A/N: Hello! Yeah…usually updates aren't this slow for me. If it's any consolation, I've pre-written up to the 12th chapter since University's starting up again.

Kudos if you get the Bugs Bunny and Hamlet references in this chapter :D


Angst; the Bringer of Awesome Kisses:

Gillian was not a happy camper. Why is Gillian talking in the third person? Gillian should shut the fuck up. Gott damnit. I've always sucked at these intros, haven't I? Ugh. Whatever. So…at least my predictions were right. Elizabeta's crying had gained her a free pass from further disciplinary measures. Rodereich, I'm sure, had a lot to do with that. Oh well. It can't be helped. Pompous assholes will always prevail in the institutional setting. It's just the way that the world worked, unfortunately.

I was unhappy for a number of three reasons. Don't trust my counting, by the way. My head still hurts from being punched in the face. I could already feel a massive bruise forming on my cheek, despite the ice. Anyways! One; It was Friday, and since this office meeting had taken much longer than usual, I had no choice but to cancel my café date with Matt. Two; Romano and I were to serve three in school suspensions from Monday-Wednesday next week. That meant that I would be forced to sit in the office all day. A place that Rodereich regularly frequented during his lunch break and afternoon spare period. Three; the VP had called to inform my Opa of this incident. It goes to say that that phone call didn't end very well. It wasn't fun to be shouted at in both English and German. It was quite overwhelming to say the least. Besides, I already knew that I was a massive disappointment. Them telling me was only rubbing it in. Four; (I'm just going to link this to reason #1. Ha! So my counting is still awesome after all!) The bruise on my face would be hard to hide. From Matt and especially from Lud.

In fact, I could see Lud right now. He and Felicia were sitting on a wooden bench just outside the office. I was still sitting in the front room of the office. I could see them through the transparent, glass window. They both looked sick with worry. Felicia was crying and Lud was as pale as a ghost. I wanted to turn around and wave to them, but my confidence from earlier just wasn't there anymore. I was too ashamed to face them. I was the big sister. I was supposed to be the role model. The person that Lud looked up to. But instead, I was the example of what Lud should never be. And the thought of that sickened me to my core.

Isabel sniffled to my left. I wrapped an arm around her shoulder and held her tight. She wasn't crying anymore. But she was still very clearly upset. I patted her back when she hiccupped. Rodereich and Elizabeta had left a good half hour ago. Disgusted sneers and snide remarks included. Isabel and I were waiting for Romano to finish up with his disciplinary meeting. But, judging by the echoes of Italian swear words and miscellaneous bangs, Romano wouldn't be coming out of the VP's office anytime soon.

I was right. Romano didn't come out for another half hour. And when he did, well, he looked like shit. His olive toned complexion was pale and drained from all colour. Purple bags were evident under his eyes. I could tell that he had exerted a lot of his energy today. I wanted to tell Romano just how grateful I was to him, but I knew that that would only add to his anger. He'd probably say something like: 'We're friends. What the fuck is there to be grateful for?' And then, after that touchy feelsie moment was done and over with he would deny ever saying that, along with our entire friendship in general. I grimaced. Shit. I would have to find a way to make it up to him. He was missing his afternoon shift at the pizza place because of me.

Isabel leapt out of her seat. Romano shed her with a weak smile as she threw herself into his arms. Romano murmured sweet nothings into her ear until she calmed down. His Italian had a smoothing effect on her. Romano grabbed Isabel's hand. He looked at me and I gave him the go ahead. We opened the front doors to the office and stepped out into the hallway. We were ambushed almost right away. Lud went straight for me. He placed both hands on my shoulders. I averted my gaze to the ground and let my hair fall over my cheek. I didn't want him to see the bruise. Lud was smart enough to spot my evasive tactics. He swept my hair to the side. When he saw my bruise, his blue eyes widened.

Something in Lud snapped. His worry shifted into anger. I bit my lip and shook my head. Lud took this as his cue to pull me into a hug. I didn't bother to speak. My throat was too constricted for that. I let my body language speak for itself. I wanted to forget everything. To put it in the past. Ruminating over something so trivial wasn't worth it in the long run.

Felicia sniffled into Romano's chest. Isabel had her arms wrapped around both Italian siblings. "I-I was so worried! F-fratello!..." It took Felicia a moment to catch her breath. "Are you OK? Did you get hurt?"

Romano shook his head. A proud, shit-disturbing grin crept onto his face. "I gave that piano fucker a run for his money."

Isabel took this comment the wrong way. She pounded Romano's arms and chest with angry, shaking fists. "Roma!" She sniffled. "You have to be more careful. I don't…." Isabel's voice faltered. "I don't know what I'd do if you got hurt." Romano grabbed Isabel's right fist. He brought it to his lips and kissed it. His amber eyes smoldered with affection. It made my heart twist into a bunch of knots. Matt looked at me in that exact same way. Did that mean….did that mean that he…? No. It couldn't be. I was simply overthinking things. That's all.

"Bella, you know that I'm more than capable of handling myself. I can't always have my gorgeous girlfriend save the day for me. How boring is that?"

Isabel grumbled something incoherent into his chest. Romano chuckled and ran a hand through her thick chocolate curls. Felicia pulled away from Romano and slowly sauntered over to Lud and I. I bent down and kissed Felicia on both cheeks. "Grazie," I murmured. "I can always count on you to take care of my brother." Felicia's doe-like eyes brimmed with unequivocal happiness. The amount of care in her eyes was so genuine that it was almost piercing. No. It was angelic. I loved her like she was my own sister.

Felicia nodded and smiled up at me. "Bitte."

Lud cleared his throat and walked over to Romano and Isabel. This was the one time that the Italian didn't glare at my brother. Lud extended a hand to Romano. "Danke. You protected my sister when I couldn't be there for her."

Romano reluctantly shook hands with Lud. It took him a lot of effort not to wipe his hand on the cuff of his pants afterwards. "You've done the same for my sorella," he scoffed. "I was simply returning the favour….bastard." Lud accepted his thanks and shed Romano with a faint half-smile. That was the kindest that Romano had ever been to Lud. We all knew that it wouldn't last. But still. It was nice to see everyone getting along for once. Especially in a time when it was necessary to stick together.

Isabel pulled away from Romano and reached into her purse. Everyone winced when we heard the jingle of car keys in her hand. "Who wants a lift home, eheh?" she chuckled weakly. Romano cringed. Lud just about shit his pants. Felicia was oblivious. I honestly could care less. All I wanted to do was go home. If Isabel drove, we might die, we might not. But it meant that we would get home later.

Isabel's carefree, lax attitude translated into her driving. If Romano drove, well, again, we might die, we might not. Romano was impatient. Believe me, if you looked up road rage in the dictionary you'd find his name right next to it. What I'm trying to say is that Romano sped like a deranged maniac. And so, with his driving, we'd get home much sooner. Tch. Italian's and Spaniard's and their poor driving. Absolutely hopeless. All of them.

I looked over at Lud and grinned. The vein in his temple was popping out. The thought of driving in a car with two of the worst drivers on the planet had him shaking in his boots. It'd probably be much safer to let Lud drive. But we both knew that Romano would rather die than let that happen. Apparently, we potatoes are too anal in our driving. Ha. Better anal than front and forward. What the actual fuck is this analogy? Never mind. Don't ask. I have no idea where I was going with that. Nor do I want to know.

Romano snatched the keys from Isabel's hands. "I'm driving," he growled.

"But Roma!"

"Don't you pout at me like that! It won't work."

Romano's blush said otherwise.

"Ugh, fine. But run one more red light and I'm setting fire to your driver's license."

"Eheh, kay.~"

Lud's eyes twitched: To accept or to not accept a lift? That's a real number cruncher. Whether it's more practical to suffer at the hands of horrible drivers, the swift turns and accidents of careless mistakes…

I grinned. Poor Lud. I could see him crunching the numbers in his head. He valued money more than anything. Even that of his own life. Which, in turn, meant that he would be getting into Isabel's car. Regardless of the driver. I clapped my hands together and cackled to myself. I couldn't wait to film this entire fiasco.

(6:00 PM)

I was sitting on my bed. My lap top rested on my lap. It was currently giving my thighs a third degree burn. Eh. I was too lazy to move it anyhow. It was the only hot action that I would ever be getting in my room anyways.

I was still icing my face with one hand. The other hand was used to upload the driving fiasco video onto my blog. In the end, it was Isabel who drove us home. I grinned at the memory. Felicia was too excited and happy to care about how Isabel almost drove us into a fire hydrant. But, to be fair, Romano was yelling at her. He knew full well that Isabel had a very limited attention span. Apparently, Isabel had forgotten to signal when she switched into another lane. But she forgets a lot of things, so what's new?

I'm almost certain that Lud suffered from a mini-heart attack. If the dents in the car door handles weren't evident enough. Lud was desperate enough to duck and roll out of the car at one point. Felicia and I, on the other hand, had a blast. We stuck our heads out the window and tasted the oncoming hail of snow and sleet. No. We didn't just taste it. We embraced it. Well, we embraced it until Lud dragged us back into the car. Something about it being a safety hazard or whatnot. For the rest of the car ride, Felicia and I were tucked under Lud's armpits. He didn't budge in his grip either. So not awesome.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I crossed my arms and huffed. "Password?"

"Hail Awesome," Lud grumbled.

I grinned maniacally. "Access granted."

Lud walked into the room. In his hands he held onto a take out box from Bella's café. I reached for the box, but Lud raised it into the air. I furrowed my brows into a scowl. Screw him for being so tall. Screw me for being too lazy to get up. Lud sat down on the foot of the bed. I crawled over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. I tightened my arms until I heard him splutter for air. "Give me all your food!" I hissed into his ear.

Lud held up his hands in surrender. While he gasped for air, I pried open the take out box. I ran a tongue over my lips when the sweet, godly scent of a cinnamon roll filled the air around me. I would have eaten it right then and there if Lud hadn't slapped my hand away. Damn you, Kiku Honda. How dare you teach my brother the art of being a ninja. "Not on the bed," he scolded. I rolled my eyes and pouted. Lud shed me with his 'authoritative' look. I audibly pouted. I wasn't having much success.

Lud closed the box and put it to the side. "So, do you want to tell me what happened?"

I closed my eyes and sighed. It would be naïve to think that Lud would let go of this fight so easily.

"What did you hear?" My voice was already beginning to sound hoarse.

"That you attacked Elizabeta for no reason."

I had to laugh at that. It's funny how selective people can be when it comes to reporting gossip. Bias? I think so. Lud turned me around so that my back was facing him. He already had a brush in his right hand. One of the things that Lud lectures me about most was the fact that I 'never' brush my hair. Which wasn't true at all. I brushed my hair. Just not as often as most hygienic people would. Whatever. Him brushing my hair had a therapeutic effect. On both of us that is. It helped him unwind. I liked to think that my hair was his own version of a stress ball. Besides, being pampered was always good for the ego.

I winced as Lud ruthlessly brushed through a large tangle at the back of my head. "Ha! As if! The bitch sent me a candy gram…"

"Oh?"

Lud you're killing me here. Don't make me say it.

"What did it say?"

Fuck.

"She called me a slut. OW-!" Lud combed out a large tangle. He roughly brushed through my hair. We didn't say anything for a while. I could tell that he was angry. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. That there was nothing he could do. That he couldn't possibly change the way how people thought. But in the end, all I could do was come up with a stupid and possibly destructive solution.

"Want to get drunk?"

A wry smirk twisted onto Lud's lips. After placating our Opa on the phone, soothing a crying Felicia, and working a busy shift at the café, getting drunk was exactly what Lud needed. Perhaps it wasn't what I needed. But hey. I've accepted my impulsiveness. I was already drowning in self-pity. Why not add a shit ton of beer to the mix? (Ha!)

"Ja."

And thus, Lud set off to find Matthias.

Perhaps he could bribe the Dane into buying us some beer.

A lot of beer.

...

(9:00 PM)

My ears rang. Romano's shouts still echoed in my head. Eh. Whatever. I was still in a giggly mood. I wasn't drunk per say, but I was definitely buzzed. Lud, on the other hand, was a completely different story. The boy turned into a massive pervert whenever he got drunk. Which would explain why he had drunk dialed Felicia. It didn't take long before Romano called me up to scream every sort of profanity that came to mind. Apparently, Lud had told Felicia to "Brace for his wurst." Whatever the fuck that meant. I honestly didn't want to know. I knew far too much already. Seriously. That's the last time that I ever check under his bed. I'm not kidding. You don't want to go under there. That is, unless you're a kink loving fuck. It's a BDSM paradise. Ugh. Not even my buzzed mind could handle the image of that.

THUMP!

I groaned. I placed my phone on the kitchen counter and stepped into the living room. Lud was lying face down on the couch. His chest was shaking. Was he…? Oh my Gott. He was crying. Again. I sat down next to Lud on the couch and patted his back. Lud turned his head to the side. His blue eyes were red and puffy. Including his nose. "I-I don't…..want to…." He sniffled.

I felt like I was soothing a bear. He was just that big.

"You don't want to, what?" I cooed.

"I don't want to do homework anymore! I hate it!" he wailed. "All I want to do is marry Feli, eat pasta and watch her paint all day. Is that too much to ask for?"

Oh. That hit me right in the feels. My heart couldn't handle all the angst.

"No, of course not," I chided.

"I want *hiccup* to make her *hiccup* happy."

"Then why don't you take a break from your homework?"

I smoothed a hand over his gel slicked hair. Oops. I discreetly wiped my hand over the back of his shirt. He was too drunk to notice anyhow.

"You don't get it! I do my homework because of Feli. She's *hiccup* what motivates me to do what I do. I want her to be better off in life."

I had no words to say to that. I simply let Lud cry it out. All the while I was touched by his sincerity. Looks like I had done good a job in raising him after all. Er….minus the slight pervertedness. But I was willing to overlook that. In the grand scheme of things Lud had turned out to be just fine. Mama Gillian was more than happy; she was elated. Fuck. Again with the third person?!

Lud sat up. I had about 0.3 seconds to escape. Argh. I wasn't fast enough. Lud trapped me in a hug. He sobbed into my shoulder. "How come….How come I haven't met your new boyfriend yet?"

I froze. That was a really good question. I had no reason not to introduce him to Matt. It's funny because Matt and I visit the café whenever Lud's preparing pastries in the back. I bit my lip. How shitty of me. Lud was so obviously worried about Matt. He was afraid that I would let myself get hurt again. The poor guy. Lud wanted to protect me from the world. It was a pity that the world loved to shoot me down. Perhaps that's why I liked to distance myself from others. I didn't want to bring them down with me. It just made life so much easier to bear…

I hugged Lud back. "How about Friday afternoon? You can meet him when you're on break."

Lud sniffled and yawned. "Alright." I froze. Lud's weight shifted and grew heavier. Oh Gott. He was falling asleep. I tried pushing him in the chest. My efforts to do so were futile. With a heavy oomph, Lud fell on top of me. I thrashed and squirmed underneath him. Lud snored in protest. My phone vibrated against the counter. I was completely pinned. I could hardly move. And then it hit me. The path to freedom was a sneaky one.

I raised my voice a few octaves. "Ve, Luddy! What do I do if my apron catches fire in the kitchen?" Lud stirred in his sleep. The oaf was always worried about Felicia hurting herself. She was a massive klutz, after all. And since Felicia spent so much time in the kitchen, Lud had just about forced her into memorizing several safety manuals. One of them included what to do in the face of a fire.

"Drop, tuck and roll," he grunted. And Lud proceeded to do those very same actions. Everything was swell until he rolled off of me and onto the floor; face first. Lud was too drunk to wake up anyhow. Although, in the morning he was sure to have a killer bruise on his forehead. I had half the mind to take a picture of him. I thought better of it when I remembered that my phone was still ringing.

"Hallo?" I answered.

"Evening beautiful!" I could practically hear the smirk on Matt's face.

I balanced the phone between my right ear and shoulder. I walked over to Lud and crouched down. Yup. He was still breathing. I rolled him into a position where he wouldn't choke. I tried to ignore what he muttered under his breath. It was hard not too.

"Feli, you naughty girl. Don't make me stroke that curl of yours."

I shuddered. I don't even want to know.

"Who's that in the background?"

"It's just my brother, Lud. He's uh…" I giggled. "Very drunk."

Matt laughed. "You sound a bit tipsy yourself."

"What? Me?! No!" I protested. The fact that I slurred my words proved otherwise.

Matt tsked. "Whatever you say, Gil."

" So…are you free right now?"

My brows furrowed into a frown. "Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm standing outside your apartment building."

"You're what?!"

"Meet me downstairs in five~!"

Matt hung up before I had the chance to protest.

I groaned and cupped my face with both hands.

Well. There was no hiding from him now.

I don't think that I realized how drunk I was until I stepped outside. Matt was standing on the cement steps in front of the lobby. But he wasn't alone. A gigantic, white, polar bear sized Newfoundland dog sat on the ground next to him. My doge senses were tingling. I wanted to hug it and squeeze it and call it George. Ok. It's confirmed. I was definitely drunk off of my mind. Wipe that smirk off of your face, you idiot. He's going to think that you're crazy. But…the doge was just so godamned cute! Lud would have been tripping over his feet to pet it. As you can see, we both had an immense love for dogs. But this dog was definitely a doge. Anything that belonged to Matt was inevitably derpy.

Matt turned around when he heard me squeal. What?! I couldn't help it. The doge was practically calling out to me. I ran over to Matt. He opened his arms for a hug. I went straight for the canine. I crouched over and wrapped the doge in a tight bear hug. It licked my face and I giggled. The doge then nuzzled his head into my chest. Heh. I had forgotten to zip up my coat.

Matt stifled a groan. "Lucky bastard."

"And Hello to you too, Gillian," he muttered.

"Hello!" I was speaking more to the doge than to Matt. "What's his name?" I asked.

Matt grit his teeth. "Kuma."

I cupped Kuma's face with both hands. "Kuma? Where's Matt?! Huh?" Kuma gave me a blank look. He looked very confused. I pointed to Matt, who simply shrugged in response. Kuma still didn't give Matt the light of day.

"It's been six years and he still doesn't know my name. The only memorable person in his life is Alfred."

"How come?"

"He spoils him with hamburger meat, why else?"

Oh. That would explain why the dog was so chubby. I blew air into Kuma's wet, mushroom shaped nose. He licked my own nose in response. "So Kuma, what brings your adorable furry butt out here?"

"Alfred was too lazy to walk him. He… I mean I was also worried about you."

"Hmmmm?" I hummed.

"Gillian, can you look at me when I speak to you?"

"Huh?" I stopped blowing air into Kuma's ear. "Oh….sorry."

I stood up and raised my coat sleeve to wipe off the slober from my cheek. Matt reluctantly let me kiss him (sloppily) on his own cheek. "I missed you," he grumbled into my ear. Matt pulled me into a hug. My head rested on his shoulder. Heh. He was warm. How nice and comforting. Heh. He was like a pancake; warm and sweet. Not to mention the fact that he smelled like maple syrup. I began to drool at the thought of pancakes. Another voice in my head snapped at me to focus.

"Sorry about this afternoon. I…..uh….a lot of things got in the way…" I stammered. Matt pulled away from the hug. His violet eyes narrowed. They were inspecting me for any faults. I realized my mistake when it was far too late. I ducked my head so that my hair swept into my face. But Matt had already seen the bruise. The fluorescent light hanging above us made it even more visible. Matt inhaled sharply. I averted my gaze to the ground, thoroughly ashamed of myself.

Matt cupped a delicate hand to my enflamed cheek. "Gillian, what happened to your face?" I could hear the hurt in his voice. He was angry at me for not telling him about it. I couldn't blame him. I would have been angry too. "Was it him?" he growled. I shook my head. Tears welled in my eyes.

"No! Well… kind of! Um…how about we go for a walk?" I laughed weakly.

"I promise that I'll tell you everything," I added in quickly.

"You better." Matt grabbed my hand in one hand and Kuma's leash in the other.

We spun on our heels and walked towards the main road. Kuma happily trotted along by our sides.

It was a long time before I said anything.

The fact that Matt was angry terrified me.

The silence was killing me. Matt wasn't just angry now. He was furious. Although, he wasn't furious at me. He was furious at how Rodereich and Elizabeta continued to get away with meddling in my life. Today was the first time that he had shouted at me. Well, almost shouted at me to be more accurate. He stopped when he realized that I was on the verge of tears. He had also threatened to call the cops. I begged for him not to. He made me promise that I wouldn't keep any more secrets from him. I agreed. Which, wasn't completely a lie. If he asked, I would tell him anything that he wanted to know. And since he hadn't asked about that night, I didn't have to tell him about it. It was a dirty trick. But it was the only thing that kept me sane.

We stopped in front of my apartment's front lobby. Matt let go of my hand. Not a word was spoken during the entire walk back. Even Kuma had sensed the change in mood. He walked with his tail hidden between his legs. That was exactly how I walked too. Matt's height appeared to grow with his anger. Perhaps the scariest part about him was the fact that he didn't become volatile when angered. But rather, he kept to himself. He didn't say anything. His face didn't give away any emotion either. Matt didn't show his anger. You felt it.

"Matt…." A sharp pair of violet eyes bore into me. "I just…."

"You just, what?" he said in a clipped voice.

Ah crap. Here come the tears. Shout out to my heart for being a weak little bitch. "Why do you even bother? Why worry about me? Surely there's something better for you to do…" I averted my gaze to the ground and shuffled on the balls of my feet. Matt cupped my face with both hands. He tilted up my chin so that I looked him right in the eyes. His face flushed with warmth.

"Because I love you, Gillian," he whispered. He used the thumb of his glove to wipe away the hot tears that streaked down my face. "Stop being stupid. What could possibly be better than spending time with you? I don't care if I've only known you for a couple of months. I care for you more than I do for myself.

"And that's why I can't stand to watch you get trampled on by others. You can only handle so much. I want you to trust me. To lean and rely on me whenever you feel like you can't stand up on your own two feet. That's what I'm here for. My job is to make sure that you're happy and well-"

I cut him off right there.

"I am happy and well!" I stubbornly crossed my arms. Gott. I was acting so godamned childish.

"You may be happy, but I know for a fact that you are not well. Please, I want us to be completely honest with each other. Don't tell me that what they're doing to you isn't wrong. Something needs to be done. I can't…no. I won't let this go on for any longer."

No thoughts could describe what I did next. Perhaps it was the buzz of the alcohol. Or the selfish desire to distract myself. Or even the selfish desire to distract Matt from his thoughts. I pulled him down by the collar of his jacket and kissed him. And I mean really kissed him. I was used to pecking him on the cheeks. But never on the lips. Fuck it! I growled under my breath and deepened the kiss. I closed my eyes and hoped and prayed to God that he would reciprocate.

It took him a while but he did.

Matt placed a hand at the back of my head to support me. He kissed me back. And with an equal amount of vigor. "Don't you ever…" he breathed. "…devalue yourself. You're above those assholes and you know it." I parted my mouth when Matt ran his tongue along my lower lip. His tongue slipped over mine. Verdammt. He tasted amazing. Our breathing became short. We had trouble separating from each other. Not that we had any intention of doing so. I wanted more. I wanted him close, to feel his heat seep into my body. I unconsciously brought my hips closer to his. He moaned in response.

"No promises," I gasped. "There's a part of me that will always hate myself."

Leave it to my intoxicated brain to blurt out my deepest and darkest secrets.

Matt held me tighter. "My love will be more than happy to make up for that."

I giggled and pulled away. I rubbed my nose against his. "Optimistic douche," I scoffed.

"Pessimistic fool," he retorted.

I nuzzled my head into the crook of his neck. Matt tucked his chin over it.

"I love you."

I didn't freeze up like I thought that I would. It was because I truly believed in his words. I felt it from the moment that I had first met him. Matt wasn't just my best friend. He was my soulmate. He was the person who I could pour my everything into. Dark, twisted past included. I loved that sarcastic little shitbag. I loved him so much that it hurt. Fuck. This wasn't supposed to happen. How could I be so unready yet so damned willing at the same time? It didn't make sense. None of this made sense. Love in general didn't make any sense.

The world spun around, and yet, I found myself gravitating towards Matt. He was pulling me in. Closer and closer. Except this time, I didn't struggle. I let go. Every doubt, insecurity, and pestering malicious thought that haunted me was tossed to the side.

It was time to make room for someone else.

Someone who I loved dearly with all of my heart.

"I-I… hate you too."

Leave it to me to fuck up a love confession.

Sigh.

This was going to take some getting used to.