Chapter 7

The warmth of the room was suddenly stifling and Dean realised he was fully clothed again.

Castiel was standing in front of him looking far too calm but all Dean could focus on was that his brother was no longer in his arms.

"Sam?"

Dean turned fast, panicking, and then staggered one step forward and stopped, heart beating in his throat as he tried to swallow it back down.

His brother was lying on the far bed, eyes closed and face pale. There were no marks on his face and the chains were gone but clothes hid his body and any damage that remained on his skin. As the older boy watched, Sam gasped loud and harsh as he suddenly tried to sit up and quickly became distressed when he didn't seem to have the strength.

"Sammy it's okay, calm down, you're okay."

Dean moved quickly to Sam's side and sat on the bed, placing a hand on his brother's chest to still his movements, calm him. Sam's body was still ice cold and trembling badly.

"Sam you with me? C'mon Sammy, gimme something."

Receiving no response, Dean saw his brother's eyes had slipped closed again and he turned to the angel in frustration.

"A little help here Cas... grab the blankets off the other bed, it'll be easier than moving him underneath these ones."

Unable to take it for granted that his brother had been healed, Dean quickly pulled Sam's shirt up checking the skin underneath for injuries. He took a relieved breath when he saw Sam's skin was untouched, unharmed, although the memory of the blood and wounds and teeth marks he had seen still haunted him. Probably would for a while.

Castiel carried the bedding over and then helped Dean cover the younger boy, mimicking the actions of smoothing the covers and tucking the blankets around Sam's still body until Dean seemed satisfied.

"What's wrong with him Cas, can you do anything?" Dean's hand brushed slowly across Sam's forehead.

"He is probably in shock." The angel blinked at Dean's obvious expectation of more information and continued. "Both Sam's soul and physical body were subjected to the punishment of Purgatory for months and whilst Tahariel has healed him, I expect there will still be side effects."

"Like...?"

"This."

"So help me Cas, I need to know what to do here."

"I don't know Dean, I have never met with someone whose body was returned to the living. I do not know everything Tahariel told you but I think you are the one that Sam needs."

Dean looked up at the angel's intense gaze and tried to read a clue in the depths of blue ice but all he found was blind faith.

"I got nothing Cas... I only know how to break things not fix 'em."

Turning to Sam who was still shivering uncontrollably, Dean sat back down and sank against the headboard, gently pulling the younger boy across his lap as he readjusted the blankets.

"C'mon Sammy, I need you here. All of you."

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It had been two hours and Dean was sweating buckets.

Sam was still shivering and unresponsive.

Castiel was seemingly unaffected by the high output of the room heater except for the slightly askew tie.

"I do not know what else to suggest. I am sorry Dean."

"It should be working Cas... "

Dean lifted Sam's arm from under the blankets to check his pulse, and was rewarded with a groan and a flash of dark eyes.

"Sam?"

Eyes blinking and then opening wide, Sam's hand clutched at the older boy as he frantically struggled to free his other arm from underneath the mountain of blankets.

"It's okay Sammy, you're safe."

Sam's gaze travelled around the room for a few seconds before it stayed steady on Dean's face, hands now both fiercely gripping the older boy's forearms.

"Sam are you hurting? You need to tell to me."

As he watched Sam shake his head slowly, mouth opening and then closing without a sound, Dean frowned at his brother's lack of verbal response.

"Please Sam, I need to know if you're hurt? You can talk now Sam, it's okay. That piece of metal's not in your mouth now... I need to hear you say something... please."

Sam seemed to concentrate and frowned slightly lowering his eyes as his mouth moved slightly, lips parting as though to test if they could.

"Co... cold."

If Dean hadn't been sitting right there he would have missed the whispered word.

"Is that all Sam? You sure you're not...there's nothing else?"

He waited, watching his younger brother's face intently for any sign of pain or distress but Sam shook his head slowly.

"C'mon sit up and I'll get you something hot to drink... seeing as the furnace effect doesn't seem to be working."

Dean gave his brother an encouraging smile, relief sweeping through him as he stood and helped Sam slide up the bed and rest against the backboard. He couldn't begin to describe the emotions that surged through him at that moment and he found his hand cupping the side of the younger boy's face before he realised what he was doing.

He instinctively moved to pull his hand away... he couldn't burden Sam with his twisted feelings now... but paused as Sam closed his eyes and leaned into his hand with a small sigh. Dean's eyes stung with hot tears as he placed his other hand on Sam's shoulder and sat back down on the bed.

"God Sammy... was so worried. When I saw... never mind." Dean shook his head, not wanting either of them to think about what Sam had been through right now. He would make Zachariah pay for what he did but for now, Sam needed him.

"I've gotcha back now that's all that matters. You were right little brother... whatever happens, we're in it together."

Sam took a deep breath. It was hard to convince his senses that he was really here with Dean and he reached out with an unsteady hand and gripped his brother's forearm. He felt Dean's hand slide from his face and grip his arm in a mirroring gesture and he missed the warmth on his face. He suddenly ached for the feeling of comfort and love that Dean's touch on his skin had stirred inside.

Reigning in his emotions as best he could, Sam looked at his brother and frowned as he saw tears in the older boy's eyes. His hand moved to reach out but suddenly he froze in fear, curling his fingers into the flesh of Dean's arm.

Dean went to stand up, he was too close and if he didn't move now he would do something they would both regret. Instead, when he moved he found Sam's hand clutching tightly onto his arm as the younger boy looked past him across the room and he turned his head to see Castiel standing by the door.

"Sam it's just Cas... he helped me get you out."

Dean felt the tension go out of Sam's grip a little although he didn't release his hold completely.

"I believe I will have to regain your brother's trust after what he has been through Dean, I am an angel just like Zachariah and Tahariel. I understand Sam's fear."

"I'm... not afraid."

"Thank you Sam." Castiel nodded but made no move to approach.

"Yeah, Sam knows you not a complete dick like the rest of your family."

Castiel tilted his head and quirked an eyebrow at Dean's less than obvious compliment before he spoke. "Tahariel spoke to me of hearing that Lucifer plans to gather a rebel army of angels. I need to find out if he is correct so I will leave now and allow you some time with your brother."

Dean frowned. "You really think many angels would side with the devil? I mean that's more than just crossing the floor Cas... that's like mutiny... against God."

"Yes it is but it would explain why Zachariah wants to weaken Sam and build discord between you and your brother. If Sam acts as Lucifer's vessel without anything to bind him to blood or family it will open both his mind and soul to the darkness. Sam would be more than just a vessel, he would become one and exist with Lucifer. Bound together they would rival the power of God."

"So Michael would have a snowball's chance of winning and then everyone would have to pick a side."

"It would appear so... a snowball's chance at what?" Castiel's head tilted as a frown appeared on his face.

"In hell."

"You should recall Dean there is no snow in hell... it cannot... ah, I understand the paradox. "

"And they say you can't teach an old dog new... never mind Cas. Why didn't you tell us this before? About the whole becoming one with Lucifer crap?"

"I was not aware Dean. The loopholes concerning possession are not my specialty."

"Loopholes…?" Dean sighed heavily. "Go see what you can find Cas... and thank you for getting Sam back."

Castiel stared intently at the older hunter. "You are welcome Dean but you must fix what is broken. Sam needs to know how you feel."

Dean closed his eyes briefly as the angel disappeared and then turned to look at his brother.

"Lucifer isn't gonna have you Sam... and... and you know we're in this together right?"

The ghost of a smile touched Sam's lips like a passing shadow, gone before it really took hold and he nodded as he released the older boy's arm.

"Yeah."

Dean was surprised at the uncertainty, Sam's voice soft and his pained eyes meeting Dean's briefly before they shifted away. He didn't understand until the memory of his own words, harsh and accusing echoed through his mind.

I'm your family. We're supposed to be a team. It's supposed to be you and me against the world. Right?

Dean, it is.

Is it?

The worry and anguish over Sam being taken by Zachariah had made him forget exactly what had happened in heaven... in the motel room... in his own heart right before his brother was ripped away into Purgatory. The amulet...

Dean's hand automatically moved to his neck, suddenly needing to feel the solid weight of the charm in his fingers... like he had done out of habit since... forever.

Sam's dark eyes followed the movement of his hand and then travelled to his face, catching the look of surprise and then pained realisation in the older boy's eyes when his fingertips found nothing more than skin.

"Sam... "

Dean shook his head, momentarily at a loss to try and explain the turmoil of emotion and doubt and fear that had assaulted him before he had discarded the amulet. There was no way though he was confessing how much Sam's idea of heaven had shattered his heart and everything he had held within it.

"... Sam I didn't take it off to hurt you... I just... it felt… feels like everything's changed, spinning out of control y'know? I'm not the same person you gave it to... I felt like I'd lost my faith in... everything."

"It's okay Dean, I understand. You don't have to..." Sam's voice turned into a low groan as a tremor seemed to shake his whole body. "...you don't owe me an explanation. You don't owe me anything."

The younger boy watched as Dean walked over to the table and picked the amulet up before placing it over his head. "We used it... Cas thought it might help when we were looking for you..."

Sam shook his head, eyes downcast. "I never blamed you for taking it off, was my fault things got so screwed up back then."

It was Dean's turn to look away, guilt shading his features. "It was only a day here Sam... you were gone for just over a day."

"I... it was..." Sam frowned as he took in Dean's words.

"Over four months to you, I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Sammy."

"Guess I didn't miss much then." Sam voice cracked a little as he spoke softly. "You don't have to wear it Dean, you don't have to wear it to make me feel better. You can't get your faith back in a day."

"I got my brother back Sammy, that's all that matters. I was so angry at everything, everyone…including myself. I thought …God Sam I get so tired sometimes and it feels like we're getting played by both sides y'know. I was ready to walk away, I didn't care."

"And now?"

"I'm ready to go down fighting Sam, and Castiel is gonna stand with us. We might not win, hell we're still pretty screwed but the least we can do is take some of those sons of bitches out with us."

Sam watched the play of emotions across his brother's face and smiled unknowingly at the passion in Dean's words and the fire that burned behind his brother's eyes.

He felt exhausted and there was ice still running through his veins but Sam found strength in the older boy's words. He always did.

"So I guess that's what Cas meant about telling me how you feel."

Dean can't tell if Sam is asking or telling but he doesn't answer... for once he keeps his mouth shut because how the fuck can he explain how he really feels? How do you explain to your kid brother that all you can think about right now is pulling him in close… hands on skin and mouth to mouth… and never letting go. How could he ever justify this desire to Sam when he can't even allow himself to accept it?

Nodding his head, Dean forced a smile on his face before turning away.

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