Repairing the Ruins - Chapter 7

The atmosphere is so entirely different here, I feel as if I choke on every breath, dreading the moment I will inevitably have to look her in the eye. No words seem appropriate. There are none such that exist.

If there's one thing I cannot stand, it's an atmosphere.

Charles has just returned from searching for that poor dog. Truth be told, I love that little creature and the spark she brings to Downton. After all we've been through, why must she go missing now?

Despite the distraction, my mind is still full of the fate of Mr. Bates. Knowing Charles's obsession with image, I absentmindedly bring about talk of the papers. It is a simple attempt at conversation, a way to divert my thoughts from traveling down the darker path on which they tread most often lately. I fail as everything returns to teem with Anna.

He easily talks about the loss of honor, the inheritance of improper notoriety.

And there she stands.

Lord in Heaven.

The first glimpse of her, back in form, back to us, dressed for duty. My heart caves in as I inwardly blanche to the cursed timing of it all.

If she hadn't come to hate us yet, she most surely would now.

She bravely, yet brokenly speaks to handing in her notice. She will spare any ills that may fall upon Downton due to her presence. She has resolved to journeying out into the world. Alone. Always thinking of everyone else.

I look to Charles with pleading eyes. What more new nightmares must be visited upon us?

When he shows a bit of agreeance, my old sparring self pushes its way out to put up my own fight. I will not let her leave us. Most certainly not under these conditions. Damn any supposed consequences.

She won't relent, her mind made up. Her countenance is determined, but her eyes reflect something else entirely. She is broken, fighting, but broken. We have let her down in the most dishonorable way.

Why shouldn't she leave? She has no one here. We've shown our true colours, demolishing any relationships that have been built over the past ten years.

I watch her go, unable to speak. Charles turns to look at me. He knows that I am full of anger, bubbling under the surface of regret. I turn away from him to face the wall. He reluctantly leaves, closing the door behind him.

I wait for the click of the lock before falling apart in the silence.