Ainako: The dreadful haiku almost killed me. Maybe it already did.
Oh. Almost, almost there.
I waited, waited, and waited;
Atop of the hill overlooking the town's entrance, she stood there waiting. Hoping she would see him walking through the gate and be home again. He never did.
I believed, believed, and continued to believe.
Maybe he would come home tomorrow, or perhaps the day after, so she told herself. He must have been on his way. Maybe his horse is too tired to carry him for so long. Maybe his path home is delayed by bad weathers. He should be home soon. Soon. I knew he will, she told herself. He said he will come home, definitely. He had promised her.
She donned the pretty white kimono with purple flower at the hem that he gave her as a present. She wore it just so to look her best when she would greet him home. She first wore it at the day he bid his temporal goodbye. He even placed a white lily on her hair because he said she looked nice with it. But she was just a child. She didn't know how to appreciate a love from another. She can only stare at him as he smiled. What was it he was saying when she took his hand when he offered his, she didn't remember.
I will cling onto this painful life until the day you return home to me;
How many sunsets did she had seen, and how many seasons had come and gone? Yet he never returned. How long would she have to wait? She longed for him. She wants to be near him and listen to his talk about the world she has yet to see. She wanted to see him smile. How long?
Please do not forget me.
Countless sunsets. Countless winters. She waited for him still. She believed in him still. A child, she was just a child. Insignificant, and unimportant. Did he forget about her? Had he gone to another city and married another woman? No. He had promised he would return. She had faith in his words. If only she can remember what exactly did he say…
The hawk calls as they head north. Their numbers lessened as they returned.
A child. She is just a child as she stared at his back when he rode away with the other men towards war. Should she stop him? Would he forget about the worthless war if she did? But she didn't, and he went on still, lost in the sea of marching men. Disappearing towards the horizon. Some of the thousands returned - either limping or piled on a pull-cart, motionless and cold. His face was never among the returned. What took him so long?
I must pass the dwelling of the dead.
She knew, even if she was just a child. She knew what befell him that held him from coming home. He is no more. Perhaps wounded so fatally, he fell where he stood and breath his last. The snow covered him out of sight. There he died alone, with no one to bring him home. She had seen it in a dream. Or was it a dream? It seemed so real, as if she was there watching him prayed his last prayer to the Gods. She stood there half of her legs in the snow, watching. Did he ever mentioned her name in his last breath? She didn't know; she woke up as soon after. Her feet carried snow, despite the lack of it atop the hill where she waited. Was it a dream?
Little cuckoo, please tell my love how much I missed him.
Sunsets changed to sunrises, winters melt away only to hailed again. How long had she waited? Why is she waiting still? Pointless. For all the times that she waited, she waited for nothing. She waited, only to be left alone. Forever to be chained to the faint memories of the people she loved, by the now ancient promises that it will soon be only dusts.
She wanted was to fly away. She wanted to be a bird and fly away, free.
"Of course you can, but not in this cage."
Cage. Was this endless maze a cage that's keeping her? A cage, carved out of her own tears? Her own loneliness. A frozen cage, trapping her for eternity. Had it been just her who had hold herself prisoner? Was it only because of her not wanting to face the reality that kept her so long in solitude? Hope. She needs hope. And faith.
She wanted to be free.
The ground shook at the very moment her hopes come back to her frozen heart. It took her this long to realized that this 'hell' is her own creation. A shield she built against reality. She has not the bravery to face her days alone without anyone to love, or anyone to care. Watching the sunsets for hundreds of times made her weep; yet another day passed without him by her side. How long would she waited still? No. She cannot wait. She was afraid to wait any longer. She had wished that time would freeze at where it stood so that she would never would have to wait anymore. The cage was built to protect her heart, but instead it trapped her. Time does not stand still, but instead it left her where she lost her hope. Alone.
But now she has her hope again. To see the sky and soar so high. To run across the grassy field and embrace the wind. She was afraid of the future because her past is haunting her. Those bleak, empty future that promises her nothing. Now. Now is more important than what will soon to come. To live for the moment and hopeful of the future. The frozen heart of a child she was cracked and beats again. Hope.
"It's okay. You are not alone anymore."
I am not alone anymore…
With a loud voice, the little boy that gave her back her hope shouted in strength. Blueish rings of light appeared above his head. This time, she let him destroy the cage that trapped her. She wasn't afraid of the future anymore, and she would be free again…
Freedom smelled so nice. She breathed in the warm air and felt the ice inside her melts away. Sunlight shines ever so brightly in the clear sky. The sound of life was deafening, but she listens still. Hope. The future is almost there welcoming in front of her.
