Guide to characters still in play (skip down for chapter)
Kirk - 25 years old, formerly of the USS Sanchez and USS Ranger.
Spock - 19 years old, applying for Starfleet Academy after his father gave in and allowed it. Has a tendency to fall into clandestine operations.
Lt. Commander Natasha Overlander - previous commander of the USS Ranger until an injury and bad reaction to treatment left her post vacant to be filled by Kirk. She's the one Kirk visits in the base hospital right before the Ranger starts its first mission with Kirk in command. After Ranger's return to earth, she and Kirk went dancing and she confessed to having social and posting difficulties due to being 30% cyborg. She's currently hosting Kirk and company at her place.
Commander Salicia "Sal to her friends" Graham - former First Officer of the USS Potemkin, currently commander of the USS Hampton. She's the one who comes down on Kirk for wandering around the Potemkin when it was carrying him from Vulcan to Earth. She's in charge of the Hampton when it arrived late on the scene of the battle with the captured USS Sanchez and the cargo ship bot factory. After the "meeting" party, she gives Kirk a tour of her ship and tries to seduce him. They also date a bit later on earth. Most recently, she was visiting the USS Potemkin when Garrovick took it to attack Vulcan and helped disable it.
[A/N: I tried to give Graham and Overlander very different names, but I see in the comments, not different enough. Probably shouldn't have used exclusively soft consonants for both of their names. Graham is basically always hardnosed and can only care what people think if she tries to. Overlander lacks purpose and only gets tough when one of a small handful of topics come up. They look very different in my head, and I'm sure I've done a terrible job describing them. I need to work on working appearances in more, in general.]
Captain Garrovick - Captain of the USS Potemkin. Traditional old captain. Offers Kirk a place on his ship as first officer to replace the outgoing Graham. Kirk has dinner at his table after his rescue from Wolfram Thesus V. Sybok gets ahold of Garrovick some time before the battle with the cargo ship bot factory. After Command weeded out Sybok's other victims, Sybok was forced to move down the chain of command to victims off planet. Probably got ahold of him on a starbase or on leave.
Lt. Mather - Starfleet Security HQ. Assigned to interview Spock to clear Spock prior to acceptance of his application to Starfleet Academy.
Oplack - (rank unknown) Disturbingly obsessed Intel officer who takes over Spock's questioning from Lt. Mather. Threatened to make Spock's age and his relationship with Kirk an issue for Kirk.
Lt. Kevin Riley - First officer of the USS Ranger
Dr. Chris Chapel - CMO of the USS Ranger
Yeoman Rand - Commander's Yeoman USS Ranger
Ensign Glissen (I don't think I gave her a first name, so we'll go with Julya (pronounced Julia, more or less) - Originally the second in command of security on the USS Ranger, currently in command of security on the USS Ranger.
Zienn - Vulcan high priest, formerly a healer. Helped Spock as a child and again when Spock returned from the Outliers/Militants.
Commodore Stone - Head of the Klingon defensive sector. Coordinates the starfleet ships operating on that border of the federation.
Commodore Mendez - Head of the Romulan defensive sector. Coordinates the starfleet ships operating on the Romulan neutral zone
Admiral Coyran - Phoned into Vulcan to talk to Kirk when Kirk was first rescued with Spock from Wolfram Thesus V. Kirk meets Coyran again before his assignment to the Ranger. Coyran oversees a special section of Starfleet Computing (AKA the Core) and wanted Kirk's (he thought) virus. Kirk looks Coyran up again after returning from action and Coyran is under house arrest. Coyran is likely to be appointed Rear Admiral in charge of all operations. He's unofficially Acting Rear Admiral at the moment. When an internal investigation is sparked, planted evidence implicates Coyran as the source of the forged orders. He is later cleared of this. But he's taking over a shitty situation and isn't feeling very gracious right now so we don't have to like him. He's probably clean, but if you want to fear he isn't totally, that's up to you.
Admiral Pritchard - Officially Rear Admiral, but not really in command. He gave Kirk command of the Ranger. Sybok compromises him with the intent of ordering an attack on Vulcan, but Pritchard's difficulties are detected and he's sent for treatment, which has left him less intellectually sharp than he used to be.
Admiral Howard - A throw away character we never meet. He's probably the first to be targeted by Sybok and the first to be detected inside Starfleet as untrustworthy. The revelation of his being compromised sparks the internal investigation that detects Pritchard is also compromised.
Other stray Vice Admirals are floating around such as the one Finnegan works for and another one in charge of Starfleet Academy. Can't promise that they won't pop up again.
Lt. Ducal - Formerly Admiral Howard's assistant who finds out too much about what is going on (knows too much given that Starfleet would prefer to keep some things quiet). Rather than send Ducal to the Federation equivalent of Siberia Station, it's decided he's a dutiful guy and he's put to use keeping an eye on the treated Admiral Pritchard and running personal messages between the senior team members trying to clean up Command under the radar of everyone else. He is now one of Admiral Coyran's assistants. He and Kirk would be pretty good friends under other circumstances.
Chapter 7 - Meld
Spock and Zienn were allowed into the residential building elevator by the security computer. A tall woman in a Starfleet workout suit opened the door to the apartment.
"You must be Commander Overlander," Spock said.
She stepped back to invite them in. "You must be Spock. I've been wanting to meet you."
Spock turned to introduce Zienn and found him staring at the human with undue fascination, looking her body over carefully. Spock heard it then, the tiny sound of actuators and graphine-arsinide motors, the dull click of stop limiters muffled by artificial flesh. This human wasn't entirely human.
Knowing Zienn couldn't understand him, Spock said to Overlander, "This is Exalted High Priest Zienn. You will excuse his lack of decorum. He lives a sheltered temple life on Vulcan and does not see fit to behave as an ordinary Vulcan because of this."
"I don't care if he lives in a cave on a mountain top. I'm just glad someone is here."
She led the way across the apartment. "He's in the bedroom. I gave him valerian tea, which worked for a while, but he's doing worse again."
Spock opened the bedroom door. The scent of Kirk and stress hung in the stale air of the room. Kirk lay on his back, half covered, shirt twisted around his torso. The light from the doorway made him spasm. Spock closed the door and went to sit on the edge of the bed with an arm out over Kirk's torso. Zienn followed more slowly.
"Can you help him?" Spock asked.
Zienn came up to the head of the bed, held his hand out above Kirk's forehead, not touching. "I have never seen such a state of sustained fear. You will have to meld with him, and I will use that pathway in."
Spock's fingers convulsed on the covers beside Kirk's arm. "I have never initiated a meld."
"That is unfortunate. It would be very useful if you knew what his mind looked like before the injury." Zienn spoke with quiet patience, which told Spock he didn't have much hope. "I will try my best. But I am so far out of my experience as to be acting irresponsibly. My first goal is to do no more harm to this being so that another may try after me."
Spock nodded. His eyes were burning.
"You must keep control of yourself, Spock."
Spock nodded again. Breathed in and out rapidly like he had as child when he was battling down a state of despair.
"First you need to calm his body. Put your hand behind his neck and very gently suppress the nervous signals traversing there."
"I can do that for him." Spock reached out as he spoke. Kirk's neck was clammy and sticky. His nerves prickled Spock's fingertips but were easily dampened.
"Good. He is familiar with your touch and accepts it. There is little at work here but exhausted raw instinct. I fear he will react very poorly to me."
Spock adjusted his hand on Kirk's corded neck. He had thought Kirk was lying senseless, but he was in a state of agitation, muscles feebly contracting despite utter fatigue. Spock further muted the signals he could feel under his hand. The tension leeched from Kirk's arms, his chest fell, rose and fell more regularly.
"Very good, Spock. Hold that, and put the fingertips of your other hand on his right temple."
"I do not know how to do this." Spock felt inept, an imposter.
"Stop thinking for yourself and do as I say," Zienn's voice snapped out.
Spock settled his fingers on the slight indent at Kirk's temple, instinctively found the telepathic hot spots on his cheek, in his hair just behind his temple. He could feel Kirk's spirit, the very life of him, surging under his hand, pulsing up his arm.
"Release your shielding. Given your abilities, that's all you need to do. Close your eyes if you need to do so to see inward."
Spock felt despair bleeding into his heart. He had one being he held dear in this universe and he had used him terribly, disposed of him. Spock closed his eyes on the vision of Kirk's half conscious upper body.
Spock instinctively wanted to keep his mind apart from Kirk's, to hold himself properly alone. He forced his habitual barriers down, again and again, trying to let their minds merge or even bleed a few sensations across the natural link formed by their skin contact. Spock fought another surge of despair and bitter fear. He was not fit for this task, he wasn't Vulcan enough. He was certain to fail.
Spock felt something tease at the depths of him. He thought it must be Zienn assisting him. But Kirk's lips moved, whispered his name. Spock felt a surge of worry for himself, and affection, such passionate affection it made Spock's eyes burn to dampness.
"I feel a little better," Kirk said aloud, then cleared his throat. He tried to move, and found Spock's hands on him. His hand reached out to Spock's left arm, slid it to where his hand was on his temple.
"Hey," Kirk said with a small laugh.
The meld opened. Spock again consciously resisted out of habit, had to force himself to let go, and each time the meld broadened Kirk's warmth flowed across it.
Zienn said, "You are doing well. I am going to join with you. Nod if you are ready."
Kirk had stiffened, stopped breathing at the sound of Vulcan being spoken. Spock could hear Kirk's exhausted heart throb harder, sloppier. Spock showed Kirk the first meld he'd had with Zienn as a child, how gentle he had been despite Spock's youth and fears and scars.
Kirk's mind thrashed as much as it could in its utter exhaustion. His hand pulled at Spock's fingers on his temple, but Spock held firm. He showed him again, with great patience. Showed him the memory of conversations over glasses of juice, the Vulcan priest's unusual lack of decorum. The fight drained from Kirk as he was drawn into these memories, drawn into wanting to be there too.
Spock nodded. He was tiring. His own emotional needs were draining him rapidly. He had no disciplines to shield this task from his own weakness.
Fingers contacted Spock's forehead, stroked his bangs out of the way, pressed tight.
Like a burst of light coming from within him, Spock was no longer alone on his side of the meld. A hand settled over his own on Kirk's face.
A voice fell in Spock's ear. "You need to pull back your emotions or you will be fully exhausted in minutes."
"Emotion is how I am melding."
"It isn't. It is how you drew him out, but you can gate them now. Move farther into him and leave the emotion behind, like a cloak you are dropping."
Spock couldn't imagine how that might work.
"Just do as I say." Again the strict, unforgiving tone.
Spock imagined himself stripped bare, drifting closer to Kirk, which he was certainly familiar with. But without feeling, just with the memory of intimacy.
"Not quite what I was asking for, but it will do. I will likely have to extricate you from the meld soon. Warn him of that."
"He senses you. And that."
Spock pulled back without permission. He was wavering dangerously and feeling despair again, which was going to spiral rapidly downward.
He felt Zienn slip into his place, felt Kirk's instinctive terror, but also his tenacious discipline. Kirk understood what was happening and had just enough willpower left to give himself up to someone Spock trusted, solely based on that trust.
Zienn didn't hesitate as Kirk gave in, their minds overlaid, first one area, then pulled back and overlaid in another. Spock took firm hold of another's hand for the first time in his life. He gently encased Kirk's hand in his own and hung on the periphery of the meld, squeezing whenever the human's instincts veered toward pain and panic at the worst of the memories. He sensed that the bulk of the damage was Kirk's own doing after the meld's initial injury and his father's partial healing.
Spock moved in from the periphery of the meld to project affection and apology at Kirk. Zienn paused to allow him to do this, invited him in farther. Kirk's spirit felt far healthier. He was starting to control the meld and Zienn was having to guide him rather than continue to master him. Spock marveled all over again at Zienn's steely but flexible strength of mind, his lack of fatigue.
Two and a half hours passed. Zienn sat back, pulled his fingers off Kirk's face. "I believe I have succeeded, but I have no way of knowing beyond his ability to assess himself, which is more thorough than I would have expected." He put his hands on his legs as if he needed to gather his strength to stand up. "Remain with him." This last was a firm command and not to be denied.
Zienn went out of the room. Kirk's chest rose and fell. He seemed to sleep for half an hour, then roused, tugged at his tangled shirt. He lifted his hips to straighten his shirt, then straightened the covers. His motions were simple and normal.
Kirk cracked his eyes open. "Why are you sitting there?" He tilted his head, shifted over on the bed. "Join me."
Spock remained, held in place by guilt.
"Oh no you don't." Kirk sniffled. His hand rubbed Spock's knee. "Come on. I want you close."
Restraining himself to nurse his own emotions would hurt both of them. Spock put his robe aside and slid into bed beside Kirk, whose hands expertly found their way around his body, pulled him tight.
Kirk sniffled again. "I don't feel very good about how you used me."
"I could not inform you ahead of time."
"I know that. That's not the issue." Kirk's command tone had returned, unharmed. "You treated me like a bot. Pointed me at something you wanted destroyed and set me lose. Two Vulcans too cowardly to kill."
Spock willingly took the criticism into himself, tread carefully. "That was not the primary plan. I intended to outlast him, deflect him, while learning his plans. But I could not. He had never aimed his full strength of mind at me so I was unaware of the extent of it. The knife was a last resort. You are a soldier and I could not bear to have you unarmed and I had to give you something lacking a power supply as that would have triggered the transporter alarm."
Kirk bit his lips, let that explanation work upon him. "That's a little better." He shifted downward to rest his head against Spock's chest. "I always say I'd rather personally face my enemy so I can put a knife in him. You set me up for that, and now I'm complaining about it."
After a time, Spock said, "Thank you for allowing me to comfort you."
"Hey," Kirk said with affection. "I want you here. You made critical decisions under circumstances where there was no good options. I understand that." He shifted against Spock, settled closer yet. "I understand that only too well. Intellectually, that is. I'm royally pissed off at you at the same time. But this is how it is, sometimes."
Spock shifted each hand a few millimeters just to feel the flesh under them give way. "If you are allowing me an opportunity to make it up to you, I am unspeakably grateful for that."
Kirk sniffled again, breathed in and out. "I felt like hell and you brought me help, even though it meant leaving your father."
"He was recovering as expected. He ordered me to come."
"Did he? I'll have to thank him for that." Kirk shifted his legs, rolled partly onto his back. "I need to sleep. I feel strange still. Much better, but strange."
Spock pushed up onto his elbow to better examine Kirk, ran his fingers over his neck, laid his hand over his heart, fully under the cage of his chest. Tremulous fatigue still emanated from Kirk, but it was fading.
Kirk looked up at him. "You melded with me." His lips twitched.
"It was necessary."
"Can we do it again?"
Spock pressed his hand down tighter, felt Kirk's human heart throwing its distinct beat up against his hand. "You wish to do so now?"
"I would. If you can." Kirk shook his head. "If you can't. It's okay." His voice was silken affection, tired longing.
Spock settled his fingertips over Kirk's temple. Kirk turned his head toward him to give him better access to his temple.
Kirk took Spock's hand, pressed it harder to his face. "Spock. Please."
Spock couldn't separate out his physical hunger from his psychic reticence. He decided it didn't matter and weakened the barriers to his thoughts enough for their minds to begin merging.
He felt Kirk from the inside: tired, relieved to be better, bitter and emotionally stung, but reserving it as best he could because he could do no less for Spock.
"Speaking of holding back," Kirk said with affection. "No, sorry, take your time. I certainly have taken mine." He dropped his hand from Spock's and relaxed flat against the bed, open and yielding.
Spock rested his forehead on the top of Kirk's head, tried to let himself grow comfortable with the exposure of a shallow meld. He instinctively longed to withdraw, despite the pleasing close companionship.
After a few minutes, Kirk said, "Spock. Don't hold the meld if it bothers you."
Spock withdrew.
"I figured it out," Kirk said, eyes half closed with sleep. "You only feel safe when you're alone in your head. That's okay, if that's the case."
"I am surprised you are so willing to meld. It is a gross invasion of one's inner self."
Kirk opened his eyes long enough to stroke Spock's collar bone. "I love the idea of being completely one with you, of not feeling the least little bit alone. But I saw in your mind the opposite of that, how you are safe alone. So now I understand." Kirk dropped his hand. "I think I'm going to sleep more. Stay with me?"
"I will not leave your side."
Kirk's arms tightened around Spock, then his muscles released one by one as he fell senselessly into healing sleep.
