Can I Keep You?
«Tai x Sora x Yamato» = A slowburn Sorato
A/N: Thank you for participating in my experiment on how a story could flow by letting readers have a voice! That part helped me grow as a writer (and hopefully my writing has improved since the long hiatus). So, without further ado - Here we go!
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Chapter 7
"Confessions"
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"Tenshi", Matt grumbled as he mashed the steamed red potatoes with a potato masher in a glass bowl in his home kitchen harder than what was needed. "The hell he thinks he can call her tenshi." Flecks of potato flung from the bowl as he poured more strength into mashing them.
It was the next day. After seeing how those two reacted when he walked back inside Sora's place from his phone call he was so full of jealousy that he couldn't take it and made an excuse to leave saying he had to fix some things with his band.
He never understood how Tai always had this sort of easy flowing connection with Sora. The three of them had been friends since childhood and no matter how hard Matt tried to find a way to break through to something possibly more than friendship as soon as he thought there was progress with Sora, it was like he had somehow managed to land ten steps behind. How the hell does Tai do it? All that guy has to do is say something silly and she's pulled in like a magnet.
Unless she's always been in love with Tai, but never realized it.
Matt froze, a chill ran down his spine. That was it. She was always in love with Tai. All these years Matt always mistaken her actions of Tai moving away to being sadness while Matt himself was always there to pick up the pieces trying to somehow have her notice him. Sure, he figured there may have been some kiddy love between Tai and Sora when younger, but he would have never expected that it would have developed into something more. How could it? Phone calls and text messages aren't enough to build something meaningful, is it? Could it?
Matt slowly lifted his eyes lost in thought until he noticed it was becoming dusk outside his kitchen window. He flicked his wrist to check the time. Oh no. He lost track of time! He raced to get saran wrap to cover the mashed potatoes, swiftly placed them in the refrigerator, grabbed his wallet and keys off the coffee table and took off to band rehearsal. His band, The Wolves, were already on the verge of breaking up and his tardiness to rehearsal wouldn't help ease the tension.
The rock star heart throb sprinted to the subway, swiped his ticket and just barely managed to make it to the train. Panting, he sat wiping his brow.
"Why in a hurry, son?" squeaked an elderly lady in her nineties. She sat across from him clutching her purse and a cane wearing a huge smile.
Matt chuckled and spoke in between his panting, "Late for work."
Satisfied with his answer, the elderly lady closed her eyes and began to hum to herself still carrying her smile. Matt grinned at her innocence. She reminded him of his grandmother; so carefree and in her own world. He turned away counting the minutes before the next stop as his mind began to wonder again.
Maybe it was his fault? All this time with having the advantage on his side with Tai gone and he was too scared to move forward. Maybe, if he was straightforward with her about his feelings after Tai left…Maybe, if he would have kissed her back that day when they were stuck in that thunderstorm...Maybe he really did lose his chance.
"Eh? Son, you only lost your chance by not doing something."
Who said that? Matt looked around wide-eyed. Was he talking out loud not realizing it? How embarrassing!
"Fight for her," spoke the same elderly lady sitting in front of him. She laughed seeing his confusion. Slowly, she leaned towards him resting her elbows on her knees raising a finger to the air and cleared her raspy throat. "This old bat can read lips."
Matt groaned internally. He must have been silently wording his thoughts again. It was an old habit of his when he was stuck on figuring out lyrics for songs he worked on.
"Did you hear me?" The elderly lady asked. "I said fight for her. If you think she's worth it, what are you doing on this train? Go to her. Life is too short to just stay lost in your thoughts and think of all the choices you could have made to change a situation. That's what life is made up of: Choices. And if you sit there idly the world will pick the one you usually don't want."
By this time some curious passengers looked his way. Matt, not sure what to say or do, gave a small wave to them with an awkward smile and then took his cellphone out to look busy. He didn't want to appear rude to anyone, much less the elderly lady sitting in front of him, but at the same time, what do you say to that?
"Or," the elderly lady returned to sitting back up and closed her eyes again, "you could ignore this old bat's advice and let someone else win her heart. Your choice." She closed her eyes and began to hum again.
He couldn't stop the hand that was holding his cellphone from shaking. The elderly lady reminded him of the time when he and Sora went to that 'behind the scenes' meeting with the director that produced that famous movie the three of them never got to see. The director singled him out from the crowd and Sora rescued him by quickly thinking on her feet. What was it she told the director?
"I think," Sora continued, "I think it's about life and the choices we make. Life is what we make it. It's not a video game where you can reset when things aren't going the way we planned."
"So, you're saying it was fate?" the director pushed.
"No," said Sora. "I'm saying plain and simple the choices we make in life. It's unpredictable. She made her choice. Her last one, unfortunately, came late for him. She couldn't keep him."
Matt's throat went dry. The answer was so clear to him, but fear lingered. What if she rejected him and he lost her friendship? He always feared losing her all together if he spoke up. If only he would have kissed her back that one time…
His fingers lightly danced above this phone screen fearing to dial her number. He had his advantage while Tai was gone, but let his fear get in the way. He couldn't stand by any longer. He had to do something. He had to say something because he loved...He always loved…
He let out a small breath to still himself and dialed her number.
"Who's that?" Tai snatched Sora's cellphone from her hands before she could see who was calling. "Oh, it's just Matt again," he spoke nonchalantly and tossed it back to her.
"Hey!" Sora laughed catching her phone, stuffing it in her back pocket and then playfully slapping him on the arm. She decided she'd call Matt back later.
The two of them sat at the beach eating cookies on a large red and white knitted blanket watching the sun set and listening to the waves gently roll to the shore. She was enjoying this time with Tai too much to have any distractions. How she missed doing this with him so much!
"What?" garbled Tai stuffing one of Sora's homemade cookies in his mouth. "I'm on a date with my Tenshi. No phone calls allowed."
Sora dropped the cookie she picked up and faked a cough embarrassed. Didn't she tell him yesterday it wasn't a date? "A what?" she nervously asked.
"You heard me," Tai grinned staring at the sunset. "A date."
"But –"
"Nope. It's a date."
Nervous and slightly annoyed, Sora folded her arms as her face turned red. "I clearly recall saying I wasn't ready to be in a relationship –"
"Why?" he flat out asked with curiosity. He turned and locked eyes on her determined for an answer.
Yesterday felt like an excuse. He knew her better to know she was scared to admit how she really felt. When he was a kid he was forced to move to New Zealand. He didn't have a choice in the matter. Neither did he have the courage to tell her how he felt about her, mainly because at the time he didn't see how he would be able to come back to Japan and so there was no point. He also knew Matt liked Sora just as much and thought it'd best to take a loss. That day when he moved and told Matt to take care of her, he saw that Matt understood what Tai really meant. Except now, he wasn't going to back down without a fight.
He kept the friendship alive through phone calls and text messages not being able to bear the thought of losing her. There were times that she showed hints of feeling the same way throughout the years, but like him, too scared to admit it. Now that he was here, if he stood by like a coward again she may not admit her feelings. Or even worse, Matt may win her over. He was slightly surprise it didn't happen before, but no matter. He wasn't going to let that happen.
"Ex-Excuse me?" she stammered.
"We're almost the only two left on the beach, eating cookies, watching the sun set as the waves come in, you've ignored Matt's call for the second time – Yeah," Tai sighed happily leaning back on his hands from his sitting position, "Feels like a date to me," his lop-sided grin showed.
Sora, feeling overwhelmed shook her head and scrambled to her feet. "N-no. No! This isn't…"
Tai stood quickly reaching out to her, "Sora-"
"Stop!" she smacked his hand away.
The two stood there facing each other unsure on what to do. A tenshi, feeling confused and betrayed while a baka, desperate to do anything to win back her graces, struggled to find the right words to say. Right as Tai took a step forward to reach out to her, nerves consumed Sora and she turned to walk away.
Tai shouted her name to stop her to no avail. He rushed back to grab the red and white knitted blanket and cookies and dashed back to her. "Sora," he grabbed her arm. "Sora, stop!" She pulled away walking faster. "Sora! Sora!"
By this time they were in the beach parking lot and almost by her car. He couldn't risk losing this moment. He dropped everything he was holding, snatched her waist and twisted her around locking her in his strong embrace. She fought him. She tried with all her might to punch him continuously, claw him and scream, but he held on to her steadfast; her wrists barely able to move an inch.
"Let me go!" she screamed.
"No! Not until you stop your temper tantrum!" he shouted back. "Yell and hit me all you want, but we're having this conversation now."
Sora quieted down, more out of shock. She wasn't used to Tai being so determined to get his way. When he saw that she wouldn't leave, Tai let go and with his hands he caressed her blushing cheeks. He lowered his head to hers trying to encourage her to look up at him and when she didn't, he grasped her chin with his right hand and gently raised her head.
He spoke softly, "Hey, I'm sorry I came on too strong. If I have to wait until you're ready, then that's what I'll do. I'll wait for you, Sora." He began to caress her left cheek. "Can we try this again? Can we go back to the beach? Please?"
Sora glanced back to the beach, her heart racing from many confusing and conflicting feelings happening within her all at once. Tai, her best friend, who always knew what to say and do to push her buttons and make her laugh until snot ran from her nose was actually confessing his feelings out loud. She always had this feeling he liked her, but why now? Why ruin this friendship?
"Sora," Tai spoke again snapping her out of her thoughts and rubbing her back. "Come on." He took her hand and waited for her to follow him back to the beach.
Maybe…Maybe it was okay to see Tai in a different light? Maybe it was okay to hear him out?
Her phone rang again just as she was about to take her first step towards the beach. She reached for it and saw it was Matt. Biting her lower lip she glanced at Tai unsure what to do. If she answered Matt's call she'd prolong whatever was happening with Tai and maybe make an excuse to run home. But if she didn't answer Matt's call…
"Sora, please…" Tai quietly begged seeing it was Matt again.
She silenced the phone call, placed the cellphone back in her pocket and followed Tai back to the beach with the red and white knitted blanket and cookies. After they settled down again it was now dark with the stars peering down at them. Sora took a cookie and quietly munched on it while Tai started the conversation again with a slight nervous tone.
"You told me yesterday that it wasn't a mistake for me to come back, so I know you're in love with me too." Tai ignored Sora's reaction of her choking on her cookie and continued. "I'm in love with you, Sora Takenouchi. I've always been in love with you. And until you're ready to admit to me that you feel the same way, I'll be here waiting," he finished, gazing at her with a soft smile like a kid in love for the first time.
She lowered her head feeling shy, never thinking this day would come. She always had a crush on Tai, but the thought of moving farther than the friend zone was curiously scary. What if things didn't work out? What if all it was she felt all these years was just a crush, nothing more? She wasn't sure what love was supposed to feel like. Well, more like she never allowed herself to venture farther than what was 'safe'. Except that one time during that thunderstorm...The thought of allowing herself to feel vulnerable petrified her.
After a minute of silence from both sides she chuckled, "Boy, you sure do know how to make me speechless."
"You sure know how to be a drama queen."
She gasped, "Am not! How else am I supposed to act with you dropping that on me, baka!"
"Not like that," he laughed.
"Baka!" she threw a cookie at him as he ducked laughing. "Man, you're annoying!"
"Oh, come on, Tenshi!" he threw the same cookie back at her chuckling. "You don't have to admit it, but I'd be swept off my feet too if I was at a beach, under the stars with a handsome man by my side."
She sighed grinning, swiping her auburn bangs out of her face, "You're not going to give up on me, are you?"
"Not until you admit your feelings for me. Besides," he paused. Dare he say it again? Yes, he decided he'd take that chance again. "It may not be a date to you, but for me, it is."
She blinked. Her heart beating rapidly again, scared to admit what she always felt. Instead she turned to watch the stars again. "Tai…"
In response, he scooted next to her, placed an arm around her shoulders and stargazed with her. He was rewarded by Sora resting her head on his chest and he gently kissed her hair.
It was close to ten o'clock that same night as Sora sat on her bedroom floor again rummaging through the cardboard box that was once hidden under her bed. She was tired and needed to go to bed soon for work the next morning, but from everything that happened today she just had to look at these items again. All the memories she tucked away here that were once viewed as painful, now brought her joy. The majority of the items consisted of trinkets and letters given from Tai before and after his move to New Zealand. Each item she lifted and recalled a memory that either had her snicker or sigh with happiness. It felt like it was time to place her trinkets out in the open. Wait a minute. What was this?
She lifted a greeting card with a picture of several tulips on the front. When she read the inside, she remembered this was the card Matt gave her as his way to make up with her. This was from that time she was overly sensitive thinking when he said he considered her like them, instead of a dramatic, hot mess like some girls were. For whatever reason, she was embarrassed to admit she was starting to like dresses and makeup, but was too embarrassed to let Matt and Tai know, and the rest happened the way it did. Why was this here? This was supposed to be memories of Tai, not Matt.
She noticed something else, a flyer. Wasn't this flyer from the time that she and Matt went to that discussion the director had about that dumb movie? A memory flashed in her head of when she was confused as to why he would sign the card as 'Love, Matt'. Another about Matt kissing her fingertips. And then that one time she kissed him in that thunderstorm…
She jumped dropping both the greeting card and flyer as her cell phone rang again. She forgot to return Matt's call and here he was calling again. She was too flustered and slightly guilty to answer his call.
After Tai moved out of the country, time passed and she began to grow feelings for Matt. She'd watch his shows for support and always bake him sweets as her way of saying good luck before each show. In fact, there was rarely a time they were apart.
And that thunderstorm – Urgh! She was so mortified! She chalked it up to being caught up with the romantic moment she thought was developing as they were both stuck in front of a store front from a sudden downpour. He didn't kiss back. If he had felt the same way he would've kissed her back, but he didn't. He was so sweet to pretend like nothing happened and walked her home holding her arm as usual. Since then, she figured the feelings she had were false because he was the popular musician in high school who was her best friend.
Frantic knocks on the front door snapped her out of her thoughts. She checked the time on her cellphone. 10:15pm. The frantic knocks continued. Alarmed, she cautiously walked to her door and looked through the peephole. Matt? At this hour? She rushed to open the door and he pushed his way through.
"Sora!" frantic Matt rushed in and embraced her in a tight hug. "Why haven't you answered my calls? I was worried."
"I'm sorry," she squeaked pushing away to catch her breath still alarmed about his behavior. "I was…busy. And then I guess I just forgot to call back. Wait a minute. You took the train from Odaiba?"
"Okay, but I called fifteen minutes ago too," he insisted ignoring her question and holding on to her shoulders searching her eyes for a suitable answer.
"Oh? You did?" she lied glancing back at her bedroom and quickly back.
Matt followed her glance to her bedroom and jerked back in shock. He raced to the room barging in expecting to see someone else.
"Hey!" Sora followed after him. "What are you doing?" Matt moved passed her and checked the bathroom and the kitchen. She insisted hot on his trail, "I said what are you doing?"
He popped his head out of the kitchen slightly ashamed of what he previously thought may have occurred. He walked back to her and hugged her again sighing in relief.
"Yo! You're starting to scare me," Sora claimed. "What is your deal?"
"I'm sorry, Sora."
"Sorry? For what?"
"I lied to you. I lied because I was scared of taking a chance."
"Matt, you're really scaring me-"
He cut her off with a ferocious, passionate kiss. Holding her tight he backed her to a wall attempting to show all his love for her that he kept buried inside. At one point, she tried to push back, but he grunted in disapproval, took hold of both of her wrists and pinned them to the wall above her head. When they finally parted, both gasping for air she showed so many questions flowing from her eyes.
He whispered resting his forehead on hers, "I've always wanted to do that. I'm sorry I didn't kiss you back that day. I really wanted to."
Sora groaned lowering her head. "Why now? Why do this now after all this time?"
Matt released her wrists and cradled her face. "Because I was too scared to say something before. Because I don't want to lose you to Tai. Am I too late?"
"I…I don't…" Sora stammered.
Matt shook his head in disbelief. His fear coming true. He took too long. With new determination, he declared, "I'll always regret being too chicken to kiss you back. I make you this promise today: I will win your heart, Sora. I will not lose you to anyone else no matter how long it takes."
