June 4th, 1994, 10:01p.m., the DADA professor's office
Remus Lupin
Remus thought perhaps he had gone mad. Perhaps his sleep deprivation was playing tricks on his eyes. It couldn't be possible. He rubbed his eyes with his fists like a child and gaped down at the Map once more.
Ron Weasley, Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black.
Sirius.
The names were traveling quickly down the Whomping Willow's tunnel; Remus blinked, and they vanished. He stared at it for a second, seeing Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ginny Weasley moving towards the tree, then jumped out of his chair and lunged to throw back the curtains. In the fading light from the sun, he saw three figures being lashed at by the Willow. Harry. Harry and Sirius, who once did his very best to always make Harry smile but now wanted to see his blood saturate the ground.
But… Peter Pettigrew.
"No," he whispered. It couldn't be. It couldn't.
The Map never lies…
Remus ran for the door; he banged it shut behind him and sprinted down the corridor. He knocked into a student and barely got out an apology to them before he turned a corner, he ran all the way from his fourth-floor office to the Entrance Hall, where he shouldered open the doors to the grounds and skidded to a halt on the steps, leaning on his knees to catch his breath.
He looked up, seeing the grounds empty. The tree had stilled.
Remus took off again; as he ran, he waved his wand over his head and levitated a stick into the knot at the Willow's base before it could attack him. He scrambled around the roots, finding the hole and dropping into it without a second thought.
He had to drop to his knees and crawl to fit in the tunnel. He didn't stop to reminisce about old times when he could walk through the tunnel, he just crawled. In a moment, he hauled himself out of the tunnel and into the Shrieking Shack.
"We understand a lot better than you think!" shouted a voice from above. "You killed my parents! You're the reason they're dead!"
Remus's heart lurched; Harry was there. Harry was there and so was Sirius and Peter and his brain couldn't add everything together fast enough. He took to the stairs, going up them two at a time, finding footsteps in the dust leading to a room off to the side. He didn't stop to think about how that room was the same room he had used to turn, or how it had been his shelter when he became human again, or the times Sirius had been there to comfort him in the worst moments of the transformation – He whipped out his wand and kicked open the door, ready to attack.
He wasn't ready. It felt like a dagger made of memories of screaming fights and nights spent sobbing had been plunged into his chest and his knees felt weak. His wand arm faltered, but then he straightened it and pointed right it at his startled eyes. A lot of things happened in that one moment. All the pain of thirteen years came crashing back down on him; the guilt over leaving Sirius and driving him to the edge, the heartbreak of losing the people he loved the most, the whole in his heart where James and Lily had once been, it all returned and felt ten times worse than Remus had ever thought it could be. Then came the anger. Rage that Sirius had turned on him, the drive for revenge for James and Lily and Peter, poor Peter who was never good at dueling. He could barely hear anything over the pounding of his blood in his ears. For a second, he just stood there staring, his mouth slightly open as all those emotions crashed over him; his brain was unable to process and decide what it wanted to feel. There was gray in Sirius's hair.
Remus stiffened his back and straightened his arm. His mind had settled on rage. "Black," he choked out. "What are you doing here?"
Sirius's jaw clenched at the use of his surname. "Remus," he said; his voice was cold and Remus felt the dagger twist in his heart. "I came to commit the murder I was sent to Azkaban for."
Remus's heart clenched and his wand dropped a little as rage morphed into shock. "What?" he gasped.
"Will someone explain what the ruddy hell is going on?" shouted Ron Weasley; Remus started, he'd almost forgotten about the students. He glanced over them, seeing Harry's shocked face, Granger's hands clasped over her mouth, Weasley slumped on the floor, blood oozing through his jeans.
"What happened to your leg?" Remus asked.
"I think I broke it," Ron said, his voice tense. He looked back at Sirius, who hadn't moved, and he stepped away, keeping his wand trained on Sirius all the while. Remus knelt, glancing between Sirius and Ron, and set a hand on the boy's leg. Ron hissed in pain as Remus prodded his skin.
"Broken," he agreed in a murmur, then waved his wand and conjured wrappings and a splint. "We'll have Madam Pomfrey see to it back up at the castle."
Remus lifted himself up off the ground, turning back to face Sirius. His ex-lover was staring at him, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open. Remus steeled himself and raised his wand again. "You understand I have to turn you in."
"If that boy takes his rat up with us, I'll come quietly," Sirius said softly. "If I can't kill him, at the very least I should be able to prove my innocence."
"What?" Remus repeated in a demand; he didn't understand, it didn't make sense. "But – but it isn't – it can't be –" Peter was dead, he had to be dead, Sirius had destroyed an entire street and left nothing but Peter's finger. But the map, a little voice in the back of his brain prompted. The map never lies…
There was nothing to be found but his finger.
Remus's eyes widened suddenly and his arm dropped as something in his brain clicked between Peter, the map, and the fights from thirteen years ago. "Did you switch without telling me? How could he be alive?" It was less of a question than a plea for confirmation; part of him intended it a plea of hope, that maybe, just maybe, Sirius hadn't turned on them when Remus left.
"We did," Sirius confessed. "Peter was Secret Keeper, not me."
Of course… Of course, they would switch and not tell me, Dumbledore thought I was the spy. Of course, they wouldn't want it to be Sirius. It wasn't Sirius. It wasn't Sirius!
"After Lily and James – after they died," spoke Sirius, catching Remus from his thoughts, "the dirty rat faked his death." There was pain and anger in his voice; Remus felt the dagger twist again.
"But his finger –" Remus started. There was still part of him that doubted, part of him that didn't want twelve years grieving his best friends and thirteen years grieving his relationship to have been without meaning, a part that didn't want to believe that it was poor, sweet Peter.
"He cut it off," Sirius told him.
Remus stared at him, having no more words. For years, he had believed without doubt that his lover had turned his back on him and his friends, had killed Peter and led James to his death; he had even believed that he was the root of it. For years, he had been trying to come to grips with the painful truth. Now… The Map… The rat…
"Will someone answer Ron's question?" came the timid voice of Ginny.
"You aren't after Harry?" Remus murmured. Sirius shook his head, never breaking eye contact.
"But – But Mr. Weasley said you talked in your sleep – 'He's at Hogwarts,' he said you said," Harry stammered.
"You're not the only one at Hogwarts, Harry," Sirius said. "The rat's here too."
"What rat? Who are you talking about?" demanded Harry.
"Peter Pettigrew," Sirius spat, hate twisting his words.
"Ron, let me see that rat," Remus said, turning away.
"What are you going to do to him?" Ron asked, his voice rising
"I want to see if Sirius is right. If that rat really is just a rat, it won't hurt him."
The boy stared at him a moment, then, hesitantly, he held out the rat in his hands. Remus reached for it, noting how violently the rat was squirming. He grabbed it by the tail and touched his wand to it, the incantation forming on his lips but not escaping his mouth.
The rat glowed blue. Remus's eyes widened, then he hastily stunned the rat before he could think better of it. "It is him," he whispered. He couldn't believe it, but there it was right in front of him. Sirius was innocent and Peter had been the spy. He turned the rat over in his hands, searching its belly. There was a yellow splotch near its left foreleg, and a toe was missing from its left paw. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how it could be possible, but it was. Remus felt his eyes flicking upward from the rat to Sirius, then his jaw clenched. He conjured a cage and dropped the rat into it, shutting the door with a snap.
"Back up to the castle," he said in a deadpan voice, and, without thinking, he added: "I'm not saying I believe you, Sirius; I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt."
He didn't look up after he said it. Sirius didn't answer him. Remus conjured chains and shackled Sirius's hands, all the while avoiding eye contact and trying to touch him as little as possible. He glanced at the four students, then closed one hand on Sirius's arm, trying to ignore the idiotic butterflies in his stomach and the warmth spreading from his arm to his hand.
"Come on," he said to the students. "Hermione, grab Pettigrew for me, please."
Hermione gave a nod, moving forward to pick up the cage. Harry and Ginny helped Ron up, then Remus led them from the Shack to the passage; he and Sirius crawled up through it, Remus keeping his wand on him the entire time. After the four students had exited the passage as well, Remus led them from the Willow to the castle, then up to Dumbledore's office.
Remus spent the next hour sitting with his jaw clenched as Sirius told his story, then Peter was forced to transform. He couldn't look at the man who had once been his friend, until it was all over and he was Stunned into silence. He signed a paper to commit to being witness to the Headmaster's interrogating of Sirius and Peter, then he expected to leave.
"Harry, if you would wait a moment," said the Headmaster, "there are a few things that should be explained to you. Miss Weasley, you might as well stay, since you will hear the whole thing anyway."
"Wait," Remus said suddenly, the confusion returning to his mind and overtaking the mounting stress that Sirius was causing by merely existing, "how will she hear?"
"Miss Weasley and Mr. Potter have a unique bond," Dumbledore said. "I suppose you deserve the full details. In short, their minds are connected and they can communicate telepathically."
Remus blinked. He looked at his best friend's son and his girlfriend, then at Dumbledore. He glanced at Sirius, then away, then back. The Headmaster began to explain to them that Harry and Ginny were soul-bonded, connected at a level that was nearly unprecedented in Wizarding history. Remus could only accept Dumbledore's words at face value; it was nearly moonrise, he was tired and dreading the hours to come. As Sirius began to talk of a place to live, he looked towards Remus, a question forming in his eyes and Remus felt a stab of panic.
"Sorry, but I haven't got a place for you," he said hastily. "I–I have to start looking for a place to live during the summer as well."
Sirius blinked at him, then, in an almost demanding tone, he asked: "Why haven't you got a place?"
"Evicted," Remus said with a humorless smile. He glanced away, trying to think of the many reasons he had moved over the past twelve years and one that didn't involve crippling depression stemming from the loss of his lover and best friends. "My–my landlord decided he didn't want the liability of renting to a werewolf. Professor Dumbledore was kind enough to offer me quarters here, which is another reason I was so eager for the job."
Sirius stared at him, and Remus made the mistake of making eye contact. Sirius didn't believe him. He knew that he never rented from Wizarding landlords.
"If you do not find a place, Remus, you are welcome to continue using your quarters here," Dumbledore said, jerking Remus from his thoughts. "The same goes for you, Sirius."
Remus glanced at Sirius, his heart suddenly clenching. Sirius, stay here? Where?
He barely paid attention as the conversation continued; Ginny spoke of where she and Harry lived, informing them that there would be flats up for rent by Muggle landlords. Remus made the split-second decision that he would take that information for good use.
"I haven't done James and Lily much service by staying away from you, Harry," he said.
Harry gave him a smile, and not for the millionth time even, Remus was reminded of James.
Dumbledore asked him to escort Harry and Ginny from his office to Gryffindor Tower; the sun had just finished setting, so Remus agreed and walked with them to the Gryffindor common room. He tried to do his best to seem as if his mind wasn't breaking from the strain of everything he had believed the past twelve years being false, and was rewarded with making the two of them laugh. He smiled genuinely then. Harry's laugh hadn't changed much since he was a baby.
Remus walked back to his quarters alone. He locked the doors behind him, and no memory of Harry as a baby could help him then. He could feel the moon's pull in his veins already. He dropped to his knees, feeling tears prick at the back of his eyes.
As if nothing could make the night hurt more, his brain decided to hope that the next full moon, he wouldn't be alone.
