The fear of returning to that nightmarish experience with Daroth was enough to keep me from sleep for most of the night. As I watched the fire slowly smother once more, my mind whirled, replaying the dream. Replaying all the hateful words Daroth had spoken to me, all the taunts and jests. All the unwanted touches.
There had been a time when Daroth was good to me, when I had loved him with everything I had: soul, heart, and body. Then everything had changed, slowly at first, and later all at once. I had gone from the Crown Princess to nothing more than a tool in a quest for power.
So he was King now.
It figured that he wouldn't change trajectory even if I was missing from the equation. He had always known exactly what he wanted and exactly how to get it. Even from the very beginning.
Daroth had come to the palace in a permanent position when I was fourteen and he was twenty-two. He had risen quickly through the ranks in Shivport, a city on the coast and near the border of Parth, and eventually had caught my Uncle's eye when he had come for council meetings as an assistant to the advisor in his province at the time. No one really knew where the enigmatic young man had come from, but it never seemed to matter much. When the position of advisor for his province had come open, he had taken up the role with ease. As my Uncle's youngest Advisor, he had been quite charismatic and most everyone who'd met him would become enthralled nearly instantly, I included. I had always found him attractive when he had visited before, but at fifteen I was nearly a lady and he was man. My feelings for him sat deeper than surface level, the kind of feelings that made my stomach flutter and my cheeks burn. Unfortunately, the infatuation that ensued lasted years.
I still remembered the first time we had ever spoken.
It had been nearly six months after he had arrived. I had run off to one of the small private libraries of the palace to escape my tutor's harsh lecturing on proper royal protocol. As I was about to plant myself in an old overstuffed chair with a book of fables, he had entered the solace of the library.
Running into the man I had daydreamed about constantly was both exciting and terrifying.
"Advisor Daroth!" I curtsied.
"Princess Namina." He had acknowledged with a bow and a smile. His dark hair had been pulled back in a low bun, but a few stands fell curling across his brow, giving him an air of adolescence. "You are looking well today. How are your studies going?"
I had played with the spine of the book in my hands, looking down with embarrassment. Out of all the books in the library, I had grabbed one of the only tomes of children's tales. I hoped with all my soul that he couldn't see the color rising in my cheeks.
"They are fine. My tutor can be exasperating but it is only to be expected."
Daroth had laughed; A sound which thrilled me to the bone. I continued, heartened,
"While I do enjoy learning about magic I hate his constant droning on the ethics and application that magic should have in royal life. I'd much rather work in a hospital or learn history rather than the dry information of 'how to apply everything to politics'"
He coughed. "Well politics can be exhilarating at times. You just have to learn how to enjoy it. The challenge comes in decision-making. One wrong decision can mean exponential trouble. It keeps things interesting if the stakes are higher."
"I didn't mean to offend," I quickly added, my eyes going wide.
He waved it off.
"Oh, not at all. Besides, a beautiful thing like you would find politics boring. It can get pretty dry."
I startled at his words.
Beautiful.
I had never seen myself as beautiful. Average, yes. Pretty, maybe. I was half-Parth and half-Irisidean and my looks thoroughly reflected that heritage: olive skin, lackluster brown hair, too soft around the edges to be svelte. I was not as exotic or lovely as some of the other residents of the palace. However, I had relished the compliment in the moment, tucking it deep into my heart.
"So, what are you looking for this day?"
Daroth smiled, taking a seat across from mine. "I am not looking for much. Just a small bit of reprieve. A quiet place to sit and rest for a moment. Do you mind if I join you?"
"Not at all!" I had said in an all too chipper voice. I was making a fool of myself. I tensed. "Have you been to this particular library before?"
He glanced around, fingers drumming the armrest. "I'm afraid to say I haven't. Even after nearly a year of living here I find that I have not seen half of this place."
"Ah, I see. Well, this happens to be one of my favorite places in the world."
And that was the truth. While the library was not opulent (In fact it was quite drab with the dusty bookcases and worn out sitting area lit only by rusted candelabras and a single window), I found it had a certain grace about it.
"I can see why. Its quite peaceful."
I bit my lip and opened my book to read. Unfortunately, all interest in myths and magic were gone. I could only stare at the illustrations.
A few minutes passed in silence. I risked a peek above the book and was surprised to find Daroth studying me.
His hands rested on his knees, his mouth set in a straight line. The baby blues of his eyes were the type I had read about in those frilly love stories, the type you could 'easily get lost in', whatever that meant. It took all I had not to stare back. I squirmed in my chair.
Suddenly, he cleared his throat and looked away. My eyes widened.
Was he embarrassed?
"Forgive me, I forget myself Princess. I was just thinking on some trying matters of state we have been dealing with lately. I did not mean to stare."
I smoothed my skirts. "That's quite alright, Advisor Daroth. I'm sure you have been very busy."
He relaxed and let out a chuckle. "The busiest. But I love it."
I smiled at his cheeriness.
Daroth had continued, "I do have to admit, as I looked upon you I was contemplating how nice it would be to become more properly acquainted. Perchance during the next ball King Signor holds you could save me a dance?"
It was my turn to blush. Well, to let my blush grow deeper. My cheeks were ablaze.
"I would. Thank you Advisor." I croaked. My gaze snagged on the grandfather clock across the room. A quarter after four.
"I think I must be off. Excuse me." I stood up quickly, my book dropping to the floor.
"Forgive me."
"Here let me."
We spoke the words at the same time. I bent to pick up the book just as Daroth did. He reached it first and straightened, holding it out to me. I reached for the book from his hands.
Unfortunately, as I took a step forward I succeeded in stepping on my damn hem.
"Oh!" My body pitched forward. His hands grabbed my upper arms but I still managed to collide with his solid chest. The blood that had finally started to fade from my cheeks came back with a vengeance.
"Are you alright, Princess?"
"Yes. Quite. Excuse me." I mumbled my response quickly and stepped back.
Flushed, I moved to make my exit.
"Well I must be off. I believe my father will be expecting me very soon and he can have quite a temper if I'm late." I lied, making my way to the door but sad to go all at the same time. I would make a complete fool of myself if I didn't leave now while I still had a trace of dignity left.
"I understand completely. I hope to see you again, Princess" Daroth said with a bow and another one of his smiles.
My had insides melted.
"And I you." I smiled and backed out of the library, clutching the book to my chest and adding fuel to the fire of my ever-growing crush on this young and charming advisor.
What an idiot I had been.
If I had known what the next six years would hold, I would have ran. Yet here I was now, laying on the cold hard ground in the middle of a Gallen forest, doing just that: running. A pathetic slip of a person running instead of facing her problems head on.
You could never best him, you know. You are everything he says and more.
I hugged my arms around myself and closed my eyes, wanting nothing more than to disappear forever.
.
The dappled light of morning and the scent of damp earth greeted me as I woke. I opened my eyes to a sideways view of the world: men putting out smoldering campfires, others gathering up bedrolls and tents to store in the wagon until needed again. Such mundane tasks on such a mundane morning. It was hard to believe I had made it through the night.
Rolling back, I stared up at the forest canopy, hands on my stomach, watching the kaleidoscope of greens, yellows, and near whites twist and turn as the leaves danced in the light breeze. If only time would stop right here and now. If only I did not have to keep going or risk the chance of being caught and dragged back.
As much as I wished I could just lay on the ground and become part of the forest itself, I rubbed my eyes and got up, pulling my bedroll with me.
What little rest I had gotten had only been a light doze. It was going to have to be enough for the long day ahead.
It did not take long to find Rhys. Or rather, he found me. He walked toward me, leading a horse by its reins. The scratches on his arms where hidden by leather gauntlets and chainmail.
"Good Morning!" he called merrily as he stroked the horse's nose. The animal was as black as pitch with warm brown eyes almost the same color as his. It nuzzled his hand.
I stepped back, my bedroll still clutched in my arms.
"You aren't afraid of horses are you?" Rhys tried to stifle his smile by coughing into his elbow.
I looked away, embarrassed. "Afraid? No. Nervous around large animals? Very much so."
Rhys barked the laugh he could no longer hold back before pulling on the reins to bring the horse closer. I held my ground and stared at the beast, even as I felt the bedroll lifted gingerly from my hands.
"Go on. Pet him. He loves it."
I timidly reached out a hand and touched the place between his neck and his ears. The velvet coat was smooth underneath my fingertips.
"This is Nightshade. And yes, he's named after the plant. I'm not the most creative person in the world."
I stared at Rhys, my brow furrowed. "The plant?"
"Nightshade. You know, belladonna…deadly… Ah, I see now." He ran his free hand through his hair. "You aren't an apothecary, are you?"
It's was simple question. It deserved a simple answer. I stood silent and watched the weak lie I'd built crumble down around me, leaving a bit more of me raw in its wake.
I obliged the truth. "No, I'm not. But I am a healer mage." I raised a hand and let my power flare, tingeing the air around my fingers a cool blue. "And I've always wanted to learn the ways of medicine. I'll still heal your men, Rhys. I promised that much…But there is no guild."
"So when we get to the capitol…"
I traced the feathers on my cape and keep my eyes downcast, the unasked question suspended between us.
Begrudgingly, I answered. "Who knows? Maybe I will find work? Maybe I'll continue on. Nothing is for sure."
"I can help you get a job."
This was too much. "You don't have to do-"
"No, I can. I'm almost sure there's a healer position opened in the castle complex. At least there was when we left two weeks ago. Those types of jobs usually take time to fill. I'll put in a good word for you. I know some of the other healers very well."
I smiled ruefully at the thought of the last true Irisidean heir working for the Gallen King. It would an interesting turn of events, and dangerous as well. Were I to be found out, I could be taken as a prisoner of war or worse, killed. It would be playing with fire. The war between our two countries may have been on standstill for over four decades but relations between them are bad right now. If Gallen were anything like Irisidea, something so brash would be seen as a reason to reignite the fight. On the other hand, there would be nowhere safer than with my enemies.
"I'd like that, I think." I silently promised myself that I wouldn't stay for long.
Rhys inclines his head. "So as a healer mage, what can you do?"
Inflict pain and end lives.
"Heal minor injuries and sicknesses. With larger afflictions like plagues and terminal wounds, I can only help ease suffering or take part of the sickness away. My magic isn't strong enough to heal those on my own. I've knocked myself unconscious trying to heal before. Many a times."
We walked as we talked. Most of the camp had been packed up, the only sign of our encampment the freshly turned dirt on smothered campfires.
"I also suppose I have a small bit of spirit magic." That had been the part of my magic Daroth was so fond of. The part he had liked to make me use against my will.
"Really? You should show me." Rhys held out his hand.
I cowered back.
"No. I wont." The words were sharp as a blade's edge. I refused to even consider using that part of my 'gift' anymore.
The faint smile dropped from his lips. "I'm sorry. I get ahead of myself sometimes." He continued tentatively "If I may ask…was your betrothed a…"
I took a deep breath. "Yes. He has magic. But that matters little."
He took note of my mood and dropped the subject.
Good.
He was learning.
"We will be departing soon. I'm sad to say the accommodations you were given last night will be most of what you'll experience with us. Though, we should reach a town by the name of Blue Court by the weeks end and have lodging at the local tavern."
"I'll be counting the hours until then." And I meant it. Going from the lap of luxury to sleeping on the ground was an experience I didn't know I never wanted. I would have to learn to manage but knowing reprieve was a few days away was already like a salve.
His laugh was warm and throaty, the jovial mood back in full force. He ran his hand along Nighshade's neck. "I thought so. Now, shall I help you onto the horse?"
.
Riding on a horse with a man was a shocking and highly embarrassing experience for me at first, having to sit with my arms around his middle, my chest nearly flush with his back. I do not think I had ever blushed so hard as I did that first day against Rhys's back, our bodies in such close proximity.
"You aren't my corset, Mina." Rhys huffed that first afternoon. I felt my ears turn red with the flush of blood.
"Sorry. I'm sorry." I released the death hold and settled for gripping the fabric of his uniform instead.
Soon enough, we found our stride. We became comfortable with the closeness of the journey quite quickly and I found myself searching Rhys out instead of avoiding him by the end of the two week journey. He became the calming salve my anxious mind needed to get me through to the capitol, steady and real as he was. Even through this breakthrough, however, my conscience screamed not to trust, screamed to run and hide. I was still the mouse I had always been.
After the first two days of traveling, I even came to appreciate Nightshade. He was a strong creature with mild temperament that carried both Rhys's and my weight with ease.
Between the fear of Daroth invading my dreams again and camping under the stars on not much more than earth, I got little rest, but I managed. When I did sleep, I clutched the knife Rhys had given me against my chest. It would offer little protection from my dreams, but the idea of maybe being able to defend myself in waking was a comforting notion.
Day by day, our surroundings morphed from dense forests to farmland. Our sleeping arrangements transformed from outdoor bedrolls to beds in small inns on the outskirts of whatever village we came across.
One of the many benefits of being the King's Guard was that you really didn't have to pay for anything. The host or hostess of whatever inn we found ourselves at usually welcomed us as honored guests and even when they didn't, the risk of being commandeered made the innkeepers cooperative and the lowest price possible offered. Our party was not huge, sixteen total, myself included, so Rhys made it a point to get me a private room or arranged for me to sleep with another woman. I was grateful for that. Sleeping under an open sky with these men was one thing, but to share a room with them would be dangerous.
While the beds in the inns were bleak compared to my feather bed back in the palace, I enjoyed every minute in them.
The fear of Daroth eased with each passing day and with no more dreams, the fear that plagued me gave way to simple wariness. While anxiety still came and went, my mood, according to Rhys, was downright jovial when compared to when he had first met me.
"You almost seem to like us now." He joked when we stopped to water the horses one afternoon later into the journey. The sky was clear and an early fall breeze had made the ride more enjoyable than usual.
I smiled sardonically as I use some of the water from the small creek to clean my arms and face. "Yes. It would seem so."
Rhys pursed his lips. "Though, it has me worried..."
I raised an eyebrow.
"What if the reason you're so friendly isn't because you find our company to your liking, but because you know our journeying is almost at an end? I think you're planning our demise and that brings you satisfaction."
I harrumphed, shaking water from my hands. "Funny, Farrowslake. You're hilarious."
This only spurred him on.
"Ren!" he called over to his friend across the way. "I'm starting to wonder if our lady-friend here isn't a danger to us all. She did try to steal from us and she now holds a knife in her possession. What do you suggest?"
"You gave me the knife" I defended, rolling my eyes.
Ren studied us. His eyes sparkled despite his rigid demeanor and hand on his hip. He wiped the perspiration off his dark brow, looked at me with a straight face, and said, "The only danger we have is our friend Rhys making a fool of himself. He's quite good at that, unfortunately."
Laughter bubbled in my chest. I coughed to hide it. "Yes. He is isn't he?"
Rhys pretended to look affronted. Acting was not his strong suit. "Never mind you lot. I have better things to do than take a hit to my self-esteem."
"Well I have more important things to do than assist Rhys here in his attempts to flatter you. Mina, good day." Ren saluted with a smirk and sauntered off.
Rhys guffawed. "Me thinks he's such a wise-ass. I should ask Captain Gerron to demote him. Or I could just…" One corner of his mouth perked. He was about to do something stupid.
"Watch this."
He gestured in the air and one of Ren's boots caught fire. A very small fire, but still enough to do some damage. I watched with horror and then amusement as Ren stomped the ground furiously, cursing and yelping. It took stepping into the creek to put out the flame, and by then, he had attracted most of the the other guards' attention.
"Farrowslake, I'll kill you! That's my second pair of boots you've ruined!" we heard followed by the chuckling of others. Even Captian Garron was amused, although his stern expression hardly changed.
Rhys laughed, entertained by his own jest. I snorted, no longer able to hold it back. He laughed harder.
Some of the men laid prostrate on the ground, others relaxed against trees or merely stood around talking to one another. Captian Garron sat on a fallen log, talking with one of his men. He noticed my staring and merely nodded before returning to his conversation. The mood was calm. No coughing to be heard.
"They seem to be holding up after the healing." I said to Rhys. Thomas, one of the younger soldiers, joined us. A short stocky blonde with quite the temper, but he could be sweet. I had seen him punch a soldier in the mouth out of anger and then laugh with him in the same hour. He flashed a dirty look towards Rhys at the prank but then smiled at me.
"Yes. You've quite the gift there, Missus Mina. An apothecary and a healer!"
I smiled as my insides turned. Thomas still thought I was part of a guild. They all did. It had been easy enough to trick them: a few leaves boiled in water I had called a 'tea' and close enough proximity to heal them magically. Only Rhys knew the truth.
"I think it's time to move on. Almost home!" Captain Gerron called. It was met with mixed enthusiasm. We were still a few days out, truth be told.
Thomas sighed. "I can hardly wait. It's been over a month since I've had Marta's cookin'." His wife, I gathered from the forlorn look. He headed over to the supply wagon.
I watched as some of the other men finished brushing down their horses and helped Rhys with our own.
"About the healing position I told you about," Rhys hesitated, suddenly absorbed in a small stain on his tunic. "If you want to wait a while in the city, and if the position is still open, I will make a plea to hire you. It shouldn't take too long. You seem a good friend and the palace could use a sensible healer such as yourself."
I nodded, suddenly at a loss for words. Were we friends? It had only been a little over half a fortnight. The gesture was still overwhelming.
Friends.
My heart ached for Mara. My confidant and friend. The one person I had regretted leaving behind in Irisidea.
'You'll never be free if you don't try, Princess.' She had told me as I put on the stablehand's outfit she had given me. The clothing I still wore. It was cleaner then.
She was the reason I had escaped. I only wished I could see her now. I wondered what she was doing. Did she stay at the palace or return home to the south? Wherever she was I hoped she was happy.
"Mina?"
I startled. I had been staring at nothing. "Sorry. I get lost in thought."
He shook his head. "You're a puzzle, Mina. One day I'm going to solve you."
The words were so innocent, but they brought back memories of Daroth saying much the same thing. Only his words had held maliciousness, not merriment.
Rhys helped me onto Nightshade before climbing on himself. I wrapped my arms lightly around his waist once we were situated.
"Thank you. For everything." I mumbled. I found I was content here with these men, but my soul still ached. Everything was still fresh.
In time, I told myself. I will heal in time.
Rhys's words were soft as he replied. I felt them vibrate through his chest and against my own.
"It's been my honor, Mina."
