half of a second after Butler, wiped the ash off of his face.

"Because you poked it, simple-toon!" yelled Myles.

"You wanted to see it move!" said Beckett defensively.

"Yeah, not attack me!" countered Myles.

"Alright, calm down," said Butler. "Myles, did you get hurt?"

"No," said the still upset twin.

"Good," said Juliet. "Now what did we learn from this?"

"Uhhh, Myles screams like a girl and is afraid of small animals?" tried Beckett.

Juliet disguised a laugh with a cough. She loved this kid.

"It's windy enough to knock a small child down," piped up Myles, trying to save himself a little dignity.

"No," said Juliet. "The lesson is don't tick off nature. Got it?"

Butler sighed. Yes, well that was the primary lesson, he could easily think of ten more 'toddler-friendly' ways to put it.

The boys nodded in response to Juliet's statement.

"Okay," said Juliet. "Are two going to be okay if Butler and I go back to what we were doing?"

More nods.

"Alright," said Juliet, and she and Butler strode back towards the tents, Orion trotting at their heels. Juliet gave him a Kong filled with frozen peanut butter from the cooler, and began to assemble a smaller tent while Butler continued constructing the other large one.

Three minutes later, Juliet glanced over at her brother to check his progress. He'd made quite a bit, but not as much as she had, because he was stopping after every step to make sure that it fulfilled his standards as a bodyguard.

"Jeez, Dom," said Juliet. "You don't have to be Picasso over there, it's not the tent will burst into flames and kill your charge if you're a little lax."

Juliet forcefully jammed a tent rod into the pocket for it near the ground. A little more forcefully than Butler would have preferred.

"Speaking of being more easygoing, you might want to take it down a notch with slamming the support rods into the ground. You'll break them. They're plastic tubes, not a sparring partner."

"They're half metal and they were designed to bend," countered the girl, slamming the last stick hard to prove her point. Unfortunately, it did the opposite, as a loud CRACK rang through the air to accompany the tent rod snapping in half at the center. Since the two halves were now only supported by the elastic string that ran through the pole, the tent sides caved in taking on the shape of what looked like a teepee.

"Hmmm," said Butler, tapping his fingers against his chin, as if thinking. "Now, who could have predicted that happening?"

"Shut it," growled Juliet, storming over to the car. She returned with a roll of duct tape after a few minutes of digging through the trunk.

"Duct tape fixes everything," she said simply, clambering inside the tent, as that was where she could gain access to the snapped poles the easiest. She held the ends together with one hand and would the tape around it with the other. About a minute or so later, she walked outside to examine her work. Satisfied, she went to put away the duct tape. She made it ten steps, before there was a large gust of wind, much stronger than the one that supposedly knocked Myles over. She and Butler both heard the crashing noise made by her tent, which had not yet been staked into the ground, being knocked over and rolling into the woods.

Juliet slid the tape roll onto her wrist, gritting her teeth. What was it with this stupid tent?

She followed Butler into the brush and they soon caught up with the runaway tent. Glancing it over, they discovered three new holes, which Juliet quickly patched up with her new best friend, duct tape. They carried the tent the hundred feet or so back to camp, where Juliet properly secured it to the ground. She stood to find Butler looking suspiciously in the twins' direction. He motioned for her to follow him as they snuck up behind the children. Beckett was focusing a magnifying glass on paper. When nothing happened, he frowned.

"Why didn't it work?" he asked.

"I don't know," answered Myles, looking down.

"Maybe it was because the universe knew you weren't supposed to be lighting fires," Said Butler from behind them, announcing he and Juliet's presence.

The boys paled and turned around to face the two angry Butlers.

"It was his fault!" both boys screeched at the same time. Then they continued blaming the other until their words just became gibberish.

"Quiet," said Butler. There was immediately quiet.

"Why would you two try something so stupid, when your parents specifically told you not to do it?" asked Juliet. "You could have been hurt."

"We're sorry," said both twins in unison, looking down at their feet.

"You should be," said Butler. "That was way out of line, you should know better than that."

The brothers continued to look down at their feet.

"You're lucky a real fire didn't start, or punishment would have been much more severe," continued Juliet.

The boys glanced up.

"As of now, Myles, you are not allowed to use your science kit for the rest of the trip, and two weeks after we get home, as it shouldn't even be here anyway. Beckett, you lose your allowance for a week, and have to buy Myles a new pair of shoes to replace the one with the hole in it."

Beckett's eyes widened, amazed. "You noticed that?"

Butler smiled. "I'm a Butler, I notice everything."

"And," Juliet added. "If you behave for the rest of trip, we won't tell your parents about this."

"Thank you," the twins said.

Understanding that they were truly sorry and that they were still upset about the whole incident, Juliet smiled down at them, picking up a baseball and two gloves from their pile of toys.

"Now," she said, smiling. "Who wants to play catch?"

"I do!" shouted the twins, realizing that they had been forgiven. They each grabbed a mitt and ran out farther into the open clearing.

"You're too soft with them," Butler whispered to her, but he was grinning.

"Oh, shut up," she said, punching him playfully in the arm and throwing the first pitch out to Beckett. Butler went back to finish up the tents, and found Orion sitting on the rain cover, having finished his treat.

"Juliet!" called Butler, indicating the dog with a tilt of his head. She nodded.

"Orion!" she called out in a happy, sing-song voice, throwing the ball far into the field. "Fetch!"

The dog gave a short bark and took off after the baseball, joining in on the twins' game of catch.

Not long after the tents were finished, Trouble and Foaly returned with more rocks. Trouble was soaked and looked like he was having some kind of laughing fit.

"Here are some rocks," called Foaly to the twins.

They squealed with delight and ran over. They took the buckets with the stones and sat down in the grass, dumping them all out and getting to work again, Beckett handing the rocks to Myles, who arranged them how he liked. Butler and Juliet walked over. The humans and fairies looked at each other curiously for a second.

"Why does that tent have duct tape on it?" asked Foaly.

At the same time, Butler and Juliet asked their questions.

"Why were you laughing?" Juliet asked Trouble.

"Why are you dripping wet?" asked Butler.

Upon hearing each other's questions, everyone's faces darkened.

"I don't want to talk about it," they all answered in unison.

Two minutes later, No1 and Mulch returned.

"Sticks!" called Mulch to the twins. Beckett ran over and grabbed them, then retreated to the fire pit.

They sat down next to Butler, Juliet, Trouble, and Foaly, where No1 happily shared every single detail about his new friends. Throughout this conversation, Foaly kept giving Mulch the evil eye for allowing No1 to wander off on his own. Mulch just shrugged.

After about ten minutes, the Fowls' rented minivan dragged itself into the campsite.

"Butler!" called Artemis Sr., the relief that they had actually made it back seeping into his voice. "I think this van is in need of a little maintenance."

"Yes," agreed Angeline, stepping out of the car. "We had a few mishaps along the way."

It was all Butler could do to stop his jaw from dropping.

A few mishaps? Butler thought incredulously. I can see a flat tire, and at least thirty little dents and chipped paint spots, most likely from flying stones on the gravel road. And that's not even counting the other side of the car that I can't see. How on Earth can these people wreck a new car so fast?

He sighed, getting to work on the car.

At least it's not the Bentley, he repeated over and over again in his head to help stay calm. Thankfully, it didn't take him that long to finish up. His uncle had given him a few tips on car care when he was younger.

Butler was getting increasingly anxious with every passing minute by now. He could tell that some others were thinking the same things he was.

Artemis and Holly have sure been gone a long time. If they're not back in two minutes . . .

Suddenly, two loud, panicked screams were heard from far off in the forest.

"Hey, Butler," began Juliet. "I don't know about that really high-pitched one, but did that other scream sound a lot like Art-"

She stopped mid-sentence, because there was no one listening to her. Butler was already long gone.


Well, there's the Butler chapter for ya! As usual, it's 10:30 at night, so I don't have time to check it over now. My apologies for any mistakes.

Well? What did you think? The only way to tell me is in a review! And if you review, you get an awesome mention at the beginning of the next chapter!

Okay, Holly and Arty are up next! What caused the scream? Stay tuned to find out. Next chapter on July 25. Alrighty, Fowl Fans, enjoy The Last Guardian!

Sayonara, Sweethearts :-P