A/N - So for the purpose of me not ditching this story again when times get a bit tough I have decided to go with smaller but more regular chapters. Hope that's alright with everyone.
Warning - In a chapter or two there is the distinct possibility that the rating of this story will be pumped to M (some interesting possibilities in my little imagination)
Disclaimer - Alas, these creatures of fiction are not mine. Yet, I am theirs.
"You could be less of a drama queen..."
Shut up Asuka!
5 days later
"You will lose in five moves."
The dark bishop made its trajectory while the sentence was uttered. The calm voice of Fuyutsuki had a faint mix of entertainment and self-cajoling. His preferred game was shogi but due to Gendo's particular tastes (aka - hating any game he didn't have a chance of winning) he accepted the change to the western version even though he only knew the bare minimum at the beginning.
And even so.
He would have chuckled at the situation in his younger years. But at the same time, Gendo was not the kind of man you would feel comfortable chuckling with. NERV's director arranged his sunglasses and moved his attention from the dossier he was reading to the small marble board.
"I see..."
Definitely no chuckling.
"You never seem to give the game enough attention."
"I do my best, but there are many games."
He pointed at the small pile of briefs and documents standing by his side.
"You would think we'd be a bit freer once the attacks lessened."
Indeed it had already happened once before. Today marked the day this relatively peaceful period outlived the previous one between the seventh and the eighth angels. However, with the ceasing of attacks also came a sudden silence of any directives from SEELE. More so, it seemed that all of SEELE's communication with the outside had been interrupted. This meant that it was up to NERV, in particular commander Ikari to take over matter with suppliers, private scientific organisation and laboratories, committees and reports from distinct countries and financial groups, etc.
"Hmmm"
Gendo had become even harder to talk to with the higher workload. He didn't even contemplate Fuyutsuki's attempt at small talk with an answer. His eyes were focused on the board, measuring distances and possible moves that might have been overlooked.
It was only then that Fuyutsuki paid attention to the dossier his superior was holding. He was surprised to find in the file the esoteric logo of SEELE, which he hadn't seen for over a four weeks.
"Has SEELE finally contacted us?!" he could not hold the excitement in his voice.
"Five moves indeed."
"What?"
Only then Gendo's eyes left the board and met those of the older man.
"You have me in five moves."
"Yes, I know that."
He calmed himself down and tried to pick up the question of the dossier.
"So SEELE has contacted us at last."
"Yes, it seems so."
"Any orders?"
A strange silence settled between the two men. The sun was starting to set outside and a yellowish colour seeped in from the thin long windows of the huge office which held NERV's directors.
"One… and then I'm off."
"What do you mean you're off."
"I mean it is time."
The white haired man trembled at the sentence.
"Now?! But then we must get the pilots ready! Has the JSSDF done any move?"
There was a chuckle from Gendo, but not from his person. It was as if the chuckle came from something very heavy and tired... his shadow perhaps.
"No my old friend. It's too late for that."
"But then…"
"It's simply time."
He got up and started in the direction of the door. He stopped mid-way though, walked back to where he was standing, moved his remaining horse on the board, and then left.
"Gendo!"
It was too late, the door had already slid shut. He looked at the board and realised what his superior had just done. In one move he assured that Fuyutsuki would claim checkmate in his next turn. It was the closest thing to suicide.
He could have just quit.
Ikari had left the dossier on the table. The old man took the opportunity to take a sneak peek but froze with the first picture he saw. In the green blur of a security camera, piles of dust stood in a circle. At the centre of this circle there was another pile - this one of bones - on top of a wheelchair.
The wet smell of the soil mixed with the first sprouting vegetables. The fields of the Geo-front were finally green again after the attack of the 15th angel. Forces which would normally be used in the fight and maintenance of the weapons against the angels found a new reason of being in helping the fields recover their appearance. Shinji cleaned his forehead and stood up from his crouching position. He looked over at Kaworu, by his side, helping with the weeding of the tomato patch.
"Maybe we could used the EVA units to spread seeds more quickly."
Kaworu laughed hard at that and got up as well.
"Hey I was serious!"
The pout, the pout was definitely irresistible. He always felt the urge to hug Shinji in these moments he actually stopped being self-conscious.
Simply too beautiful.
"Hey, Kaworu-kun, I was really serious!"
After a bit of squirming the younger boy managed to escape from the other's embrace but not without a kiss being stolen, making him blush.
"I know you are" Kaworu tried to assure him "but you can imagine the costs of five minutes of that kind of work."
It was true, the energy required by the EVA-unit alone was enough to power the whole of Japan for five months. Five months for five minutes and with so very little fuel resources left in the planet. They had been trying to find a way to extract energy from the remains of the Second Impact but the amount of pollution and the risk of further contaminating the world meant that this was considered a very last resource.
"I just though it would be nice to use it for something new."
"Some machines are only meant for war."
"But what if the war ends?"
Kaworu's faced turned serious suddenly, almost sad.
"I would be very happy. Wouldn't you? Happy and scary at the same time."
"Scary?"
"Well, what would we go back to? I means what sort of life would be waiting for us?"
Shinji stopped at that moment and pondered.
"Well I guess I would finish my studies, go back to my tutor."
And then he noticed a strange shadow taking over the pale boy's eyes.
"Did you have a place where you were before piloting the EVA?"
"One of SEELE's bases where I was trained to be a pilot."
Then it struck Shinji, the fact he so many times forgot - of the Children only he and Touji had been unplanned pilots. He tried not to think of Touji, he rather focused on Kaworu. They were rare these moments in which his (boy?)friend would seem disturbed. A disturbing urge to grab him right then at that moment, to try and bring back that relaxed yet agile vibration that Kaworu's released most times.
He didn't know if to dislike or treasure those moments. Much of Kaworu's life seemed shrouded in mystery, a feeling enhanced by the distance he showed to most things. But times like this showed that even that was changing.
Ever since we met.
The lightness in his chest when he thought that thought grew stronger each day.
"Don't worry, we will find something together."
Kaworu looked at Shinji. He had to suppress the urge to jump on him and cover his body with kisses, sometimes. Well, most of the times. He was planning on at least getting another kiss when he noticed a shadow getting closer to them. Shinji froze.
"Father…"
And yet again somewhere, where time and space do not necessarily make sense, a figure stirred with a bit more than neutral omniscience. You could almost hear it grumble.
All around the figure stood silent orbs of different colors, each portraying a future possibility, or a possible future. In each orb different sceneries and faces flickered past. They spread endlessly into the void giving the impression of a too coloured starry sky. Connecting these diverging realities were small lines of light. The lines intersected each other in networks that would spread to different orbs connected to different networks and so on until infinity. The lines of light and the orbs would flash and glow brighter for an instant and the brightness would travel across the whole of the scenery like a surface of water.
One network in particular had been glowing for a long time now. The figure moved closer to it, inspecting each of the orbs. There was a sigh and actual grumbling this time. A hand grabbed one of the flickering lines and tucked it gently.
It's like I'm a walking plot twist...
Gendo Ikari walked away from his son. He had no time for him, he had never had time for him, especially now.
It came as a surprise, when he first realised that it would probably have been best that Shinji would never have met him. Probably it was after Shinji's battle agains his second angel, the look in his son's face even days after the battle. It filled with a sense of dread that translated in to this single whispered thought. The possibility that he, Gendo, would never have contact with his child. Shinji would live his life free from any trauma inflicted by the few times they had crossed paths.
The feeling grew stronger and stronger to the point that every time he would see his son a mirror image, this one free of his father's presence, would appear besides the terrified child. Each day he would swallow the feeling and rub the mirror image out of his vision. After all, instrumentality would negate such alternative universes since all of them would coexist at the same time in the same being.
To return humanity to the pre-subjective oneness. An abyss of light and mild temperatures, the tender enrapture of the other, the absolute tranquility located at the excess of ecstasy. To end desire, to end lack and thus to end all the pain humans caused each other. That was the project and, for that project, Gendo would ignore the creeping feeling that…
It would have been best if I had died…
But now a strange thing occurred. For the past few weeks Shinji had a glow in his face. His whole body exuded a certain unconsciousness that he had never seen in the boy before. Of course he knew that the catalyst for this change was the Fifth Child. He had, after all, been trained precisely to seduce and seem dependable to his son. But then the attack never happened, SEELE went quiet and the final angel just stayed there by his son.
And now each time that he would cross Shinji's path he noticed how, even if he would show signs of fear and resentment, there would be a glint in his eye. A new strength, no, not new… a nurtured strength grew in his son. The glint in his eyes, Gendo recognised what it was.
He had seen it in Yui's eyes each and everyday they had shared together.
The glint of hope, of certainty, of knowing there is a future.
He sighed and sat himself down in one of the benches close to the entrance of HQ. He opened the briefcase he had been carrying and looked inside. He smiled at the red glow that escaped the case. Perhaps Shinji was given the chance of one day being happy… but his task was greater than that.
Happiness only existed because of the interminable layers of pain that made up existence. Gendo was also aware of a future, he knew it existed. He hated that future.
Ayanami Rei stopped in the middle of the stairs she was ascending and looked around. A train passed close to her causing a flock of seagulls to fly away, sqwaking.
"It's time."
A/N - So I really want to take this story to its end. The plans are there all I need now is the time to actually finish it. I will organize the chapters now as a cliffhanger/resolution alternation. This one is a cliffhanger... I promise I'll deliver the next one soon! R
Read and review guys. :)
