Chapter Seven
Emma's determined to be a better baby this afternoon. There will be no throwing, no breaking, no erroneous body fluids where they don't belong, no spilling and no swearing.
How hard can it be?
Regina sets her on the living room floor and gives her a box of Henry's old toys. Emma is overwhelmed with excitement on the prospect of what wonders might be in this box, but she forces herself to remain as calm as possible as she toddles over to it.
She loses the erroneous body fluid battle almost immediately when Regina opens the lid – apparently unaware of how much dust it had accumulated – and Emma sneezes, ungracefully. She looks at Regina, panicked, as she can feel the snot on her face.
Regina stops her from wiping it on her clothes, and grabs a tissue. She doesn't look mad though, to Emma's relief. She's still smiling.
Okay. From now on: Good baby. I can do this.
She reaches into the box and grabs the first thing her fingers touch. It's a transformer action figure.
Ugh. I don't want this.
She looks at Regina, who's smiling bigger now.
"That was Henry's favourite for a long time," Regina comments. Emma looks back at the toy and supposes she should play with it now.
She sits on the floor, making it walk around in small circles, pouting. This toy is no fun. How could it have been Henry's favourite? He must have been such a lame baby.
Crap. I just thought my son was a lame baby. I am a terrible baby AND person. What the hell?
"Is something wrong, Emma?" Regina asks. She's on the couch now, watching her with curiosity, and Emma's confused. What had she done wrong? She was sitting, quietly, calmly, playing. She wasn't crying or breaking anything. She thought that's what being good was?
"Are you feeling okay?" Regina asked, putting her hand on Emma's forehead. Unconsciously, Emma leans into the soft touch. "You don't feel warm," Regina concludes, "but you're not acting like yourself."
Emma looks back at the toy and stands to put it back in the box, and looks back at Regina.
"Come here, Baby," Regina says, with her arms open. Emma smiles and runs into her arms, and Regina pulls her up onto her lap again.
"You don't feel like playing?" Regina asks, as Emma snuggles into her. "That's alright. I'd rather cuddle with you, too. It's been a long time since I've had a baby to snuggle with."
Emma lays her head on Regina's chest as Regina lies back against the arm of the couch, and pulls her feet up. She strokes Emma's back with one hand, as she reaches for her phone with the other. Emma listens as she calls Gold and informs him that Emma does have magic. They agree to meet later this evening.
Emma sighs as Regina ends the call, and her other hand finds its way to Emma's head, and Regina runs her fingers through Emma's soft, blonde curls.
"It probably won't be much longer, Emma," Regina notes, with a hint of sadness in her voice, "Gold is fairly sure which spell you used, and with your magic intact, he thinks he knows how to reverse it."
No. Regina it's too soon!
"I guess it's for the best, but I kind of like you like this," Regina continues. "You are much easier to talk to when you just listen, without cutting me off or offering me your advice. Sometimes it's just nice to talk and know you're being heard, you know? Even if you don't understand me."
No, I didn't know. Crap, Regina, I would have listened to you talk all day if I knew that's what you wanted.
"It's not your fault, though, Emma. No one's ever really listened to me anyway – not my parents, not Snow, not the King - so I'm used to it. I have to say I'm surprised you listened when I asked you not to leave. Of course, given what happened, I wouldn't be surprised if you never listen to me again, but that's okay."
No, it's not. Ugh, I would give anything to be able to talk right now! But then, I guess, I would just be cutting Regina off anyway. Maybe this actually is better.
"I don't like to tell people things, Emma, but it's easy to tell someone who has no clue, and won't remember," Regina laughs, "but in a way, I almost wish you would remember. It would be, I don't know, kind of a relief if someone could understand me. You think you do, but you don't. It would be nice if you actually could. It would be nice, for once, to not feel utterly alone in this world."
Regina sighs and stops talking. She moves her hand to her own face, and Emma realises that she's crying. She's crying and Emma's little heart is breaking. She hopes Regina remembers what she said about wishing she would remember, when she grows up and does.
After a few minutes of silence, Regina grabs the remote and puts on a movie. Emma's not even sure what it is, because she's not really paying attention. Regina's rubbing her back and she's falling asleep on her chest. She's gonna miss this so much.
When Emma wakes up, she notes that the movie is over, and Regina hasn't bothered to start another one. She looks up and soon realises why: Regina is asleep.
Emma smiles and puts her head back on Regina's chest. She decides not to wake her. She's just going to lie here and be a good baby.
After a few minutes, she feels Regina's hand move on her back. "Hi, Baby." Regina's voice, raspy from sleep, makes Emma smile and look up. Regina looks at her watch. "Oh, it's almost time to go see Gold."
She sits up and swipes her hand to change Emma's diaper, magically. Emma smiles, thinking that at least Regina will be relieved that she never actually changed her diaper, once she finds out she was herself, this entire time.
"We're running a little late, Baby," Regina says, as she stands, "I didn't plan on falling asleep. So we're going to have to poof to Gold's. I know it scared you last time, but you don't have to worry. It's safe, okay?"
Emma nods and stares at Regina. Regina shakes her head and smiles, before poofing them to Gold's shop. Emma doesn't cry this time.
Gold steps out of the back almost immediately. Emma was asleep last time they were here, and she wishes she was now, too. This shop is overwhelming, there's too much stuff, and even though she knows that she knows Gold, right now, he feels like stranger danger. She buries her face in Regina's neck, and Regina places a soothing hand on the back of her head.
"It's okay, Baby," Regina coos, and Emma can hear Gold's distinct laugh as he walks up.
Oh, crap, he knows.
"You do know she's completely self-aware, don't you?" Gold asks, in his obnoxiously condescending voice.
Busted….
"What do you mean, 'self-aware'?" Regina asks.
"It's means exactly what you think it means," Gold replies, "our Miss Swan's mind is completely intact inside that little toddler head of hers."
"I don't believe you," Regina says, though her voice sounds waveringly unsure, "she can barely talk and she peed on my floor. She's a baby."
"Well, judging by how red her ears are getting right now, she's fully aware of what you just said, and completely embarrassed that you just told me she peed on the floor," Gold points out.
Regina cups her hand under Emma's little face, and pulls her back a little to look at her. Emma can feel her cheeks burning now, and she wants to cry. She avoids Regina's eyes.
"That's you, isn't it, Miss Swan?" Gold asks.
Emma sticks her lip out in a pout, and nods, still avoiding Regina's eyes.
"But, then, why…" Regina lets her voice trail off, as she turns back to look at Gold. To Emma's relief, she doesn't put her down, but rather takes the hand away from under her chin and puts it back on her head, pulling her close again. Emma wonders if she even knows she's doing it, or it's a subconscious move just because she has a baby in her arms.
"She has her adult mind, but she can't force her toddler body to do anything past its own limitations. She tries to talk, it comes out gibberish," Gold explained, "she falls, she cries, she wets her diaper, but there's nothing she can do it stop it. She may have been trying to tell you all along, but she couldn't."
Regina sighs. "She handed me the damn locket," she recalls, "and she pointed out the clothes she was wearing."
Gold laughs again. "She tried her best. Unfortunately, you're not all that perceptive, your Majesty."
Regina purses her lips, but doesn't retort. "So, how do we fix it?"
"The locket," Gold replies, producing it from the pocket of his jacket. "The spell was enacted when it contained pictures of a family who gave her up. Replace them with pictures of a family who will never betray her, and give it back to her. The spell will reverse itself."
"It's that easy?" Regina asks, in disbelief.
"It may not be as easy as you're expecting," Gold shrugs, but doesn't offer any elaboration.
Regina tucks the locket away and heads back out of the shop. She starts off in the direction of the Charmings' loft, but doesn't say a word. Emma can't tell if she's angry or upset, but either way, she's uncharacteristically quiet for the entire walk, and Emma just wants to cry.
She should have known Regina wouldn't be happy when she found out.
Regina carries Emma up the stairs to the loft, and puts her down on the couch once they're inside. Emma watches as Regina grabs a photo album off the shelf and starts flipping through pages. She finds a picture of Henry and a picture of Snow and David, and pulls them out. She uses her magic to shrink them down, and grabs the locket. She pops out the pictures of Mr. and Mrs. Swan and replaces them with the newly shrunken pictures.
"Here," she says curtly, handing the locket to Emma. It's the first thing she's said to her, and Emma hates that she's talking to her in that voice she used to use before the curse broke.
Emma takes the locket, and holds it in her hand, but she doesn't feel the magic. She feels nothing.
"Emma!" Regina cries, exasperated, "you have to use your magic!"
Emma concentrates hard, but nothing happens. She doesn't know how she used it the first time, it just happened. She wishes there was a way to tell Regina that. She looks back up at Regina, and Regina looks like she's on the brink of tears. Emma can't look at her like this anymore. She holds up the locket and starts to cry.
"Okay, Emma, don't cry," Regina says, taking the locket back, but her voice isn't soothing like it was before. Her words aren't comforting, it's an order. She talking to Emma like she's an adult again, and Emma doesn't like it.
"Come on," Regina says, picking Emma up. She stops crying, and momentarily thinks maybe things will go back to normal, but Regina holds her stiffly now, and Emma realizes she's carrying her for convenience only. Regina carries her back downstairs, and Emma has no idea where they are headed, until she sees Regina turn toward the Sheriff's station.
Oh, God, she's actually going to do it. She's going to drop me off here and leave!
Emma panics. She grabs on tight to Regina's neck and starts to wail.
Regina sits down on the steps, with Emma on her lap, and holds her face to look at her. "Emma, stop," she says, firmly. Emma forces herself to calm down. She wishes Regina would just hold her like before, but she guesses things are different now.
Fuck Gold, he ruined everything!
"Why are you crying?" Regina asks.
Emma takes a deep breath. She wonders if she has enough words to convey what she wants to say. "No go!" she says.
That's a good start. Now elaborate, Swan! You can do it!
"Emma stay," she continues.
Oh, NOW I can say my name. That would have been useful, yesterday.
Regina sighs, and her face softens a little. "You're remembering that I said I was going to drop you off here?" she asks. Emma nods. "I'm not going to. I just need to talk to Ruby. Emma, I-" Her voice hitches in her throat, and Regina looks up at the sky, blinking back tears.
She takes a deep breath and looks back at Emma, who is still crying a little. "How much of you is baby and how much of you isn't?" she asks, and then shakes her head. "You probably don't even know. I don't know how to treat you now. Do I hold you like a baby? Or talk to you like an adult? What do you want?"
Emma doesn't hesitate. She propels herself forward against Regina. Regina sighs and wraps her arms back around Emma, holding her tight.
"Okay, you made your point," Regina says, with a small laugh, as she rubs Emma's back again. Emma smiles. Regina might still be upset, but at least she's holding her again.
"I need to get Ruby's insight on what 'a family that won't betray you' could mean," Regina says, as she stands again. "But I promise you, I won't leave you here. You'll stay with me until we get this spell reversed, okay?"
Emma nods against Regina's chest.
Even though Regina is clearly still upset, Emma can tell she's telling the truth.
