Ink Writes Music

DGM

Chapter 7

One Secret, Two Secrets

Here's something new. The day went by quietly at school. I think it was because it was teacher inspection day. You know, when the principal and vice principal and others come around to the classes and write notes, make sure we're doing the class properly. I figured something out today also. Komui is the vice principal! Who'd a thought? He is a crazy man.

I got startled one moment in the day, however. When he left my health class-ahem, insert shivers here!-he excused me from the last five minutes because he wanted to talk to me. That was particularly a good thing, but I'd rather go with the insane brother than stay in my worst class ever.

So I pack my papers and pick up my bag, leisurely walking outside with Komui. My pencil is still in my hand, but I nibble on it out of boredom and slight worry. "You said you wanted to talk, Komui." I state, suspiciously eyeing him.

Komui stopped. A warm smile etched into his features and I was taken aback by the sudden change. "I wanted to thank you, Allen."

Now I was extremely surprised. I didn't let Komui see it willingly, but I think he caught on. "Why exactly are you thanking me?"

"Because of what you did the other day. You protected my dear Lenalee." Komui said half-heartedly.

"It's not like he was going to do anything to her." I retort, crossing my arms and turning my head. "Would he?"

"I don't know. Tyki, he was-he meant so much to Lenalee. I even started to like him my self. That's rare, for me to approve of a boy she likes. Sometimes I fear she'll end up dating the wrong guy when she gets older because of protective I am. Tyki didn't care and Lenalee saw something in him she liked, no, loved. Tyki took advantage of her. Ever since she's been depressed and insecure with herself."

I should've expected this, but for some reason it felt like a bombshell. I mean, Lenalee is always smiling, but just hearing Tyki's voice alone made her tense up. "However, when you arrived I've seen her perk up more. She loves getting new friends. . . It's hard to keep them."

I stare at my feet when Komui says this comment. For all my life I've come to understand I am nothing to people because I'm just a weirdo. A mere outcast, but coming here. . Though a short time has passed, I feel more than that. I feel like I belong. "Allen, would you like to come over for dinner next Saturday?" Komui asked me.

I lick my dry lips thinking about his question. I didn't have any plans that Saturday night. I don't see why I couldn't go. "Sure, I'll be there."

"Great! Well, have a nice day now."

XxLxAxTxExRxX


I try not to wince when I hear Lenalee play her drums. Something was wrong with her today because she couldn't get the rhythm, she was totally off. She was missing one beat after another and to be honest, sadly, she was horrible. Had it been Lavi or Kanda, he would've yelled at them, but he didn't want to upset her. "Okay, stop!" Lavi waved his hands. "STOP!"

And now that I think about it, Lenalee has been acting strange today. Is Tyki still eating at her? I hope not. I don't want her to think about him. That. . . That bastard! I just can't stand him! I so wanted to punch his lights out. "What?" Lenalee asked weakly, not liking the stares we were giving her.

"You suck that's what!" Kanda sneered.

"Kanda/Yuu!"

Lenalee put her sticks on the drum set and staggered over to the couch in the shed. I walk over to her, hovering above Lenalee. She looked a little pale and she was holding her stomach. I smile meekly, hoping she saw considerate eyes. "What's wrong, Lenalee?"

Lenalee turned on her side and I just realized she had changed her pants for the fifth time today. What I noticed, though, was a spot of blood. Then I slapped myself for looking below her waist and not even thinking about this. Cross spends so much time talking about women, bringing them home-I haven't been seeing him lately, so he took off-but the point is, I know what her problem is.

I blush, lowering my head and stuttering, glancing around to see if Lavi or Kanda found out yet. "Lenalee! What's wrong? Tell us! Komui is going to kill us!" Lavi wailed, almost in tears.

"Very considerate, Lavi! Always about you, you, you! Go screw yourself!" Lenalee snapped.

Lavi gave her the puppy eyes and earned a slap in the face. If I had any doubts, they're gone. "We'll be right back, Lenalee. I'm going to get some tylenol from my bag." I tell her softly, snatching Lavi's arm and dragging him to the other room, pulling Kanda's hair to get him to come, too. "Leave her alone, Lavi! Or you're going to get your one eye scratched out, idiot! Can't you see what's wrong? Even I'm not that incognizant!" I whisper, whacking his head.

"Owww, that's mean. Stop acting like Yuu, bully." Lavi whined, peeping his head through the doorway. "If you're so unoblivious-"

"Not a real word." I interject.

"If you're so informed, O Great One, then please enlighten me." Lavi hissed.

I blush, fumbling with my thumbs. Now I know why girls say boys are dumb a lot, but then, there's so much girls don't know about guys, so it puts us on equal grounds, right? I'd rather not go into details about that, though. "Lenalee is-" I pause to make sure Lenalee won't be able to hear me-some girls are sensitive about this- "At that time of month, Lavi. You know. . . a girl's. . . well, uh. . . her monthly, Lavi. . . ."

Lavi seemed to understand because he gave me this funny look. One that said how-do-you-know-that? and Oh-GOD! "Great, just great! If she's this cranky then she. . . We're DOOMED!"

"Shut up. Don't jinx it, Rabbit." Kanda growled, leaning against the wall.

"It can't be that bad. I've seen some women who just throw TV's out the window and, well, I've seen a lot of women with issues. . ."

"Dude, Lenalee gets cranky when she can't get rid of her cramps. That's the only time she's like this!"

I rub my temple and look away. I can't believe I'm talking about this. It feels strange and a little embarrassing. "Doesn't. . . She have. . Medication she can take?"

"Komui probably doesn't know, she doesn't have money with her today. Even if she did, I doubt she'd have her energy to do so and would shout at everyone. . . Or look dead. . . Just no. No." Lavi swished his arms from side to side.

Kanda pulled his keys out of his pocket and they jingled like sleigh bells. I should have known these guys would leave her like this. They're more scared of her right now. Even Kanda! So what? It can't be that bad. Practice will just be delayed for a few days or until she is in a better mood. Seriously though, they just reminded me why I hate their damn guts! Can I please kill them? I'll make it swift, make sure nobody finds out. Shhh, don't tell anybody. "Cowards." I sniff in a large amount of air and plow my way over to Lenalee. I made sure to be careful approaching her. I didn't want her to snap at me. I don't want to have a reason to hate her. "Lenalee?"

My hands lay on the top of the couch and I slightly lean forward, not taking notice how close I would be to her if she sat up, which, by the way, she did. Lenalee's pools of violet meet my gray eyes. I think they could make her eyes the World's Most Wondrous Sight! Best wonder of the world. Dammit, not again! This girl is making me soft! I can't do this! I can't! If I do then everything will change. Everything. Then my defenses fall, my feelings and thoughts take control, then. . . I just can't do that. "Would you like to go to my house? For some reason Cross isn't around and I'm sure he won't bother you even if he's there." Why'd I offer to take her to my house?

Lenalee reddened a little, but I'm not sure if it was of anger from feeling insulted or not. She pulled out her phone and-I'm assuming-she's texting Komui. I try to read them without looking like it, but I can't get a view. So I found it best to ask. "What are you doing?"

"Seeing how long Komui is going to be out of town."

"He's out of town."

She nods, but I can see her other hand clutching her stomach. I try not to think about, but since that one time Cross oh-so delightfully informed me about a woman's 'special time of month', it's not easy to ignore. I never thought I'd care. Really, I never thought once there would be a girl I cared about. Friend or more. I don't even have a girl in my small family. Perhaps that's why I'm so harsh. I'm always at my best around them. Maybe it's the idea of giving them a good impression. "Are you sure Allen? I can just go home. I mean, Komui is going to be gone all weekend-"

"No, it's fine." I rudely interrupted, disregarding Lenalee's small glare. "It's okay. Just. . . why is Komui gone?"

"A teacher gathering on something about improvements in class teachings or whatever. Whoo-hoo, his class won't ever be safe let alone truly educational." Lenalee says grumpily, putting his phone away and standing up.

"No fair! Everytime you're on your freaking monthly period you chew us out! Why don't you get down his back! He's a polite-jackass with some class, but Lena, that's-"

"Shaddup!" Kanda whacked Lavi on the back of his head.

Lavi shoved Kanda away, but I ignored them. I did not care at all about this terrible pair. If they ruin my keyboard, however, I'm going to do some thrashing of my own. "Lavi, take us to Allen's place." Lenalee ordered, walking out the door.

"But!"

"No but's! Allen hasn't a car!"


Lavi was so crooked. Lenalee was devious. Kanda was just a bullying arse. Not only did we convince Lavi to take us to my house, but to the store to get Lenalee certain supplies. What's worse is I couldn't convince her to go in and get her menstrual necessities. Kanda said he was too much of a man to go inside and get it. Pfft, yeah right. Then Lavi and I got into a little argument outside his orange lamborghini about going inside. I tried to at least make him come along, but NO. And we couldn't just leave Lenalee hanging. . . Why am I doing this? Urgh! Another terrible, terrible thing is that Lavi and Kanda are staying over at my house! Lenalee, too. Somehow, my house was turned into the sleepover party place. I only dread what Cross will say to me and curse me with this time. Don't worry, I'm throwing Lavi and Kanda at him, too. Serves them right.

So, after that painfully embarrassing situation, I hop back in the car and throw Lenalee her junk. I was so nice to even pay for it with my own money. I guess it wasn't that bad, but after asking for help to get her meds and a certain brand of her, um, I'll say. . . . Forget the name, it don't matter! God my face is burning! Anyways, every girl there were giggling and either asked me if I was doing this for my girlfriend or said I was a nice boyfriend. Each time I know I blushed and I repeatedly said Lenalee was a friend! I know some men were laughing, others mostly pitying me. Why me? Why me? Why me? This stuff is dreadfully uncomfortable! Why can't I just be stupidly oblivious about it?

"Thanks Allen!" Lenalee said cheerfully, hugging me.

Normally I would be trying to pull out of this, but if I do she just latches back on me like Lavi or Kanda's fist. Not to mention I was staring crossly at Lavi as he covered his mouth and snickered. How badly I wanted to wipe that smug smirk of the great samurai's right off his face. "Anytime, Lenalee." I still say as kindly as I can.

Lenalee stared at me with big and hopeful eyes. What did I just get myself into? "Really Allen? It didn't bother you?"

"Well, it was. . ." What am I going to say? ". . . Weird. . . . But you. . . You're my friend. . . It's only right. . . I suppose. . . That's what friends do. . . Though mostly girls for girls with something as. . . personal as this, but. . ."

Lenalee squealed, pulled me closer to her. Very close. Too close this time. I try to push her away, but she only tightens her grip. "Lenalee! Please, let go! Lenalee! You know I don't like being touched!" I felt like I was being strangled. I didn't like it. She was hugging my left arm. She was too close! I can't, I just can't, do this! Not this time. "Lenalee, I get it, please."

Lenalee must have heard something in my voice. I know I heard it this time. Not anger, not hatred, not bitterness, but fear, hurt, uneasiness, desperation. She unlatched her arms from me just as we pulled up in my driveway. I idly sit there, playing with my gloved fingers. Lavi and Kanda got out, but I know they were listening just in case. Lenalee was staring at me. "Allen?"

I merely lower my head, mad at myself suddenly. I didn't like yelling at people believe it or not, but I especially didn't like to make Lenalee feel bad. "Allen, what's wrong? Why don't you like us touching you? Did. . Were you. . . abused?" Lenalee pleaded for an answer, on the verge of tears. I forgot she might be really sensitive today.

"No, I wasn't abused Lenalee, but. . . . I just can't be touched. . . . Not anymore. It's tough to explain. I didn't mean to yell at you, sorry." I'm not sure if I could explain anyhow.

"Allen!"

I don't think she is going to drop the subject. So I got out of the car and took the house key out of my pocket. Lenalee was quietly following me and I-seeing how it's become part of my daily routine-hope she will leave it alone. I try to forget it, but the look in her eyes stunned me when I turn my head to get a glimpse of her. I should say something. That's just what I do when I open the door and let everyone in. I guided them to the living room and turn on the lamp. They do whatever they please because this is the unpredictable annoyances that always do what they want and don't care about what others think, or want.

"Look, Lenalee, it has nothing to do with you. I just don't like being touched. I have a very personal reason behind it." I tell her as cryptic as I can.

"What's your reason?" Lavi asked.

"Did you not hear me? It's personal! Meaning you do not need to know!" I yelled, gritting my teeth.

"Well, I won't leave you alone 'til you give me a satisfying reason." Lavi said.

I open my mouth to say something, but ultimately, I shut it. I just leave them alone and go make dinner. I can hear a lot of noise, but say nothing. They probably have the TV on. I don't really care. Just as long as they don't destroy the house. When I finish making the lasagna, I cut out a few pieces on a plate that I believe they'll eat and leave some in a small bowl for Cross when and if he gets home. I haven't seen him in a few days. That's worrying me. I hate his guts, but I also need him. If I don't have him as a guardian then I have to go back home. I'm not ready to go back home. "That smells good." Lavi comments.

You know, I feel completely stupid. Here I was telling Lavi I wouldn't tell him my reason for not liking to be close to anyone, or touched, but I have both my gloves off. He could easily see my red hand. Quickly, I put my hand behind my back and smile nervously. "Re-really?" It's nothing suspicious after all, really.

Lavi raised his brow and smiled like the crook he is. "What's that? What'cha hiding?"

"Nothing. Now get your plate and go." I barked, backing into a wall.

Lavi was about to comply, but then just as he was about to grab his plate of food, he turned around and tried snatching me. On instinct I sidestepped, but unfortunately, he grabbed my shirt, yanking me back. I arched uncomfortably backwards on the countertop and Lavi held me down. I tried to kick him off, but that didn't work. Using my right hand alone wouldn't work. I was trapped. "Get off!"

Lavi shook his head no. Instead, he forced my left hand forward and I froze. Lavi's grin was indecisive and wavering, but his eye gleamed like it was Christmas day for a seven-year-old child. "Wow, that's so cool, Allen." Lavi breathed, letting me stand up as he pulled my sleeve up my arm. "Your entire arm is red." He laughs a little, fingering my rough, dark blood red arm. He sees the cross, however, and brings it to his face, tapping it. "Nice man, nice!"

EH!

"Are you okay?" I ask Lavi, retreating.

"What do you mean? Of course I am. Hey, Lenalee, Yuu, get in here. Dinner's done!" Lavi shouted, but making sure I couldn't free my hand.

"Let go, Lavi. I mean it, let me go." But it wouldn't stop me from trying to break free.

Lavi, I should have guessed, won this battle because he twisted my arm behind my back and shoved me against the wall. This was just weird. First these guys don't ignore a creep like me. Two-they forced me in the band. Three-they haven't asked about my face nor hair and the gloves, but now. . . . they're will be questions. "Lavi, what are you doing to. . . Allen's. . . arm?" Lenalee trailed off.

Super. Super, super, super, super! I bang my head on the wall and watch my unmoving feet, counting the seconds. "What's with the arm, Moyashi?" Did I ever mention how unlovable Kanda is?

"Cram it asshole." I scream, spinning around and shoving Lavi away from me. It took a minute for me to process the fact that tears were running down my face. I don't know why. I'm used to being rejected. I never planned on having them stay around. I didn't want them to. . . So why does the idea of losing them hurt me this time? Because I actually let-NO! 'Just stop thinking!' "Whatever it is you want to say I don't want to hear! I've heard it all and I've had enough! Just leave me alone!"

I don't reach for my gloves. I don't look at their shocked faces. I don't even whisper a word as I run out of the kitchen and up to my room. I squeeze my eyes shut as I crawl on my bed, pulling the covers over my face and pressing myself against the wall. I can only hear my harsh breathing as I try to hold back more tears and sniffling. Everything else is left to silence. That's when I hear them. The footsteps. Their footsteps. Lenalee, Lavi, and Kanda-I think Kanda is coming-bit people were moving closer. Fronk, pfronk. Wait for it. . . Now. "Allen?" Lenalee asked.

I was too, what-mad? Sad?-to answer. So then I hear the door click. Footsteps were echoing in my ears, whispers soaring through the air. A hand caressed my shoulder from outside the blankets and I don't even show signs of noticing it. "Allen, will you look at us?" Lenalee says, but by now I know she is demanding yet again.

"I don't know what your problem is, Beanie, but I said your arm was cool and I meant it. It's awesome!" Lavi said, climbing on my feet at the bottom of the bed. "My name is Allen!" My voice is muffled due to the blanket covering my mouth, but wasn't there too much longer. Lenalee clawed her way through them and pulled my head out of the covers. "I said to-"

"There's nothing we have to say about your arm, Allen. No, it's not normal, but geez, not everyone is perfect! We all have flaws. And I'm not saying your arm is a flaw. I mean this, Allen, your arm is beautiful." Lenalee tells me as sincerely as she could.

I let her words soak in and I know tears are falling down my face still. I don't even turn away from Lenalee or try to hide the tears. For I know they were both of joy and sadness. "We're not kicking you out of the band or anything, if that's what your worried about. Don't worry, you get to stick around my sexiness even longer. Maybe some of it will rub off on ya, pal?" Lavi said, blowing on his unpolished nails and smiling.

"Tch, it's an arm, get over it. You're such a girl." Kanda remarks.

I lost it. I lost my shield. My wall that separates me from everyone else and I broke down in tears I thought I would never cry again. "Allen!" Lenalee shouts out of uneasiness, joining me on the bed and uncovering the blankets. "Allen, why are you crying?"

"I-I do-don't know." Not anymore.

Through the tears I can see Lenalee smiling as she takes my left hand and lets it caress her soft cheek. Her fingers gently wipe away my tears. "I'm sorry for what Lavi he did, he told me about it. I'm so sorry. I can only imagine how painful it is for you. How hard it must be for you, but you don't have to hide from us anymore. We want you in the band because we want to be friends, not just because you have potential talent-I should say talent. I just want you to know, you're not alone anymore." Lenalee serenely says, soothing me and I try to smile, but can't.

All my life, everyday, every minute, every wish was spent for this moment. True acceptance of a true friend. This was all I wanted, but it still hurts. Because after giving up all hope and waiting for so long because a Father's and an Uncle's love couldn't fill that other half of emptiness I always held. I just don't know what I'm suppose to say, do, or feel. I mean, after being alone for more than half my life I don't know how to act around others. Isn't that why I shove them away myself? "Thank you." I whisper.

Using my other hand to sit up, I lean forward and hug Lenalee. My eyes close and I have this almost nostalgic feeling. Sure enough, Lavi joins in the hug. "Finally! The beansprout lets us hug him! Shower him in love!" Lavi praises, making me laugh.

I still felt uncomfortable with the touch, but right now I didn't care much about it. I just stare at Kanda who stood behind us all. He seemed understanding, but sick of this. "Get over yourself." Kanda sneered.

"Why don't you do that yourself, then we'll talk."

I sighed, thinking about how long this weekend was going to be. "Really, though. . . . Thank you."

"No prob, beanie boy." Lavi responded, choking me.

"Lavi, can't. . .breathe."

"Oh, sorry."

I let them go and stare at my arm. Whilst I did that, the others did, too. It was bothering me to have them eye my arm since I never wanted anyone to see it, but it also gave me a good feeling to let them see it.

I breath slowly. I flinch when Lenalee starts running her fingers down my arm. Shakily, sniffling and wiping tears away, I shift my head just a little to get a glimpse of the emotion in her eyes. Admiration. Wonder. Happiness. Lovingness. I'm sure the hair in front of my eyes were confusing me, making me see what I wanted to see-she proved me wrong. "It's beautiful, Allen."

My eyes widen slightly, more out of disbelief than shock, but Lenalee was telling the truth. I could somehow. Just somehow. She said it once, now she has said it twice. She was staring at me in awe, too. If you think about it, that's how Lavi was staring at it before. "None of you. . . are disturbed by my arm?" I cautiously ask.

"The white hair is more disturbing than your arm." Kanda muttered, striding out.

"Yuu's right. We're more concerned about your adorable face than that arm. I can tell you know that your arm is a birth defect, right?" Lavi said as he stood up, stretching his arms.

I find myself smiling sweetly. Maybe I was wrong about these people. I'm still not going to be too nice to Lavi or Kanda. I still owe Lavi for what he did on the bus the first day I met him. Then there's Kanda, what to do, what to do? "Yeah." I breathe.

"I'm just glad that it's this you were hiding and that you weren't cutting yourself." Lenalee said, getting off my bed and leaving me cold as she moved away. A feeling of yearning for her closeness overwhelmed me.

"Why would I cut myself?" I inquired, twisting my body around so I was leaning off the bed, waiting for a minute before standing up.

"You tell us." Lavi simply said, patting my head. "You hold a lot of things back and all, but your mask is really falling lately. Don't tell me, you trust us! Here I thought you were a hopeless case, tsk, tsk, tsk, ya let me down Moyashi."

Irritated, I push Lavi away, but that smile still showers him. Mentally I comment on how much my life has changed in just the last few weeks of staying here. Believe it or not, I can't wait for our next band practice now. "What does Moyashi mean?" Lenalee asked curiously.

"Beansprout! Allen is so short, his nickname is beansprout. Oh, I probably shouldn't of said that aloud." But Lavi sure didn't seem like he cared. He was grinning wildly. "Oh well. I'mma go eat now. Lasagna's getting cold." And out the door he went.

"Beansprout! Beansprout! LAVI! I AM NOT A BEANSPROUT!"

I was about to go chase him, but Lenalee was still holding my arm. I will just have to let this one slip just like they let my arm slip. No questions, no hatred. If anything this is the weirdest bunch of people I've met, but then I'll feel right at home, won't I? "Is there something you need, Lenalee?"

"I just. . . I wanted to thank you, for helping me. . . With Tyki and all." Lenalee shyly told me.

My eyes slant a little here. I forgot about him. I shouldn't of, but I did. I hate that guy. He was stalking Lenalee the whole way home! I just want to know why on earth would she date anyone like him? He isn't charming or anything. . . . Then that could just be me. I'm a little envious. . . I think I know why, too. "You don't have to thank me. Your my friend and I will protect you." I say quietly. "Besides, it's not like I wasn't going to do anything in the first place. You looked-"

"I know. It's not that I'm scared, well, maybe I am afraid to look at him again, but it just hurts a lot. Knowing he used me for the music and all, it's unbearable. He never loved me. I thought maybe, just maybe, he could be the one. . . Ha, guess I was wrong."

"What do you mean he used you?" Now I was getting to loathe the guy even worse right now.

Lenalee avoided my gaze. She must be thinking she shouldn't of said that. If she was, she was right, but I'm not going to talk about it. I can see she is hurt still. . . . And that annoys the hell out of me. "Come on, Lenalee. I'm sure your hungry. I can go find a movie or we can work on the music. I wouldn't mind writing a song with you." I say gently, pushing back strands of hair that blocked her eyes. "Tyki is no concern. He has no idea what he's missing out on and he'll never have another chance to find out. You don't have to worry about him any longer."

Lenalee half smiled, but it was better than nothing. "Let's go then. . . If you feel hot, go ahead and change Allen. Your arm really doesn't bother us."

Lenalee jogs out and I warmly smile when she is gone. My chest is swelling and I hold this feeling dear. I want to protect her from people like Tyki. I want to be there for her. She's already important to me and I want to be just as important in her life as she is to me. "I wonder what Mana and Uncle would say about this. . . . . I miss them so. . ."